painting as therapy?

Last night, we had some friends over, and all of them saw my paintings and commented on how much they liked them (again), as well as the ones that are currently deemed “works in progress”. They also all wanted paintings for their houses (I will be happy to oblige), and wanted to know why I wasn’t painting currently. It got me to thinking; painting is a creative outlet for me, and is something that I actually do get joy out of the finished product. I get the chance to feel creative, and produce something that I am proud of. So why am I not doing it? Well, the fact is, this is just another symptom of that crazy depression; you lose interest in or the ability to do things you once loved doing. One of the first things I sadly lost was my interest in music; but luckily, I have managed to gain that back with a vengeance. But not without a little push from within myself.

Perhaps that is what I need to get me painting again… a little push. I am going to try and finish some “in the works” paintings that I have lying around today. Hopefully, this will be what I need to successfully move me back into yet another thing I love to do that has sadly fallen prey to anhedonia. Now if I could only get rid of all of the depression… ah, one step at a time. Now I gotta go paint!

As for the living room painting… we got bogged down yesterday and were unable to finish, so we decided to clean up instead and wait on the finishing touches. I will take some pictures of the product in its current state, because it looks great as is, and post those probably tomorrow. When you see them, you will just have to imagine them completely finished, okay?

Also, here is a link to the paintings I currently have completed and put online. Let me know what you think!

caulk it baby one more time

Today we are putting the finishing touches on our mini-remodel; we decided the living room would look better if it had beadboard and a chair rail. I am going to be doing the caulking because that is not one of James’ strong areas, and then the painting and clean up should commence. After living in a whirlwind the past full week, I will just be glad to see everything get semi back to normal.

There is at least one picture on flickr, but I promise to post a bunch of the finished product… trust me, it looks beautiful. It truly changes the look of not only the whole room, but the feel of the whole house. It is weird how something less than $500 can truly make your house more craftsman, and in essence, more valuable and aesthetic. I know you are on the edge of your seats for the unveiling, but you will have to wait; pretend this is one of those HGTV make over shows… we will bring you the final product after the commercial break!

what does blogging mean anyway?

I feel like lately, I haven’t had anything to say that would be worth reading. More importantly, I feel like the things I would write aren’t things people want to hear about anyway. Negative, negative, negative; sometimes, life can just be that way. But should that be what I am blogging about? Do people want to hear that stuff??? What does blogging mean anyway? What does it mean to you?

For me, I started this blog because I wanted to share my thoughts with the internets. I still feel that way just as strongly today as I ever did, but what I am going through right now prevents me from being able to focus in the ways I did in the past. It prevents me from opening a can of whoop ass if I need to, and it prevents me from even thinking sometimes. Sometimes, it is all I have not to just sleep the day away. But is that really what I should be blogging about? I know that I am in essence doing that very thing right at this very second, but I guess that is as good a way as any to bring it up, right?

I love my blog. I brings me a lot of joy. I hope others like it too. But I worry that I don’t have the right stuff to keep it healthy and thriving, you know? I also feel like I have lost so much by going through this craptasticness, and even though I want to just be like “stop idiot! let’s get back into the light!”, for whatever reason, I ain’t moving. I guess one good thing about that, is that it shows that I am not going anywhere (with regards to this blog and all), and that eventually, I will begin to see the landscape around me again… I hope.

my favorite CDs of 2006

See!! I told you I would!!! I have been sick for several days, but I am feeling better, and as a result, it is time… because you really wanted to know; my favorite CDs of 2006!! Now, this list is in no way representative of EVERYTHING I was loving in 2006, because I experienced a resurgence in my music interests half way through the year, and as a result, spent a lot of time catching up with great stuff I had missed… but, a lot of that stuff didn’t come out in 2006, so most of it won’t be on this list. Now, on to the goods. Here is the list of my favorite albums of 2006 (in no particular order, except for number one, because it is definitely my favorite of 2006):

Scissor Sisters – Ta Dah

Basically, this is the best CD of the year by a far. It is no secret how much I love this band, and I was more than excited to hear their sophomore effort, and it was everything I could have hoped for and more. Scissor Sisters are definitely one of the most talented bands in music today, and it is great to see such great music being made.

Stand out tracks: I Don’t Feel Like Dancing, Might Tell You Tonight, Everybody Wants the Same Thing.

