Tag: gay

hmm interesting, is it just me?, mixed media, music musings, near and dear, that is so gay, the catch-all-egory

mismanaged monday meandering

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Alliteration, bitch, WHAT!?

So yeah, lots in my head today. Here we go.

  • I am still sort of reeling from the news that my friend is positive. He hasn’t told me, but I want to talk to him. Not sure of how to do that without seeming totally conspicuous. Perhaps I will use another friend as a contact. We’ll have to see where this goes.
  • I am not attracted to Ray Lamontagne at all (way too shaggy), but I definitely love him. His music is awesome. I am seriously all, Damien Rice who(?) now. HA!
  • I can’t believe that this article was written recently. Seriously, a checklist to see if your husband is gay? So basically, if your husband hates gay people, or, if he likes them and surround himself with gay people, he must be gay. Well, that is pretty much everyone, the gay haters, and the gay supporters; we must all be gay! WTF? I would like to believe that times are becoming more progressive, but people still holding these antiquated views of homosexuality really show that we have a long uphill battle ahead. Now, while I am sure that it is very difficult for a woman to discover that she is married to a gay man, I don’t like that the gay men are painted as some sort of predatory manipulator that is trying to take advantage of the marriage situation, just to make himself feel better (without regard for his wife’s feelings). That is just BS, and we all know it (at least, we should). Being gay is hard, and admitting it and living it is even harder; but getting married because you aren’t okay with your homosexuality isn’t some sort of manipulation game you are playing with, it is obviously way more complex than that. I just can’t believe that there is a checklist that reinforces all of those stupid stereotypes. Ugh, I would like to think that we are normalizing homosexuality, but things like this are just creating more stigma. Bleck.
  • I really don’t know how I feel about this. I mean, it is good that Barbara Walters is bring attention to something that really goes unnoticed (that is, until someone is beaten to death because they are transgendered) and something that is utterly shunned, but I don’t know what the impact on these kids will be. First of all, a HUGE kudos to the parents who support their children; I hate those so-called Christians that throw their children out because they didn’t come out exactly like “God made them”, i.e. “normal”. At least there are parents who are supporting their children. I guess my concern, is that exposure as transsexual really does put them at risk for those nutsos that really would want to beat them to death for who they are. I just have hope that people can change, you know? I just want the world to be more tolerant; is that so much to ask? Until the answer to that question is a resounding ‘no’, I will be concerned for people that deal with situations like being transgendered, and even for those that have the unfortunate circumstance of being gay in a very homophobic area. Be careful!
  • I painted two paintings last night. I think that it is definitely one of the first times I have painted something, and was very pleased with the initial results. It came out exactly as I imagined, and I haven’t second guessed the project at all. I am kind of floored with my lack of criticism, to be quite honest. I will put some pictures up, hopefully this afternoon. I can’t wait to hang them up!! It also reminds me of my utter wish that I could do creative things for a living… but alas, I do live in the real world, not the dream world where I get to do things I enjoy for a living…
  • Finally, a HUGE WTF for this story. I mean seriously… not one spider, but TWO SPIDERS were living in this kid’s ear. That freaks me the fuck out. My grandma was just telling me the other day that she cleaned out her boyfriend’s ears, and got a pea-sized amount of wax out (EW!) because he NEVER cleans them. WTF?! I am very weird about stuff in my ear, and I am just shivering thinking about a spider being in there. Yikes!

Yeah, so um, yeah. That’s what’s going on with me right now. How about you?

is it just me?, mixed media, that is so gay

that “gay” snickers ad

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I am sure that everyone has seen, or heard of, the Snickers “gay kiss” ad from the Superbowl. Most of what I heard about the ad, is the fact that many people thought it was funny. I for one, know that the people at the party I was at laughed hysterically when it aired, and I honestly thought it was at a minimum, pushing the boundaries of being completely anti-gay, even though I didn’t initially get upset about it. But, I am still wondering; what about that scenario is funny?

So, two straight men kiss accidentally, ala “Lady and the Tramp”. So what? Why is that funny? And why is it portrayed as something funny?

