Category: that is so gay

So today is September 11th. Definitely filled with thoughts and memories. Sad for those that lost people on this very day just 5 years ago. Also wondering to myself why we don’t have this day off of work; after all, it is the least we can do to honor the memory of those lost, it was, after all, the biggest tragedy in American history (arguably), right? I’m just saying.

Also, today is one month from (thanks John!) national coming out day. I’m gay. So, I’m out now. But you already knew that. It is good to be out in life, though, and not have to carry around those feelings of being alone, scared, and be filled with self-hatred for who you are. I honestly think about that on this day, because I know that there are several other people struggling with coming to terms with their own sexuality, and are going through what can only be described as the hardest thing I ever went through. I only wish that just the act of coming out that first time was enough; as many other gay people know, we have to come out every time we are anywhere, just to be who we are, and we are always subject to judgement and discrimination based on that. But let’s not think about that today… Out and proud baby! (yeah, so I thought it was today when I wrote this. Oh well, I am human.)

I had a lot of fun this weekend, and it seems that I have been filling up my weekends with dinners and drinking with friends. I love that, and I hope to keep the trend going. I also said goodbye to a good friend this weekend; he is moving back to live with his parents and sort some things out in his life. I wish him all the best, and know that he has done the hardest part already; he is taking care of himself, and not ignoring his problems. I am so proud of him. (I know he is reading this… so, know that I am proud of YOU.) Love ya buddy. Hope you can come back soon.

As for everything else, it is just a Monday, folks! Can’t wait till it’s over!

LANCE BASS IS GAY!

Oh.

My.

God.

This is such a shock to me. Anyone else?

And I love that he said that the reason he didn’t come out sooner, is because he was afraid it would hurt the band. I wonder if he knows that the band that he was in was called N*Sync. That’s right, a teenage boy band that sings pop music and wears metrosexual clothes and makes money by being on the cover of Teen Beat and other teeny-bopper magazines baring their chests and abs?? Sure, they had legions of screaming girls as fans, but, um, I would go out on a limb and guess that most of the rest of their fans were gay men. Yeah, I don’t think that any of those people (especially us) would have been hurt (or surprised) if he came out. But, I know what it is like to come out, and I am glad that he has the courage to do it. Way to go Lance! Also, it is great that he is dating that hot piece of meat Reichen Lehmkuhl! You go Lance! And here’s my official welcome to the club!!!

A friend of mine and I were having a discussion yesterday about the whole issue of why gay marriage was so threatening to so many heterosexual people, and just conversing back and forth about the whole issue when she said what her main theory was; and it totally made sense. She said that she believed that the reason gay marriage is so threatening to so many people, is not because it would “disrupt the institution of marriage”, or not even because it would allow us to have the same rights as other people. She said that it was because if we were allowed to marry, it would mean that eventually, we would become more visible with our relationships, and move towards being more open about the existence of those relationships. Gay people would begin to look like a couple when in public; because they would be recognized as a couple by law. We would begin to become more visible, and as such, would cement our place in mainstream society as something more than a sexual deviant or a queeny comic relief.

And you know what, I think she is right. The prospect of seeing two gay men holding hands strolling down the street is such a powerful image to some people that it can drive people to violence; it already has. I think that by “allowing” gay marriage to become legal, the threat of that image becoming more and more mainstream, and the possibility of gay people finding themselves represented more in society in a normal way is just too threatening to some people; more than “upholding the institution of marriage” (whatever that means… 50% divorce rate anyone?). What do you all think? It is an interesting idea, and one that I hadn’t really thought of before. I never made the connection, but honestly wonder, could this be it? Could this be the biggest threat to the legalization of gay marriage; mainstreaming, and thereby providing a more visible presence, of homosexuality? Hmmm… thoughts?

This year’s pride wasn’t as exciting or entertaining as previous years, but that had a lot to do with the weather (Friday, the stage blew over, and Sunday, there was a torrential downpour during and after the parade) and well, my getting older (i.e., not able to drink all day AND night). But overall, I had a great time hanging out with friends, and enjoying the crowds. Saturday was the main day for us, and it was hotter than I believe it could ever be without the risk of me melting, but we managed to hang out in the park most of the day. After he left us, a good friend of mine did his part in getting back at the hateful protesters that always accompany pride. Here’s a picture of him doing us proud:

He apparently stood out there for about an hour, and endured this man pushing him in the back and saying hateful things to him the whole time. That was a pretty awesome thing to do, Josh.

Overall, I love that we have pride, and that it is such a big affair here every year. I hope that it only continues to grow, and we can continue to celebrate our diversity, and pride for who we are. It also gives me a warm feeling to know that there are that many GLBT people out there that come together on pride, and even more so that there are so many straight supporters celebrating with us, as well. Now if we could just get a year where it doesn’t rain… Perhaps next year!

