Category: near and dear

all about me, near and dear, tragic

it’s taking it’s toll…

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Life, that is.

Eh, to say it’s “one of those days” would be a vast understatement. Sometimes I just feel like this, and it sucks. It doesn’t go anywhere, and then a few hours/days/weeks, it’s back to normal (or at least semi-normal). It is just enough to make you never want to get out of the bed again. Never interact with anyone again. Just enjoy your potato bagel with jalapeno cream cheese in the car, with the AC on blast, and the Carpenters blaring from the speakers. At least I can take comfort in those three things.

Also, I gave a homeless man a dollar today. I didn’t do it for selfish reasons, I didn’t do it to make myself feel better, regardless of what some might think; I gave it to him because I thought he needed it. He had the sign (they all do), and his said that he was a veteran. He looked like he could have been somebody’s grandpa.

And after I gave him that dollar, what did I feel? Goodness? Joy? Nope. It made me feel selfish. Selfish that I have all of these “problems”, and that I let depression take over me like it is today. It made me feel bad for not giving him more. It made me feel bad that I was sitting in my AC-cooled luxury car, while this man sat on the side of the road in the shade, because he didn’t have access to an indoor space. It just made me feel bad. Perhaps it made me feel more human.

Sometimes, I worry that the things that I take for granted will go away. But, in the state I am in, I am almost too apathetic to care. I’m too upset about the world, about what people think, the war, homelessness, global warming, etc. And it just goes on and on. And yet, I have it so good, but sometimes I don’t even see it. I am grateful, but things like this make me feel bad that I am not more grateful.

All that from a dollar. Some days are just those days… and it’s definitely taking it’s toll on me.

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trees, HD, and our amazing planet

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Last night, I found myself thumbing through the DVR trying to find stuff to watch, and I decided to watch an episode from the series “planet earth”, which is an HD series looking at the amazing spectacle that is our planet. I don’t usually watch those nature shows (even though they are extremely interesting), but when they are in HD, it is a must see; it is seriously and impressive sight to behold. The program I watched focused on forests, and I found myself captivated by the immense presence trees have in this world. It was amazing to me that most of the trees in the world live in the taiga and replenish most of the oxygen in the world. The taiga has more trees than all of the tropical rainforests combined. Wow. In fact, there were tons of things about trees and the environment that I learned that I had never heard before. The series takes you to places that most humans will never go; and to places where we may have never actually been. Amazing. It makes you realize just how large and amazing this planet truly is.

During the episode, they went on to talk about old trees, large trees, strange trees, etc, and I have to say, that I was fascinated. The oldest and largest trees in the world are right here in North America. The largest is a redwood tree called the General Sherman; which is the largest known organism in the world. Just saying that seems so amazing to me, something so large and amazing not only exists, but has done so for thousands of years. The oldest tree, named Methuselah, is a bristlecone pine tree, and is estimated to be over 4800 years old. That tree was alive a good 2500+ years before Christ. It was alive before the pyramids were built. And it is still alive today (just for reference, and because pictures are pretty, that’s a bristlecone pine pictured to the left… image from the internets, not me). That tree is a true testament of the amazing things this planet holds. It also represents the need for us to learn about our planet, and do everything we can to protect it. I was ultimately humbled by the program, and I am going to do my best to watch the rest of the series. I love learning new things, and doing it in HD is definitely a great way to do it. I highly recommend you see this series; it is amazing what we don’t know about the very world we live in, isn’t it?

Also, they are putting in the sewer connection today. I was awakened early this morning by a man pounding loudly on our back door. Our BACK door. I freaked a little, because I didn’t know he was coming, and if he is at the back door, that means he is inside our privacy fence, which stays locked. WTF?! So yeah, after I calmed down about him being in the back yard, I talk with him briefly about what they are going to do, and all I can say, is that I am SO GLAD James is out of town, because they will be digging a HUGE trench right through the middle of the back yard. This will effectively kill most of his prized grass… They are supposed to re-sod, though, so I hope they do that before he gets back. I can’t handle that melt down, because this is stressful for me too. I am just glad we don’t have to pay for anything. I hope that they are finished soon too, because they have to take part of the fence off, which means the back yard isn’t the enclosed dog area that we need anymore. I just need to take a few deep breaths… Ahhh.

