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presumably something for everyone!

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Happy Monday kids!!! So, things are a bit all over the place in my brain today, so I thought I would just jot it all down, and put it out there; since I am sure that there is a little something for everyone. Perhaps it will cure your boredom, or at least give you something to think about! Here we go… ready?

  • I have been listening to Muse, Zwan, and a lot of ROCK lately. I am enjoying the hell out of it too; it totally reminds me of my alternative/rock days where Weezer and Smashing Pumpkins were all I listened to. For some reason, people find it odd that I love hard rock, but alas, there it is. To continue that thought, I cannot wait until July 24th; Guitar Hero Encore: Rocking The 80s comes out. I will be at Best Buy that day getting my copy. Want to come over and play? Hopefully, that can calm my intense hunger for Guitar Hero III; which I should probably be saving up for, since I have to get everything for the Wii.
  • This is fantastic news. I am really happy when justice is truly served. This guy didn’t deserve to go to jail for a consensual sex act; no one does. I am happy to see that he is finally free; although, the prosecutors are seeking an appeal. Ugh, leave the kid alone, he has already done 2 years in jail for no reason.
  • This is like my nightmare. I love roller coasters, and have always thoroughly enjoyed them, but this type of thing just scares me. I know it is highly unlikely, but still, I can’t imagine being stuck at the top of Acrophobia at Six Flags over Georgia for that long. I would pass out, piss myself, and probably have an aneurysm while they were trying to save us. That is probably why I don’t ride that one anymore; it is too much for me to handle, and I heard that it actually did get stuck at the top once, and they had to manually lower it. Fuck that. I feel bad for those people, because they are probably ruined on roller coasters now.
  • Here’s the only thing you will hear from me about the whole Paris Hilton thing: Paris, none of us think for a second that you are just “acting” dumb. You are dumb. And rich. And that is the only reason why anyone even pays you any attention. Just do your time for the crime you committed, and move on. I am certainly sick and tired of hearing about you and your grossly over-privileged ass.
  • Apparently, there are drugs in the water in Albania. I mean, that is the only way I can truly understand why these people think that Bush is such a symbol of democracy. Those in Rome had a better idea of exactly who he is; and it is sad that there are still herds of people that are blinded by how awful this man and his presidency truly have been and continue to be. Also, how can people really trust someone who doesn’t bother remembering his position on things? This is someone that we are trusting to keep us safe, and he can’t even remember his position on global affairs and foreign policies. Yikes. I am awe that people still think he is doing a great job; this is just another example of how out of it he really is.
  • This is just creepy, but it is immensely informative. I watched the video for my car, and I was pleased to see that it crashes “well”. One of the biggest selling features for my car was the air bags and the safety features. Any of you that live and drive in Georgia know that you have to be protected from these assholes that love to fly down the road, talking on their cell phones, and not paying attention to anything. It still blows my mind that people don’t take driving more seriously; you are gambling with your life people!
  • There is a whole mess of hotness out there these days; and I am not talking about the weather. I was at the gym the other day, and I noticed John Cena on someone’s TV, and I was reminded at how “DAYUM(!!!!)” he is. While I think the whole wrestling thing is silly, and that movie ‘The Marine’ was pretty bad, he is so fucking hot, that it is almost worth sitting through that crap to see him. What a hunk. *drool* Also, I am totally loving me some Seth Rogen. I have thought he was cute since I saw him in 40 Year Old Virgin, and now that he is all over the place because of his new movie, I am drooling over him heavy. I have to get to the theater and see Knocked Up! Man, I could seriously stare at men all day; I am definitely a visual person. Good thing there are so many hotties to look at!!! Side note: Don’t worry, Jake, you are still my number one, honey!
  • Finally, let’s end on an amazingly HIGH note: Sara Bareilles‘ album, Little Voice, is coming out July 3rd!!!!!!!!!! I am so fucking excited, because as I have said numerous times, I absolutely adore Sara, and have been following her for years. I love her music, and I am so looking forward to her getting more exposure, and hopefully the recognition she deserves. If you haven’t already, go and download her EP in iTunes. You won’t be sorry; she is one of the best singers out there, and you must do yourself a favor and check her out!!! Congrats Sara!!! I will probably blog more about this as we near the release date; as I said, I am super excited about this!

