Category: that is so gay

the opinion post follow-up… uh, post.

So here it is, the follow up post to the post I wrote a few days ago requesting the answer to this question:

If you could describe the state of HIV and AIDS today, how would you describe it?

Alright, first of all, I didn’t realize something until sometime yesterday, which I honestly don’t know why I didn’t realize it sooner, but I think that I unintentionally intimidated people by posting this question, because of where I work. I have been pretty frank with my feelings about public health because of where I work, my educational background, and what I believe, and I know that did prevent some folks from responding and thinking that their perspective mattered. For that, I wish I would have realized it, and accommodated accordingly, but alas, I did not, and there it is. Regardless, I got some great perspectives, and I will focus on those, rather than the intimidation.

First of all, I got a strong sense of complacency that people recognize with respect to HIV/AIDS today. People definitely feel that HIV isn’t as focused on today, mainly because of the availability of treatments, and the diminished face of AIDS in the news and in the media. Basically, we try to cover up the real need for help with campaigns for ipods, and that just reinforces that sense of complacency. In addition to this complacency, we have become disillusioned to believe that the treatments available for HIV have actually made this a manageable disease that isn’t so difficult to live with; as, again, is illustrated by the lack of the true face of AIDS in the media and on the news. In addition to the complacency, many see that HIV/AIDS is hidden, and this is illustrated by the belief that HIV isn’t as bad in industrialized nations, and that the people that tend to become infected in the US are junkies, and really high risk individuals; not just anyone who happens to put themselves at risk by simply having sex.

This is the new, current face of HIV. There is a lack of reality, and it has caused us to see the disease as it isn’t. We don’t see it as a problem that we still face day to day, because we have it “under control”, and because we have “treatments” that will “let us live happy healthy lives” if we should somehow become infected. Sadly, this complacency for the disease is exactly what is wrong with the stance we have taken in fighting the epidemic. Many correctly pointed out the sheer willful ignorance in the lack of proper education for our nation’s youth, and the improper use of “values” that impose horribly useless abstinence only tactics to try and convince teens to not having sex. Regardless of this “head in the sand” take on preventing teen pregnancy and HIV transmission among youth, many of you again correctly surmised that these tactics are not only NOT working, but they are doing way more harm in the process. And that level of complacency is unacceptable.

The reason I initially posted this question, was because I was going over the data from the study that I work on, and a continual theme among the respondents was that HIV was not only manageable, but it wasn’t really that big of a deal anymore. People didn’t see the disease as a problem, and I wanted to see if that was reflective of the general population as well; well, at least the general population of people that read my blog. What I found was a similar belief, only with a definitive higher level of concern and awareness of that complacency; which was to be expected from those that are smart enough to be pretty internet savvy.

I also wanted to write this, because I honestly feel like the problem that is causing this increased complacency with the disease, and with the active participation of people in this country in preventing the spread of it, rests on only a few specific things. First, there is a major problem with people thinking that HIV is readily treatable, and is actually a manageable disease. HIV is still a terminal illness, and the drugs that you take for it are not like taking an aspirin for a headache. There are horrible side effects. Those drugs cost thousands of dollars, and without them, people still die quickly. This does even take into account the drug resistant strains of HIV, which are certainly a faster death sentence. The point I am trying to make, is that when the pharmaceutical companies portray a happy healthy HIV positive gay man in their ads, they are reinforcing a belief that having HIV isn’t really all that bad. That does so much harm, because it lulls us into a sense of complacency, and as we all saw, as represented by your comments, that is a large part of the problem. The pharmaceutical companies have got to change the way they portray the disease, as well as the media at large. Until we start to see the true face of AIDS again, much like we did in the early and late 80’s, we are only back peddling. Things have got to change. The face of AIDS must be seen, or the problem will continue to get worse. Part of the reason we don’t see this face of AIDS, is because that face has largely gone more and more brown over the years, and it is easy for the media to turn away from the disenfranchised. Again, this is bad, bad news for the epidemic. Hopefully, through our own awareness and education, we can all start to make changes.

The other problem that comes from this complacency, is the belief that we cannot be infected, which is largely a part of the media ignoring the disease, that is, except to sell a red ipod. Sure, it does some good, and we do help out a few of those suffering in Africa, but it isn’t enough. This is just putting a band-aid on a gaping wound, and it is clear that it is hurting more than helping. This lack of real action and realistic exemplification of the disease, displaces our belief that we are still at risk every time we have sex. Additionally, risk factors like drug use are rampant throughout the gay community, and this increases risk of HIV transmission so much so, that it makes me dizzy. Yet, people are still willing to take these risks. But why? Because they have displaced HIV to another part of the world, or to another community other than their own, and that, coupled with the idea that it is treatable, creates and implements a fatal combination of complacency and ignorance. It is used as an excuse for someone who was already looking for a way to say, “nope, not me, no need to worry”.

