Tag: frustration

what’s going on with me these days

Basically, I had an “epiphany” yesterday. I put it in quotations, because I have thought about it many times, but it never seemed like such a good idea until yesterday. Basically, I think that I should just focus on getting my RN, and then worrying about the BSN after I am already working in nursing. This way, I can transition quicker, which I REALLY need to do. I am almost terrified of change, but it is so necessary, because I just feel completely lost right now.

This semester is winding down, and I have finals this week and next. I will be so happy to be finished with anatomy, because it is one of the most useless classes ever. The whole point is to weed out those that don’t want it bad enough, and I am just ready to be done with it. I hope that I do well on my lab final, because I completely bombed the midterm, thanks to the distraction of my floors being ripped up that same day.

I was going to write a post about the Kate Nash concert, as well as one about the Feist concert, but it just seems like I don’t have the desire to do very much these days. I had a blast at both shows, and both Kate Nash and Feist were amazing. Also, Hayden opened for Feist, and I was glad to be able to see him after all of these years. All three artists are impressive, and put on great shows.

That’s about it really… just trying to maintain, I guess. Getting out of the bed is harder each day, and if I can come up with a remedy for it; I will market it. Trust me.

new who

So this weekend was the beginning of the fourth series of the amazing show Dr. Who on the BBC. Unfortunately for us, it hasn’t hit our televisions yet, but that didn’t stop me from tracking down the show via the interwebs, and getting my Dr. Who fix last night.


This season, the Doctor has shed his most recent companion, Martha, and found himself a new tag-a-long in Donna, who we were introduced to in the last Dr. Who Christmas special. I have to say, that while I really liked Donna in the Christmas special, as usual, it is hard to let go of what I have come to know and love about Dr. Who. It is hard not to have Martha along for the ride, and the wound of losing Rose is still there, so getting used to Donna is definitely going to take a while. It was the same way when Martha “replaced” Rose, so I was pretty much prepared for the separation anxiety this time around.

I enjoyed the episode, however, and really love that they didn’t mess with the formula that has worked so well for three great seasons so far. I am looking forward to getting to know Donna more, and seeing the adventures that she and the Doctor go on. I have heard that Rose (*squeee!!!!*), Martha, and Jack are all supposed to pop back up this season, so I can say that I am definitely looking forward to how this season progresses. I may not be able to watch the show when it is broadcast, but hey, I get to see it commercial free, which is better anyways, right? (which, it airs commercial free on the BBC, but anyway…)

Also, on a totally unrelated note, does this piss anyone else off but me?? Seriously. Perez fucking Hilton is the #16 “most influential” gay person? Gag. Puke. Repeat.

there’s similar, and then there’s the SAME!

Okay, just last week, I was sort of ranting about the similarity between two songs, and low and behold it has happened again. However, this time, there is one key exception: I have heard two songs that not only sound similar, but I swear, they are the same damn song!!!

I was riding with James the other night, and when we ride in his car, we are almost always listening to the radio (which I don’t usually do), and they announced that the number one song of the day was coming up. Well, it was a song by Chris Brown, which I had never heard, but when they started playing it, I thought to myself, “hey, self, I HAVE heard this before… when it was called Irreplaceable!”. Now, while I like Irreplaceable by Beyonce, I think that it is a total crock of shit that you can take a song and completely re-release it, with different lyrics a year later, and STILL TOP THE CHARTS!!!

WTF people? Seriously. This is one of the problems with music today: People are just eat whatever they are fed. In this case, two practically identical songs have been fed to the masses, and what have you done? You have eaten it up, and propelled both songs to the top of the charts! I just don’t get it. There is so much amazing music out there, that it is practically inexcusable to have two practically identical songs make it so high on the charts; especially when so little time has past since Beyonce’s version hit!

But don’t take my word for it: listen to each one yourself, so you can really see how similar they are: (on the left, you have Irreplaceable by Beyonce and on the right you have With You by Chris Brown… neither of which is the real video because of how stupid music companies are with you tube stuff, however, the Beyonce video is quite hilarious to me)

After doing a little investigation myself, I see that it is indeed the same producer for each track; which really begs me to question if one (or both) of these stars didn’t get ripped off. I mean, they are paying for production, and the producer just shills out the same damn song for both of them. I would be infuriated!! Well, I am a little irate, but that is because of what this does to music in my opinion. It just solidifies the fact that people are not open to innovation, and true talent. Bands and artists with enormous amounts of talent will continue to be “one hit wonders”, and will always be overlooked because of cookie-cutter shit like this, and it pisses me off, because I tend to prefer the former.