Whew! Did you get all of that!?!?! Have a great afternoon!

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happy birthday, to you!

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the perfect manToday, I want to take a minute to post a special birthday post about someone who is extremely close to me; my man James. Today, he is 29 years old! He said that he felt he was getting old, but I just laughed, and told him that he was just getting better with age.

James and I have been together a little over 3 and 1/2 years, and I am so glad to have someone so special in my life. This week has been all about him, birthday week as we have been calling it, and I have been showering him with gifts and surprises for his big day.

Tonight, we plan on going our for Thai food (as he informed me of this morning), followed by he and I taking in a drive-in viewing of Pirates of the Caribbean (even though I would much rather see Knocked Up with that cutie Seth Rogen). Really, the whole goal is just to make him feel like his special day is all about him; and to let him know how much he really means to me.

I love you baby! Happy Birthday, James!

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my bright, shiny, tattoo idea

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Red Panda (Ailurus Fulgens), originally uploaded by Edgar Thissen.

James had a stroke of genius last night when I asked him if he had any ideas for my tattoo; a panda bear with bamboo. Now, it sounds simple, but I built on that idea, coming up with something that I am truly excited about.

See the little fella pictured here? That is one of the most unique animals in the world; the red panda. This little cutie is what I want. But that’s not all; I want a red panda, atop bamboo stalks, perhaps in a “crouching tiger, hidden dragon” style. Maybe a panda-ninja. Either way, I want it to be more realistic than cartoon, and I think that this is something that Russ can totally rock out. I have seen some of the sick designs that he has done with off the wall ideas like this, and I hope that he will be enthusiastic about what I have chosen.

Now, since it was an epiphany type decision, I am going to sit on it for a bit, but I am honestly excited every time I think about it. When I started thinking about things I wanted tattooed, I was thinking about something like I got when I got my half-sleeve; things that meant something to me, or represented some part of me or my life.

This little guy is perfect, because the panda (both giant and red) represent conservation and the preservation of endangered species internationally. That was one of the ideas I was looking at trying to represent, so I am totally excited. I love animals, and this one is just too cute. I really hope that Russ will be into this, and I am excited to see what he could come up with.

More details to come when they are available. I hope that everyone is having a great week; despite how insanely hot it is. At least it rained a little bit this afternoon… Which is interesting, because I never thought I would care about such a thing. I guess getting older does that to you. Oh well…

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see, I told you I would give praise where it was due…

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Today, I am going to write a post PRAISING George W. Bush. That’s right, you heard me correctly. I am going to praise him for something wonderful he has done. Something that is so close to my heart, and my life’s cause, that I can’t let it go by without acknowledgement. Does this mean that I think that this nullifies all of his other fuck ups? No, but it does mean that I can definitely see good where it truly shines; and today, that is in Bush’s recent requests from Congress.

Yesterday, Bush requested that Congress authorize $30 billion dollars to combat AIDS, and to provide medications for those afflicted with the disease. This money would go towards stopping AIDS worldwide, and providing medications for those that cannot afford it, in areas that are too poor to afford outrageous pharmaceutical mark ups. This is in addition to the $15 billion that he asked for back in 2003, and shows a clear and concentrated effort to truly help those afflicted with AIDS worldwide. This is amazing coming from the president, especially when you consider, that Reagan never even said the world AIDS during his presidency. Truly a monumental achievement to have our president focused on such an amazingly humanitarian effort.

I am honestly speechless that this amazingly large support for ending AIDS worldwide comes from a president that still touts abstinence only as the only method we can use in teaching our children how to prevent HIV infection in the states. At least somewhere in him, he realizes that the need for more than that is real, and as such, he is actually working with world leaders to make this a global effort.

There are critics to his plan, that focus on the fact that this is not enough money to truly make the type of dent that is necessary to take control of the epidemic. While I do agree that it is not enough, and while I see where they are coming from, I think that Bush has the right idea; it is important for every nation that can throw money at this thing to throw money at it. It can’t be something that the US does alone; if we want to stop it worldwide, we have got to use the rest of the world to do it with us. I for one, am excited to see what comes out of the upcoming global summit, with regards to what other top nations are going to offer as well. I will also have my attention focused on what Bush says about climate change, but we won’t get into that today, because I want to focus on the positive.

