Tag: relationships

all about me, is it just me?, tragic, venting

consider this…

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I was going to write a product praise post today, but I have decided to instead focus on a very important word: consideration.

It is a small word, but it has huge implications. In a relationship, a strong bond of communication and the continual use of consideration are paramount.

But consider this… small lapses in judgment that occur more often than not, that continually challenge your partner’s belief that you actually consider them. What do you want to do to make it better? Do you simply apologize, and hope that he can understand that you acted without thinking (again)? What if he doesn’t want an apology, because he knows that it will only be followed by future apologies?

I just wish that I was near the top of the list. I don’t have to be number one, but I do need to be on the list. I want to be considered, and more than just an after thought. I don’t mind mistakes, and I can handle a misstep here and there, but continually asserting that consideration is being utilized, while example after example of it being missing are being presented, just isn’t going to get better with a simple I’m sorry.

You actually have to want to change. I want to be more considerate, because I know that I am far from perfect myself; but I hope that you do too.

Why do relationships have to be so hard sometimes? If there are any solutions that are out there, I am all ears.

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octopus: a MUST see

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Yesterday, James and I went to a matinée showing of Steve Yockey’s amazing play, Octopus. I have been very eager to see the show, especially since Steve had sent me the script last year, and when I read it, I was completely moved by it. When he told me it was going to be put on at Actor’s Express, I was delighted for him, and anxious to see it brought to life.

The play deals with issues and consequences that can come from “having a little fun”, and not paying attention to the great monster that is waiting at the bottom of the sea. Octopus expertly uses an interestingly playful, as well as frightful, metaphor in order to tackle intense issues surrounding relationships, and what happens when things suddenly change; even when you promised each other that they wouldn’t.

The show was moving, poignant, gripping, and at times, even laugh out loud funny. I could really feel what the actors were saying, and really identified with many of the main characters. Being gay, and in a relationship myself, it is hard to think about what would happen if something unexpected, and horrible, were to suddenly thrust itself between us. Would we react in the way that those characters did? Hopefully, I will never have to answer that question myself.

Now, I know that I am being cryptic, but honestly, I don’t want to give away the very thing that the play seeks to show you; the message is strong, and really does hit close to home.

It succeeds on every level; it is entertaining, and it really engages you and forces you to think about the consequences of your actions. Just because you get lost in the moment during a random sexual encounter, doesn’t mean that there won’t be massive ramifications to both you and your partner. Steve uses the unseen “monster” to truly hammer home the point that a lack of attention to the truth of consequence is really missing for many young (and old) gay men in today’s dangerous world. He makes a strong statement about how denial and ignorance only make you defenseless in preventing the beast from devouring you, or someone that you love. He goes further to challenge you into seeing that consequences are often not very easy to deal with for either partner, and sometimes, those reactions are devastating in and of themselves. It was masterfully written, and the stage direction and effects are phenomenal.

You must see Octopus. It will move you, and it may even make you want to cry, but it reminds us to be mindful of our actions, and know that there are consequences to everything that we do and say; especially within the concept of a relationship. Being mindful is the key to preventing that monster from devouring us all.

Octopus is playing NOW at Actor’s Express, and on through February 23. Don’t miss it!!!

all about me, hmm interesting, hotness, is it just me?, mixed media, movie musings, politics, the catch-all-egory, venting, well?, wtf?!

just a few thoughts and observations: wednesday edition

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I watched Knocked Up last night (well, most of it), and I must say that Seth Rogen is totally cute. Totally. I don’t really have an opinion on the movie yet, as I didn’t finish it, and was focused on Seth’s cuteness.

I watched the season premiere of The Unit, and they totally brought it in a way I wasn’t expecting. This show definitely wins over House, hands down. Also, I watched the series premiere of Reaper, and it was fantastic!!! Well written, witty, and cute! I am definitely adding a season pass for this one. So far, one new show has definitely impressed me! I was also glad to see Tyler Labine in the show, because I liked him in Invasion, and well, I think that he is really cute. Also, the lead guy, Bret Harrison, is totally cute too! I love good shows with cute boys. That is a double hell YES!

Side note: OMG, I just looked at the IMDB entry for Reaper, and I had NO IDEA that it was Kevin Smith’s project! No wonder I liked it so much! YAY!

Is anyone else just completely embarrassed by our president? I mean, that speech yesterday was just a complete hypocritical slap in the face of the rest of the world; not to mention a complete “out of left field moment” at times (BURMA? REALLY? WTF?!). It is becoming more and more obvious that America has turned into that total bitch from high school who everyone hates and talks shit about behind her back, but she still walks around shoving her finger in people’s faces, and acting like her shit doesn’t stink; all the while, creating more people that hate her. Hello Regina George!!! But in all seriousness, it is no wonder (to anyone with a progressive bone in their body) that more and more people are expressing hatred over America. At this point, I think the best thing we can do is distance ourselves from this man, and show the rest of the planet that he does not represent what all of us think. Gah. Also, it would be REALLY NICE if we could actually practice all of the “human rights standards” that we are constantly calling the rest of the world out on.

If probability is such a simple concept as “it happens x number of times out of the possible number of times”, then why in the FUCK do they have to try as hard as possible to turn it into this amazingly difficult concept to grasp? I will never get statistics and why people try so hard to make it more difficult than it has to be. Taking a simple concept and turning it into something that is almost impossible to understand is beyond me.