What is even more ridiculous to me, is that if you take an amazing band, one that may not be as popular as Beyonce (but is popular in their own realm of the music world), and listen to their take on Irreplaceable, that it becomes a totally different song; even though it isn’t! Chris Brown’s “different song” is more like Irreplaceable than Sugarland covering Irreplaceable. Freaky stuff man. It’s just frustrating when you constantly see that this music industry is full of such crazy, crazy shit. I just wish that the talented and overlooked people could get half of what those Chris Brown’s out there get; both in fame, and in fortune. Hearing the same old songs and making them both best sellers just isn’t right.

Sigh. Now I will go back to my music that isn’t so radio-friendly… but at least it is genuine, and dare I say it, different.

really… are people really this stupid?

I saw this on towleroad this morning, and it seriously pissed me the fuck off:

Last night on Big Brother 9’s live feed, gay housemate Joshuah attempted to educate James, Chelsia, and Sharon on the ins and outs (so to speak) of gay sex. He also spreads some misinformation about protecting oneself from HIV:

“I do bareback with my boyfriend. We’ve both been tested for HIV and we’re both negative so it’s cool. I only do that with my boyfriend. I don’t do that on a random one night stand. That’s too risky. If you’re a top it’s okay because you can’t really get HIV from being the top because you’re penetrating them…”

I just want to know; are people really as stupid as this, or is this dumb ass alone in his thinking? Well, clearly, he isn’t alone, as the rates of infection continue to increase amongst gay men, which is not only disheartening, but it is disturbing. Yet, I still cannot even fathom why people are still this moronic about something as HUGE as HIV! Why on earth are people stupid enough to believe that you can’t get HIV if you are a top? Where did this moronic idea come from, and why is it, that gay men STILL believe it?!?!

It blows my mind. I have worked in HIV prevention for many years, and hearing shit like this just sends me over the edge. A part of me wants to say, “people just CAN’T believe that, because clearly, people are smarter than that… aren’t they?”, but I know that people really are this stupid. What has to happen to you for you to get it? Do you have to get IT? I just don’t understand how something as serious as HIV is taken so lightly, especially after it has been around for so very long. It is baffling.

So I’m going to put this out there, for all the morons: YES Virginia, you CAN get HIV if you are a top. Wear a condom you idiot, because clearly, you aren’t smart enough to know better. Wake the fuck up, and realize that this thing is called a goddamned epidemic for a reason.

/rant

just a few thoughts and observations: wednesday edition

I watched Knocked Up last night (well, most of it), and I must say that Seth Rogen is totally cute. Totally. I don’t really have an opinion on the movie yet, as I didn’t finish it, and was focused on Seth’s cuteness.

I watched the season premiere of The Unit, and they totally brought it in a way I wasn’t expecting. This show definitely wins over House, hands down. Also, I watched the series premiere of Reaper, and it was fantastic!!! Well written, witty, and cute! I am definitely adding a season pass for this one. So far, one new show has definitely impressed me! I was also glad to see Tyler Labine in the show, because I liked him in Invasion, and well, I think that he is really cute. Also, the lead guy, Bret Harrison, is totally cute too! I love good shows with cute boys. That is a double hell YES!

Side note: OMG, I just looked at the IMDB entry for Reaper, and I had NO IDEA that it was Kevin Smith’s project! No wonder I liked it so much! YAY!

Is anyone else just completely embarrassed by our president? I mean, that speech yesterday was just a complete hypocritical slap in the face of the rest of the world; not to mention a complete “out of left field moment” at times (BURMA? REALLY? WTF?!). It is becoming more and more obvious that America has turned into that total bitch from high school who everyone hates and talks shit about behind her back, but she still walks around shoving her finger in people’s faces, and acting like her shit doesn’t stink; all the while, creating more people that hate her. Hello Regina George!!! But in all seriousness, it is no wonder (to anyone with a progressive bone in their body) that more and more people are expressing hatred over America. At this point, I think the best thing we can do is distance ourselves from this man, and show the rest of the planet that he does not represent what all of us think. Gah. Also, it would be REALLY NICE if we could actually practice all of the “human rights standards” that we are constantly calling the rest of the world out on.

If probability is such a simple concept as “it happens x number of times out of the possible number of times”, then why in the FUCK do they have to try as hard as possible to turn it into this amazingly difficult concept to grasp? I will never get statistics and why people try so hard to make it more difficult than it has to be. Taking a simple concept and turning it into something that is almost impossible to understand is beyond me.