Other than that, just enjoying a quiet Friday, and hoping that this weekend is fun filled. Hope everyone else is having an interesting day. Now I am going to upload some photos to flickr!

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say again?

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Um, apparently, the surge IS working!

That’s right! Alright, so, no, that isn’t right. I am glad, though, that they did report the many, many people that were killed this past weekend, instead of pretending that no one is dying in Iraq, and that things are actually getting better, when things are getting far worse; more people are dying everyday at rates higher than ever before. But the surge is working? Um, I don’t think so.

Also, Mr. Bush seems to think that this surge is working because, according to him, having a pull out timetable is exactly what the terrorists want:

President Bush said Saturday that a Democratic plan to set an end date for the war gives “our enemies the victory they desperately want.” (link)

Actually, Mr. Bush, what I think they want is exactly what they are getting; a bloodbath. Their victory is coming everyday in increments; ever soldier lost is a victory to them. We are dying, the citizens of Iraq are dying, and at a rate that is the highest rate since we invaded. And still climbing. But you are right, keep those troops in there so more can die. The surge is working! FOR THE TERRORISTS and for DEATH. Jeez.

Also, I am deeply saddened by the actions of one troubled person yesterday at VA Tech, but I don’t think that the sensationalistic way that the news is all over this thing is helping. It was a tragedy. Yes. I feel sorry for everyone that had to endure that awful situation, and I feel for each person lost and their families. But, more people than this die in Iraq everyday, and we don’t seem to be too concerned about that. Let’s not even mention the thousands and thousands of people dieing in Africa everyday; did someone say genocide in Darfur?

All I am saying, is I wish there were a little more levity when it comes to death and destruction, and the way it is used to stir up fear, as well as less sensationalism in the media. No wonder we are so afraid, the way the news portrays any violence would scare the bejesus out of anyone, as it does; and it is time to stop doing that. It is time to just report the news and do so without the sensationalism. It was a tragedy, but I think it is going a little far to say things like, “I think everyone will remember where they were when they heard the news”, like I heard on NBC last night. The sensationalism has to go if we are to ever exist without the culture of fear controlling us.

Also, as for those people out there saying things about the shooter being a terrorist (without evidence), and people like that moron Dr Phil saying that the problem is video games, SHUT THE FUCK UP idiots. Seriously, you are causing more problems, and contributing to the problem. Exploitation of this situation is deplorable and disrespectful.

Sidenote: I am not avoiding addressing the answers of the previous post; this was just the forefront of my thoughts, and it actually gives a little more time for more people to give their take on the state of HIV/AIDS today. I hope there will be more insight shared. A follow up post is something you can count on, so no need to worry about that.

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I would like to get your opinion on something…

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Here’s what I want: I am going to ask you a question, and I want everyone to give me their answers in the form of a comment. Here’s the deal, there are NO wrong answers, but there are answers that will be examined to determine where their epistemological background stems from. No one will be attacked (by me) for their answers, and a follow up post will be posted with a reaction to the consensus.

Ready?

Here’s the question:

If you could describe the state of HIV and AIDS today, how would you describe it? Things to consider: the history of HIV/AIDS, the fact that we are 30 years into the epidemic, treatments available, people that are open about their status, social stigma, the face of AIDS, personal experience with the disease or with people with the disease, life with the disease: better, worse, ?, risk of infection, societal response to the disease, what HIV/AIDS means to you, etc.

Nothing is taboo with regards to what you should consider to answer that question, you can say whatever, and I really want you to be honest; I really want to know what people think about HIV/AIDS right now.

Alright. Give it some thought, but PLEASE give me your opinion. I look forward to your responses!

UPDATE: 3:00pm, perhaps the lack of any response is a testament of how unimportant HIV/AIDS is to people these days? Just a theory, but an interesting one… Still, I hope to get some opinions. No pressure…

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alright kids…

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Let’s play nice, alright?

