Tag: memories

happenings, listen up!, mixed media, music musings

flashback to pop greatness

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So I missed the Superbowl last night because I was caught up in a 7 hour study session for my Anatomy test (yikes!), but I did manage to catch a recap of the FANTASTIC performance Paula Abdul gave before the show via youtube (thanks to discopop for the heads up):


Let me just say this now, THIS performance is how you bring a fucking comeback. Paula has been out of the music scene for over 10 years, and here she is, tearing it up again. Whether or not you were a fan of Paula back in the day, there is no denying that she had a bevy of hits in her hay day, and it is safe to say, that this new song should be a hit for her as well. The song is catchy, and perfect for her. As she says at the end of the video, and I couldn’t agree with her more, the timing definitely was right.

Congratulations, Ms. Abdul, great show. Truth be told, I always knew she had it in her; I love me some Paula Abdul, and I always have. The first CD I ever bought was Paula Abdul: Shut Up and Dance! The Remixes. Embarrassing? Maybe… but there’s no denying that in her prime, the lady definitely had a knack for pop. I am just glad that her comeback single is such a good one. I wonder where she will go with this… a full album? Who knows… all I know, is that if Randy Jackson had this up his sleeve, I hope that she stays with him for the duration. Paula, you are definitely, forever my girl.

all about me, hmm interesting, near and dear, tragic

examining vivid dreams

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Usually, I don’t remember dreams. If I do, they are usually pretty weird, or off the wall, and don’t really seem that vivid or realistic. This morning’s dream was definitely different from my usual dreams. In fact, I have been having very vivid dreams lately; but this one was especially real.

When my dream started, I was on the way back “home” to visit my parents, interestingly enough, in their old house. I was to be staying in my old room, and I went alone.

Shortly into the dream, there was altercation between me and my mother, after which, everything they have ever done or said to make me feel bad in my life poured out. I didn’t hold back. I packed up my stuff (it was my old room before they completely moved all my stuff out), and got in my car and left.

I kept waking up during the dream, and I forced myself back to sleep to see where it was going. It was so vivid, that it was almost like it was really happening. The part that worries me the most, is that in the dream, neither of my parents would own up to, or admit fault in any of the things I said they did. They both continually said that they were hurt that I was “accusing” them of hurting me, which only made me madder and more flippant, causing me to pack up my things and leave.

When I finally woke up and thought about this dream, I thought to myself, “I wonder if this is how it will really happen. I also wonder if this is a sign that this confrontation should happen soon.”. Eerie thoughts, since I am definitely not in a place to lay it all out on the line for them, but the idea of this potential outcome is interesting nonetheless. I go back and forth between wanting to tell them how I feel, and what they have done that has hurt me, and between doing nothing and avoiding them completely (as I am currently doing). I know that my mom reads this blog (even though she won’t admit it), and I am sure that other people in my family will see this, so in some way, I guess I am saying something about how I feel, but leaving out the specifics. Either way, this vivid dreaming provided me with a glimpse into a potential future action.

It is weird how dreams can speak for us sometimes, and in this case, it truly captured how upset and angry I feel about my family situation. Perhaps it is my subconscious telling me to take action, but unfortunately, I am not ready to listen to that advice. Someday, maybe, but not today; frankly, right now I am over the whole thing, and doing a pretty good job of avoiding it. I am also thinking of going off my depression medication… but that is a different, although related, subject.

all about me, near and dear, show the love

randomly remembering childhood things

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This morning, I was looking through digg like I usually do, and I saw a link for “interesting statues from around the world”. Interested (ha!), I checked it out, and to my surprise, one of the statues was of the Japanese anime character, Mazinger Z. Now, I am sure that many of you read that, and were like, WTF is Mazinger Z? Seriously? That’s what I said too, because to me, the statue looked like the robot on a show I used to watch called Tranzor Z; which I quickly learned was the same as Mazinger Z, essentially, translated for the US. I don’t remember much about this show, but often when I have thoughts (albeit very few thoughts remain of childhood) of my childhood, this is one image that I distinctly remember as a good memory. I remember watching the show, and seeing the image again made me happy to put a name with that image I have had in my mind for so long. I have even mentioned that show to other people in the past, only to be met with a puzzling look, because everyone I have ever asked has never heard of Tranzor Z. I thought it was awesome that I was able to find it randomly this morning, and it got me thinking about other stuff I loved when I was a kid. (I also looked on ebay and amazon to see if I could get DVDs, but I didn’t see anything worth exploring… other than some Spanish dubbed bootlegs).

Interestingly enough, just the other day I mentioned, in the post that I made about the movies I was interested in checking out, that while the Transformers remake is exciting the hell out of people on the internets, I would love to see a Thundercats movie. When looking into Mazinger Z, I totally flashed back on all of my Thundercats toys, and the fun that I used to have watching that show as well. Now, Thundercats wasn’t the most fantastically produced show, and the dialogue between the characters is pretty juvenile, but to a kid, it is awesome; as it was to me when I was a kid. The cool thing about Thundercats, is that they have been releasing Thundercats DVDs for the past couple of years, and at some point, I may be overcome with nostalgia, and have to snag a set or two. And because my mind works like a snowball rolling down a hill, that got me thinking even further about childhood nostalgia, and got me seriously wondering; where the hell are the Silverhawks (DVDs at least)?? I mean, the Silverhawks came a few years after Thundercats, and was essentially the same show, but with hawk/human hybrids in space (although, when I was little, I apparently wasn’t aware of this, and if I was, I certainly didn’t care); so it should have a similar fan base (even though it apparently wasn’t as popular), and market for DVDs or other stuff.