Finally, as some of you know, James made a purchase. A big purchase. And I honestly don’t know how I feel about it. It stresses me out that he constantly puts his needs before mine, and sometimes, doesn’t even consider mine at all. Money has always been an issue between us, and no matter how I try to make it a non-issue, he really forces it. The worst part of it, is that I know where it comes from, have talked with him about it, have taken him to therapy and talked about it, and yet, it still permeates every part of our relationship. It isn’t something that I would leave him over, but it is definitely something that I have to vent about from time to time, in order to prevent lashing out at him about not having $10 to buy food, when it is clear that these are self imposed limits that serve to meet his needs and not ours. Ugh. Relationships are definitely a lot of work, and thank god I am willing to work at this one. I am still a little angry about the purchase, but I am sure that I will eventually let it go… I just wish that he could learn WHY it upset me. We’ll see.

Hope everyone is having a great hump day…. this was my 2 cents.

where’s the “news”?

Seriously, I want to know where the “news” is… This is the second day in a row that I have gone to CNN, and have found them headlining something that has been circulating on the internet for months now! Not only that, but when you have to link out to a site called “that is not news”, perhaps you should dig a little deeper and find something worth reporting, right?

I am constantly frustrated with people calling the media “liberal”, and constantly highlighting what they call a liberal bias, when it is clear that it isn’t liberal at all; in fact, it isn’t even news anymore!! What is going on? It is sad when you have to rely on “underground” sources to find out what is going on in the world around you; and I, for one, really think that it shouldn’t be that way.

I think that this is one of the main reasons why we were duped as a country into electing these manipulative sickos back into office; people aren’t paying attention, and when they are, they being distracted by things that are being reported in the place of the actual stuff that is news-worthy.

Gah. I am just frustrated with the whole lot of it, really. I mean, I don’t care about republican closet cases; I care about what is going on in the world, and what is going on in our country that really AFFECTS us. Stop with the BS, and give us information that will enlighten us, and shed some perspective on our lives; something that we can use! Is that really too much to ask? I would think not, but apparently, it may be. (and dave, save anything you have to say about Fox “news”… most of what they “report” can only be described as pure fiction).

Another frustration: Senator Isakson sent James and I both letters in the mail describing why he isn’t supporting the hate crimes legislation that is currently circulating up on the hill, and the letter was complete bullshit. First of all, I just wonder why in the world someone would NOT support something such as hate crimes legislation? Isn’t it a good thing to punish people more severely for crimes that are committed out of sheer hate for someone?

Also, the letter was completely contradictory to itself; he stated that he believed in things like “dedication to the safety and well being of all US citizens” and whatnot, yet he doesn’t support actual legislation that would ensure that people are punished for committing the very crimes that would threaten the safety of certain US citizens!?? That doesn’t make sense, Mr Isakson! (maybe it is more of that whole “love the fetus, hate the child mentality that many republicans so blindly embrace).

It just frustrates me that gay and lesbian safety and for that matter, our downright freedom, is so low on so many of these old fucker’s radar; so low that they just shrug their shoulders and vote no, when we try our best to do something about it. This is a fucked up country we live in, especially when you examine who really is “protected”, and step back to see who really should have reason to fear the few nut jobs out there that hate their “kind”. All that considered, I am not surprised it doesn’t make the “news”, though… that again, would be too much, right? To actually get some useful information from the news?

Gah. I’m going to study anatomy… It’ll take my mind off of the fuckery that exists in this country every bleeding day.

a boring tuesday

Today has been painfully boring; meetings and not much else.

I still find it incredibly strange that people still deny that our involvement in the process of globalization has, in some ways, affected the situation we find ourselves dealing with in the middle east. If you cannot holistically grasp the concept that America is not all bread and butter, and in the many years that we have been stomping around carrying our big stick, that we have smashed a few houses, and gotten pretty dirty in our quest for wealth, then there is no need to argue with you anymore, because you will never understand the truly holistic nature of the situation. I suggest, for people that find themselves in this place (lacking the ability to wrap your brain around the FACT that America is partly to blame for the fact that we are so hated by so many in the world) take a few courses in anthropological theory, applied anthropological methods, and read up on the epistemological backbone of cultural anthropology. It may change your world (hopefully). If not, continuing to believe that you are right (that there is only one, or two reasons that we are hated and are being threatened), then there is no need to continue to bring that argument here; I got it. Move on. I am going to continue to share my opinions in a rational, holistic, and thoughtful manner, and this is obviously not something that you will be able to understand, comprehend, or agree with. Strange? Yes. Have to continue listen to it? No. Feel free to state your opinions if you wish, but realize, that just because I don’t buy into A+B=C, realizing that there is also a D, an E, a W, and a Y (not to mention potential others) that contributes to the answer, it doesn’t make my ideas radical or incoherent; it shows that I have the ability, and frankly the duty, to think about things holistically, searching for the entire meaning before I act on what I believe to be the cause of a problem.