I am sorry this post is as long as it is, but this is something that is truly passionate to me, and something I hope to do good with in my life. I want my mark on this world to be a positive benefit towards public health, and if that means helping one person, or many people, understand the real causes that force the epidemic to go on, then I am doing good. We must make pharmaceutical companies change their advertising methods. AIDS is not a pretty disease. You will not get infected, and then live a normal life. HIV should not be something we are complacent about, and we must really protect our youth. We must be more vocal about HIV, and make it way more visible. We must inform ourselves, and we must be realistic about this; because if we aren’t, it will just continue down this same old road. AIDS isn’t going anywhere, and it is just as bad as it was before; sure, more people are living longer lives, and there are less instances of HIV becoming AIDS, but HIV infection is still VERY high, even here in the US. Yet, still, we pretend that it isn’t a major concern. And that, is what’s wrong. We focus on getting people tested, without worrying about preventing them from getting the disease. We worry about knowing your status, but only for the few that believe they are at risk. This needs to extend to everyone, and HIV needs to become something that is talked about again. HIV needs to be made real again.

Thanks for weighing in your opinions, and feel free to weigh in more if you would like. I think finding a holistic view of the state of HIV today is a great conversation to move us out of complacency, and into really talking about and dealing with the epidemic. Until then, there are only a few that are forced to do the heavy lifting, and I for one, would like to see us coming in to help them carry the burden. It is up to us, we are the generation that can affect this change, and we need to get on it now.

thinking on tuesday: the results

See! Sexual orientation is not a choice! Science is doing what it can to prove what we “sexual deviants” have always known to be true. Now, getting people to accept it… that’s the tricky part.

I don’t see how an anti-American protest and a call for American forces to leave Iraq on the 4th anniversary of the fall of Baghdad shows “progress” in the “war on terror”. To me, that just gives us more and more face time with the reality that we shouldn’t be there at all. The progress will come when we stop occupying a country that we have no business occupying. Sure, they weren’t able to assemble like that under Saddam (which is why it was touted as progress), but, uh, can’t we see that WE are their enemy? We weren’t the enemy before the war, so apparently, the progress here is in creating new enemies for ourselves.

On another war related thought, why don’t we hear more about the American troops that are killed every day in Iraq? I mean, there were 30 some odd troops killed over the weekend, and I don’t see that article or that reference anywhere. Instead, you have idiots like Mccain saying that Iraq is actually safer, speaking from under his body armor and from inside his heavily guarded human border. If Iraq is getting safer, how come more than a hundred people are killed there almost every day? That doesn’t sound very safe to me, especially since violence is surging in other parts of Iraq. So I guess “saving” Baghdad is all we need to say that things are going great? Gah.

Who the fuck eats peeps? I mean, they are pretty and all, but they are fucking gross. I love marshmallows, and I wonder why they had to ruin them by coating them in sugar. Who even eats just sugar anyway? It is gross! I did get a bunch of them though, and have been, and will continue to, take pictures of them. Like I said, they are pretty.

I worried about Sydney. He is still not feeling well, and I am letting my emotions get the better of me. I hope that he is back to normal very soon. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to him. I pray that nothing will.

Drinking every day is not a bad thing. Nope, not at all. Would you like another glass of wine?

I am really looking forward to dinner and drinks with my friends tonight. I love spending time with good friends.

That’s about it.

shame on you Out magazine

I don’t really know how I should feel about this, other than, I think that it is pretty messed up. Neither Anderson Cooper, nor Jodie Foster have publicly come out of the closet, and I don’t think that Out Magazine should be doing it for them. I personally would be extremely offended and freaked out if I were outed without my permission, and without my consent, especially on the cover of a national magazine. Sure, they MAY or may not be gay [retracted], but, either way, that is their press conference to hold; not Out Magazine’s. Bad form, Out Magazine, bad form. I know that it is important to have gay figures in society, and especially, in the public eye, but it is not right to go around outing people that, for whatever reason, have chosen not to come out publicly themselves. Not everyone needs to be pressured into a situation where they have to air their private lives in the tabloids. If Jodie and Anderson are true to themselves, and comfortable in their lives, and are out to their friends and lovers, it is up to them to choose who to share that information with.