It has come to my attention that there are people that read my blog, comment on my blog, and want to comment on my blog that feel a certain and specific sense of unnecessary negative attack from those that defend their points so vigorously, that they feel the need to personally attack people, and make others seem like idiots in order to “prove their point”. I wish I didn’t need to say anything, because I honestly believe that when people argue in that style, that it makes them seem like the juvenile ones, or the idiots themselves (since this is the only way they feel they can emerge victorious from debate), but since it has been addressed to me personally by someone who reads my blog, I feel the need to say this:

Don’t attack the people that read or comment my blog personally because they don’t agree with your opinions. Stick to the point, and actually argue your position; by sticking to the subject, and refraining from calling people terrorists because they don’t agree with you, or continually saying “LIBERAL” at the top of your lungs to future hammer home how crazy they are, instead of coming across as a narrow minded asshole, you will actually come across as educated and able to offer a different opinion. This type of debate and dialogue is much more productive in trying to get each side to see the potential for truth in a differing of opinion, and is much more fruitful. Let’s face it, if you say, “I’m right, and you’re wrong because you are a terrorist sympathizing idiotic asshole”, I don’t care if you are pointing out that the sky is blue, you have instantly turned me off to your opinion because you are trying to belittle me into believing it. That doesn’t work, and takes away any ability for you to seem credible and actually argue an opinion that may have factual points. Again, taking a stance with dialogue that does NOT resort to a personal attack on people that may share the same views as I do is essential to future commenting here on this blog; because you don’t have to do that to prove a point… people are more likely to believe you if you stick to the facts and stay away from attacking their intelligence.

So here’s what I want to see in the future: Argue all you want, feel free to say what you want, but please refrain from going for the throat and personally attacking people that don’t agree with you. It makes them want to ignore you, and honestly, it makes you seem like a bully, and in fact, provides us with evidence that a bully is probably what you actually are. I know that you probably don’t want that, and I know that I would rather see a productive dialogue, rather than see a finger pointing shout fest. I personally hope that everyone can hold a certain code of conduct with regards to arguing their opinion, and refrain from personally attacking other people in the future; all under the guise of “well, I’m right and they aren’t”; because it is clear to me, that it is turning people OFF. What we want, instead, is a dialogue, okay?

The best way to get someone to ignore what you are saying is to continually insult them or their intelligence when you argue your points; that is something that needs to be realized and accommodated for in future debates, okay? I hope that this post will foster more productive, and less personally attacking debates; I want everyone to be heard without fear of personal derogatory attacks for no reason other than disagreement. The most important point of this post, is that those personal attacks are not only unnecessary, they are just bullying tactics that people use to defend themselves when they realize they may be wrong, or don’t want to see that someone else could be right. I know that certainly, no one wants that to be the way they come across, now, right?

So, for the future, let’s play nice, kids! Everyone deserves the respect that you are given, so think about that when you argue!

all about me, hmm interesting, near and dear, tragic

examining vivid dreams

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Usually, I don’t remember dreams. If I do, they are usually pretty weird, or off the wall, and don’t really seem that vivid or realistic. This morning’s dream was definitely different from my usual dreams. In fact, I have been having very vivid dreams lately; but this one was especially real.

When my dream started, I was on the way back “home” to visit my parents, interestingly enough, in their old house. I was to be staying in my old room, and I went alone.

Shortly into the dream, there was altercation between me and my mother, after which, everything they have ever done or said to make me feel bad in my life poured out. I didn’t hold back. I packed up my stuff (it was my old room before they completely moved all my stuff out), and got in my car and left.

I kept waking up during the dream, and I forced myself back to sleep to see where it was going. It was so vivid, that it was almost like it was really happening. The part that worries me the most, is that in the dream, neither of my parents would own up to, or admit fault in any of the things I said they did. They both continually said that they were hurt that I was “accusing” them of hurting me, which only made me madder and more flippant, causing me to pack up my things and leave.