Other than that, I have been entering in my DVDs on this website called DVDSpot, which I heard about from Brian. This is pretty cool, because it is another way I can organize and keep track of my growing collection, which shows statistics, and is downloadable. It is also pretty cool that the website lets you put in reviews (slowly… I know I know), and even estimates your collection’s value. Neat stuff. All free too! Thanks for the heads up Brian! When everything is entered, I am sure that I will add a handy dandy link over in the links section, so stay tuned!

so let me get this straight…

Despite failing benchmarks, and continued violence escalation in Iraq, our president has said that “a precipitous withdrawal would embolden al-Qaeda” (source), yet, it appears that our occupation of Iraq is THE CAUSE of their escalation and emboldening strategy. According to what is being reported, al-Qaeda wasn’t in Iraq before we went to Iraq.

Since our presence, they have done nothing but grow in number, and in power.

Wouldn’t that make you think that the connection between their growth and power may be at least somehow intrinsically linked to our attempted occupation of Iraq? Even the overarching al Qaeda terrorist network that exists outside of Iraq (which operates practically autonomously from Iraq’s al Qaeda network), is focused on combating American occupation of Iraq, and are threatening escalation as a result of our presence in Iraq (as well as telling other Muslims to go to Iraq and kill us there).

Additionally, intelligence is saying that just because we stop the small arm of al Qaeda in Iraq (which was not connected to Sept. 11, but IS connected to our 2003 invasion of Iraq), which, keep in mind, is what our troops are there and are supposed to be doing, we will still be posed with the threat of the Qaeda terrorist network, which exists (and is growing) outside of Iraq altogether.

So, the president is saying that if we pull out, things will get worse. What is happening, is that by us being there, they are upping their forces to combat us.

The president is telling us that the overall al Qaeda network (which did attack us on Sept. 11) is connected to the Iraq arm of al Qaeda (albeit only in shared belief and value, the Iraq al Qaeda operates autonomously, and are a response to our presence). He is saying, that al Qaeda (the big one, not the on in Iraq) poses a current threat of attack to us in the US; yet, since we are only focusing on Iraq, it is clear that we are not focusing our forces on stopping them. Again, it is being said that even if we get the bad guys in Iraq, we still have the big dogs to worry about, and our presence is pissing both of them off, more and more each day.

With the al Qaeda network growth being a direct response to our forces being in Iraq, it sounds like our exit isn’t what they want either; because our presence is bringing more people over to support them, which is strengthening their network overall. We are making the small network of forces that are dangerous in Iraq stronger because of our presence. That sounds like a BAD thing to me, but what about to you?

Like I said, even if we get the guys in Iraq, we still haven’t begun to focus on the actual terrorist network that attacked us on 9/11; even though Bush is saying that they are one in the same, yet they are not. If we get the al Qaeda in Iraq, we still have not stopped al Qaeda, who he is telling us is our direct threat. Sounds contradictory to me; to want to take out al Qaeda, yet we focus on cutting off its hand, rather than going for the throat.

To be completely honest, the whole thing frustrates me. It just sounds like people are using what facts they want to justify the actions that they want to take, all the while, mixing in some scare tactics by making claims that can’t be backed up with intelligence (and in many instances, are being proven inconsistent with the intelligence that is being collected).

I say go after the guys that attacked us 9/11 if they are the threat, as Mr. Bush said they were again this week (and has been increasingly stressing over the past several weeks). If they are a threat, then what are we doing in Iraq fighting with their little cousin (who is growing every day into a bigger and bigger bully)? Additionally, if our presence is what is motivating them to fight us, wouldn’t it make sense to stop giving them a reason to mobilize more forces? If we did that, we could go after the terrorist network that existed before our occupation (not the one we are fighting, which was, again, created because of our occupation), and seriously focus on the actual threats that Mr. Bush continues to refer to. It sounds like the president lacks focus on the real issue, and instead, is manipulating facts like he did at the beginning of the war (Saddam connection with Iraq = not true, unlike he said it was).

Well, if you ask me, it sounds more likely that there is something in Iraq that we need to have in our hands, rather than in the hands of the Iraqis(specifically the al Qaeda Iraqis), and we don’t really care about the outside (more dangerous) al Qaeda network, other than to use the outside to get an opportunity to stay in Iraq. I wonder why we can’t go after the entire network, rather than staying in Iraq until we secure that thing? Perhaps “that thing” is the real reason we are in Iraq anyway, and the al Qaeda forces in Iraq are trying to stop us from having it… Hmm…. I wonder what “that thing” is… maybe it is oil?