Now, while I wasn’t personally offended by the ad, I have to admit that I did get a little uncomfortable when everyone busted out laughing. Again, why is this so funny? I mean, they kissed accidentally, right? If it were a man and a woman, it wouldn’t have been anything to laugh at; which must mean that the reason it is funny, is because it is making fun of gay men. And what about when they feel it necessary to do something to assert their “manliness”, in essence, to prove to each other that, “hey, I’m not a fag”? This too must mean that the reason it is funny, is because gay men aren’t seen as manly; which again, is making fun of gay men.

I am pretty sure that if this scenario did happen in real life, and if those two men were as homo-scared as their characters indicated by their actions after their accidental kiss (ripping out chest hair to prove that they were “real men”), then things probably wouldn’t have been so funny to either of those men; and it would have potentially been upsetting to them. But why? It was an accident, not a full on sexual encounter! Now, I know that I can’t say how individual men should react to kissing another man, but it shouldn’t be something that is so queer and “wrong” that one would need to go so far as to “cover up” that action with another one, one that somehow “asserts” the fact that they are indeed, not gay. After all, just because the two men kissed, it doesn’t mean that they are instantly gay; and by ripping their chest hair out to prove to each other that they aren’t gay is both stupid (ouch!!!) and insensitive to gay men. It is acting out and furthering the belief that gay men aren’t really men.

Basically, what Snickers has done, is they have taken something innocent, such as an accidental kiss between two men, and used it to get a cheap laugh by making fun of gay men. Then, they went a step further, and reinforced the societal belief that being a gay man must mean that you are effeminate, or un-manly, because in order to “feel better” about their kiss, the men had to do something “manly” like rip out chest hair; instead of just ignore it and go on with life.

While the commercial itself was seemingly “innocent”, as I look back, I believe that it reinforces what a lot of people wrongly think about gay men, by showing that if two straight men were to kiss, that it would mean something other than just a kiss. They have shown that two men kissing is essentially something to laugh at, or something to make fun of. They have shown that if two straight men were to accidentally kiss, that they would need to assert the fact that they weren’t gay, by doing something “manly” to cover up their previous actions; which again, reinforces the belief that gay men aren’t really men at all. The more I think about the ad, the more I don’t like it, and honestly, I can see where people would be offended. I guess even more than that, I wonder why we, as a society, still cling to these covert anti-gay messages, and continually portray gay men in this light? All it does is encourage people to continue to make fun of gay people, which trickles down to children, who then use these stereotypes to seek out and torture gay kids. It’s a vicious cycle, one that uses “humor” to hurt a particular group of people.

So what do you think? Do you think that I am overreacting? Keep in mind that I am not trying to rant here, but I am trying to observe that yes, the ad was pretty anti-gay, and typical of a less than accepting society. I am saying that I see how people would be offended by something that seemed innocent to most; simply because it covertly reinforces the belief that gay men aren’t really men at all, and that kissing another man is wrong. Tell me what you think/thought about the ad! Were you offended? Do you see where the media continually makes fun of being gay?

Also, if you are interested in more thoughts on this ad, here’s a link to commecial closet, a website dedicated to GLBT portrayals in the media; they seem to agree with me.

is it just me?, listen up!, near and dear, that is so gay, venting

does it matter if it is fake, given that it happens all of the time?

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Dave emailed me about this blog post earlier. I read it, and like the writer of the post, I felt sick. In fact, still do. I feel horrible that another person would suffer the fate of suicide, because of the lack of care and real love from their family. I feel awful that someone would take their life because they felt so alone and so misunderstood, that they became depressed to the point of suicide. And probably even worse, is that I feel angry that people like this boy’s mother continually do this same sort of thing over and over, causing more and more kids to go through similar scenarios; many of which end with the same conclusion.

The blog post I am talking about, is referring to a forum-posted story where a Christian Fundamentalist mother finds out her son is gay, he comes out to her, and she suggests therapy; only her response is to tell him the therapist is wrong for saying being gay is normal, and that he should instead not act on his feelings. The mother proceeds to turn her back on understanding her son, and ceases to be there for him emotionally; actions which stem from her fundamentalist beliefs. Unfortunately, the result, is that her son commits suicide, leaving her wondering why he resorted to such a drastic response to her lack of understanding.

