Tag: coming-out

all about me, civil rights, show the love, that is so gay

I’m coming out… I want the world to know…

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Today is National Coming Out day! Today is a great day in which we look to our fellow gay community to celebrate being who you are, and letting everyone know how proud you are to be who you are. Coming out is the best way to not only be yourself, but also to bring visibility to the gay community as a whole; people get to see just how many of us there are among them. Coming out is a celebration, and a giant step in the life of any gay man, lesbian woman, trans individual, bisexual person, or questioning person.

Let’s not forget, however, that coming out is an intensely powerful statement, not only to oneself, but also to those around them. Coming out to yourself is a monumental step for every single LGBTQ person, and it is one that often takes years of struggle, soul searching, and coming to terms with your own identity. There are those of us that find it easy to come out, and there are those of us that struggle for years, even a lifetime, to either come out to ourselves, or to those around us (or both). Some people struggle with this more than others, and remember, especially on days like this, that they deserve our love and support, because they are grappling with understanding and embracing their very fundamental being.

I write about this so that people who have not come out, and thus cannot fully and truly understand the powerful ramifications coming out has to a queer person, can better grasp the magnitude of such a statement. I also write about this, so that we can share in understanding just how much of a celebration this day should be; and anyone’s coming out day, for that matter.

I. Am. Gay. While it’s something that seems so small and innocent, it is in fact something that is not only hard to say, but it can be almost impossible to accept for oneself, as well as for those around them.

Honor those that speak loudly about who they are, and be proud of those that represent us in the public eye. Applaud and celebrate those that find themselves, and are out and proud as gay, lesbian, trans, bi, and queer individuals; I can assure you that they did not come to this place lightly, and being who you are takes a ton of courage. This is something that should be celebrated when it happens for anyone, because it marks a monumental phase in someone’s life; the moment when they are finally free to be who they are. Never let yourself fall into the space of questioning why someone has not come out if you believe them to be LGBTQ, because coming out isn’t as easy for everyone; trust me, it took me quite a while to get here myself.

So let’s celebrate today for what it is; a statement, a purpose, an understanding that someone finally get’s to be themselves. There really is no better feeling than the moment when you can finally say to yourself, and to the world…

I’m gay and proud, damn it!

…AND, I want everyone to know!! Happy Coming Out day, everyone!

all about me, is it just me?, mixed media, near and dear, that is so gay

so you’ve known all along?

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It is no secret that I have been thoroughly enjoying the new show Glee, that it seems everyone is talking about. However, this post really isn’t about Glee. While I find the show funny, sweet, endearing, the times where it has proven to be an intimate portrait of real life are what have really struck a cord with me.

Now, I am going to say this to warn you, I am going to discuss something that happened on the show last night, so you have been forewarned of spoilers, and should stop reading now if you haven’t seen the episode/don’t want to see this spoiler.

On last night’s episode, Kurt came out to his father (he came out in the episode before it too, and while I’m glad they covered him coming out, I really hope the whole season isn’t Kurt coming out to people) and while I thought it was really touching, it was what was said said during their conversation that really hit me. Mike O’Malley (who’s kind of adorable) played Kurt’s father, and after Kurt came out to him, he said to him, “I’ve known since you were 3. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels.”. While his follow up was hilarious, I can’t help but focus on his initial response: “I’ve known since you were 3.”. For me, an unavoidable question arose when I heard that statement: why didn’t you say anything, then?

This reminds me of a scene from the first season of (the American version) Queer as Folk, where Justin’s mom Jennifer is talking to Debbie about their respective gay sons. Jennifer was having an issue with talking to Justin about it (I think it was about getting confirmation that he was indeed gay), when Jennifer said something to the effect of “when did you know your son was gay?”. Debbie’s response really resonated with me in the same way Kurt’s father’s response did; however, she took it a crucial step farther. Debbie tells her that she had always known, and quips to Jennifer that parents always know; which is the reason that she went to her son and talked to him about it, so that he wouldn’t have to face the difficulty of coming to her on his own.

What I wanted to get at with writing about this is, if parents know their child is gay, why don’t they talk to them about it, instead of making us go through the process of coming out? Even if you aren’t 100% sure your child is gay, at least going to them, and talking to them makes it easier for them to know that things are going to be okay. Coming out was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and unfortunately, I got that same response from my parents, “we’ve always known”.

This time I was asking myself: since they knew, why didn’t they say anything? Since they knew, why did they make me go through the pain of having to come to them, on my own, to tell them? I am sure they had to of noticed how hard it was for me to do it, and what I went through all of those years prior to your official confirmation, so again, why did they wait?