Bush, you have done a great thing. Even if one of your main motivators is giving the US good face, since we have been responsible for the killing of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis, it is STILL a good thing. I do, however, find it extremely odd that Christians, and Christian conservatives are so willing to embrace these efforts to help those that need it most in developing nations, when they continue to turn their backs on the people right at their doorsteps. I also find it weird that the focus on ridding the world of AIDS seems to be solely focused on the developing world, when it is still a real problem here in the US. I know that you can’t always have your cake and eat it too, and I certainly don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth, so these are things that I will just silently ponder; because while they are still important points, I don’t want to shit on the good that is being done with this initiative.

Again, THANK YOU Mr. Bush for showing that you have a compassionate bone in your body. Perhaps, this effort for the US to provide more generosity (even if it is only for the sake of saving face) will spill over into other issues, and we can continue to do more good in the world; perhaps so much, that we can stop doing the bad things, and focus solely on the good things. This is the direction we need to be going in as a nation, and I for one, am glad to see that not only are we capable of doing it, but there is at least some momentum that is going in that direction; even if it is only a little bit. If we want to have a great nation, we have to have it in a great world, and the only way we are going to make that happen, is through leadership, support, and compassion. The only way to make ourselves truly great, is to help those that we can, and do what is right.

(source; for the image too)

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reflections on memorial day

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To date, there have been 3455 (source) men and women that have died during this war. Today, I think of them, their families, and those whose lives have been changed by their deaths. We must all remember these that have died, especially on today. I for one, hope that this number becomes locked, and that no more are added, and that we can bring the rest of our troops home safe and sound. That is also what I hope most on this memorial day.

While today is designated as a day of memorial, I think that attention should also be paid to those that didn’t die, but were wounded in this war. To date, there have been 23549 (source) men and women that have been wounded, many of which are without limbs, genitalia, faces, ears, etc. This number does not account for those that have returned, and suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, and other consequences of fighting in Iraq. I have a friend that was among that number, who was seriously injured when a mortar attack struck near his base. He received shrapnel to the stomach, and underwent serious surgery, and a month of recuperation, before being redeployed. My friend is okay today, but I know that there are others that are apart of all of our lives that need to be thanked immensely for their sacrifice and the pain they endured. Additionally, I want him, and all those wounded, to know that I sincerely appreciate everything that you sacrificed for us, even though I don’t agree with the war, I do fully and wholeheartedly support you for doing what you were told would protect us.

Thank you. Today, and everyday, you will be in my thoughts, prayers, and you will continue to shape my politics regarding this war. I personally want to thank all of those that have sacrificed, as well as those families that have been affected.

Today shouldn’t be about hot dogs, burgers, and flying the flag; it should be about respect, honor, memory, and gratitude; and I for one am focusing on the latter. Hope that your memorial day has a similar level of perspective and graciousness. Additionally, let it be known, that because I focus on the current deaths and injuries of our military, that it does not mean I belittle or neglect those that have died and been injured in the past. I hope that all those that have served, and have been affected by their service, receive the attention, gratitude, and love that they deserve, especially today. Today is your day.

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Shiny Toy Guns @ The Loft ATL 5/25/07

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Shiny Toy Guns @ The Loft ATL 5/25/07, originally uploaded by duanecmoody.

So, as I mentioned yesterday afternoon, we had the pleasure of seeing the fantastical Shiny Toy Guns, live, at The Loft, last night.

First of all, if you haven’t been to the Loft, it is really tiny, and it is actually a kind of cool place to see a band, because you can literally get right up front if you want. I managed to find a great spot right over on the right side of the stage, and I stayed there all night.

I took tons of pictures, all of which you can see on my flickr page. If you click the picture above, it will take you to the flickr page for that picture, and then you should see a set over on the right. If you want to see all of them, I suggest you check it out. I managed to get some pictures I really liked.

One final note about the show, while Shiny Toy Guns were AMAZING, and totally lived up to my every desire and exceeded every one of my expectations, the bands that opened for them were total shit. I don’t know if they picked them, but the band that went on before them was especially bad. They were called Hourly Radio, and I don’t get why so many people in the audience liked them; I know bad music when I hear it. Oh well, to each their own.

If we didn’t have to sit through the opening bands, the night would have been perfect. I will definitely want to see Shiny Toy Guns again in the future.