What do you think? Do you think that Out was out of line? Or, do you think that because it is pretty clear that both Anderson and Jodie are gay, that it is Out’s privilege to push them out of the closet and proclaim them as gay to the world? I personally would be deeply offended if I were in their position; not because they were smearing my name or saying anything wrong about me, but because they took the extremely personal thing of coming out, out of my hands. Again, what do you think?

sad… so, so sad… does it at least make you feel better?

What I want to write about today is something that may or may not be taken in the right way, and frankly, I am not going to let that stop me from saying it. First of all, while I fully admit, and own the fact that I am not the most secure person in the world, I try really hard not to let my insecurities get the best of me. I tend to be the person that speaks the loudest in a group, and sometimes, that makes me wonder if I am going a little too far, and so, I feel insecure. Sometimes, I feel as if I have crossed a line, and annoyed someone, and when my insecurities kick in, it has me apologizing for my actions, and trying desperately, to “fix” whatever has happened; rather than just believing them when they say that everything is fine. It is something that I am working on, and probably will always work on, but it is mine, and that I understand and accept it. The most important part of the insecurities I have about myself, is that I never let those insecurities turn outward, into hate, fear, jealousy, or disrespect. I never let insecurities that I have for myself turn outward on others in a negative way, by trying to mask my insecurities by making fun of others. While I don’t agree with everyone, I try my best to avoid picking on others, and especially, I try very hard to prevent disrespecting other people; simply because I understand what it is like to have insecurities, and more importantly, I don’t think that anyone deserves to be made fun of, either as a mechanism of covering your own feelings about yourself, or as a mechanism for making yourself feel better by degrading another human being. In the cases where I have given in to my insecurities, and used them for hateful and spiteful reasons, I find that I feel worse than if I would have just dealt with it myself. Picking on and degrading others has never made me feel better; nor should it, it is just plain wrong.

What I don’t understand, is how the perpetuation of hate, fear, and insecurity by degrading others actually makes people feel better about themselves. I truly believe that everyone deserves to be respected; and don’t take this in the direction of the governmentally appointed rights, because that is not what I am saying. I believe, that has human beings, we all deserve the right to be ourselves and have the respect of others; regardless if it is approving or simply letting us be. For example, being gay, I understand wholly what it is like to be hated because of who I am; but I honestly believe that no one deserves to be in that position, and most importantly, that the hated being directed onto people doesn’t have to exist. You don’t have to agree with being gay to not hate gay people; you can simply let it be, keeping your hatred from hurting someone else. But unfortunately, for many people, they feel better about themselves when they harm, insult, and pick on gay people. Whether this comes from fear, hatred, or insecurity (or all three plus other issues) is different for each one of those people, but it still surprises me that so many people can justify to themselves that disrespecting and picking on others is okay. Perhaps more importantly, I am surprised that they use disrespect and hurtful actions towards others, as a mechanism for masking their own negative feelings of themselves.

These people are running away from themselves and what they feel, by making others feel just as bad as them. They believe that if they pick on, and make fun of others, that when the person being picked on feels bad, it will will somehow level the feelings of hurt, and diminish what they feel inside. They attempt to take away some of their pain, by inflicting it on others. While many people do this all of the time, I just want to know; what is it in your life that you are so afraid of, or are so insecure about, that you need to hurt others to feel better about yourself? And, most importantly, does it really make all of those things that are hurting you melt away?

I ask this, today, because I know of more than a few instances where I have been the subject of someone’s ridicule for no reason, other than to somehow make them feel better. When I was in school, life was a living hell for me, because the entire school thought it was awesome to pick on me. I was an easy target, because I was obviously gay, and somehow, people believed that if they channeled their anger and insecurity onto me, they would feel better about themselves. What I have come to realize about people that do this, is that those people are really just afraid of dealing with their own issues, and so they point out and ridicule others. It makes them feel better. And you know what? That is really, really sad. I truly feel sorry for people that deal with this, and as someone who has been on, and continues to be on, the receiving end of the ridicule, I share in the pain that victims of these perpetrators feel. I feel disgusted and hurt when people pick on me, and my first reaction, is to lash back out at them; but, I have realized that doing that will not make me feel any better. What they are trying to do is cover their insecurity and fear within themselves, by turning it into hate, and using that hate on me. By being hateful back, I become no better than them. And I certainly don’t want to find myself being as sad and pathetic as they are; trust me, I have enough insecurities, there is no need to add more.

