Category: near and dear

RIP Tammy Faye

I just wanted to write out a few thoughts, and offer my condolences to the family of Tammy Faye; a kind, gentle, beautiful, honorable, and wonderful soul. Tammy, you will be missed. You embraced the gay community, despite the hate the Christian community wanted you to push onto us. You helped people see that we were just people, just like everyone else, and there was no need to hate us because of who we are; and we love you for that. I personally am saddened by her loss, because it is saddest when the world loses someone who truly understood love and compassion; and did not discriminate how she shared it.

May you rest in peace, you sweet, beautiful soul.

I am just glad that you no longer have to suffer, because you definitely deserve eternal happiness; as you have been a shining example of what true Christianity is supposed to be about: acceptance and love.

Thank you for caring about us; I hope that you know that we certainly cared for you in return.

You will be missed, Tammy Faye.

thanks and thoughts

I wanted to say thanks to everyone that sent well wishes and stuff the other day; I was just in a weird spot, and I honestly was thinking too much for my own good. I have this incredible ability to let something minuscule turn into a huge festering thing in my mind, all because I focus too much on it. I am working on that, but it is part of what I learned in how to deal with people when I was growing up. Some of that stuff never goes away, and you just have to deal with it; perhaps that is why I find that I do get let down when I expect too much from people. My parents were good at letting me down, and yet, I naively always believed that the next time, they wouldn’t; which unfortunately, almost always ended in disappointment. I am working on getting out of that, but for now, I can only go at this pace. Thanks for listening, understanding, and being here.

Sydney is doing better, although he is very lethargic and doesn’t want to move around much. I am hoping that by the end of the weekend, he is back to his normal, energetic self. I don’t like seeing him in any pain, because he really is my “baby”, and I love him so much. I am just glad that his tests came back normal, and it appears to just be a case of upset tummy. Thanks to everyone for their thoughts about him, as well.

Other than that, there isn’t really much going on in the way of “stuff” right now. I am still in a little bit of a weird place, as it was pointed out to me that I was being a little snippy at lunch with James. I was constantly on his case about his driving, because, well, he is a very easily distracted person anyway, and I really didn’t want anything to happen to him or his car. I guess sometimes, good intentions come out bitchy. Oh well… perhaps it is the rain today? Who knows… I just know I am glad that it is Friday.

Finally, a few links with some scattered thoughts:
— Surprise! A negative review of “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” from a gay website. While I don’t really care one way or another about the movie getting good or bad reviews, it always makes me wonder about people who watch movies and criticize them, when it is clear to everyone else that the movie is going to contain the very elements that the critic negatively goes on and on about. Obviously, this movie is going to use borderline or outright negative gay stereotypes and bad humor to poke fun at what most American men see to be an uncomfortable situation; a simulated homosexual relationship between two straight men. While it may be distasteful and possibly a negative reinforcement (but probably not, since GLAAD gave it a thumbs up), if you don’t want to hear the negative gay jokes, don’t go see this movie; problem solved. I do have to say though, that I think Kevin James is absolutely adorable, and I don’t think that his part in this dumb movie will change any of that feeling from me.
Cheney will be in charge while Bush goes under for a routine colonoscopy. I would really have loved it if the news outlets had gotten creative, and came up with creatively disgusting titles to supplement this story. However, I for one don’t know how they are actually going to get in there, with that big stick shoved up his ass, and all.
— I saw this clip of Tammy Faye when she was recently on the Larry King show, and it honestly just breaks my heart to see someone so sweet and genuinely wonderful suffering like that. Hell, I don’t like seeing anyone suffer, but Tammy Faye is good, and she totally has had our backs for a long time, showing the world what a true Christian should be like. Additionally, her son has turned out to be accepting and loving as well; not to mention, kind of hot. I love you Tammy Faye, and I hope that you are not suffering, and that your final days are peaceful and happy. You have been there for the gays, and we definitely thank you for your love, kindness, and support. If only there were more like you, Tammy Faye.

