Tag: stress

all about me, blog on blog

time and change

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So wow, I realize now that things are left a little, well, under-attentive in this realm of my life these days. I rarely read blogs anymore, mostly because of work and life stress, and honestly, the use of facebook and instagram make everything much more single serve, and have changed the way we interact with people into a predominately swipe and like, and scroll-through-life existence; all of which I am guilty of over-utilizing. That being said, overall things are pretty good, I have a good job that I actually life (shock and awe!), I have a husband that I love, and three wonderful dogs that get away with far too much mischief. I spend time with friends regularly, and despite the lack of reporting about these good things, I can’t complain about too much. I do have a bit more anxiety that I would prefer about life, but I assume worrying can be healthy as well, as it does a good job of keeping me from being too carefree.

I do wish that I participated in more things that I enjoy (like this blog) more regularly, because I remember when I used to get more out of it. However, due to time and change, things often fall to wayside, and become burdensome or tedious, which is unfortunate, because they still bring some joy. I would sit here and say that I am going to try harder to blog more consistently, but honestly, I doubt I will, and even if I do, I don’t even know if people really still read these things. Perhaps I should just post this on instagram? HA! Either way, I know that time and change have affected many things in my life, and while I am marching on to 40 in a few weeks (!!!), I guess a little self-reflection here and there is warranted, and likely appropriate, don’t you think?

Regardless, I haven’t forgotten about my own little piece of the internet, and I will be occasionally dusting it off and making sure that it isn’t buried in the back of a drawer somewhere, because it does still matter to me; even if it isn’t on the front burner anymore due to life and stress. Who knows, maybe I’ll blog more about work and my crazy patient interactions; being a nurse practitioner can be quite interesting… Either way, consider this a long-winded checking-in of sorts, and til the next time… I’m still here!

all about me, blog on blog, near and dear

thankful

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It has occurred to me that this year has been quite the tumultuous one, and while I remain extremely stressed most of the time, I have a lot to be thankful for.

James and I have been together 9 years and counting, and I couldn’t be happier. We keep talking about potentially having a child someday, so who knows, maybe we will be parents in the future?!

While we did lose my dear, sweet Sydney this year, which was the worst day of my life by far, we welcomed Charlie into our lives, and it has been quite an adventure. He is pretty good, but when is bad, he can be pretty bad. Poop and pee monster, for sure! Also, please stop chewing on everything in sight, little man!! I still miss Sydney each and every day, and some days are harder than others, but I am just thankful I was able to have a wonderful almost 8 years with him. I love you Sydney!!

We bought a house this year. It was an ironically called short sale, which took a stressful 4 months to complete. We have the house, we don’t have the house, we have the house, we don’t have the house… ACK! Overall, it worked out, and we rented our house to our friend and real estate agent, but it still doesn’t feel totally real at times. This is the house we always wanted, and getting it seems a little dream like, and I guess it is hard to process.

I have been working as a nurse for a year and half now, and I still find that I am not over nursing school. It was a terrible experience that really tore me down emotionally, physically, and my confidence is having a hard time bouncing back. I do feel like I am more proficient in my profession, and I do take a lot of joy home from my job, but there are days that are so intense and they don’t need to be. It just really wears on me at times. I was talking with a coworker recently when it really dawned on me; I have been through a LOT this year, as well as from the beginning of nursing school until now, so maybe a real vacation is in order in the near future.

Finally, I do have to say, that while my anhedonia is a large part of my lack of blogging and participating in my hobbies, I am somewhat content, and I am thankful for the wonderful things in my life. I have an amazing partner, wonderful dogs that love me, a great house that I am trying to realize is a wonderful home, and excellent friends that I get to spend time with. Overall, there is more to be thankful for that not, and that’s something worth noting.

all about me, friends, school

two down, two to go… time to celebrate!

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Time to celebrate!!Yesterday, I finished my second final of my second semester of nursing school. As many of you know, this summer has been a whirlwind of a semester, and it has been more than trying at times. However, I worked my ass off, and studied hard, and all my hard work paid off; another semester is complete, and I have officially made it through two semesters of nursing school.

A (VERY) nice bottle of champagne, and a delightful afternoon with some of my fellow nursing student friends was a great ending to a hellish summer semester. We all deserved it, and I had a blast yesterday! Now, a couple of weeks of R&R, and I want to knock these other two semesters out of the park as well. I’m well on my way!!

blog on blog, music suggestion, song of the day

sotd: Janet Jackson – Miss You Much

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Oh shit, Look! I have a blog! HA! Seriously, I hate that I have been neglecting things as badly as I have, but I have been crazy busy with this summer semester; which, by the way, is ALMOST OVER. I cannot wait for a little R&R, which I desperately need. In the mean time, here is a song I heard tonight that I haven’t heard in forever, and I thought it was appropriate, seeing as I really do miss being able to update so much.