My main reason for me wanting to write this post, is partly to prove to myself that I am mature enough realize that being ridiculed and disrespected by things that people say and do to hurt me in order to make themselves feel better, makes them the one that is sad and pathetic, and not me. I am the one that maintains my own ability to feel good about myself, and it is strengthened by understanding that those people are just doing this out of fear and insecurities they have within themselves. I believe that all people, deep down (even you dave!), are good people. That is what keeps my hope alive for human kind. But, I realize, that not everyone is like me, and not everyone seeks to help others and build them up, but instead, for reasons relating to the views they have of themselves, that they have to hurt others to make themselves feel better. While I do hope that it makes people who do this sort of thing feel like a better person, I can’t help but feel sorry for them, because if that is what they rely on to make themselves feel better in life, they really do have a sad and pathetic way of living. I hope that I will remember and utilize this philosophy in the future when people decide that they want to hurt me or ridicule me for their own gain; because I will then be able to turn my hurt and pain into feelings of sadness and sorrow for that person, because they are truly the ones that are hurting.

It really is too bad that I didn’t know about this when I was in school. Either way, I honestly wish that this was something that all kids knew, and perhaps, with the knowledge about people on both sides, we can all come to the middle, and the hurting can stop. But until that time, there will be the sad and pathetic that seek out to hurt those that are already dealing with their own issues, rather than putting them off on others, and I have no control over their actions. What I can control, is I can realize and embrace the fact that, those of us that are dealing with our issues are the strong ones, and that we are the ones that don’t need anyone to feel sorry for us, because we are dealing with it, rather than using it to hurt someone else.

that “gay” snickers ad

I am sure that everyone has seen, or heard of, the Snickers “gay kiss” ad from the Superbowl. Most of what I heard about the ad, is the fact that many people thought it was funny. I for one, know that the people at the party I was at laughed hysterically when it aired, and I honestly thought it was at a minimum, pushing the boundaries of being completely anti-gay, even though I didn’t initially get upset about it. But, I am still wondering; what about that scenario is funny?

So, two straight men kiss accidentally, ala “Lady and the Tramp”. So what? Why is that funny? And why is it portrayed as something funny?

Now, while I wasn’t personally offended by the ad, I have to admit that I did get a little uncomfortable when everyone busted out laughing. Again, why is this so funny? I mean, they kissed accidentally, right? If it were a man and a woman, it wouldn’t have been anything to laugh at; which must mean that the reason it is funny, is because it is making fun of gay men. And what about when they feel it necessary to do something to assert their “manliness”, in essence, to prove to each other that, “hey, I’m not a fag”? This too must mean that the reason it is funny, is because gay men aren’t seen as manly; which again, is making fun of gay men.

I am pretty sure that if this scenario did happen in real life, and if those two men were as homo-scared as their characters indicated by their actions after their accidental kiss (ripping out chest hair to prove that they were “real men”), then things probably wouldn’t have been so funny to either of those men; and it would have potentially been upsetting to them. But why? It was an accident, not a full on sexual encounter! Now, I know that I can’t say how individual men should react to kissing another man, but it shouldn’t be something that is so queer and “wrong” that one would need to go so far as to “cover up” that action with another one, one that somehow “asserts” the fact that they are indeed, not gay. After all, just because the two men kissed, it doesn’t mean that they are instantly gay; and by ripping their chest hair out to prove to each other that they aren’t gay is both stupid (ouch!!!) and insensitive to gay men. It is acting out and furthering the belief that gay men aren’t really men.

Basically, what Snickers has done, is they have taken something innocent, such as an accidental kiss between two men, and used it to get a cheap laugh by making fun of gay men. Then, they went a step further, and reinforced the societal belief that being a gay man must mean that you are effeminate, or un-manly, because in order to “feel better” about their kiss, the men had to do something “manly” like rip out chest hair; instead of just ignore it and go on with life.

While the commercial itself was seemingly “innocent”, as I look back, I believe that it reinforces what a lot of people wrongly think about gay men, by showing that if two straight men were to kiss, that it would mean something other than just a kiss. They have shown that two men kissing is essentially something to laugh at, or something to make fun of. They have shown that if two straight men were to accidentally kiss, that they would need to assert the fact that they weren’t gay, by doing something “manly” to cover up their previous actions; which again, reinforces the belief that gay men aren’t really men at all. The more I think about the ad, the more I don’t like it, and honestly, I can see where people would be offended. I guess even more than that, I wonder why we, as a society, still cling to these covert anti-gay messages, and continually portray gay men in this light? All it does is encourage people to continue to make fun of gay people, which trickles down to children, who then use these stereotypes to seek out and torture gay kids. It’s a vicious cycle, one that uses “humor” to hurt a particular group of people.