Side note: If you are at the Loft, and you want a liquor drink, getting the larger size is only $1 more. Good to know.

Hope everyone is having a kick ass Saturday!

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to my WONDERFUL fans…

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Well, to my one-derful, kind-of-internet-stalker, fan. I wanted to write this post as a symbol of my gratitude, and as a way to bestow a huge THANKS(!1!!!11!!) for his continued love and attention! I am so flattered that I don’t even know where to begin…

Perhaps it could best be described by a monologue, from a scene in the 1981 movie, based on the best-selling memoir of Christina Crawford, titled Mommie Dearest. The scene I speak of, is the one where Joan, after staying home from the awards show, comes out to greet the press and her fans who are waiting outside of her house, to accept the Academy Award for Best Actress she has just won for Mildred Peirce:

I would rather be here with you than anywhere else in the world!
You, all of you here, and everywhere, gave me this award tonight.
And I accept it from you, and only you.
I love all of you!

This is such a wonderful sentiment, that I am clearly speechless, and extremely touched! Now, while, I know that in my case, the award I am receiving isn’t an Academy Award, I do know, that it is as equally flattering and wonderful: my award is constant idolatry and attention, from the one and only atlmalcontent.

I am truly happy to know that even though there are people who are insecure and unhappy with themselves, by distracting themselves in worshiping the rest of us, who are trying our best just to be happy and live our lives, they start to feel a little better inside. I am honestly flattered by the whole thing, to be honest, even though in this case, it has proven to be sort of a love/hate crush (he says he hates me, but his constant attention and obsession proves that he really loves me), that has definitely had its ups and downs in the past. But, from now, and through the future, things will be different. Please don’t mistake this post as sarcasm, ladies and gents, this sort of love doesn’t come around everyday (or does it?), and I for one, am extremely flattered that I could stay so constant in someones mind, that they would literally think of me so much and so often, that I am literally always on the tip of their tongue. I am honestly a bit ashamed that I never acknowledged it on this grand of a scale before now. I don’t want to let my fans think that I don’t appreciate their love; especially not this fan in particular.

Now, I know that I am, according to him, an “easy target”, and you know, I guess he is right. I believe that label really applies to anyone that just lives their lives, trying their best to be happy with what they have been given. It is true; we will always be easy targets to those whose lives are driven by the quest to focus solely on finding what they deem “wrong”, “beneath them”, and somehow “messed up” in the world. Sadly, this continual quest on which they travel, is merely a distraction from what they are ashamed of within themselves, and echoes the true grip their insecurities have on their lives. It is important for this type of person to continually belittle those of us that they deem “easy targets”, because it distracts them, even if it is only for a moment, from the daily misery that they suffer from.

What I feel that I have neglected to truly acknowledge in the past, is how important we easy targets are to these types of people, and how grateful I am, that I can provide some joy and comfort to at least one of them. I, for one, am glad that I can be that light in someones life, that they can turn to, make fun of, and somehow feel better for a moment. I am honestly honored and elated that, by trying to belittle me, poke fun of my opinions and silliness, and through constant and desperate attempts to try and tear me down, that someone can truly make themselves feel better. If I gain nothing other than that feeling of warmth and joy in my heart that comes from knowing that these attempts to portray me as less than themselves, are somehow making them feel better about their own internal misery; I have honestly gained all that I could ever ever hope for: I have gained the ability to make someones life a little bit happier, just by being myself. There are very few that can truly know that they have made a difference in someone else’s life, and even if I am only passively making someones world a brighter place, then I am extremely proud to be a part of the journey (even if the attempts to tear me down are sadly misrepresentative of who I really am).

One might think, that if I were truly “whiny, self-absorbed, ill-informed, materialistic[,] and uncultured” (as atlmalcontent, says that I am), the very person that believed these things to be true about me, wouldn’t bother with paying so much attention to me. But, it has become clear to me, now more than ever, that it is his belief that I am what he says that I am, and that this is the reason he continues to fixate on me. I think that by trying to characterize me as these things, he somehow feels better about who he is, or perhaps more importantly(?), who he is not. By convincing himself that I am what he says, and that I am somehow beneath him, he becomes (even if falsely) elevated to a place where he can feel better about himself. Knowing that this is why he tries to tear me down with constant misrepresentations, allows me gain a new perspective, and to truly appreciate, these attempts to bring some joy into his life. I am honored that I can be the one to provide that joy for him, and, even it is if only briefly, relieve him from some of his internal misery and crippling insecurity.