I hope everyone has a great weekend, and I am going to do my best to relax, finish the paintings I am working on, and spend time with my family (James, little Sydney, and some friends if they are interesting in hanging out). Now, I’m off to get some damn wine… I have been Cabernet-ing it up this week; I see no reason to slow up now!

I think that I expect too much sometimes

Perhaps all of the time.

I think that I get my feelings hurt, or am disappointed, because I expect too much. Is it possible, that I put too much thought, guilt, worry, or anxiety into relationships, so much so, that I inadvertently cause the situation to go all weird? I wouldn’t think that this would be the case, because if it were, it would be the standard; and it isn’t.

I mean, I really don’t think that I do any of this outwardly, or even on purpose, but for whatever reason, I feel like there must be something that I do that makes people change. It is the only solution that I can come up with, although, it is really the only one that I can truly substantiate if it is reality. Again, I probably am over-analyzing things, but what if I am not? What if there is something that I do, something small, that causes these changes in my relationships with other people?

Maybe I expect too much. I don’t think that I do, but maybe I do… Maybe that is more of the problem than the actual situations that I find myself in from time to time; expecting too much will always mean that I am the one that is let down. I don’t know how I find myself here all of the time, but here I am, and it really upsets me. It really breaks you down to feel this way so much, and very rarely gain any resolve for the situation.

So why do I keep doing it? Why can’t I stop thinking for one minute, and just let things travel on their own? I honestly don’t know, but I know that I have always been this way, and if it is the problem, it is more than frustrating; it is debilitating and very upsetting, especially because it is unconscious. I want to just exist in a place where I am involved with people that understand me, and I don’t spend a lot of my time over-analyzing actions, words, or the lack of either. I don’t think that it is paranoia, because I am definitely experiencing it; but I do think that it could be that I expect too much sometimes.

I’m just going to put on my headphones, listen to some music, and try to forget myself for a little while. I am clearly thinking too much this morning. To top it all off, Sydney isn’t feeling well, and we had to take him into the vet yesterday for an IV and some tests. After they brought him out, I was holding him, and he just pissed all over me; without warning. Poor little guy. I just hope that he is feeling better soon… I know that my wallet would be happier as well.

is APWBWGTTD dead? and listen to this!

First of all, tonight was supposed to be the monthly meet up of the APWBWGTTD, which has been a monthly tradition for more than a year now, and unfortunately, due to only one other potential attendee, I have decided to cancel it. So what does this mean for the future of APWBWGTTD? Well, you tell me. Do you want this monthly Atlanta blogger meet up to continue? Do you wish to see it resurrected in a different venue, on a different day, or under different circumstances? Now is your chance to chuck in your two cents on the whole thing, because we are literally marching towards the funeral here, and if you want to save it, you have to speak up. I for one am kind of sad that it might potentially be over, because I have made some amazing friends through these meet ups, and have always looked forward to them.

Many people complained about Manuel’s being the regular spot for the meet ups, but no one suggested different places. If this was your barrier, please, suggest somewhere new, or suggest some ideas for what you would like to see, in order to participate in future meet ups. Also, there was always talk of people’s schedules being too full, and being unable to meet up, and I understand that this will always be an issue; so how about suggesting some alternatives to the current one meet up, one time, plan? Would it be better to have two meet ups a month on different nights? Would it be better on the weekend? Let me know what you guys think.

I for one, hope that we can do some CPR on our dying friend, and save our APWBWGTTD, because I would honestly be sad to see it pass away. Since today was the day our meet up was scheduled, today is a good day to get to talking about planning the future of APWBWGTTD. Speak up please!!

Also, I just got the new CD Riot!, by the group Paramore, and I cannot stop listening to it! It is fantastic!!! It is like a little bit Weezer, with some Letters to Cleo, and a little of the type of rock those other All American Rejects-type bands churn out, peppered on the top. The lead singer also gives it a feel of Shiny Toy Guns, who are a band that everyone who listens to me, knows I freaking ADORE. The whole CD is a great listen, and is full of energy, and great songs. I rarely run out and buy a CD after checking it out initially, but this one is a definite exception! Be sure to check out my favorites: That’s What You Get, crushcrushcrush (OMG SO GOOD!), and, well I like them all, but these I listen to repeatedly. Now, go out and get it, and have some fun; I know I am! Apparently, there is a video too, so check it out!

well, it’s friday… wait, what?