So what do you think? Do you think that I am overreacting? Keep in mind that I am not trying to rant here, but I am trying to observe that yes, the ad was pretty anti-gay, and typical of a less than accepting society. I am saying that I see how people would be offended by something that seemed innocent to most; simply because it covertly reinforces the belief that gay men aren’t really men at all, and that kissing another man is wrong. Tell me what you think/thought about the ad! Were you offended? Do you see where the media continually makes fun of being gay?

Also, if you are interested in more thoughts on this ad, here’s a link to commecial closet, a website dedicated to GLBT portrayals in the media; they seem to agree with me.

does it matter if it is fake, given that it happens all of the time?

Dave emailed me about this blog post earlier. I read it, and like the writer of the post, I felt sick. In fact, still do. I feel horrible that another person would suffer the fate of suicide, because of the lack of care and real love from their family. I feel awful that someone would take their life because they felt so alone and so misunderstood, that they became depressed to the point of suicide. And probably even worse, is that I feel angry that people like this boy’s mother continually do this same sort of thing over and over, causing more and more kids to go through similar scenarios; many of which end with the same conclusion.

The blog post I am talking about, is referring to a forum-posted story where a Christian Fundamentalist mother finds out her son is gay, he comes out to her, and she suggests therapy; only her response is to tell him the therapist is wrong for saying being gay is normal, and that he should instead not act on his feelings. The mother proceeds to turn her back on understanding her son, and ceases to be there for him emotionally; actions which stem from her fundamentalist beliefs. Unfortunately, the result, is that her son commits suicide, leaving her wondering why he resorted to such a drastic response to her lack of understanding.

Now, while I feel the same things that probabilityzero felt, hurt, anger, disbelief, disgust; I couldn’t help but notice something eerily consistent in the comments both on his website, and on digg (where it no doubt made its way due to how interesting it was, I assume): many of the people commenting are way too focused on whether or not the story is actually true. People are going so far as to chastise the writer of the post for his feelings about this occurrence on the grounds that the story might not be true. I have a huge problem with that, mainly because even if this story isn’t true, this sort of thing happens all of the time!! It is known that the suicide and attempted suicide rates among gay and lesbian teens is higher than any other group of adolescents, and in many instances, these actions are due to religious persecution and self hatred stemming from families that refuse to understand their children.

While it angered me to see people chastising the boy for being gay, seeing people agree with the actions of the mother, and even seeing people say that the mother was in no way to blame for the death of her son, it bothers me more that people would focus on this not being an issue, simply because the instance may or may not be a real life instance. This type of thing is exactly what I encountered when I wrote that post about Donnie Davies from yesterday; while he may or may not be real, people like him exist and do the same things that he is doing, for real. While this woman may or may not have posted a true story about her religion getting in the way of her love for her son, and the subsequent consequences of her actions, there are parents that are making the same decisions and doing the same hurtful things to children all over the world, for real.

This issue of religious fundamentalism and the judgement that stems from it is something that makes me so angry, but at the same time, incredibly sad. I was lucky enough to escape most of the religious persecution many gay youth encounter, only to impose it upon myself when I was going through the process of coming to terms with my own sexuality. I thought of suicide many times, and luckily, I never attempted it; but there are many that are not so lucky. I remember what it felt like to be so utterly alone and afraid that my being homosexual was a sin, so much that it was an actual physical pain in my body. I hated myself for who I was, and it cost me a lot of self respect, happiness, and time; but luckily, it didn’t cost me my life. No one should have to go through this alone, and this boy unfortunately did; because his mother turned her back on him when she denied who he was. Her actions forced his depression to grow, and he wasn’t able to overcome it. Whether or not this boy is real, there are many other boys and girls out there that are just like him, feeling those feelings, and experiencing that same depression.

If I had my way, there are a few things that would happen, relating to this true or untrue story. One, I continually hope that religious fundamentalists would actually practice what they preach (i.e., love is supposed to be absolute, not a pick and choose issue-based thing) and stop using religion to discriminate anyone because of who they are, or who they believe themselves to be. Two, I wish that people could stop focusing on whether or not one instance of something like this is real or not, especially when this is just an example of a very real problem occurring right now all over the world. And three, I hope that all kids out there struggling with their sexuality that face this sort of persecution and ignorance will have the strength to make it through their depression and live their lives happily. One of the worst things that ever happened to me was living in the closet, and I am grateful that somehow I was able to make it out; I wish the same for everyone else that struggles with this issue.

