Tag: life

all about me, blog on blog

time and change

by  •  • 5 Comments

So wow, I realize now that things are left a little, well, under-attentive in this realm of my life these days. I rarely read blogs anymore, mostly because of work and life stress, and honestly, the use of facebook and instagram make everything much more single serve, and have changed the way we interact with people into a predominately swipe and like, and scroll-through-life existence; all of which I am guilty of over-utilizing. That being said, overall things are pretty good, I have a good job that I actually life (shock and awe!), I have a husband that I love, and three wonderful dogs that get away with far too much mischief. I spend time with friends regularly, and despite the lack of reporting about these good things, I can’t complain about too much. I do have a bit more anxiety that I would prefer about life, but I assume worrying can be healthy as well, as it does a good job of keeping me from being too carefree.

I do wish that I participated in more things that I enjoy (like this blog) more regularly, because I remember when I used to get more out of it. However, due to time and change, things often fall to wayside, and become burdensome or tedious, which is unfortunate, because they still bring some joy. I would sit here and say that I am going to try harder to blog more consistently, but honestly, I doubt I will, and even if I do, I don’t even know if people really still read these things. Perhaps I should just post this on instagram? HA! Either way, I know that time and change have affected many things in my life, and while I am marching on to 40 in a few weeks (!!!), I guess a little self-reflection here and there is warranted, and likely appropriate, don’t you think?

Regardless, I haven’t forgotten about my own little piece of the internet, and I will be occasionally dusting it off and making sure that it isn’t buried in the back of a drawer somewhere, because it does still matter to me; even if it isn’t on the front burner anymore due to life and stress. Who knows, maybe I’ll blog more about work and my crazy patient interactions; being a nurse practitioner can be quite interesting… Either way, consider this a long-winded checking-in of sorts, and til the next time… I’m still here!

all about me

also… what’s going on with me these days

by  •  • 0 Comments

So clearly, I have been pretty absent, and for good reason: working full time and going to grad school full time at the same time sucks. You have no life. It sucks. BUT, it will be over soon, and I am looking forward to it. I am looking forward to getting back into one of my biggest passions, which is music, and I hope to bring more back to this atrophied blog… it has been too long. I will be done with school in May… only a few months away!! I can make it!!

all about me, blog on blog

only 5?

by  •  • 0 Comments

I was looking last night, and I noticed that I have only written 5 posts for this entire year. Whoa. That has to be a new record low. Thing is, I just don’t spend that much time at the computer anymore because of work. I work those insane 12-13 hour shifts, and then I just want to veg out and relax. Days off are about catching up and not doing anything strenuous. So far, it’s been good, but I am pretty stressed at times because of work; being a nurse is a stressful job, and don’t let anyone imply otherwise.

This year, so far, has been pretty decent (at times). We bought a new house, right across the street, which still sort of doesn’t seem real at times. Also, we got a new family member in Charlie; even though we lost our precious Sydney, whom I still miss each and every day. Overall, it’s been a year of new things, and things are pretty good right now.

I also became a Scentsy certified consultant this year, something that I absolutely adore. What is Scentsy you ask? If you want you can check out the website; I started selling the stuff because I love it so much. My house smells amazing!

That’s really about it. I wish I had more time to spend listening to music and catching up, but it seems like this year is flying by at record speed. Work is taxing and always challenging, but can be very rewarding, which is nice. Charlie is a delight, even though is a poop and pee monster who likes to chew on anything he has in his eye line. He and Pickles get along very well, and I couldn’t be happier about that. I just miss my Sydney something terrible. The new house is a lot to take in, and I am so happy we were able to make this move; even though it was a grueling 4 month process to acquire it! Short sale? How ironically titled.