So this week has really gotten away from me. Perhaps it was the combination of the pain killers, the muscle relaxers, the inability to get around without pain, the back spasms, the cabin fever, and the myriad of other distractions that have somehow kept me sane in my bed this week. Thank god for wireless internet, movies, music, working from home, a snuggly dog, the internets, and my lovely husband (who does, unfortunately, have a pretty shallow threshold for dealing with things like this, and occasionally needs to disappear; which is annoying, but sometimes understandable). Overall, it has been a relaxing week, but I just can’t believe that it is over, and I am still pretty uncomfortable.

I know that a lot of people are still wondering why I haven’t gone to the doctor, and thanks for the advice that everyone has provided, but at this point, I don’t see a need to go in, wait an hour, pay my copay, and hear him say I have a pulled muscle in my back and tell me to continue taking the muscle relaxers he has already provided me with. If it gets any worse, I will definitely head for the nearest medical professional, but as long as I continue on my path to progress (see my LONG path to SLOW progress), I will just keep the routine of relax, rest, take pills, sleep, and try not to move in a way that will activate a back spasm (as I did this morning, and triggered the aggravation all over again… nice).

I just hope that this weekend can include some time outside of this house… I am beginning to get a little stir crazy. I have to say though, it has been nice having time to spend watching all of these movies, and repeatedly listening to Sara Bareilles‘ new CD (which again, is WONDERFUL). I have also spent a little time getting to know my netvibes page, which I am obviously not using to its fullest potential. I still want to add more cool shit, so if you have an suggestions, I am all ears.

Final interesting note: I noticed that the picture that I took of my friend at pride was getting a TON of attention yesterday, and I finally found out why; it made reddit at some point during the day. What does that mean? Try 20k+ views and around 30 some odd favorites and comments. Nice. At least it was flickr’s bandwidth and not mine, right? Still, I love that such an awesome “protest” of the protesters is getting so much positive attention; they really do ruin things like pride.

Hope everyone has a great weekend… you’ve got red on you.

the wait is over: Sara Bareilles – Little Voice in stores TODAY!!!!

Alright kids, I may still be held up in the bed today, but that will not stop me from shouting my extreme excitement and praise for today’s release of this year’s BEST CD (Seriously, it is amazing), Sara Bareilles‘ delightfully and ironically titled debut, Little Voice.

As I have said many times before, I have been a huge fan of hers for years now, and not only am I completely honored to have met her, but I literally cannot say enough wonderful things about this amazing artist. If you are looking for the next big thing when it comes to music, look no further, because Sara is it. She blends perfect lyrics with pop harmonies that will blow you away. If you take a little bit from each of the following: Sarah McLachlan, Fiona Apple, Vanessa Carlton, and Regina Spektor; and mix it up a bit, polish it, refine it, and make it more sincere and beautiful, you would have Sara Bareilles.

I had the distinct privilege of discovering Sara’s amazing talent and music a few years ago, and I have been hooked ever since. I am elated to see that she is finally out on a major label, and if there is any justice in the world, she is going to be huge. Do yourself a favor, and go out today, and pick up the best album of 2007. Seriously, this is it, you guys… you won’t be sorry. Sara is amazing, and I am so excited to be able to tell you all about her, and better yet, be able to get her new album!!!

where in the world is duane?

The answer: In bed. And, I have been in bed for literally, the entire day; in fact, I am writing this, sitting in bed with my laptop (thank God for that wireless USB adaptor that I bought way back when).

Why have I been in bed all day, you ask? Well, yesterday, I was walking about the house, picking up Sydney’s toys, which were due a good washing, and I leaned down to get one in the kitchen, and upon standing up, found a sharp, shooting pain in my back. It was so intense, I literally fell face first to the floor. After laying there for a few minutes, I felt much better, and made my way back upright; but not totally. I was able to walk comfortably bent over a bit, and as long as I leaned to my right, I was somewhat comfortable.