When I finally woke up and thought about this dream, I thought to myself, “I wonder if this is how it will really happen. I also wonder if this is a sign that this confrontation should happen soon.”. Eerie thoughts, since I am definitely not in a place to lay it all out on the line for them, but the idea of this potential outcome is interesting nonetheless. I go back and forth between wanting to tell them how I feel, and what they have done that has hurt me, and between doing nothing and avoiding them completely (as I am currently doing). I know that my mom reads this blog (even though she won’t admit it), and I am sure that other people in my family will see this, so in some way, I guess I am saying something about how I feel, but leaving out the specifics. Either way, this vivid dreaming provided me with a glimpse into a potential future action.

It is weird how dreams can speak for us sometimes, and in this case, it truly captured how upset and angry I feel about my family situation. Perhaps it is my subconscious telling me to take action, but unfortunately, I am not ready to listen to that advice. Someday, maybe, but not today; frankly, right now I am over the whole thing, and doing a pretty good job of avoiding it. I am also thinking of going off my depression medication… but that is a different, although related, subject.

is it just me?, listen up!, near and dear, public health, tragic, venting

one step forward, two huge steps back

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Remember when I freaked out because someone thought that spreading the good news about circumcision in Africa was a good idea? Yeah, well, apparently, my fears were correctly placed, as New York City has decided to go forward with suggesting circumcision to reduce the spread of AIDS.

Now, I know that this isn’t as bad as saying, “hey! Have as much unprotected sex as you want now! You’re cut and therefore less likely to get AIDS!”, but it might as well be; because it is crystal clear, that there are so many men out there that already think with their dicks, and any excuse to take accountability out of the picture is an excuse they are willing to accept. I for one am seriously upset with the people that decided a research study conducted half a world away where the HIV incidence is extremely high, and where condoms are not readily available, and where this is used as a “last ditch” alternative, should be used and applied to the HIV situation in NYC. Additionally, something not widely talked about, is that the strain of HIV in Africa is different; meaning this may have NO effect in preventing transmission here. This is EXACTLY why I was so pissed at the article that was written, and this is a sad and extreme example of the right people taking the wrong information out of context and disseminating it as a viable alternative to prevention.

This really bugs me, because I was so happy to see NYC take such a grand step forward with the NYC condom campaign, and show how a city can be truly accountable for public health, and offer true prevention; but now, I am horrified to see these gigantic leaps backward. Can anyone tell me why people are so willing to bury their heads in the sand on issues like this? Seriously, HIV is a terminal illness, and isn’t something to fuck around with; especially when you are fucking around with other people’s lives.

If HIV incidence is affected by this in any way, it will surely increase the prevalence of unsafe behaviors, and therefore put more people at risk for HIV infection. People are already tired of having to worry about protecting themselves in the “heat of the moment”, and now that there are officials telling them that having a cut cock is protective against the virus, they are going to capitalize on that thought and throw caution to the wind. I for one hope that this gets buried quickly, and I hope that someone who has a truly holistic and factual understanding of the study they are pulling this information from puts a stop to the whole thing. This is just as bad as saying there is a cure that might work about 40% of the time, because people are always willing to believe they are part of the cured; even though the odds are largely stacked against them.

This just makes me hang my head in sadness. Why oh why, in this day and age, can’t people be more responsible, especially when it will affect so many? Sigh. I can’t fucking believe this.

If you are sexually active man, especially in NYC with this nonsense spreading, listen up:

MEN, if you have a cut cock, or if you have an un-cut cock, PUT A FUCKING CONDOM ON YOUR DICK BEFORE YOU HAVE SEX!!! If you are a bottom, MAKE SURE HE WEARS A RUBBER! Don’t trust everything you hear, because it is YOUR LIFE at risk. Don’t bury your head in their sand, because AIDS is real, and you will greatly increase your chance of getting it by following this HORRIBLE advice. Please, PROTECT YOURSELVES! YOU are the only one that can protect yourself from infection; take action!