I am glad to know that anything and everything that I can say or do, as well as the simple fact that I am who I am, causes one to become fixated on the need to bring me (and others like me) down; even if it is only an effort to make themselves feel better. I am honestly honored and deeply touched, that I could continually bring this sort of positive energy into one’s life.

And it is this knowledge, that compels me to say thank you, atlmalcontent, thank you from the bottom of my heart, for giving me such a meaningful purpose, by bringing true moments of happiness to those like you.

I am literally grinning from ear to ear this morning from all of the love that you, atlmalcontent, continually bestow upon me. I am truly flattered, and that is why I wanted to write this little thank you post to you, my one-derful, devoted fan. Thank you again, buddy! I hope that you have an amazing day, a truly glorious weekend, and an amazing year; because you deserve it. I really mean that, I want you to be happy. I know what it is like to be plagued with insecurity and self hate, and if I can make you feel better about your own, just knowing that makes me feel good. I promise that I will do my best to bring you more “stupid” writing, and more “hilariously uncultured” quips for you to flock to, in your attempts to bring me down for your own distraction and well being. We all want to be happy, and if I can be a part of making you feel better about yourself, I am deeply honored, and want to do everything I can in making the world a better place for those like you. Luckily, all that is required of me, is my presence. Here’s to joy!

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picking up right where we left off…

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I had a great lunch today with one of my best friends in the whole world, who is pictured here with me. We met way back at the beginning of my freshman year of college, at a little university called Campbell University in the not-quite-a-town of Buies Creek, NC.

I met Margaret one night early in the school year, when we were all going to go out clubbing, and my first memories of her are of her cussing out some people, telling them she was going to kill them if they didn’t back their fucking car up (because they were blocking us in). Needless to say, I thought she was a bit crazy at that moment, but I was quickly proven wrong. Margaret and I quickly became best friends, spending almost every minute together. After our freshman year, we both left the school, but stayed in touch, much in the way you do with long distance friends; with only the occasional call or email or letter.

Over the years, even though we rarely saw each other, each time we did, it was like we just picked right up where we left off. There was never a reacquaintence awkward period; it was always right back to the best friends that were brought together way back in our freshman year.

When I was finishing my final semester at ECU, Margaret broke up with her then boyfriend, and felt like she had to move to warmer climates (away from Pennsylvania), and so she came to live with me. We lived together for about 5 months or so, and during that time, she was the very first person that I came out to. Margaret was there for one of the biggest things that has ever happened to me in my life, and I am grateful that she was the person that supported me in the way she did. I am glad that it was her that first heard me say those faithful words, “I’m gay”; because I could think of no one more suitable.

Margaret has always been one of those friends that has been there. I know that even though she and I hardly see each other, that she is just a phone call away, and that when we do meet up again, it will be just like old times. It is rare to have friends like this, that transcend time and distance, but Margaret is definitely one of those friends. It was great seeing her and her fiance’ today, and I can’t wait until our next meeting.

Until then… She is getting married next March, so I know that I will see her then for sure… so now I just need to focus on losing weight for the wedding!! Here’s to great friends like Margaret, who are always there in your life.

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fire, big steps, and a few loves

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Last night, my friend Deb stopped by to talk with me about my most recent lens that I acquired, and when we were walking them out, James casually mentions that the house behind us is on fire. Well, imagine my surprise when it was engulfed in flames! The way he mentioned it, it just seemed like it was a small fire. Either way, the house is empty, and has been since it was built. My bet, is that it was for insurance claims, as the house has been in the state of “being built” for over 2 years now. I’m just glad that no one was hurt. The response was very fast, and there were tons of fire trucks that showed up. When we came home from my friend John’s new loft (which is awesome), there was still one sitting out there. It was interesting, though, that I haven’t seen a crew at the house for about a month, and they were out there this morning when I left for work. Hmmm…. Here’s a picture that I got of the incident:
neighbor's house on fire

Today, I have a meeting at GSU, to talk with someone at the nursing school about what I need to do to get into the program, and get started in getting my nursing degree. While I am definitely nervous (this was the big step I referred to in an earlier post), I am excited. I hope that I can get started as soon as possible, because I really need to make some changes in my life. The only one that is going to do it is me. To piggyback on that, I really want to say, that it is an amazing feeling to know that you have family out there that totally support you, and love you. Those same family members want you to succeed, and want nothing more than for you to be happy. That is something that I haven’t always had (well, I have, but I experienced more of that bad, than their good), and it is great to know that it is there for me now. You know who you are, and I greatly appreciate you. When you have family problems, it is wonderful to know that there are at least a couple of people in your family that really act like family.