Anywho… I hope you all out there are doing well, know that I am doing my best to be well, well, as well. Here’s to newness, changes, working hard, and reaping the rewards; and getting sleep and listening to more music on days off!! Now… to get back to my day off!

all about me, blog on blog, music musings, school

what’s going on with me

by  •  • 0 Comments

I am finishing up the semester, and thank goodness; doing 3 classes in a mini-mester is ridiculous. Nope, it’s beyond ridiculous. All in all, I don’t ever want to do that again, but I am glad to have it (almost all of the way) behind me.

That being said, I appreciate your patience (if you are still reading) in waiting for my top 31 CDs of 2009 blogstravaganza. I promise it’s coming, and I am almost ready to unleash lots of music goodness on you; I am just putting the final touches on the order of the list. Stay tuned! Sorry for all of the run around; things have been crazy in my life!

all about me, listen up!, music musings, music suggestion, near and dear, song of the day

sotd: LeAnn Rimes – What I Cannot Change

by  •  • 3 Comments

I wanted to post about this song, not only because it is incredibly beautiful, but because it really means something to me. LeAnn Rimes’ What I Cannot Change so succinctly sums up such a major issue for me, and does so with such elegance and grace, that it can’t be ignored. One listen to this song instantly gives me chills. It is one of the most beautiful, simply stated, and well put sentiments put to music that I have ever heard.

The arrangement of this song is achingly beautiful, but the spotlight shines brightest on the sentiment behind the message, because it is so impressively poignant. This song is a beautiful reminder, that it is I that needs to understand, and accept the things in life that I cannot change, because that is the only way that I will ever be truly happy. Believe it or not, but this song actually has the power to make me feel better.

[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_12_leannrimes-whaticannotchange.mp3]

Perhaps my favorite line in this song is, “It’s easier to please the world than it is to please myself”, because of how closely it speaks to my own experiences in life, as well as how closely it describes my way of thinking and doing (I care way too much about what others think, and as such, do my best to make sure to put others before myself).

This song is a beautiful way of stating that there are things that I cannot change. I realize that I will have to live with these things, and as such, need to learn to accept that which I cannot change. I realize that I need to continue to learn how to, and then forgive what I cannot change. I also realize that I can change, and I will continue to work towards changing whatever, whenever I can. Thank you LeAnn for this amazing song.

"pointless", all about me, the catch-all-egory

tuesday january 20

by  •  • 5 Comments

Tuesday, January 20, 2009… a historical date? Looks like it. As someone who is definitely proud to have voted for Barack Obama, I can say that it is pretty cool to have our first black president taking the oath this morning (now, when is spell check going to be updated to recognize his name?). While everyone is a flutter with excitement, I can’t help but just be happy, and nothing more. I have been going through some personal stuff lately, and while I am okay (don’t worry, people!), I am still very ho hum and a bit depressed. Here’s a few random updates so you can get a feel for what’s going on in duaneland these days:

  • I hate when people talk about the weather like it’s a revelation. Yes, I noticed it was cold outside, because I walked through the brisk wind to get into the building; just like you did. Now, can we go back to not talking? There were two women talking at the gas pump this morning about how cold it was, and well, they were just annoying. Maybe I’m just annoyed too easily by things like this, but it is like I have said before, any time you want to point out the completely obvious, just know that you are opening yourself up to my ridicule.
  • James and I have been talking about the wedding, and honestly, the whole thing has caused us to have to re-think the entire event. Yes, we are still moving forward, but I don’t know what’s actually going to happen, nor do I know when. So, just stay tuned.
  • I’ve seen some really entertaining movies lately. That’s always a good thing.
  • I think a lot of my funk has to do with this snail’s pace that life seems to be taking for me, especially with regards to keeping the whole nursing thing going. After not getting into the accelerated program, I have just been met with more and more frustration, but I am determined to keep going. I am applying to two different programs for Fall, so fingers crossed, I will keep moving this juggernaut forward. It’s hard not to feel like Sisyphus right now, which again, is probably a huge part of my frustration/depressive state.
  • Apathy is a motherfucker. It’s got me by the balls right now, and I can’t figure out how to shake it. It makes me think of my friend Michael’s tag line on his LJ; fight apathy! or not… So funny, but so true.
  • I feel like I am just coasting right now, and I think that is part of the problem. I am working on it, but I just wish everything wasn’t an uphill battle. Is it so bad that one might want to just stay in bed all day?!
  • After having issues with my iPod Touch, I decided to restore it, and now, it seems a lot happier, and appears to be working normally. I just wish Apple products weren’t so bitchy when you use them with windows. Seriously, Apple, we like you, but don’t punish us because we cannot afford your amazing, but expensive, computers too.