Finally, as some of you know, James made a purchase. A big purchase. And I honestly don’t know how I feel about it. It stresses me out that he constantly puts his needs before mine, and sometimes, doesn’t even consider mine at all. Money has always been an issue between us, and no matter how I try to make it a non-issue, he really forces it. The worst part of it, is that I know where it comes from, have talked with him about it, have taken him to therapy and talked about it, and yet, it still permeates every part of our relationship. It isn’t something that I would leave him over, but it is definitely something that I have to vent about from time to time, in order to prevent lashing out at him about not having $10 to buy food, when it is clear that these are self imposed limits that serve to meet his needs and not ours. Ugh. Relationships are definitely a lot of work, and thank god I am willing to work at this one. I am still a little angry about the purchase, but I am sure that I will eventually let it go… I just wish that he could learn WHY it upset me. We’ll see.

Hope everyone is having a great hump day…. this was my 2 cents.

all about me, hmm interesting, is it just me?, near and dear

I think that I expect too much sometimes

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Perhaps all of the time.

I think that I get my feelings hurt, or am disappointed, because I expect too much. Is it possible, that I put too much thought, guilt, worry, or anxiety into relationships, so much so, that I inadvertently cause the situation to go all weird? I wouldn’t think that this would be the case, because if it were, it would be the standard; and it isn’t.

I mean, I really don’t think that I do any of this outwardly, or even on purpose, but for whatever reason, I feel like there must be something that I do that makes people change. It is the only solution that I can come up with, although, it is really the only one that I can truly substantiate if it is reality. Again, I probably am over-analyzing things, but what if I am not? What if there is something that I do, something small, that causes these changes in my relationships with other people?

Maybe I expect too much. I don’t think that I do, but maybe I do… Maybe that is more of the problem than the actual situations that I find myself in from time to time; expecting too much will always mean that I am the one that is let down. I don’t know how I find myself here all of the time, but here I am, and it really upsets me. It really breaks you down to feel this way so much, and very rarely gain any resolve for the situation.

So why do I keep doing it? Why can’t I stop thinking for one minute, and just let things travel on their own? I honestly don’t know, but I know that I have always been this way, and if it is the problem, it is more than frustrating; it is debilitating and very upsetting, especially because it is unconscious. I want to just exist in a place where I am involved with people that understand me, and I don’t spend a lot of my time over-analyzing actions, words, or the lack of either. I don’t think that it is paranoia, because I am definitely experiencing it; but I do think that it could be that I expect too much sometimes.

I’m just going to put on my headphones, listen to some music, and try to forget myself for a little while. I am clearly thinking too much this morning. To top it all off, Sydney isn’t feeling well, and we had to take him into the vet yesterday for an IV and some tests. After they brought him out, I was holding him, and he just pissed all over me; without warning. Poor little guy. I just hope that he is feeling better soon… I know that my wallet would be happier as well.

all about me, hotness, listen up!, mixed media, music musings, near and dear, politics, the catch-all-egory, venting

the wednesday run-down

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Today, there are 5 distinct thoughts running through my head, so I thought I would give you a run down. In summation, here it is: 1) come on Dems!, 2) get this CD NOW, 3) examining relationships, 4) buying too much stuff?, and finally 5) comments on TV things. Let’s get started, but let’s keep it brief.

First of all, most people don’t think that I am critical (enough) of the Democrats actions. They are wrong. This is just great; now we can EXPECT an attack on Iran. Why were these guidelines abandoned? This just seems to keep getting worse and worse; if we don’t at least put caps and regulations on things, then things will continue to go in the same direction, and there will be NO changes. That can’t be allowed to happen! We need to send a message, that is LOUD and CLEAR to the president; no more occupation! No more war! Things just seem to be idling along, while real action needs to be taken. This is seriously disappointing, to say the least. UGH. We need some people that will take real action, fast.

In lighter fare, I am proud to announce the American release of a GREAT UK artist’s sophomore disc, entitled Back to Black. It is none other than the fantastical Amy Winehouse, and you must do yourself a favor and buy this CD today. It is only $8 at Target and Best Buy, and it is definitely $8 well spent. Let’s show our appreciation for bringing great artists to our shores, rather than leaving them as imports. Amy’s voice is an old classic voice, much like Billy Holiday, and it has power, class, soul, and life. The music is fantastic, like a hip hop jazz, and you will enjoy this if you enjoy great music. Do yourself a favor and pick it up today!

Relationships. UGH. Sometimes they are great. Sometimes they suck. Sometimes you realize that certain relationships in your life are not worth fighting for, but for whatever reason, they go on, because you let them. You don’t want yourself to be like them, so you do your part; even when they don’t do theirs. All that leads to is frustration, and the occasional cryptic portion of a blog post. I am just wondering what I will do next time they take it upon themselves to call. Perhaps I will just let it go for months on end, as it seems they prefer to do themselves; or maybe I will do what I did this time, and just suck it up, and sit through another fake attempt to maintain something that isn’t really there in the first place. Oh well… we’ll see. Relationships can really take it out of you. Thank God for the good ones.

I spent a lot of money yesterday and goodies that made me feel better. Sometimes, you just gotta pull out that card and swipe it. I am glad that I did, but I need to calm down. This is kind of a suggestion and a reminder of that need. Retail therapy! WOO!

Finally, I just want to say this, if you watch 24, were you not extremely excited that Martha came back this week? Even more than that, can you BELIEVE what she did to Logan?!?!? I LOVE YOU JEAN SMART!!!! YAY! Also, if that Sanjaya Malakar makes it through, I will be PISSED. Melinda, girl, you are my favorite, and I hope you win. Lastly, I wouldn’t mind having a three-way (or a four way if James wants in) with Chris Richardson and Blake Lewis. Those boys are hot AND they can sing!

Hope everyone is having a great hump day! That’s the run-down! I’m out!