I went on with some caution, but figured it would be better this morning. Much to my surprise, it wasn’t. I woke up this morning, literally screaming at the top of my lungs in agony. Imagine the worst charlie-horse you have EVER had, multiply it by 10, and then place that in your lower back. Literally, I made my way out of the bed, because I had to pee, and I was seriously contemplating just peeing sitting on the floor, because standing up caused me so much pain. (I did manage to force myself to get up and use the toilet, so don’t get too excited). If I could rate my pain level on a scale of one to ten, this was easily a ten.

The worst part, is that it is still here. I have managed to limp around the house a TINY bit today, but for the most part, I have stayed still in the bed; with the occasional writhing in agony when my back decides it wants to spasm, just because I moved.

I did manage to watch the entire series of Kitchen Confidential, as well as Superman Returns, though, which was something to keep my mind off of the pain. When James got home, he brought me food (didn’t eat all day until he got here, around 6), and he kindly hooked me up with my laptop, and a new movie selection. I wanted to go to the doctor, but I am serious when I say, that the only way I could get there, would be on a stretcher.

I got lots of pain meds, and muscle relaxers from my doc, and I hope that they ease the tension in my back, and manages to stop this awful spasms.

Updates will provided as necessary… hopefully, they will be good updates. Wish me well!

I’ve got a little crush…

YAY! We made it to Friday! I am super happy about this weekend, because I know that next week has a holiday right smack dab in the middle of the week; which always make the weekend seem that much better! Plus, everyone in my office is out on vacation, so that makes things super relaxed around here as well. Very, very nice.

Not too much going on today in duane-land, but I have to confess that I have more than a little crush (I know, misleading, aren’t I?) on Simon Pegg (who is being pulled in the picture by the also very handsome Nick Frost; which came from this great photography site). Not only is Shaun of the Dead one of my all time favorite movies, I have to say, that every time I see him, I just can’t get over how strikingly cute he is. Perhaps it is the nerd lover in me? Either way, we watched the movie Big Nothing last night, and it was quite hilarious. Simon Pegg is in it, hence today’s post… It is definitely one we will be adding to the DVD library. Dark comedies can be so fun, can’t they!? If you enjoy dark comedy, I suggest you check this one out, I liked it.

Other than that, I found out that I have $25 in reward zone cash from Best Buy. How sweet! Money for spending lots of money! I am going to swing by there and pick up something this afternoon… a treat!

Finally, does anyone have advice for selling things on eBay? I have thought about it in the past, and never followed through, but I was looking in my closet this morning at all the clothes that I no longer wear, and thought, hey, I should totally sell those on eBay! Just wanted to see what other people’s experiences were with selling on eBay, before I go barreling forward with my “new business”. HA! I always knew there would be a day those designer jeans would have a new home… perhaps that day will come sooner than expected; and in return, I can get a few extra dollars to boot!

Hope everyone has a great afternoon, and a superb weekend. Rock it!

pride 2007: recaps and reflections

perhaps my favorite parade participantAs I stated on Friday, this weekend was the annual Pride festival in Atlanta. Let me start my recap and reflections post about Pride this year by saying, that it was, hands down, the best time I have ever had an any pride before. This year, we got a tent, and set up in the park; which was probably the best decision ever. But more on that in a bit… let’s get started.

First, Saturday morning, James left to go down to the park and set up with everyone, while I remained in bed (I am not a morning person). After setting up, he came home and picked me up, and we were off to the park. I took my camera (as my flickr contacts have already discovered), and started taking shots right when we got there. I didn’t get a lot of good pictures from pride last year because it was rained out, so I definitely wanted to make up for it this year; and I believe I did.