Shiny Toy Guns – We Are Pilots

This is probably one of the most infectious pop records I have heard in recent months. I discovered this on one of my favorite pop music blogs, and have been loving it ever since. I describe it as if 80s music were done really really well, and was excellently produced, well, you would get something like this (or, if the Killers were good, they would sound like this). With both male and female leads, this group changes it up throughout the record and gives nothing but well produced pop. Pure candy for the ears. (Additional note: There are songs that were not included on the 2006 release (the major label release) of this record and many are fantastic. Make sure and download them any way you can; you won’t be sorry)
Stand Out Tracks: Don’t Cry Out, Waiting, Rainy Monday.

Dixie Chicks – Taking the Long Way

Controversy erupted on this very blog when I advocated support for the Dixie Chicks because of their outspoken take on politics, and I took flack for implying one should buy a CD because they agree with someone’s politics; but what was missing, was the fact that I love the Chick’s music as well. This CD is perhaps their best, in my opinion, and is obviously a big FU to those fans that turned their backs on them; they are staying, and are extremely talented, whether you want to admit it or not. It seems they don’t care if you do.

Stand out tracks: The Long Way Around, Not Ready To Make Nice, Bitter End.

Hellogoodbye – Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs!

I discovered this band through the video for the song “Here (In Your Arms), and initially, gave them very little thought. But, that song proved to be so infectious, that I checked out the rest of the CD, and ended up finding one of my favorite records of the year. If you like the aforementioned song, the whole record will fill you with sheer delight. Trust me. They are awesome. I saw them at the Masquerade, and these boys put on a great show, too. Definitely a band to keep your eye, and ears, on.

Stand Out Tracks: All Time Lows, Touchdown Turnaround, I Saw It On Your Keyboard.

Shayne Ward

The self-titled debut of the winner of the UK’s X-Factor has a lot of what Kelly Clarkson’s debut had: Raw talent. Not only is this boy extremely beautiful, he can sing beautifully! I can’t even describe how well he sings, other than to say his version of Over the Rainbow gives me chills. If you love pop, this is totally for you. An appropriate number of covers, and some very well written “launch” singles. Why can’t they do that for the Idols that win here? Oh well, at least we have Shayne…

Stand Out Tracks: No Promises, Stand By Me, Next To Me.

Daughtry

The American Idol cast off proves that not only can he sing, but he’s got the goods to make a great album. This rock album is not what I was expecting from an AI alum, but I am pleased that it wasn’t; it’s excellent! It is seriously an album of singles, great singles. It was obvious when he was on the show that Chris has a talent for rock, and now he has had the chance to prove himself, and prove himself he did. If you like good rock, check this out. It doesn’t hurt that he is definitely nice to look at as well…

Stand Out Tracks: It’s Not Over, Over You, Feels Like Tonight.

Danity Kane

Laugh all you want, but I followed these girls through their grueling tryouts on Making the Band, and they can sing, dance, and do it all. This CD doesn’t disappoint either; I am not a huge hip hop fan, and I love this record. It is just so well produced and fun to listen to. I was glad to see the CD came out so well, because I watched the show in anticipation of their debut, hoping I would be pleased with this group I just wanted to love. Needless to say, I was more than satisfied. Diddy did something great by forming his girl group, and I for one can’t wait to see what they do next.

Stand Out Tracks: One Shot, Hold Me Down, Touching My Body.

All Saints – Studio 1

If you have heard of the All Saints, you should check out what they bring to the table with their “comeback” record. These girls are back with everything I liked about them back in the day (haha, just a few years ago, that is), and totally bring a fresh sound that is great to dance to. This is pop with a pulse. A bunch of the songs definitely have an edgy vibe, but it only brings out the ghettoness I have come to love in the All Saints; trust me, it sounds like you really shouldn’t piss these girls off. This is one import from the UK that you should be ordering if you want to hear a sample of what’s good that is going on over seas.

Stand Out Tracks: Rock Steady, Not Eazy, Hell No.

Dreamgirls Motion Picture Soundtrack (Deluxe Edition)

What else do I need to do to get you to see this movie??? Seriously, one of the best movies of the year, which also happens to be a kick ass musical, has a spot on the favorite CD list because after you see the movie, you will be singing the songs over and over in your head. This edition has every gem from the film, and if you liked this movie, is a CD that should be in your collection. I love when they remake musicals for film and get it right. This is one of those times. Jennifer Hudson is simply amazing. Wow.
Stand Out Tracks: And I’m Telling You, Move, One Night Only (both versions!!!), Listen.