God doesn’t hate anyone, Donnie

Earlier this morning, I saw a link on a friend’s LJ to a website that listed “gay bands” that should be avoided (at least according to the anti-gay website). While the list is certainly funny, like how they write “(really gay)” next to Elton John’s name, and how the Indigo Girls made it on there twice (perhaps because there are two of them?), curiosity over things like this got the better of me, and so I thought I would take a look at what the rest of this site had to offer. After clicking through a few different pages (including the safe artist list; which includes Cyndi Lauper, so I guess they don’t know about her love for the gays), I got pretty much what I was expecting; the same old song and dance that should always be expected from these anti-gay “preachers”. All they have to offer is hate, hate which they disguise in the word love.

What I did find interesting about this particular “ministry”, is that Donnie Davies, the founder of the CHOPS program (more on that in a moment), is a self-professed “reformed homosexual”. Here’s what he has to say:

I am in fact a Reformed Homosexual and I’m trying to let people know that there is an escape from being Gay. By letting people know that “God hates a Fag” I am doing Gods work, I’m preaching.

When I was in highschool I kept having feelings for the boys I was in school with. Often I would let these feelings take over. I got into lots of trouble when I was Gay.

I stopped listening to secular music and started going to my fathers church services. I was so miserable, being gay, something had to happen. I found Jesus! I found Jesus and He showed me the way. The right way to live that is. Loving, Gods Way!

(from his website)

According to Donnie, who also cites his personal hero as being Oscar Wilde, who he mistakingly thinks also denounced homosexuality, by saying that “God Hates Fags”, he is actually spreading “Love”. But Donnie, you professed that you were a “Fag” in high school… so does that mean God hates you? Of course not! Because God doesn’t hate anyone… at least, not anyone that “chooses” to go against the ways of homosexuality! Eureka! What a revelation, Donnie. I am so happy that there are people out there like you with their tiny little minds, and their even smaller grasp of grammar and language to proselytize about your narrow-minded beliefs, bringing other narrow-minded automatons into your little program of hate.

And what a program it is. Donnie has developed what he calls CHOPS; Changing Homosexuals (into) Ordinary People. The logo, which I got at his website, just gives me a hard on looking at it. Seriously, this thing is homo-genius! The devil is in your underpants, but God is in your mind! I am almost on my way to being saved! Coming down from my cynicism, and despite the uber-gay logo, I don’t see how his “innovative” “new” strategy of forcing God down my throat to make me hate myself is going to “change” me, or anyone into an “ordinary” person (I already am ordinary?!). Perhaps there is something I don’t know… like maybe Donnie is a wizard or something, because according to his site, he implies that his program has the ability to change the feelings you have towards people of the same sex, and help you to stop acting on those feelings. I mean, he did it! To be honest, that sounds like magic to me, because I am pretty sure that Donnie’s program won’t do anything more teach the same self-hatred he has had for himself all these years. I would love to ask him if he still feels sexual feelings about other men, because I can bet the farm he does (and remember Donnie, lying is a sin!).

What you forget, Donnie, is that according to your Bible, God doesn’t hate “fags” (in fact, I don’t think that word is in the Bible), and He actually says that he loves everyone… oh wait, that’s Jesus, but since Jesus is God, there is no need to split hairs. Perhaps God may hate things like ingrown hairs, mosquitoes, and melted ice cream, but I am pretty sure he doesn’t hate homosexuals; because if he created us, how could an infallible God (under the Bible’s definition) do something wrong? Whatever God said and did is why we are here the way we are, right? And he isn’t wrong, right? So being gay is a-okay! Right? In fact, he probably doesn’t hate those other things either… since, according to your Bible, He created them!! Woohoo! God is awesome. God likes everything. What a swell supreme being. I sure as hell am glad he made me the way I am!! Thanks dude!

Seriously, I don’t care whether you “agree” with homosexuality or not, Donnie, but at least have the guts to stop hiding behind religious oppression, as an excuse for your natural feelings about men (trust me… been there, done that. Not fun). If you don’t want to act on them, fine, but don’t go around spreading hateful messages about those of us that choose to act on our natural feelings. Well, you know what, actually, I take that back. You should go on doing what you are doing, because if you keep it up in the way that you have started (via the spotty, poorly developed website), the majority of people that can think for themselves will just see you as an idiot anyway; especially those that have any level of education, and have a reading level above the 2nd grade.