I think that many parents are afraid to take responsibility for things, and as such, are afraid to talk to their kids about things that are affecting them. This is a major reason why some parents are terrified to talk with their kids about sex, which, just like ignoring the gay issues, has its own set of consequences. It’s incredibly difficult for me to understand how you can be someone’s parent (or guardian), and not want to protect and love your child as much as humanly possible. It would seem to me, that this would include making things better for them in any way I could (in this case, making their lives easier by helping them come out by going to them first and letting them know it is okay).

Unfortunately, I know there are people out there that are just downright horrible people, and many of those people would likely cause harm to their child if put in this situation; and as such, these are not the people I am asking to answer this question. A friend of mine in college named Mandy was thrown out by her parents when they found out she was indeed a lesbian, and they cut her off completely. People like that should really be ashamed of themselves, but are clearly so selfish, that I am certain that isn’t possible. Yet, parents that aren’t horrible people like the ones I just mentioned, still let their kids go through the painful process of discovering who they really are alone. I just don’t get it.

I once dated someone whose parents came to him and discussed his sexuality before he came out to them, and they had an amazing relationship. I always admired them for their being so forthcoming with him, and making the issue of his sexuality something that helped him, instead of hurt him. By opening up to him, he wasn’t forced to go the often difficult journey of discovering who you are, and coming out, alone. Seeing it practice even strengthened my curiosity as to why so many parents don’t do the same thing his parents did for him.

I can tell you, that if I ever have kids, no issue will be “off the table”. I think one of the best ways you can show your child that you love them, is by not keeping vital information that you know they are struggling with to discover themselves to yourself; the damage that could arise always outweighs the discomfort you might feel engaging in a sensitive conversation. If there is anything that I would want to come out of this, is if any parent reads this, and you think your child might be gay, talk to them about it. The worst thing that could happen, is that you make their life easier in the process; and isn’t that what every good parent wants for their child?

all about me, cream of the crop, happenings, near and dear, that is so gay

today’s national coming out day…

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A day that represents something important that most gay people will go through; the process of putting everything on the line for the purpose of acceptance and belonging. A day where we that are out can appreciate everything that we went through on that faithful day we when first uttered the words “I’m gay” to another person. A day where we stand proud, and realize how strong we are for coming out of the closet in the first place, and understanding how it is so difficult for those that have not and even more for those that cannot. Today is a day that we get to celebrate being “out”, and relish what it means to truly be who you are for the first time, and for every time.

I have written my “first” coming out story before, but I thought I would include it here, with some edits, since it has been a few years since I first blogged it. While my story of coming out is focused on the first person that I came out to, it doesn’t truly highlight the journey that coming out has been for me, as it is for most. Being out to one quickly became being out to many, and eventually, I was out to everyone, including my family. Even though I have been far, to this day, there are people that have not come out to officially. There are still people from my past whom I have not had the opportunity to tell, who I hope will accept me for who I am, if and when they discover the fact that I am gay. Many people struggle to come out, and I was no different. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I could go back and tell my younger self how much better I would feel once I had finally “taken the plunge”. I think that given the opportunity, I would, but I honestly don’t know what good that would do; I came out when it was time for me to do so, and all I can be thankful for today, is that I had the courage to do it in the first place.

Without too much more sappy-ness, here’s my first (of many) coming out experience. In this story, I was almost “forced” to come out to one of my best friends, all thanks to my urge to catch the debut of a little show called Queer as Folk. I hope that it is a story that is both enjoyable, and inspiring, because sometimes, those little curve balls that life throws us are big signs of change; and as with this case, change for the better.

(note: the story is rather long, so I have cut the entry here to keep the mere sight of the entry manageable; I know that some people freak out when they see an extra long entry.)

Read more →

civil rights, is it just me?, that is so gay, venting, well?

shame on you Out magazine

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I don’t really know how I should feel about this, other than, I think that it is pretty messed up. Neither Anderson Cooper, nor Jodie Foster have publicly come out of the closet, and I don’t think that Out Magazine should be doing it for them. I personally would be extremely offended and freaked out if I were outed without my permission, and without my consent, especially on the cover of a national magazine. Sure, they MAY or may not be gay [retracted], but, either way, that is their press conference to hold; not Out Magazine’s. Bad form, Out Magazine, bad form. I know that it is important to have gay figures in society, and especially, in the public eye, but it is not right to go around outing people that, for whatever reason, have chosen not to come out publicly themselves. Not everyone needs to be pressured into a situation where they have to air their private lives in the tabloids. If Jodie and Anderson are true to themselves, and comfortable in their lives, and are out to their friends and lovers, it is up to them to choose who to share that information with.

What do you think? Do you think that Out was out of line? Or, do you think that because it is pretty clear that both Anderson and Jodie are gay, that it is Out’s privilege to push them out of the closet and proclaim them as gay to the world? I personally would be deeply offended if I were in their position; not because they were smearing my name or saying anything wrong about me, but because they took the extremely personal thing of coming out, out of my hands. Again, what do you think?