Girls Aloud – The Sound of Girls Aloud… Greatest Hits

Basically, this is the MUST have Girls Aloud CD. It has all of their hits, and even some new great tracks. In case you are like, um, who is Girls Aloud, well, then it is time for you to come out from under that rock and realize that these girls are doing everything they can to save pop overseas… and they are doing a great job! A very danceable group, with the occasional ballad, Girls Aloud usually find themselves at the top of the charts for a good reason; they make great fun music, and I for one, am all about it! If you are just getting into them, this is the CD you want to start with. Now that you know, go and get it now.

Stand Out Tracks: Something Kinda Oooh, The Show, Love Machine, Biology.

Tunng – Comments of the Inner Chorus

The song Woodcat was recommended to me by a friend with a rather eclectic music taste, and I was pleasantly surprised that I liked the weird vibe the song has. Since my interest was peaked, I decided to check out the whole CD, and it has a sound like I haven’t heard before; very airy, natural, acoustic, electronic, with interesting samples of vocal cuts, and just weird sounds in general, all coming together to make an enjoyable musical sound. This is definitely not a radio friendly record, but that is partly why I like it… It is probably the record that if seen in your car, people would be like, WTF? But you would know that it is something pleasant and awesome to listen to. I haven’t heard anything else quite like this.

Stand Out Tracks: Woodcat, Jenny Again, It’s Because We’ve Got Hair.

Indigo Girls – Despite Our Differences

While I don’t think this is the BEST Indigo Girls record, it is definitely a collection of great songs, some of which are fantastic (some of which instantly became favorites of mine). The only ones that I think bring the record down are some weird Amy Ray cuts; but that tends to be the trend with the Indigo Girls when it comes to my personal tastes. If you are a fan of previous Indigo Girls work, you will be satisfied, because if there is one thing that I love about the Girls, is that they know what their fans like, and are fantastic at delivering it; great acoustic rock with heartfelt lyrics. They also put on a damn fine show.

Stand Out Tracks: I Believe In Love (OMG I LOVE THIS SONG), Rock and Roll Heaven’s Gate, Lay My Head Down.

Sugababes – Overloaded: The Singles Collection

Basically, this description should be close to the description of the Girls Aloud CD above; these girls make great pop, and this is the definitive collection of most of their top singles. There are new songs included on the release, with Easy being probably the best song they have put out to date, and if it signals a move in that direction, I am in for the long haul. If you love girls that love to get down, and if you love some just great pop, this is the group for you. Push the Button is probably one of the most addictive songs you will ever here. Be warned. The only thing that I would have loved to have seen on this collection is their insanely amazing cover of the Arctic Monkeys “I Bet That You Look Good On The Dancefloor”; which is much better than the Monkey’s version.

Stand Out Tracks: Push The Button, Easy, Red Dress, Caught In A Moment.

Rascal Flatts – Me and My Gang

I am not usually a country person, but this is the exception; perhaps because they have been nicknamed the boyband of country music. Most of their stuff is sappy ballads, but that is what I love about them. They have had a few stand out songs in the past, which got me to finally look into a whole CD, and surprisingly, I love almost every song on this disc. If you don’t like country, I would give this a try, because it is definitely more pop than country, and some of the lyrics to these songs will bring more than one tear to your eyes. Sappy pop-country ballads… mmm, what more could you want?

Stand Out Tracks: What Hurts The Most, Stand, My Wish.

Pink – I’m Not Dead

I was only interested in this CD because of the song Dear Mr President; which is excellently written and produced, but when I got the CD in the mail, I was surprised to find out that this is a pretty kick ass record. While Pink hasn’t even really been a favorite artist of mine, she has occasionally put out something I really liked, and in this case, she just happened to put a whole album of things I liked. There are a ton of potential singles from this record, many of which have been released overseas, but not here for whatever reason. It is also good to note that this isn’t like the Pink of yesterday… this is much more rock, and I like this direction she is headed in.