Enough doom and gloom… I just thought it would be beneficial to get some of this stuff out. I hope everyone has a fantastical inauguration day. Congratulations to the Obama’s is certainly in order, and I for one, hope that the nation gets better because of the fact that they are taking the reigns from here.

all about me, hmm interesting, is it just me?, well?

existential thoughts

by  •  • 6 Comments

This morning on the way in to work, I think I starting thinking about things, and really started observing everyone around me. We were all on our way somewhere… but why? What was driving us (not the car, I’m not being that literal)?

What drives us, everyday, to stay in the same job, live in the same house, and keep getting back up and going, day after day? I don’t often talk about what I do, but everyone knows that reads this blog, that I am trying to go back to school for nursing; which would certainly mean a change in career at some point. However, this morning, I am thinking to myself; what is driving me?

I thought about this yesterday when I read about the stock market crash, and I really thought about how much money people were losing; money that we are all scraping and saving to put away for that day when we can “finally retire, and start to enjoy life”. Fuck that! I am a realist, and I don’t foresee a time that I will be able to ever afford to supplement the amount of money I make right now with just savings, unless I win the lottery. The only way that I am going to be able to make it, is to work my whole life (which is the story for a lot of people), so retirement is really this “dream” that I am living my whole life for, working so hard for, and I will probably never see it.

So again, I ask myself, “what drives you?”. What is it that keeps you from opening a record store, or having a bakery, or having a website that actually makes money? What drives you to stay on the course you are on, and prevents us from deviating? People have businesses for everything; why not me? I’m not really trying to get an “answer” here, I am just reflecting, and I thought, why not see what other people think about this… what drives YOU? I mean, what makes you go down the path you are on, and what do you think prevents you from changing course, direction, or even stopping right where you currently stand?

Surely, fear cannot be the only thing that drives us… I know that is it in part, but it cannot, it just cannot be it. If it is… I think that I am going to work on having another driving force in my life; overcoming that damn fear.

(side note: I just noticed that this was my 1001th post; interesting.)

"pointless", all about me, friends, happenings, mixed media, shiny stuff, the catch-all-egory

update, I guess?

by  •  • 6 Comments

It seems like I don’t have much to post about these days… or perhaps it is that I only have mundane things to post about? Either way, I feel like I could at least do a bulleted update list or something, to give y’all the 411 on what’s going on in the wonderful world of duane.