Finally, I am totally loving Heroes. That is like the best show ever. I can’t wait for it to come out on DVD. Also, I got a new lens for my camera, and while I was totally excited about it, after playing around with it, I don’t think that it is what I really needed, and I am going to take it back and get the EF-S 60mm f/2.8 USM macro instead. I am hoping that the return goes smoothly, because I REALLY want the macro lens. Keep your fingers crossed!

That’s about all for this Tuesday, ya’ll! Hope things are going well for everyone out there in the blogosphere!

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but what about what I need?

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… what about me?

That’s what Effie White asks of her friends in Dreamgirls, when they ask her to sacrifice for the betterment of the whole group. I have been having the same questions run through my brain lately, with regards to friends, family, acceptance, etc, and I have to say, I think that while Effie does have a point, I realize that the group has an equally valid point, as well. Effie needs her needs met, and she feels that they aren’t being seen by those in the group. Meanwhile, the group also needs their needs met, and in order for that to happen, Effie has to give in. This doesn’t make Effie selfish or a bad person, it just illustrates that in many cases, we don’t understand the dynamics of our feelings. She also illustrates that she is truly considerate, because she does bend. (well, until she breaks, but that is Dreamgirls… we are talking about me now)

I have recently taken some extensive time to evaluate what I need, and how I go about meeting those needs. I have been asking myself the above questions, and I feel like I haven’t given enough consideration to what the “group” needs. I have made the same mistake as Effie, by worrying more about my own needs, and not realizing, that my needs can be met, even if not in the way that I had expected. Additionally, and most importantly, I am ultimately in charge of meeting my own needs.

Fact of the matter is, through my reflection and examination of my current situation and feelings about friends, family, etc, I have realized that first and foremost, it is up to me to make things happen. Instead of saying, “what about me” to someone else, I need to say it to myself. I need to then realize what they have on their plate, and hopefully, we can come to some sort of middle ground. And if not, I need to realize that in the end, it is always up to me to make myself happy. It is always up to me to make myself feel good about myself; and that should be my focus.

I have got to stop seeking approval for things that need no approval. Additionally, I MUST stop seeking approval for that which has been approved of. I have got to stop worrying about what goes on in ways that I don’t understand, especially in cases when they don’t necessarily meet my needs. I realize that some of those people that I question, really do want to work with me. They really do want what’s best for the “group”, which definitely includes me. They want me to be happy, but they too realize, that the only person that can make them happy, is themselves; so they expect me to realize that, and adjust as necessary. Until now, I admit that I have been ignorantly guilty of not doing that as much as I should. I want to do better.

Given my recent introspective thought, and time spent examining how I handle things, feelings, and actions, I hope that I have reached a new place where I can start to ask myself “but what about me?”, as opposed to displacing that onto the “group”. I hope that from here on out, I can realize that it is up to me to make myself happy, and instead of questioning things too much, over-analyzing things that shouldn’t be analyzed at all, and continually seeking approval for that which has been previously approved of, I can focus more on making myself happy. I know that ultimately, these are distractions that keep me from being happy, and I inadvertently find myself doing them to people over and over again, not out of malicious intent, but out of vicious coping mechanisms that were built to deal with my childhood.

I hope that I can change… but it is going to be more than a retrospective thought process. This is going to take some time. So, Dreamgirls, please bear with me. I want what’s best for us, and I don’t want to give up on us. Know that I really care, and I am working on it. Epiphany can be a powerful thing; as it has proven to recently be. So, know that I am trying. As Effie says later in the film, “I am changing. Trying every way I can. I am changing. I’ll be better than I am.”

And you know what, I am changing. And I will be better than I am.