Stand Out Tracks: Dear Mr. President, Long Way To Happy, Leave Me Along (I’m Lonely)

Wolfmother

Most people would probably be surprised that I am secretly into hard rock, and specifically hard classic rock, and this is an excellent example of both. Listening to this reminds me a lot of Black Sabbath, and I love it. I discovered this group through their song Woman on Guitar Hero II, and instantly had to hear more. When I got this CD, I was so elated that there was something that could rock the way they used to rock, and stay true to themselves at the same time. If you are a fan of the classic rock sound, and want to hear something new at the same time, these guys may be for you. Their sound also reminds me a lot of White Stripes, but without that creepiness that they give off (at least for me).

Stand Out Tracks: Woman, Dimension, Colossal.

And two honorable mentions (only because if I call them “best of 2006”, I might get egged or something like that, because I am sure many will NOT agree. Either way, they are both lots of fun, and actually are pretty great CDs whether you agree or not; seriously.):

Paris Hilton – Paris

I heard today that there is actually some controversy as to whether or not it is actually Paris singing on this album, and honestly, that doesn’t surprise me, the songs on the record are fun, radio-friendly, and totally dance-tastic. If you love pop as much as I do, and love good pop (not that shit Fergie and Gwen Stefani call pop) then you will appreciate the cheesy deliciousness of this CD. Also, remember, that you don’t always have to take yourself so seriously… this is one excuse to let your hair down and have fun for a minute. I mean, the sample from Grease in I Want You is worth the entire price of the CD in my opinion. Cheesy? Yes. Fun? Hell Yes. Really well produced? Surprisingly… that is why it is so good; NOT Paris Hilton.

Stand Out Tracks: I Want You, Screwed, Turn You On, Nothing In This World.

Pussycat Dolls – PCD

HOT DAMN. Seriously, I tried so fucking hard to resist these bitches, but they kept putting out better and better singles. And then it happened, they dropped fucking Buttons on me. Buttons was, and still remains one of the top 5 songs released in all of 2006. That song is so hot, you better not touch the single too long, or you will get burned. H-O-T is what P-C-D is all about. Sure, they aren’t really a band, they are burlesque act; but they are a really good act, and they can actually sing (well, Nicole can). Either way, they are full of great production, and each single is the type of pop I want to hear on the radio; Black Eyed Peas take note!! This is how it SHOULD be done; stop that shit you are doing.

Stand Out Tracks: Stickwitu, BUTTONS (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), I Don’t Need A Man.

Hope you guys liked my list. Let me know what you were digging in 2006; I am always open to new suggestions!!! Also, I know many of you are scratching your head thinking, “Where is Gnarls Barkley?”. While I do like that CD a lot, I think it was WAY over hyped, and I am not going to continue that hype here. It was good, but not THAT great, ya’ll. Also, understand that there are probably other great CDs that came out in 2006, but these are the ones I listened to and fell in love with. Again, if you feel like something is missing, let me know and I will check it out!!! The movie list should be coming up soon too… stay tuned!

year’s end movie and music raves and rants…

I usually do that year end music and movie set of posts, and this year will be no different; only thing is that I will probably have to spill over into 2007 a little… as December has been a hectic month.

But I am sure you forgive me, don’t you? Stay tuned, because there are some CDs and movies that I am just gushing over, and can’t wait to share with you. Now I see you shiver with antici….

pation.

Check back! Right now I am trying to enjoy what little “vacation” I actually got this year!

and I am telling you…

That you MUST go see Dreamgirls!!!! It was one of the best movies I have seen this year, hands down!! It is flawless from beginning to end. All of these girls are DIVAS and I was even impressed big time with Beyonce! Of course, the shining star of the whole film is Jennifer Hudson, who completely steals the show every time she is on the screen, and her showstopper, “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going”, is chill inducing. I still can’t get over how fantastic this movie really is, seriously. I am definitely going to pick up the soundtrack too, because I loved every song I heard in the film.

If you love musicals, and you want to see a fantastic one, do yourself a favor, then and RUN to the theaters… Dreamgirls will not disappoint you. I honestly wasn’t that excited about it, not as much as I thought I would be going in, but I was so overly impressed, that it totally made up for it. This is definitely a contender for awards… not because it speaks to critics, but because it is so damn good!!! A must see!!! And Jennifer Hudson, honey, you have got everything it takes… you have solidified yourself as a tried and true diva! Work it girl!

[note that the image isn’t mine… I found it on google images, ya’ll]

we’re back!