  • I have officially ran out of classes to take for my pre-requisites. I am taking Microbiology this fall, and after that, I just have to wait to get into a program. I am really anxious about getting into one right away, because I REALLY want to get moving on this nursing degree. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
  • Speaking of taking that one class, just getting the random holds off of my account at GPC was more than a headache that lasted from early June all the way through this week. Currently, things are okay, but it was REALLY frustrating to deal with… especially when you call the registration and administration services offices at any of their campuses, and all it does is ring five times before you get a voicemail. Is anyone working there? I mean, they have extended hours for crying out loud! Ugh, I am just glad I have things squared away with GPC.
  • I have officially applied to Kennesaw and Georgia State. I am awaiting my friendly “you got in, yay” packet, so that I can then apply to each one of their nursing programs. I REALLY want to get in and start taking the next steps to becoming a nurse. I am so freaking ready it isn’t even funny.
  • I mentioned a while back that I wanted a new lens for my birthday, but I ended up getting that before I went on my NYC trip. I have decided to wait a little while and see what Apple is going to do, but I have pretty much promised myself that I will be obtaining an iPod touch in the near future. I hope that they come out with one that has more than 32gb, and is cheaper than $500. It would be awesome to throw a camera on that thing too; because I think that the iPhone is awesome, and I would like to have everything BUT the phone. Hurry Apple! I’m anxious!
  • We are still loving the counter tops, sink, and new faucet. I literally walk into the kitchen every time, and cannot believe that it is my house. It was the last thing about our house that we wanted to desperately change, and it has been done… I love our house even more now!
  • Other than dealing with trying to get transcripts out, holds taken off of accounts, applications in, and other whatnot, I have been hanging out with friends and having a pretty good last few weeks. My mood seems to be in an upswing, and I am not complaining about that in the least. I just wish I could get rid of my extreme sensitivity to heat. I really feel like people think that I am making it up sometimes just for attention, which is far from the truth. The other night, we were at a cookout, and I had to leave really abruptly, or pass out. Seriously, I sat in the car for like 10 minutes with the AC on full blast just to keep my food down, and my self conscious. It was awful. I just wish that it didn’t bother me as bad as it does.
  • Lastly, I guess, Soul Calibur IV, while it may make me REALLY frustrated at times when the opponent is a seemingly perfect god of moves and penetrating skills, is an amazing game. They have improved over the Soul Calibur franchise considerably, and the graphics are nothing short of jaw droppingly beautiful. It is also a hoot to play as Yoda, because he says a bunch of his little catch phrases, and well, he’s just so damn cute! It’s a great game, and a must for any fighting game fan. The Xbox 360 continually impresses me with it’s graphical prowess.

Alright, that’s it for now. Back to life…

all about me, flickr, hmm interesting, photography

simplicity

by  •  • 6 Comments

hibiscus
waking up
brushing teeth
taking pills
driving
talking
eating
leaving
sleeping

simple tasks
completed each day

happening so fast
without thought
without drive
without change

simple tasks
distract from the world around
buzzing
whirring around me

I am caught in slow motion
everything seems at a standstill
or I am moving so quickly
that it only seems to have slowed around

I am too caught in my flow
to notice the simplicity
the beauty
the difference

I am too caught in the flow
to just stop
and live for the moment

and sometimes
that is what scares me most of all

all about me, near and dear, that is so gay

brothers and sisters and mother’s day

by  •  • 7 Comments

The season finale of Brothers and Sisters was magnificent. The wedding between Kevin and Scotty was gorgeous and touching. It was moving to see two men get married on TV, and it be treated as a joyous event. I couldn’t help but find it a bit fitting, though, that it aired on Mother’s day, and that Scotty’s parents refused to come to the wedding because of their beliefs.

My parents have never said it to my face, but I know they don’t “approve” of my life. It doesn’t really make sense, however, because my life is nothing they have the option to approve of or not; I am who I am, take it or leave it. I made the choice to be myself, and if you don’t like it, that is not my problem. I almost cried when they showed Scotty’s parents reacting the way they did; not because I felt bad for Scotty, even though I do. Mostly, I felt bad for his parents, and in the same way, I felt bad for mine. They are missing out on my life because of choices that they are making.

I called my mother today, and was only able to leave her a message. Same for my sister. Neither returned my call. My grandma talked to me for over and hour, and was elated that I called. I guess that you have to make choices in your life; we all do. They did, and so do I. And I have. Regardless of how they can burn sometimes when you think about them, getting to those decisions was hard enough, that you have to really stick by them. After all… you weren’t the only one that made a choice; you are just the one that made the choice to make yourself happy.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom… I hope it was great. It’s sad we can’t be more of a family, but I understand. I can’t change it, and I am okay with that. I have learned to live with it, and as such, I’ll move on like I always do. I hope you know that I love you, and that you know that I can’t change, and that I can only live my life for me at this point; so that’s what I am doing.