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what next…

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I was awoken by a familiar sound this morning, a sound you don’t like to hear; a dog barfing in my bed. Poor little guy wasn’t feeling good, and proceeded to hack and upchuck every 30 minutes or so for a few hours. I held him and hopefully, I made him feel better. I am going to take him up to the vet this afternoon just to have him checked out; this is the second time he has thrown up dog food since this whole recall fiasco. I am seriously freaked out to maximum right now, and really hope that nothing happens to my little baby. I will update as necessary, but right now, he at least seems to be feeling better. I do know one thing for sure; there will be NO MORE dog food in his bowl for a while. No more treats either, which he is going to hate! I will have to think of a substitute…

Also, there was apparently a high speed police chase this morning, in which 2 suspects were apprehended, and another is on the loose. The best part is, that the chase ended like 2 blocks from my house, interestingly enough on the street where my friend Deb lives. I have heard helicopters swarming overhead all morning; it is good to know what they are looking for… but bad to know it is just outside my door!! Ah, the joys of hood living, right? I hope that they catch whoever they are looking for without further incident. This is the type of thing that really freaks me out. Add that to the puppy sickness, I am all wound up this afternoon!

Alright… off to the vet! Here’s hoping little man is alright, and just had a little bout of upset tummy. I can’t handle much else.

UPDATE: Apparently, he is fine, it was just a bout of tummy ache. He got a shot and some medicine, set me back $50, and got a new toy out of the deal. Mr. dog is doing well.

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they are the poor and the homeless; not the lazy

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Do people really think that people are poor, live in poverty, or are homeless because they are too lazy to do anything about it? I ask, because I know that there are a few readers and commenters that have either hinted that they believe this, or have stated it repeatedly. While I do always welcome comments and opinions here on this blog, I also ask this question, because it upsets me that people over simplify serious issues in this manner, in order to justify their beliefs and make themselves feel better about the problem. I ask this, because I couldn’t just let it go without saying what I truly think and feel about this subject. And so, this blog post is born.

To begin, I will illusrate just a few of the real reasons why we have poverty and homelessness in this country:

  • mental illness
  • lack of affordable health care
  • lack of jobs that pay living wages
  • addiction
  • veterans that lack the support they require upon returning home wounded
  • domestic violence
  • bad luck (living paycheck to paycheck, and then something bad happens you can’t control)
  • accidents (which coincides with the lack of affordable health care, as well as bad luck)
  • lack of ability to compete for living wages (education, or more importantly, the lack thereof)
  • disability
  • decrease in public assistance for those that need it

The sad fact is, that these are just a few of the reasons people are living in poverty, or are homeless. Are these all of the reasons? No. But, you have to realize and understand that not all people start out with the same opportunities in life. The American dream is not real for most people, and most will never truly see a rags to riches story written about their lives. Many people that live in this country live paycheck to paycheck, with little or no savings in the bank; barely making ends meet to feed their family, and themselves. If something happens, something unexpected, something that you cannot afford, you have to choose; what goes? Power? Food? Clothes? Home? Car? These are the real facts that many people face everyday. Working more isn’t going to solve this problem. If you are sick, you can’t work, and if you can’t work, you can’t get the medical attention you need to get better. It is a vicious cycle. The fact is, that these people aren’t lazy. They aren’t looking for a free hand out or a free ride. They are looking to survive.

Without decent wages, affordable housing, and a chance, they won’t. They can’t. The system, that is, our capitalistic system, is built to exploit and forget about them. But it doesn’t have to be that way. First we use them for jobs that we won’t do, and then we turn a blind eye to their troubles, all the while those at the top of those very exploitative corporations cash multi-million dollar annual paychecks. Again, many of these people aren’t lazy at all; working two jobs just to make ends meet and still, they can’t get a leg up. They work and try, but yet, they can’t seem to get out of debt, and are at a constant risk of losing their homes. If they get sick, it could result in a loss of everything.