For those of you that didn’t watch Silverhawks, let’s take a second to compare the two. Both shows had sage-like guidance from an older/deceased counsel (Jaga for TC, and Commander Stargazer for SH), they both had a range of characters that fought on the same team that had similar characteristics (being that they all were cat/human or hawk/human hybrids), and surprisingly, they had almost identical foes, with the Thundercats fighting Mumra, and the Silverhawks fighting Mon*Star; both of which transformed using some hidden power before facing the heroes. I watched a video on youtube of the intro to the Silverhawks, and really find myself wanting a set of these DVDs as well (not bootlegs)… and I only hope they make their way to DVD soon. There doesn’t seem to be much info on the web about the Silverhawks (other than it was a show, yadda yadda, and stuff I already know), but it is definitely planted deep in memory, and it is cool to randomly remember things like this that I loved when I was a kid. Seriously, I was all about this stuff, I had the Thundercats lair with all of the action figures, and I had several Silverhawks as well. Luckily, I still have my Liono, and the picture I took of him serves as my icon in many places; I just wish I had all of the other ones!

It is interesting how something so innocuous can jog a memory of something that you loved in your past. Mine was a statue of a character from a cartoon that I can’t remember much of, other than the fact I loved it when I was little. Are there any things that you remember from your past, that you wish you could have (like DVDs or whatever)? What were your favorites from childhood? I hope that I can find more stuff, but at this point, I am just crossing my fingers and hoping for Silverhawks on DVD at some point in the near future, and I may have to go ahead and give into that nostalgia and pick up the Thundercats as well.

all about me, is it just me?, near and dear

awoken to waking memories

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I had a meeting early this morning, and was anxious about getting up early enough to make it, so I ended up waking up around 5am. While I was laying there trying to fall back asleep, in between tossing and turning and poking James to make him stop snoring, my mind, for whatever reason, drifted to memories that I haven’t thought of in probably 8 or 9 years. Most of what I was thinking about, where memories that I have blocked out, due to the fact that I had a pretty crappy childhood (despite the fact that there were actually a few high points). These were mostly memories of middle school and high school.

Here’s what I remember of the memories that flashed through my head this morning:

  • I remember running for Treasurer when I was in middle school (don’t remember what year). WTF was I thinking? I also remembered the speech… I remember hearing the “F” word (not fuck, ya’ll) a couple of times as I took the podium. Nice. Kids are so kind aren’t they?
  • I remember getting into a food fight in the cafeteria, and having to do lunch detention for it. The problem I had with that, was that we had food thrown at our table every day, and that was the one day we just couldn’t take anymore, and my friend Shelly threw her pizza at the jerks that threw food at us all the time. They had to do detention as well, but we were blamed. It is always those that fight back that are blamed.
  • I remember getting into a fight with a kid named Chris, and literally kicking him in the stomach after I knocked him on the ground. He picked on me all of the time, and I thought kicking his ass would make me feel better; and at that moment, it did.
  • I somehow became friends with this really popular girl when I started high school, and I was invited to sit at the popular table. One day their table was too full, and so I went to choose another seat, and they all came over to sit with me; one by one. One of the other girls (not the one that I initially became friends with) noticed I was sitting somewhere else, and came over to sit with me, and so I asked her, “why aren’t you sitting with your friends?”, and she replied, “what do you mean, I am.”. I thought I would burst with happiness, and I still get a warm feeling when I think about it.
  • I once fell asleep in Geometry class, which wasn’t so bad, because I usually am a pretty silent sleeper; what made it bad, was the sound/sensation of me farting woke me up. That is still embarrassing, damn. I seriously don’t think anyone noticed though, so I guess it wasn’t that bad.
  • I remember in 7th grade, something happened with the government (I seem to believe it was war/attack related?), and my social studies teacher didn’t teach class, and held us in her classroom for most of the day (since it was where we were when “it” happened). She said that if we had activities we could work on, we were more than welcome, and she included using Walkmans. I, for whatever reason, had mine, and listened to the Young Guns II Soundtrack. I have no idea why I remember that detail.

With all of these random glimmers of memories from my childhood coming back this morning, I tried harder and harder to remember other things; but the weird thing is, I really can’t. It is weird how you can block out feelings and memories to cope with bad things that have happened in your life (like my sister not remembering anything to do with her car accident). Even weirder still, is that I can’t unblock them. Anyone else have this same experience with blocked memories? If so, why? I could go into more detail about the crappy childhood if you wish, but my anxiety is high enough today without delving deep into it; so I will start with just this glimpse into it.