First of all, for those of you that celebrate it, Merry Xmas…

Now that we have that out of the way… We are back from our whirlwind tour of NC. Overall, the dread that I felt quickly subsided, because I maintained control over the situation and stuck to my guns (we stayed in our hotel, not at my parents), which made everything much better. Also, it was really odd that the usual routine of guilt, criticism, and constant questioning and ignoring was pretty much out the window. Perhaps having a grandson is causing some changes in the family dynamic; for the better.

Either way, here is a bulleted list of my trip:
— Grandma made a video of her head on top of dancing bodies. It is hilarious. I have a copy on DVD. YES!
— My nephew Jackson is a HUGE baby. BUT, he is also completely adorable and insanely cute. He is also terrified of the TMX Elmo.
— I still don’t like pugs. My mom’s black pug Molly went after Sydney, and scared Sydney really bad. I haven’t heard him yelp constantly like that since the cat incident.
— Driving for 7 hours one way is not something I will consider doing again any time soon. I think that I may have to put my foot down and have people meet me in the middle or come to see me for a change. It is time, dammit.
— I really love my parents new house. It is HUGE. Too bad we couldn’t live there when I was young!
— I think that my father has found the son he always wanted in my sister’s husband. They get along so well, and talk to each other like father and son. That was interesting to watch. It doesn’t make me feel bad, but it was just interesting to see. At least it is good to know that he is actually capable of having those bonds with someone.
— My parents have like new everything… new TV, new car, new computer. I tried to hook up mom’s wireless internet with no luck; hopefully, she will call in and get that working herself.
— Also, I found out she reads my blog. Interesting. James and I talked about that, and thought perhaps this would be a starting point to discuss the feelings I have, and perhaps get them validated at some point. I think we are a ways off from that, but we will see. By saying what I feel in this format, I am getting it out there, and that is a good thing, but I can’t be expected to make all of the moves… there has to be a reciprocal discussion here.
— It was weird being around my family and not having the usual criticism and guilt thrown at me. Yes, the guilt was still there, but it was toned down considerably. Also, the criticisms where still there, but not at all like before. No one really had anything negative to say about my tattoos, which surprised me. That was really good. It is hard to be around people that only look at your flaws and then use them to hurt you. Perhaps they are learning how to stop doing that? Only time will tell.
— That’s really about it. I did hang out with a few friends the first night we got there (which was great), but other than that, all we did was family time. Lots of hanging out with Grandma and the rents. I also got to hang out with my nephew a lot, who is so adorable it was hard to put him down. My sister said that the reason she hasn’t sent us anything regarding Jackson, was because we hadn’t asked for it, and so she thought we weren’t interested. I nipped that guilt trip in the bud, and told her to send me all kinds of photos, no more guilt as an excuse to exclude me.

Overall, those were some highlights from the trip. I am glad to be at home and back in my own comfort zone, and I am sure it will be a long time before I go up there again. Either way, it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting, but that was because things were different this time. People have changed. I hope that those changes stick, and I hope they continue to move in a good direction; perhaps things can be salvaged after all. Only thing, is that it is going to take some reciprocation… now if we could only jump start that part of the deal. Oh well… one step at a time.

Merry Xmas ya’ll.

calling all wordpress experts!

HEY! I need your help!!!

I want to receive emails when I get comments, and currently, even though that option is checked under options… it isn’t happening. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Also, if you know a lot about PHP script, can we get together for beers? Because I need to be able to work my magic on this template and fast. Also, if you know of a very simple template or template builder that I could have access to, that would be great!!!

Thanks for listening! We are off to NC today at 3ish. I will be glad to get there, because I know the drive is going to be horrible… I always threaten to fly, and I think I am going to follow through on that if we ever go back. Hope everyone has a great weekend, and I will report back when we return. I will still have access to email though, so if you need me, you know what to do!

See ya soon!

MT ate my blog!

duane will return soon… MT was hungry and ate his blog.

EDIT: Okay, so here’s what happened… Movable type ate my blog and all of my comments. Luckily, I had a back up from the 6th of December, so I get to keep everything before that (but not the archives). Gah. I am now on WP, for the time being, since I don’t want to get into anything else that will break. I hope to update the template and all of that, but for now I am just bewildered that this happened.

Feel free to comment here, as this is the new duanemoody.com, and according to everyone that fluffs WP, it won’t be going anywhere.

Also feel free to go back and comment on today’s post, as there were some good comments that I wanted to address. Thanks ya’ll.