I honestly feel sorry for people like Donnie, who just can’t be happy, and because of their denial and self-hatred, have to “go on a mission” to “save” the world from the thing they are most afraid of: being themselves. Why don’t you just focus on making the world a better place for everyone, without the hate part, Donnie? Because I am pretty sure that would be more of what God would want. I just hate that there are people out there that will think programs like this can change them, and so they will go down that road of self hatred, right along with Donnie. What I wouldn’t give to help people realize that being gay is okay; I know that someone helping me would have been great… luckily, I came to be happy with myself on my own.

A final aside: I find it incredibly hilarious that this site (his ministry site) goes on and on about censorship, because MySpace took down his hateful site, when one of the main goals of people like Donnie is to stop certain things from reaching the public (via things like free speech and freedom of expression). I for one am glad to see that MySpace does have some standards in the content (well, that may be going a bit far) they allow, but do believe that Donnie has the right to say what he wants; so long as he realizes that with the right to freedom, you get the whole shebang… not just the little niche that protects racists and bigots from screaming their hate all over the world. (which a lot of you pointed out when I got all pissy about the anti-gay billboard)

I wrote this post mainly because it was a silly example of the craziness that goes on in this world, and I had a good laugh at the ignorance of this person; and thought you might as well. I honestly feel sorry for Donnie, and others like him, because one of the worst things you can do to yourself is deny who you are and turn that into self hatred. What a pity.

go J.Hud!!1!!!1! and hanky panky (well, the talk of)

So, basically, I have been going nuts over Dreamgirls for a while here on the blog, and last night, the Golden Globes recognized our girl Jennifer Hudson as the best supporting actress!! You go girl! I am so happy for her, because it was definitely not her time when she was voted off AI, and this just goes to show that sometimes, not winning doesn’t mean the end. I certainly hope she can parlay this into a successful career, because we need more people like her around!

You would think, though, like a good little queer, I would have been hosting a fabulous GG party last night to partake in the festivities and cheer on the aforementioned diva, but interestingly enough, we did have people over, but none of us watched TV. In fact, we all just hung out in the living room and talked. It was actually quite nice. It was like getting to know your friends, which is just interesting, because, well, we are all friends already, but sometimes you learn things about each other by talking (that’s right! No TV, talking, WTF?!?!111!!). It reminded me of when we waited all night outside Target for the Wii… same thing as last night, but there was more drinking last night, and it was not cold. And, well, we weren’t sitting outside a Target all night long.

What was interesting about last night, though, was that the conversation quickly made a turn when we decided to have a rousing game of “never have I ever…”. Needless to say, it was quite fun to see who had done what, and who hadn’t done it at all. I learned a lot about what goes on in some of my friend’s bedrooms, and what has gone on in public places as well. While it was fun, and definitely interesting, I have to say that I solidified something that I only sort of believed about myself: I am definitely a prude when it comes to sex. Most of my friends have done this, that, and the other, by themselves, with one, two, or three, and well, me, I just haven’t. Of course I have done the deed, but for the most part, I am pretty vanilla when it comes to hanky panky.

Now, I am not saying that there is a “requirement” to do more things sexually, or need to be more sexually “adventurous”, but I never went through the so-called “whore” phase when I came out, and as such, haven’t really done that much sexually (because supposedly, this is when most gay men reach a sexual awakening, and go, well, buck wild). Mostly, this is because of my thoughts on sex, a lot of which stems from my upbringing, where I didn’t learn anything about sex until I found it out on my own. Couple that with good old fashioned guilt about everything, and you have someone that thought for the longest time that sex before marriage was a big old sin that should never be committed. Sure, it may be a sin, but I really, really was against it. Thank goodness that I am not so weird about it any more, but I still can’t seem to shake that little “oh no! we couldn’t do that!!!” bird that sits on my shoulder, and to this day, I really don’t know where it came from (or why it won’t go away!). But I guess I can say this; I have been a careful boy. I am safe today as a result. That is a definite plus. But, I can’t help but feel like I may have missed out on some stuff. Now, I know it is never too late, but that little bird is still there, so I don’t know how much I will (if ever) do differently. Now, I am not fretting or anything, and it is definitely c’est la vie for sure, because it is, after all, just sex, but it was interesting to find out that my thoughts that I may be Prudence McPrude was actually a pretty spot on reality. It doesn’t change how much I think about sex, or how much I love looking at the mens, but it definitely curbs my actions. I guess you could say that I am definitely a think-before-you-act kinda guy… and maybe that isn’t SO bad.

maybe there’s hope after all

In light of today’s NJ supreme court decision to recognize same-sex unions, I would like to think that this is just one more symbol of hope that one day it will really happen for us in this country. I know that it has happened and subsequently been overturned in other states, and is still up for discussion in others (including NJ, pending further legislature decision), but even baby steps give me hope. And hope is a big thing, no matter how small it is.