Sure, there are people that are lazy out there that are looking for a hand out. In fact, there are many lazy people that lucked out, and got all the money and power that they could ever want or need from their families. They did absolutely no work for it, they just happened to be born to the right people at the right time. And there are those that are too lazy to do anything that live in poverty, too; but I refuse to allow people to classify all people suffering from the effects of poverty and homelessness as lazy. Lazy is not a cause of poverty, lazy is a choice, lazy can change. Blaming homelessness and poverty on laziness is sheltered and ignorant. Survival isn’t as easy as “don’t be lazy”.

I write this because I was upset at some comments that transpired on previous posts about homeless people and people that live in poverty in this country. Mainly, it really pisses me off that people don’t realize that there are any number of contextual factors that contribute to a person’s daily life, and they continue to deny these things to justify their own selfish beliefs. If you truly believe that all poverty-stricken people, and all homeless people are the cause of their own problems, and are all just looking for a hand out, you are not only out of touch with reality, you are obviously not cognizant of the fact that each and every one of us, given a shitty set of circumstances, could end up right where these people are.

I know that I don’t have tons of money in the bank, and if a myriad of problems were to suddenly occur, I could be facing many of these problems. In fact, we all could (at least, those of us not lucky enough to be born with a silver spoon in our mouths). But the reality that I could face poverty or homelessness isn’t because I am lazy, it is because this is the way the world works, and sometimes, it isn’t enough to just want to survive.

Sometimes, as a part of calling ourselves a society, we have to help those that cannot help themselves. We have to empower those that do not have the voice to empower themselves. If we don’t, we will never truly respect that delicate balance in which we too are a part of; you never know when you are going to be the one in need. You never know when you are going to need that hand to help you up, and hopefully, it won’t happen to you, but realizing that it does happen doesn’t have to go unnoticed and unaddressed. We can help, and we should. If for no other reason than because we can. Sure, there are those that will exploit the system, but they are not the majority. Turning your back on everyone because of them is cruel and merciless. I just can’t let it go that the richest nation in the world can turn a blind eye to these problems; the problems of its own people.

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get these now!

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Seriously, you must do yourself a favor and go get Mika and the new Kaiser Chiefs‘, CD, Your’s Truly, Angry Mob!!! Both of these new CDs are only $8 at Best Buy!! Go pick them up!! You will not be sorry, both are fantastic. I love this continued British invasion! Let’s keep it up, by showing our support!!

Also, I just listened to the new Joss Stone, and it is HOT. More great Brit music. YES! Also, it comes out next week, so you will have to wait until then to get it; but it must be said that the new Hilary Duff is off the hook. There is a clear influence from Kylie on this one, and Hilary has really taken the “bubble gum” sap out of her music. It is a very good listen, and what I am always looking for… great pop!!

There are a few other things I am checking out right now (most of them came from seeing them at my visit to the Times Square Virgin Megastore *drool*):
New LCD Soundsystem
Muse
The first Kaiser Chiefs album, Employment (“I predict a riot!”)
The Bird and the Bee (from an initial listen, I believe I may be in love –> A little bit Imogen Heap, a little bit Jem)
Elliot Yamin (he covered my favorite Carpenter’s song… I had to at least check it out) side note: I can’t believe I just linked myspace. Barf.
Young Love (haven’t heard much yet… vote’s still out)
and the new Tracey Thorn (from EBTG) record, which is slowly growing on me (I was hoping for love at first listen). I think that she put too many sound effects in there, but I am slowly warming up to them.
I also snagged the live Portishead album, and eh. I don’t really like live stuff, but I have been in a Portishead mood lately, so I will give it a shot.

What’s everyone else spinning right now? I love finding new good music!! Also, I will gush even more about the albums that I am still completely and utterly in love with: the new CDs by Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse, Kaiser Chiefs, Kellie Pickler, and Dashboard Confessional. They are all FANTASTIC, and have been getting HEAVY rotation. Good music is like gold, but for my ears!

Hope everyone is having a great Wednesday, and I am working on getting my NYC photos on flickr (the uploader is being douche), and so I will post about my trip later. Just know, I had a great time!!! And I am jazzed about my new music choices! YAY! Now, share the love, alright!?

Also, be sure to get Children of Men… it’s on DVD, and it is great. Love that movie!