Tag: change

all about me, blog on blog

only 5?

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I was looking last night, and I noticed that I have only written 5 posts for this entire year. Whoa. That has to be a new record low. Thing is, I just don’t spend that much time at the computer anymore because of work. I work those insane 12-13 hour shifts, and then I just want to veg out and relax. Days off are about catching up and not doing anything strenuous. So far, it’s been good, but I am pretty stressed at times because of work; being a nurse is a stressful job, and don’t let anyone imply otherwise.

This year, so far, has been pretty decent (at times). We bought a new house, right across the street, which still sort of doesn’t seem real at times. Also, we got a new family member in Charlie; even though we lost our precious Sydney, whom I still miss each and every day. Overall, it’s been a year of new things, and things are pretty good right now.

I also became a Scentsy certified consultant this year, something that I absolutely adore. What is Scentsy you ask? If you want you can check out the website; I started selling the stuff because I love it so much. My house smells amazing!

That’s really about it. I wish I had more time to spend listening to music and catching up, but it seems like this year is flying by at record speed. Work is taxing and always challenging, but can be very rewarding, which is nice. Charlie is a delight, even though is a poop and pee monster who likes to chew on anything he has in his eye line. He and Pickles get along very well, and I couldn’t be happier about that. I just miss my Sydney something terrible. The new house is a lot to take in, and I am so happy we were able to make this move; even though it was a grueling 4 month process to acquire it! Short sale? How ironically titled.

Anywho… I hope you all out there are doing well, know that I am doing my best to be well, well, as well. Here’s to newness, changes, working hard, and reaping the rewards; and getting sleep and listening to more music on days off!! Now… to get back to my day off!

all about me, hmm interesting, is it just me?, well?

existential thoughts

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This morning on the way in to work, I think I starting thinking about things, and really started observing everyone around me. We were all on our way somewhere… but why? What was driving us (not the car, I’m not being that literal)?

What drives us, everyday, to stay in the same job, live in the same house, and keep getting back up and going, day after day? I don’t often talk about what I do, but everyone knows that reads this blog, that I am trying to go back to school for nursing; which would certainly mean a change in career at some point. However, this morning, I am thinking to myself; what is driving me?

I thought about this yesterday when I read about the stock market crash, and I really thought about how much money people were losing; money that we are all scraping and saving to put away for that day when we can “finally retire, and start to enjoy life”. Fuck that! I am a realist, and I don’t foresee a time that I will be able to ever afford to supplement the amount of money I make right now with just savings, unless I win the lottery. The only way that I am going to be able to make it, is to work my whole life (which is the story for a lot of people), so retirement is really this “dream” that I am living my whole life for, working so hard for, and I will probably never see it.

So again, I ask myself, “what drives you?”. What is it that keeps you from opening a record store, or having a bakery, or having a website that actually makes money? What drives you to stay on the course you are on, and prevents us from deviating? People have businesses for everything; why not me? I’m not really trying to get an “answer” here, I am just reflecting, and I thought, why not see what other people think about this… what drives YOU? I mean, what makes you go down the path you are on, and what do you think prevents you from changing course, direction, or even stopping right where you currently stand?

Surely, fear cannot be the only thing that drives us… I know that is it in part, but it cannot, it just cannot be it. If it is… I think that I am going to work on having another driving force in my life; overcoming that damn fear.

(side note: I just noticed that this was my 1001th post; interesting.)

all about me, school, venting

…deep breath… put on a smile… there you go…

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So after looking back over the requirements for applying to GSU (again), it looks like I have to take two MORE classes BEFORE the program semester in which I am applying. I knew that I had to take them, but was unclear if I had to take them BEFORE the program started. Oh well, because there is no way I could have done anything about that before this spring anyway, because they have to be taken AT GSU, and I only got in recently for spring. So, I guess I will just take them in the spring, and postpone applying to the program, and instead, apply for fall; which is definitely frustrating, but not the end of the world. Seriously, it just seems like so many hurdles to go back to school; no wonder there is a shortage of nurses. They make it so difficult to do something simple (such as fulfill requirements), and it seems like time has got to be your friend… you need it to get where you can finally get into a program. Also, it is so difficult to work and go back to school… people that do it really know what I am talking about. Thank GOD my job is flexible.

Given this bad-ish news, the good news is that I did apply to KSU, and I don’t know the status of that application. I REALLY hope that I can get in there, which would make it more attractive to go there; I could start next summer. I like the idea of going to another school too, because I have already been to GSU; even though going to GSU is so much closer to my house. Additionally, I am scared shitless about what I am going to do for money during the time that I am school; I have no idea how to supplement my salary without working. I don’t want to take out a shitload of loans, but it seems like that might by my best option as of right now. I wonder how much they let students borrow; especially if they have loads of loans already under their belt? I guess I will find out, and then freak out accordingly. Again, how do people do this?!

I just feel so tied up, and I feel like I am wiggling, and wiggling, but the ropes are only slightly loosening. I just want to get there, and it seems like I have spent over a year of doing nothing but hurrying up to wait more… and all that lies before me is more waiting.

