Category: james says

all about me, james says, near and dear

insecurities gone too far

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It started innocently enough, it started with a plan to spend the day together.

Things were going great; playing video games, going to visit some friends, planning what to eat for dinner, and talking about what movies to watch.

The evening went on, you cooked me dinner, and we watch our shows together. The day went so well, and I have had such a good time, with you.

And then you did it. You let your insecurities go too far. You asked me if I had faked being happy. You asked me if I had faked being happy. You wanted to know whether I would rather have spent my time somewhere else, or with someone else. But what you didn’t know, is that I was happy, and I was right where I wanted to be.

When things start out so well, we don’t know where they will go. Hopefully, they can just happen, and we can just be together and enjoy it is for what it is; but that didn’t happen this time. You let your insecurities get the better of you, and what happened, is, even though you said you were sorry, they hurt me. What you should know, is that you have no reason to be insecure with me, I love you. I am not going to change that; but I can’t go on being second guessed. I understand a reason to be weary of love; it involves taking a huge gamble, but you have already won, there is no reason to worry. I need you to know that I can’t have you wondering if I would rather be elsewhere when I am with you. If I do want to be somewhere else, I will tell you, and I hope that will be okay, but that was not the case with today.

I believe there is definitely more work that we are going to have to do here. Definitely.

I just wish that we could co-exist, and have our time we spend together be good, and time we spend apart be good as well. I just wish that I could have some space when I need it, and it not carry the price of hurting you, or making you feel insecure; even during the times I am standing right beside you. I just wish…

james says

the second installment of “funny things James says”

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I have talked about the funny things that James says when he is abruptly woken up to be taken to bed before (remember the disassociated sternum?), and last night, I was treated to another gem. Naturally, I wrote that shit down so I could bring it straight to you. We all deserve a laugh. Here’s how our exchange went:
Me: Come on baby, do you want to go to bed?
James: Huh?
Me: Let’s go to bed.
James: I just think it’s funny you know?
Me: What’s that, babe?
James: Croutons.
Me: Croutons? What’s so funny about croutons?
James: Everybody wants them. Croutons. That’s funny, you know.

I can’t wait for the next installment of “funny things James says”! (I created a new category for these gems. I will hopefully have a lot to add over time!!!)

james says

reason #674 why James is the cutest boyfriend ever:

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Almost every night, our ritual is the same; eat dinner, watch tv/movie, go to bed. Very little changes in that routine, unless, say, I have something to go to, or James has grad school work to complete. Regardless of what else may find its way into the ritual, it always ends the same; James asleep on the couch while I watch tv. Now that we have the new couch, I couldn’t be happier, I love spending time with him, and now, we are on the same piece of furniture, so that just makes the ritual that much more enjoyable.

Like clockwork, when the clock strikes 10:30 (sometimes he lasts til 11), James is either pretty much completely asleep and either snoring, grinding his teeth, or a lovely combination of the two. I usually have to jostle him awake a few times if the noises get too intense to hear the tv (which is easier now that we are on the same couch), but usually, it is cute to see him just laying over there grinding/snoring away, and rustling his feet back and forth; he’s a cute sleeper. But him being a cute sleeper isn’t reason #674, reason #674 has to do with what happens while he is sleeping, or really, what happens just after he has been woken up, in order to be taken to bed. James has this little thing he does, where he talks complete nonsense for a minute; sometimes, it is a little intense, but most times, it is just super-cute. Take last night for example.

Last night, we were watching a movie, and somehow he fell asleep sitting almost completely upright. The best thing about that, was that he wasn’t snoring or grinding his teeth (but he was still jostling his feet). I noticed it, because I didn’t have to constantly wake him up every time the noise got out of control, but being the loving man I am, I still felt the need to jostle him and make sure he was sleeping well. When I did, he launched full force into his “I just woke up silliness”.

Here’s how the *short* conversation went:
Me: “Hello!”
Him: “I am sorry, daddy.” (yes we call each other daddy… we do have a baby (Sydney) after all!)
Me: “What for baby?”
Him: “Snoring.”
Me: “You weren’t snoring, for once.”
Him: “I can’t help it, I have a disassociated sternum.”
Me: “Uh, don’t you mean a deviated septum?”
Him: “That too.” *falls back asleep*

See, that is reason #674 why James is the cutest boyfriend ever.