homo sex is sin-sational!I walked around the park with my buddy Josh, along with Daniel and Andrew, and we literally and only made a half of a lap before we were all four soaked with sweat. After seeing the sights for a quick round, we followed Josh back to his place, where some protesters from last year had set up camp. Josh, as he is known pretty well throughout the internets, got back at the protesters last year by “altering” their message; and we were here to capture it this time. I got a great shot of Josh changing their message of hate into something funnier, and something that offered a little bit of relief for the rest of us that hate to see these hate-mongers that parade around throwing the bible in our face. While we were over at his house, we made a mistake, and got into it with one of the protesters, who had brought his two young daughters out in the heat just to damn us to hell. What a prick he turned out to be. Everything that we would ask, he wouldn’t answer, and every time we would say things like “Jesus doesn’t judge”, he would tell us that he did. He was a whack job, as he turned the judgment argument into his personal mission statement, saying that it was he who was to judge. To that, I said that he must be God then, because the Bible says only God can do that. He didn’t like that very much. We also kept asking him if he really believed that he was going to convince anyone using his tactics, to which he would reply that “spreading the word was his mission”. I asked him how often he was out here “spreading the message”, which promptly shut him up about that. He also kept yelling about “accepting Jesus” as the “only way to salvation”, and I told him that I had accepted Jesus a long time ago (I have). What pissed me off, was that he just deflected that, and called me a queer living in sin, and damned me to hell anyway. Maybe he should read a little of that bible he was throwing in my face. When we walked away from him, I told him that I felt sorry for him, because I was certain that he was probably homosexual himself, and that he had to live his life in this horrible manner of self hate and denial. He didn’t say anything else and actually walked away. Hmm…

prideAnyway, back to the festival… We went back to our tent, drank and ate, and enjoyed each other’s company for the rest of the day and into the evening. As we sat in the scorching heat, we did talk about the reasons for pride, and we all agreed that we wished Judy could have held on a few more months, so Stonewall could have possibly happened in late September, and Pride could be held then instead. But, alas, June is when it is, and as such, it is why we were out there celebrating our ability to hold our heads high and come together as a community; showing the world that we are queer, and by saying it out loud, we are demanding that they take notice. It was a fun day.

donation flagSunday, we got out a little earlier, as James and I wanted to take advantage of the rapid HIV testing that AID Gwinnett was offering at their booth. I thought it was a great idea to have testing at pride, and we hadn’t been tested in a few years, so it was time. We are both negative (yay!), and there really was no reason to worry, as we are monogamous, but we still joked that we would either see everyone in 20 minutes for a day of fun, or we would just call them tomorrow. Well, glad that we didn’t have to walk down that road. After the testing, we marched over to the parade, which was nice, but way too long. There were definitely highlights (Baton BOB!), and I managed to take tons of pictures (again, on flickr — click here if you want to check out the set for yourself. James and I bailed before the end, because we were tired and it was hot. We then went back to the tent, and enjoyed the rest of the day. Deborah Gibson performed and was great, and we all had a great afternoon, just hanging out with friends, and being in the Pride atmosphere of the park. It was great. We stayed late into the evening, and then packed up and went home before the last drag performance was over.

By the time James and I got home last night, we were beat. I am still a little tired today, but I wouldn’t change a thing. It definitely was a Pride to remember. I am also sooooooo glad that it didn’t rain, because it is seriously the first pride I remember going to without a single instance of rain. And it was especially nice after having Pride rained out last year. Now I can’t wait until Pride next year; we all agreed that the tent was the best idea ever, and we will definitely be repeating that one. Hope everyone had a great weekend, and to everyone who celebrated, a happy Pride!

pride, biology, orientation, and all things that make us gay

Since this weekend is the 37th annual Atlanta Gay Pride festival, I thought I would reflect a little on pride, and what better way to do that, that with an article a flickr pal of mine sent to me about the biology of homosexuality? The article talks about current studies that are being conducted, many of which are looking at various biological trends in humans that indicate a biological representation of homosexuality. It builds on the studies from the past that looked at things like the differences in the hypothalamus (which was seen to be noticably different in homosexual men), and also looks at other interesting things potentially linked to your propensity to be gay, like being the youngest boy in your family, the length of your fingers, the direction of the whorl in your hair, and many other biological traits. What it goes on to show, is that the representation of these traits are sometimes significantly different for gay men, and even lesbian women, and as such, may prove to be biological markers that can be used to truly say that homosexuality is biologically determined.