Similar, but not too similar, to my thoughts on pride, a fellow atlblogger decided to say some pretty mean things about me after I said that he was self-hating because of his constant negative critique of anything and everything gay, and I know that there are at least a few of you that are interested in my response. Well, my response is that it makes me wonder about someone that continually portrays themselves as dissatisfied and unhappy with practically anything related to being gay, or gay culture (in that it may represent our culture outwardly to the overall society in ways that other people may or may not approve of), that doesn’t feel that his critique at least gives the illusion of self-hatred or denial; based on his affliation with said group. Wanting something to be “better” or “more representative” doesn’t come across through constant critique and judgement. Many of us don’t see the portrayal of, or expression of, “stereotypical” or “negative” representations of gay culture as necessarily weakening our “political movement” or “our cause”. To me, and the reason I made the statement to him, pride weekend is about a celebration of who we are, warts and all, not a political forum for furthering the “gay agenda”. If it represents us as anything, in my opinion it shows that we are just as diverse as “mainstream” society, and that while some may see us as deviant, we celebrate our uniqueness in the way that we know how; after all, something that differentiates us from the “mainstream” based on sex (the act of, not biological) carries certain sexual expressions and representations, to expect otherwise is a recipe for disappointment. I am also a believer that practically any representation of us in the media (albeit, positive, not negative) is a good thing, because it normalizes us even more, and that only the ignorant will truly believe that all gays are limp wristed nellies. If my call about him was off-kilter, it was simply a response to the many negative critiques that serve as the evidence I have seen on his blog thus far. Furthermore, I will end this by saying that I now realize that my first mistake was giving a rats ass about anything he had to say, and that I will not be making this mistake in the future. Obviously, I, along with many others, tend to get confused when people constantly critique and talk down about something they are a part of, while what they actually mean, is that they support and want to improve it. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Last night, I watched the LIfetime movie, A Girl Like Me, which was about the life, and tragic death, of Gwen Araujo. After watching that movie, it reminded me just how unsafe we can be, and just how cruel both people and society can be towards the GLBT community. Unfortunately, transgendered people carry the biggest burden when simply trying to be themselves in life, and as expressed by Gwen’s story, that burden can end in tragedy. But the tragedy here, to me, is not only her horrible death, but it is that the men that beat her, strangled her to death, and then buried her received very small prison sentences and penalties for such a heinous and violent hate crime. The jury was not convinced that the people that killed Gwen killed her because she was trangendered. But what other reason did they beat her and strangle her to death? I ask seriously, what other reason? It just doesn’t make sense.

I believe that this is honestly the reason that I get so defensive when people try and call homosexuality and transgenderedness a choice; it is the biggest slap in the face for someone to deny how hard someone struggles just to be themselves and feel normal against all odds, by calling that struggle simply a choice. Gwen, and many like her, just tried to be herself, and people killed her for it. They killed her because they were too afraid of who she was, and that is just something that I can’t believe. I can’t believe it, because I would like to believe that people are better than that. I would like to believe that people possess compassion and understanding; more than judgement and hate. People must stop this madness of hating (and even killing) what is different; what they do not understand. People have got to learn acceptance, which to me, doesn’t seem that difficult of a concept to master. So why do things like this still happen?

If people want to live in a world where we maintain freedom, justice, love, and even Religious morality, then we have all got to stop being so fucking hateful. Movies like this are a chilling reminder that many of us are not safe, and beg us to wonder just why we can’t be. I hope that things can change. I hope that hate crime legislation and law can become stricter. I hope that people like the ones that killed Gwen are actually charged with the hate crimes they commit; because if they don’t, we all remain in danger because of who we are. I feel sorry for Gwen and her family, because no one should have to endure such torture and punishment; just because of who they are.

why I fucking hate W:

“Ages of experience have taught us that the commitment of a husband and wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society”

Gay marriage is back on the chopping block (conveniently in time for elections… hmmm), and I view this as a direct form of hatred against me. I don’t care what you think about Bush, or how you look at it, but it is undeniable that this is bigotry and hatred, and makes my fucking skin crawl. AND, for that reason, if for no other reason, I hate that fucker.

Now, let’s dissect what he is saying here, and really examine what is really being “upheld” and “protected” by this ban on gay marriage:
1) “commitment of a husband and wife to live and serve one another” — um, how does that change when gays get married? IT DOESN’T!!!!!!! Unless, you are fucking a gay person on the side, and well, that is your issue, not all of ours, ass.
2) “promotes the welfare of children” — If you are so worried about the welfare of our children, start showing us!!! Bush, you don’t give a shit about the kids, right? Because if you did, then you would actually start properly funding the programs that support them. This would be a great place to start showing us that you actually DO care about kids, as opposed to using a hot button issue that furthers your own religious agenda.
3) “the stability of society” — So you are telling me that gay marriage is so powerful that it can unhinge the very stability of society (at that straight marriage, even at it’s current 50% failure rate, will maintain it?)? Well Goddamn! That is a powerful fucking ability we gays may have!! You must stop that! We wouldn’t want things like disappearing social security, absence of national health-care (with more than 15% of people without health insurance), a war with no exit strategy, demonization of immigrants, or an insane deficit to occur (because I can argue certifiably that these things, without a doubt, are essentially threatening the stability of society) because of gay marriage… oh wait, that um, has happened without our help. You did all that on your own. So leave us the fuck alone, asshole, and stop treating gay marriage like it a bigger problem than actually taking care of the shit that is going down right now! Maybe you should look more at your priorities than gay marriage! Gee for someone who is so against the gays, you sure do think about us a lot.