Regardless of our real reason for occupying Iraq, and the real effect it is having there, it just sounds like there is a serious gap between what is actually happening, and what we are being told is happening from the mouth of Bush.

While I don’t agree with a direct pull out with no plan, it seems pretty clear that our occupation is making it worse, and the longer we are there, the worse it is going to get; at least there in Iraq. Hopefully, the outside al Qaeda network won’t continue to grow and get pissed off (like our intelligence says they are), because we are currently caught up in Iraq. What is needed, is a serious look into a different plan or strategy, which at least sounds like a better place to start (rather than the ultra liberal take of “LEAVE TODAY!”), if we are truly serious about protecting ourselves; more serious, that is, than securing the oilregion of Iraq. If we can’t get out of there, we have to do something different; because what we are doing is NOT working in our benefit. And Condi, 4 more months isn’t going to change that; this has been 6 years strong, babe.
(another source)

New Orleans, Kansas, and another veto?

Apparently, Bush has gone out to visit Kansas today, specifically to check out the destruction that occurred in that small town that was pretty much wiped off the face of the earth. While I do feel bad for the people that were affected in this small town of 1600, one question just keeps poking at my brain; have we completely forgotten about New Orleans?? I mean, Katrina displaced and killed a hell of a lot more people, and in many parts of the city, the place is still the equivalent of a third world country! Where is the priority to restore their utilities, homes, businesses, schools, lives, etc? There are still people living in used FEMA trailers for crying out loud!!! I am all for helping the people in Kansas, but I can’t believe that this outcry of attention to rush to their aid hasn’t at least sparked some attention at the complete opposite way Katrina was, and is still being, handled. I would like to see some more light shined on that “little” problem we seem so happy to forget about and sweep under the carpet. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, really, considering these are the actions of a sociopath we are talking about. I just wish things could be different, for this country. Is that too much to ask, Mr. Bush?

Additionally, I read that Tony Snow has already said that Mr. Bush is already planning to veto the newly revised bill the Congress and the House are working on. WTF, you asshole? Remember, you said you would compromise!? This just proves that what I have said all along is 100% correct: you are not willing to compromise. You have your own set of priorities, and you don’t care at all what anyone else says, you want us in Iraq forever. What’s worse, is that you, Mr. President, DO NOT care about the troops, and you are a big, fat, stinking hypocrite!!!!! You accused the Democrats of politicking (they are politicians, remember?) with this bill, when you are doing the same thing. If you really support the troops, why not get your head out of your ASS, fly back to Washington, and actually represent this nation, Mr. President? The nation is speaking loudly, yet you continue to turn away and refuse to listen. This is so infuriating, to know that so many voted to give such an evil, vindictive, know-it-all so much power. Apparently, the goal of the Bush presidency was to do no good, and that is a goal that has definitely been achieved. I can’t imagine what those in Congress and the House are going through, because it is only so long that you can beat your head against a wall before your head starts to bleed. Ugh. Keep the fight, people!! He is definitely WRONG!

damn damn damn damn

No, I am not frustrated because I can’t get Eliza to learn to speak properly, I am frustrated because I just got off of the phone with Geek Squad. Yep, you heard me right. 3 days into this new computer, and already, there is something amiss. Fuck.

Basically, I noticed it yesterday. Whenever the computer goes into “sleep” mode, and is then “awoken” from this state, it no longer recognizes the sound card. That is only a problem if you are using the computer to play music and use it for mp3s and what not. Being that is like 1/2 of the reason I got a new PC, I have to take it in to see what the issue is.

He mentioned that they would swap it out, and to be honest, I hope that it isn’t anything that major. I had to wait for like 2 hours for them to put the spyware and virus software on there, and to add the memory I purchased; I don’t want to have to wait for them to do that again.

Let’s hope it is MINOR, and that the sound card is just loose or something. Or maybe, they will just give me a new sound card. Either way, I am on the one hand glad that this happened NOW, as opposed to a few weeks down the line, but when you buy something so shiny and new, you don’t want it to break ever, let alone three days into using it.

Oh well, wish me luck. On another Best Buy related note (because that is where I got my copy), the new fantastic Hilary Duff CD is out today. If “Outside of You” doesn’t make you go into a gay fit, then I need to see your gay card so I can tear off a corner. It is seriously wonderful! I heart you Hilary!