Here’s what we Americans have to say about respect, honor, and your service for our country:
FUCK YOU! Enjoy your extended stay in HELL! BWUAHAHAHAHAHA!
The preceding message is sponsored by the Robert Gates is an effing douchebag campaign. Also sponsored in part by Capitol Hill Idiots Union; “when you need an idiot, look no further than Capitol Hill! We got ’em by the bushel!”
But hey sad clown, don’t fret, because you know, we do have a guy watching out for you for reals! AWWWW YEAH!
Mr John McCain backs you, troops, and points out how us Democrats are the evil forces that have turned their backs on you! He believes things in Iraq are going so great that there is no reason the Democrats should deny the senseless oil war you are dying for more money, and allow the big ass mistake of a war to go on! Cool! In fact, Mr McCain has personal knowledge and proof that Iraq is safer, now more than ever! Knowing this information should make you feel okay about sticking around longer, as Mr. Gates has decided for you, because it means that you guys are in a safer place, so no need to fret, right?! Hooray, joy and love in Baghdad! We are winning the senseless, initiated under false pretenses, oil war, and violence is coming to a halt; DESPITE everything you hear about it increasing!! No more soldiers are dying! No more people are dying! It is fucking party in Baghdad time!
But don’t get all sloppy now, because remember that things could quickly slip away from us. Remember that bastard Saddam??? Remember how we gave him all that money and all those guns and shit? Yeah, that kinda blew up in our faces, so we don’t want the cleaning up of that mess to bother us again. Four years into a senseless war waged under false pretenses and lies is a long time to put into this, and now that we have re-established the peace, the peace that we caused to be taken away, you can’t forget the journey you have endured. But live it up! Because we appreciate your efforts so much, that we will continue to ignore your needs for combat training and appropriate materials, because hey, that’s how we show you we care! And don’t worry, sure the Republicans will continue to blame us silly Democrats for taking away these things, even though you were never getting them before, but again, don’t worry! According to Mr. McCain, things are fine anyway, so you shouldn’t even need it anymore. In fact, you are probably just going to be hanging out there forever, but that is nothing to worry about, since things are going so fetchingly! Rock!
But since you are there for a while longer, and have nothing to do since things are so safe and awesome, make sure to do yourself a favor and take in some culture. And don’t forget to pick up your cheap ass carpets! Only a dollar each! What a deal! Also, enjoy your extended stay in Baghdad, which is now the closest thing to a peaceful Indiana marketplace on the planet; that is, other than an actual Indiana marketplace in Indiana! Woo Hoo! Nothing else to worry about, other than sun tanning and enjoying that fabulous desert heat (darn, too bad the beach isn’t nearby… then it would be paradise! aw shucks). God, it must be great to be deployed… And it must be super awesome to know that a Republican candidate for president has your back! Shit, if he wins, I am sure you will get to enjoy more awesome deployment time!! Stay safe (but you don’t need to, since it is sooooooo safe there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)!!! War is awesome!
This glimmer of awesome news is courtesy of Mr. “totally awesome humanitarian” McCain. Work it!
The preceding message is sponsored by the John McCain must be smoking some serious amounts of crack if he thinks he has a snow cone’s chance in hell of getting elected as the POTUS campaign. Also sponsored by the “shut the fuck up McCain, because you are a completely and utter dumbass” fund.