After all these years, there really is only one word to describe both this song and the video: FLAWLESS.

music musings, song of the day

sotd: Lisa Loeb – Stay (I Missed You)

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God I loved this song when it came out… then they played this shit out of it on the radio, and naturally, I got tired of it. However, last week, I was eating lunch with some friends after a particularly frustrating day-long lecture, and it started playing; and it was almost like a warm hug from an old friend I hadn’t seen in a long time. It was a very welcomed hug, too.


Sometimes, it’s little things that make you stop and take a breath, and remind you that there are far bigger things, and to, just for a second, live in, and enjoy this moment. For me, on that day last week, it was hearing a great song that I hadn’t heard in far too long. While it doesn’t melt all of my current stress away, it has succeeded in making me feel better for three minutes, and right now, that’s about all I can ask for! It’s amazing how powerful music can be sometimes.

all about me, school

one down, three to go…

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So my first semester of nursing school is in the bag; we had our final last Wednesday, and the next semester starts promptly tomorrow… not much time for a break, eh? Oh well, that’s what accelerated means! Either way, I am proud to have made it through the first semester intact, but my stress hasn’t dissipated.

It’s weird, because looking back on my grades from the past semester, a big part of my stress comes from the fact that this truly is something that you can’t study your way out of. In most every class I’ve ever taken, if you study harder, you do better, but in nursing school, it seems like sometimes, that doesn’t even matter. Sometimes you (at least feel like you) know the concepts like the back of your hand, and tricky questions throw you off, and instead of acing the test, you sit there staring at a B, wondering what went wrong. Funny thing is, that the ones you missed are often times the questions that you would often have answered the exact same way again; even though you know the correct answer isn’t the one you chose. I have been working on learning how to beat these tricky questions, and I haven’t figured out a fool proof method yet. From what I have heard from pretty much all my nursing friends, is that this is a hallmark of nursing school, and while it is difficult to grasp, eventually, I will be able to master them. Here’s hoping that’s true, because it’s more than frustrating at times.

I just hope that I can keep doing what I am doing, and keep doing well, because being a nurse means a lot to me, and the more I go through this process, it seems to matter more and more with each day. Here’s to repeat success in this rapid summer semester, and continued success in each subsequent semester that follows!

all about me, school

worrywart

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That might as well be my middle name.

Ever since I can remember, I have worried, and worried, and worried about everything. Crap that I can control, crap that I can’t control, crap that I shouldn’t even worry about; I even worry that I worry to much.

However, I can’t seem to turn it off. I just can’t. *insert very frustrated face here*

That being said, I have made it past the half-way point of my first semester of nursing school, and while I am doing well, I find myself worrying about my future. Will I be able to get a good job? Will I be able to get into a good BSN program, and then a MSN program? Will I be able to do what I want to do? Worry, worry, worry.

I sit around and think about these things all of the time, there’s no stopping me. I wish I knew how to shut down, and relax, but I think I’m just hardwired to worry. So I guess I’ll just worry, and try not to worry about it. Ugh.

Either way, things are well my way, and I feel bad about neglecting this here blog; but I’m not going to add that to my big ole pile of worry, because that would just be silly, because I clearly have more than enough to worry about already.

all about me, school

first day of clinical tomorrow

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So as the title of this post indicates, tomorrow is my first day of nursing clinical rotations at Grady hospital.

I am officially freaked out; mostly because I don’t know exactly what to expect. I am just hoping that fear/stress turns into confidence/belief in myself very early on in the day, because while, deep down, I know I can do this, I am filled with doubt and worry.

I guess that’s normal, but I still don’t like it. Not one bit.

home improvement

this is the week!

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As God as my witness, the bathroom will be done (or as close to as possible) this week. People are coming over on Saturday for James’ birthday, and as such, the bathroom MUST be in working, usable order. So… it will be done!

We are so close, I can taste it. LOADS of pictures and what not (stories of trials and tribulations) to come in the near future. I’ll actually blog something worthwhile; go figure!

home improvement, well?

another little “snag” in the bathroom renovation

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UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE: I managed to squeeze out enough tile I already had to make the original plan work; I just used one less row. That one inch won’t matter anyhow. Sorry for all the commotion folks… move along now, nothing to see here. Pictures are forthcoming though, so do come back now, ya hear?!

So we thought we bought enough tile.

We didn’t buy enough tile.

Unfortunately, they are out of this tile, and will be out until almost the end of May. Not cool.

So we have 6 inches between the aqua glass tile, and black river rock tiles. They had this mosaic that has the same aqua tile in it, so I got to thinking, and here is what I came up with in shitty MS Paint:
basic layout idea

I think that it would actually look really good, and kind of retro. Thoughts? Your feedback is DEFINITELY welcome. Thanks!