Can’t everyone just realize that we want one thing with legal gay marriage, and it is TO BE LEFT THE FUCK ALONE!?!?! Why is that so very hard to comprehend? Jesus! And people still wonder why I don’t support the president, and why I am willing to buy a CD of people who don’t as well… well, now you know!!! And for the record, because I know that there are those of you out there that will be all, “but it isn’t just the president” blah blah blah. Save it. I know there are a lot of cruel and evil fuckers that have their hand in this too, I am not excluding them, but HE said this. HE believes this, and HE is pushing this. So HE is the one that I can direct my disgust at, after all, he is throwing hatred at me; fairs fair.

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Basically, this post is a venting that comes from a back and forth “debate” I have been in with someone calling themselves “right winger”, on the Boy Scouts post from a few days ago. Basically, this person has taken it upon themselves to inform me that homosexuality is a choice, and that it is wrong. Even though I have informed right winger that to say that is ignorant and judgemental, s/he still insists that homosexuality is a choice and is, again, wrong (according to his/her beliefs), and that because other people have those beliefs, that is isn’t ignorant or bigoted. Well, this may come as a shock, but I wholeheartedly disagree; and here’s why.

Homosexuality is no more a choice than heterosexuality. I know this, because I didn’t choose to be homosexual; I just am. The same way that people that are heterosexual are just heterosexual. To suggest that homosexuality is a choice, is suggesting that heterosexuality is also a choice, and I don’t think that is something that heterosexuals like right winger are prepared to own up to. Right winger compares the “choice” of homosexuality and the participation in homosexual behavior to things like alcoholism and smoking, but what right winger doesn’t seem to understand, is that even alcoholism has ties to genetics, and it also suggests that if a heterosexual man were given enough penis, and exposure to homosexual activity, then he would potentially develop an addiction (pun definitely intended) to it and “turn” homosexual. I doubt that right winger would want to admit that part, though.

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Yesterday, I talked about a legislation that I felt was important because it fights discrimination. Some said that a law that prevents it (more specifically, a law that requires inclusion) wasn’t necessary. Well, the following example of that very same discrimination tells me that it certainly is.

When my buddy Josh sent me an email about how Bank of America withdrew it’s funding from a local Boy Scouts troop, and the response to that withdrawal, I just sit here and wonder why people care so much about being bigots. I just wonder what is so threatening about being inclusive, understanding, and compassionate to diversity. I just wonder why those concepts are so threatening, and damning, that they must be treated as they are. Basically, here’s the deal, Bank of America sent this local Valdosta Boy Scout troop a letter saying:

Under the non-discrimination policy, the Bank of America Charitable Foundation cannot provide funding to any organization that practices discrimination on the basis of race, religion, color, sex, sexual orientation, age, national origin, ancestry, citizenship, or veteran or disability status. The Boy Scouts’ current employment and membership practices do not comply with this policy.

Basically, Bank of America told them, since you have a discrimination policy on the books (in this case, against homosexuality) then you gets no money. Nada. None. Not from us, anyway, because we don’t believe in discrimination. Way to go Bank of America! Way to stand up for what you believe in, and show that discrimination of any sort has no place in this country! Way to stand up and send a message to an organization that regularly and continually teaches values of imposed morality and discrimination that you refuse to fund such shit as that. Thank you Bank of America for having my (and every other minority’s… did you see that long list..) back. (more after the jump)

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Right now, the California senate is proposing a bill (that has to be signed by the Govenator) to insert information about sexual orientation, where appropriate, in school history books. In essence, they are advocating teaching about sexual orientation in schools, in an effort to highlight the contributions of gays and lesbians, as well as give gays and lesbians a place in history. This debate, obviously since it is in regards to anything gay, is getting a bunch of parents up in arms in California, and honestly, it just pisses me off. But, you ask, “duane, why does it matter??” Because, the Senate is obviously trying to make inclusion and acceptance part of the curriculum (surprise! who would have thought we need more of that?), and there are parents out there that are showing us that they prefer ignorance and deniability to compassion and understanding. I think the reason that it pisses me off most, is because mainly, if the same were to be said about the contributions of women, blacks, Hispanics, or any other minority group, it would just be unthinkable and a blatant act of bigotry; but when it comes to sexual orientation, it is a debate as to whether you should include anything about a person’s true self, or not. And that just isn’t right.

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