Perhaps all of the time.
I think that I get my feelings hurt, or am disappointed, because I expect too much. Is it possible, that I put too much thought, guilt, worry, or anxiety into relationships, so much so, that I inadvertently cause the situation to go all weird? I wouldn’t think that this would be the case, because if it were, it would be the standard; and it isn’t.
I mean, I really don’t think that I do any of this outwardly, or even on purpose, but for whatever reason, I feel like there must be something that I do that makes people change. It is the only solution that I can come up with, although, it is really the only one that I can truly substantiate if it is reality. Again, I probably am over-analyzing things, but what if I am not? What if there is something that I do, something small, that causes these changes in my relationships with other people?
Maybe I expect too much. I don’t think that I do, but maybe I do… Maybe that is more of the problem than the actual situations that I find myself in from time to time; expecting too much will always mean that I am the one that is let down. I don’t know how I find myself here all of the time, but here I am, and it really upsets me. It really breaks you down to feel this way so much, and very rarely gain any resolve for the situation.
So why do I keep doing it? Why can’t I stop thinking for one minute, and just let things travel on their own? I honestly don’t know, but I know that I have always been this way, and if it is the problem, it is more than frustrating; it is debilitating and very upsetting, especially because it is unconscious. I want to just exist in a place where I am involved with people that understand me, and I don’t spend a lot of my time over-analyzing actions, words, or the lack of either. I don’t think that it is paranoia, because I am definitely experiencing it; but I do think that it could be that I expect too much sometimes.
I’m just going to put on my headphones, listen to some music, and try to forget myself for a little while. I am clearly thinking too much this morning. To top it all off, Sydney isn’t feeling well, and we had to take him into the vet yesterday for an IV and some tests. After they brought him out, I was holding him, and he just pissed all over me; without warning. Poor little guy. I just hope that he is feeling better soon… I know that my wallet would be happier as well.