It’s just frustrating. Really, really frustrating. However, I KNOW that I just have to take deep breaths, put a smile on my face, and keep moving. But that doesn’t make it easy to do so. I guess I should just keep repeating that to myself, because days like this, it is really, really hard. Sorry to have a downer of a post, but eh, there it is. I’m dealing, so that’s all I have for you. Maybe something more upbeat will put a real smile on my face soon… here’s hoping.

all about me, hmm interesting, that is so gay, the catch-all-egory

appetites and anxiety

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It seems that lately, I have been quickly losing my appetite. I noticed it last week, but this week, I have been almost completely uninterested in eating. I don’t really know what is going on with this, but perhaps it will help me lose some weight; I weigh more than I ever have right now, and I am NOT happy about that. Don’t worry, I am not going anorexic, so don’t leave comments freaking out on me. I have been down that road, and I don’t see myself going there again.

I am getting kind of anxious about the upcoming weekend, and all of the things that go along with attending and celebrating Pride. While I LOVE seeing shows and people watching, and really taking in everything wonderful about Pride, I am really leaning towards skipping the parade. I have not been able to deal with heat lately, and it is only getting worse as the summer steam rolls on. I have gotten to where when I am outside, and it is stifling hot, I find myself dripping in sweat (like I have ran a marathon) as soon as I step outside. To top that wonderful-ness off, I get light headed and my anxiety only grows, and I sweat more. It isn’t pretty, and it is something that I have been avoiding pretty much at all costs. If I go to the parade, avoiding that state would be impossible, so I am leaning towards skipping it.

I can just go back and look at my pictures from last year’s parade in the AC; I guess that would be kind of like listening to the CD instead of going to the concert, right? Either way, I am still undecided. Other than that, I got my new lens this week, and I have been playing with it, seeing what I can do with it. I think I am going to challenge myself to use it exclusively at Pride, but I guess we will see. It was a huge expense (I am still feeling that), but I really think that it was worth it… The potential is great!

all about me, flickr, hmm interesting, photography

simplicity

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hibiscus
waking up
brushing teeth
taking pills
driving
talking
eating
leaving
sleeping

simple tasks
completed each day

happening so fast
without thought
without drive
without change

simple tasks
distract from the world around
buzzing
whirring around me

I am caught in slow motion
everything seems at a standstill
or I am moving so quickly
that it only seems to have slowed around

I am too caught in my flow
to notice the simplicity
the beauty
the difference

I am too caught in the flow
to just stop
and live for the moment

and sometimes
that is what scares me most of all

listen up!, mixed media, music musings, music suggestion

the 31 best of 2007 – 17: Sugababes – Change

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Perhaps they named their new record Changebecause of the fact that it is technically the first record they have done with newcomer, Amelle, but whatever the motivation, the record, in my opinion, is a hit. The Sugababes, for all of you in the States that haven’t a clue who they are, are one of the most successful UK pop acts over the past nine years, and they don’t seem to be slowing up. In fact, with the release of Change, I think they have gone past having a few hits, and a few number one singles, to a bona fide girl group capable of delivering an album that demands recognition.

On Change,the girls bring more of their throaty and smoky vocals to pop track after pop track, and get you dancing from the very beginning. If you doubt the greatness of this album, just look at the performance it has had on the UK charts; it shot straight to number one, giving them their second number one album. There’s no denying that these girls have got it going on in their homeland, but with this record, I think that they have given us something that more than likely, would provide a great crossover, enabling them to come to this side of the pond. Almost all of the songs on Change are radio-worthy, and with their take on pop, which is both refreshing and fantastically desired by those like me that are tired of most of what America tries to push off as pop, the Sugababes are just proving that they have the goods to go with their powerhouse voices.

Twinged with slick and savvy R&B, filled with beats that would burn up a smaller, more intimate dancefloor, as well as a ballad or two sprinkled in for good measure, Change is an album that is enjoyable from beginning to end. My only complaint about this record, which is the ONLY thing that prevented it from receiving a full 5 star rating, is the awful song Back Down; which not only feels awkwardly tacked on to the album, but really seems more like something Destiny’s Child would cover, and not the Sugababes. Perhaps if Mutya was still in the group it would have fit, but since she isn’t, it doesn’t. If they would have left this off of the record, it would have been perfect; but alas, they did not, and as such, I have to skip it every time it threatens to come on.

That being said, there are some AMAZING singles on this album, and apparently, they know it; they are releasing them one by one. First About You Now, and then the amazing Change (which I featured in one of my 5SFs a while back); which is definitely one of the best singles of the year. If this record is truly indicative of a “change” for the Sugababes, I can’t wait to see what comes next, so far, the change is stellar, and one that has me (and apparently, those in the UK as well) paying close attention; even though I was already a fan!

Favorites from Change:
Change
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/sb-change.mp3]
Surprise
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_1026_surprise.mp3]
Mended By You
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/sb-mendedbyyou.mp3]
About You Now, and Back When.

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