Now, while I feel the same things that probabilityzero felt, hurt, anger, disbelief, disgust; I couldn’t help but notice something eerily consistent in the comments both on his website, and on digg (where it no doubt made its way due to how interesting it was, I assume): many of the people commenting are way too focused on whether or not the story is actually true. People are going so far as to chastise the writer of the post for his feelings about this occurrence on the grounds that the story might not be true. I have a huge problem with that, mainly because even if this story isn’t true, this sort of thing happens all of the time!! It is known that the suicide and attempted suicide rates among gay and lesbian teens is higher than any other group of adolescents, and in many instances, these actions are due to religious persecution and self hatred stemming from families that refuse to understand their children.

While it angered me to see people chastising the boy for being gay, seeing people agree with the actions of the mother, and even seeing people say that the mother was in no way to blame for the death of her son, it bothers me more that people would focus on this not being an issue, simply because the instance may or may not be a real life instance. This type of thing is exactly what I encountered when I wrote that post about Donnie Davies from yesterday; while he may or may not be real, people like him exist and do the same things that he is doing, for real. While this woman may or may not have posted a true story about her religion getting in the way of her love for her son, and the subsequent consequences of her actions, there are parents that are making the same decisions and doing the same hurtful things to children all over the world, for real.

This issue of religious fundamentalism and the judgement that stems from it is something that makes me so angry, but at the same time, incredibly sad. I was lucky enough to escape most of the religious persecution many gay youth encounter, only to impose it upon myself when I was going through the process of coming to terms with my own sexuality. I thought of suicide many times, and luckily, I never attempted it; but there are many that are not so lucky. I remember what it felt like to be so utterly alone and afraid that my being homosexual was a sin, so much that it was an actual physical pain in my body. I hated myself for who I was, and it cost me a lot of self respect, happiness, and time; but luckily, it didn’t cost me my life. No one should have to go through this alone, and this boy unfortunately did; because his mother turned her back on him when she denied who he was. Her actions forced his depression to grow, and he wasn’t able to overcome it. Whether or not this boy is real, there are many other boys and girls out there that are just like him, feeling those feelings, and experiencing that same depression.

If I had my way, there are a few things that would happen, relating to this true or untrue story. One, I continually hope that religious fundamentalists would actually practice what they preach (i.e., love is supposed to be absolute, not a pick and choose issue-based thing) and stop using religion to discriminate anyone because of who they are, or who they believe themselves to be. Two, I wish that people could stop focusing on whether or not one instance of something like this is real or not, especially when this is just an example of a very real problem occurring right now all over the world. And three, I hope that all kids out there struggling with their sexuality that face this sort of persecution and ignorance will have the strength to make it through their depression and live their lives happily. One of the worst things that ever happened to me was living in the closet, and I am grateful that somehow I was able to make it out; I wish the same for everyone else that struggles with this issue.

civil rights, is it just me?, venting, well?

stop the name calling

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Remember that petty ass Grey’s Anatomy name calling thing a few months ago? Well, if not, here’s a recap: the out gay actor was called a faggot by a fellow cast member, who not only denied he ever did it, but didn’t really apologize, either. Well, Mr. Bigot was all about discussing the event the other night after the Golden Globes, and said he never called him a “faggot” (mentioning it, AGAIN).

Now, I can’t help but sit here and wonder, why is this guy just throwing around faggot like it isn’t that big of a deal? I mean, when will people realize that derogatory and shameful terms used to describe others isn’t okay? I think that the guy from Seinfeld figured that out, as did (hopefully) Mel Gibson; so why is it something other people have such a hard time with? Faggot is not a word you are allowed to use without consequence. Stop the name calling; because I am pretty sure if they tables were turned, you would take great offense at some words that could be used to hurt you, okay?

Seriously, why can’t we just live in a world where there isn’t so much hate and fear? When will be able to just be kind and peaceful? Will we ever? Little things like this make me doubt we ever will. Ugh. (article)