Also, given that I did end up disagreeing with many people about the billboard (even though I do agree they deserve their free speech, just as long as it doesn’t attempt to spread hate… but then again, that is my opinion, and I am fine with people not sharing it), it is good to see that there are some positive things happening for the gay community in this country; even in the presence of those attempting to denounce and change us. While I know that it is definitely the minority that continually try and push us down and feel inferior by demeaning us and taking away our rights, we can keep striving for equality, and sometimes see a glimpse of it. And that is hope, no matter how many times it comes around, or how small it is; just so long as it does.

I just want there to be a time in my life where I can hold my partner’s hand, walk down the street with wedding bands on, and truly be recognized as a legitimate couple. I want us to be able to see each other in the hospital without a piece of paper giving us the right to. If one of us dies, I want our property to be passed to that person without them having to pay taxes on it, because our union would recognize that it was theirs to begin with. That is my hope.

I just want us to keep moving forward. And the joy in the picture that CNN used in the article discussing the decision says it all; we just want the opportunity to be together, and to honestly be left alone. I just want a life with my partner, and for he to have a life with me… hell, we may even increase the marriage success rates!!! (we hope, right?!)

should there be some regulation on things like this?

I was driving up 85 North yesterday, and much to my dismay, I saw a billboard with the words “Questioning Homosexuality?” in bright white judgemental letters emblazoned for all to see. Needless to say, I was quite offended, because I knew that this ad references a “cause” that attempts to “save” homosexuals from themselves, by showing us that we don’t have to be gay, that it is a choice. But beyond my frustration that people actually still think that homosexuality is a choice, and beyond my fury and rage that this hatred and bigotry is plastered in huge display on such a major highway, was that it was even allowed to be put there in the first place. Shouldn’t there be some regulations on what can be advertised? The reason I feel this way, is because if ads like this are allowed without regulation, ANY ad that condemns a certain group of people, by offering “conversion tactics”, should also be allowed. If I had the money, I should be able to advertise a “de-Christianization” camp, shouldn’t I? But we all know, that my ad would be considered hateful, and would never be allowed. So why is the aforementioned ad up there for all to see? I just don’t understand how one-sided things can be so widely advertised as a true “alternative”, when it is really a message of ignorance, judgement, and worst of all, hate. Also, why does the city of Atlanta allow such a blatant display of discrimination, slander, misinformation, and bigotry against homosexuals in a such a conspicuous place? Why doesn’t the city have regulations on what can and cannot be advertised on billboards (or anywhere else), and if they do, why don’t these regulations contain language that would protect people from being targeted and subsequently hurt by slanderous messages?

I just don’t understand it. I don’t understand why there is this mission to “save” us. There is nothing wrong with homosexuality, and if you believe that there is, then don’t have gay sex, thus making yourself homosexual. Don’t have gay thoughts, then you won’t have to worry about being homosexual! BUT, DO NOT take your ignorance out on the rest of us, and preach hate and disguise it as “religious love”. I feel sorry for anyone that truly believes this filth.

Here is an image taken from the website (link below) of the company that has paid for this billboard:

if you want to see the hateful billboard yourself, it is on 85 right around Freedom Parkway. I for one hope this billboard is taken down immediately, because advertising that homosexuality is a choice, and offering programs to “de-program” us is shameful and hateful. This is why we are moving so slowly forward in our quest for equality; there are people that are still on a quest to change us, and if we don’t conform, they deny and hate us. I just don’t get how being gay can be so threatening to anyone other that oneself (being that, it is harmful to oneself, only if they remain internally closeted and hurt themselves, which is unfortunate, but does occur.)

Here is the website for the hateful company that is responsible for this billboard. Here is the hateful, slanderous event that they are advertising, which will happen on Nov. 4. I for one hope that anyone that does attend this event doesn’t believe the lies that they are spreading about homosexuality.

What are your thoughts?