While there is a lot covered in the article, and there are a lot of different points made, I thought it was interesting that first of all, we need to prove that homosexuality is somehow biological. I see how this proof would end the discussion that homosexuality was a choice, but it does open up a whole new can of worms, which is best summed up with this statement from the article:

If sexual orientation is biological, and we are learning to identify how it happens inside the uterus, doesn’t it suggest a future in which gay people can be prevented?

It appears that there is also some research looking at the possibility of genetic markers that “cause” homosexuality, and while they aren’t confirmed, it does sound both intriguing, and scary at the same time. I for one can’t imagine what would happen if it turns out that homosexuality is inherently genetic, and they do, then, start searching for a cure. (Additionally, I should note that the conclusion that lesbians are somehow “less homosexual” or even “more fluid” with their sexuality, because they haven’t identified as many markers in women is NOT something I endorse or agree with. Jumping to conclusions without research to back it up is dangerous and stupid.)

The whole notion of “curing homosexuality” is a scary thing, because I for one, don’t think that homosexuality is a disease, and as such, it certainly doesn’t need a “cure”. I am extremely proud of who I am, and being gay is a large part of that. I think that if I were meant to be born straight, I would have been. Plain and simple. I know that everyone doesn’t share my sentiment, especially those that hate themselves because they were born gay, but think about this: being gay, if it is truly biological, is essentially the same as if you were born black, red-haired, blue-eyed, female, or any other non-harmful biologically identifiable trait. The point is, that if it was meant to be, it would be. That is the way nature works.

But what about diseases, and genetically defective biological traits that can be identified and cured? Does this mean that I think that we should just let those diseases that can be prevented with genetic suppression go unchecked? No, I think that is a different argument, mainly because being gay has absolutely no provable detriment to a person’s life; other than, of course, the environmental and external influences that affect us. And we all know that just because you are gay doesn’t mean that you will be subjected to these influences, and just because you are straight, doesn’t mean you will be immune to them.

While being gay may be a “harder” life because of all that we face; discrimination, degradation, violence, hatred, etc, it is a life that we have lived, and because of what we go through, it shapes us into who we are. We are made up of both our biological selves that were given to us at birth, and we grow and are shaped by our experiences, and become who we are by combination of the two.

Now, I know for a fact that my experiences didn’t make me gay, but, they did happen to me because I am gay, and they helped me become who I am today. I am a proud, out, gay man, and I know what I know because of the journey I have been on to this point in my life. It is the journey, and what I have made from it, that I celebrate this weekend, and it is my hope that this important aspect of each gay person’s life is not lost if and when biological determinants are truly, and irrefutably identified.

Unfortunately, I am realistic about the world we live in, and I fear that the hateful, bigoted, religious extremists will force the issue of screening for these biological traits, in an effort to make gay people inferior. Even more, I fear that they will go further, and try to eliminate gay people from being born.

I hope that just because we identify that being gay isn’t because “you took dance instead of playing basketball”, and that it is because “you were born biologically homosexual”; people will NOT seek to eliminate the biological traits that make us special, unique, and wonderful.

Being gay is being different.
Being gay is being who we were born to be.
Being gay is who I am.
Being gay is who many others are as well.
Being gay is normal.

We are no less human, nor any less worthy of our lives as gay people, than anyone who is black, female, blonde haired, or left-handed is worthy of their life as who they were born. I hope that we can continue to live in a diverse world that begins to see these studies as a means of acceptance, and not as a means of elimination.

Given the tone this article has the potential to set, I for one, want to focus on the pride that I have for who I am, the community that I identify myself with, and what it means to sit here, typing this post as a proud gay man. It has been a long journey, but I know that I have a long way to go; and I couldn’t be happier that I get to take the journey myself. This weekend, I will celebrate this with my fellow gays in Atlanta, and it will be a beautiful thing. After the weekend, I will tell you all about it. Come out and see us if you can!

Happy Pride, y’all.