Category: is it just me?

is it just me?, listen up!, politics, public health, sex (oh yeah), venting, well?

two things Tuesday: evolution and condoms

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Kind of different; kind of the same, no? Both of these things have people up in arms, and I just wanted to throw in my two cents; for whatever it’s worth.

Evolution:
Basically, the issue with evolution (this time), is that a local republican state representative sent out a memo stating that evolution shouldn’t be taught in schools because it is a religious deception that was derived from an ancient Jewish religious sect. Basically, his memo is stating that evolution not actually secular science, and is instead a so-called “creation scenario”, that is actually based on the “Christ hating” ancient Jews, and that it was written a couple millenia ago. Okay, let me get this straight, the Jews made up the Big Bang theory? Those crazy Jews came up with this myth to explain the beginning of the world and to explain life on earth, and they called it evolution?! Damn! They are crazy!!! OH WAIT, YOU DOUCHE, not only are you being anti-semitic (surprise), the Jews didn’t make up the Big Bang theory, and it actually isn’t a myth, it is a theory that is still pondered by scientists. You do know what scientists are, don’t you? They are people that use facts to put together ideas about things… and in this case, they continually use the facts they know about and learn about the world, and all of the stuff in it, in order to come up with a good idea of where it came from. See, the difference between a myth and theory, is that one is based on science, and one isn’t. Okay? So it’s pretty clear to me, and MANY others, that evolution is science, and is not a myth. You can believe that if you want, but leave the Jews out of it, okay? And don’t try to use this as your crazy Christian reasoning for keeping it out of schools, you anti-Semite!

Obviously, he denies writing the memo, but regardless if he actually wrote it or not, it goes without saying that people like this guy shouldn’t be allowed to have any political power; all they do is confuse those that are already ignorant. You know that there is going to be someone out there that supports this “idea”, and that is just one person too many. Also, to further illustrate his memo’s off-the-wallness, not only is he saying this about evolution, he also believes that the earth isn’t rotating, and that we aren’t actually going around the sun. I suppose sunrise and sunset are magic then, right? Ugh, people like this make me want to just bang my head on my desk and scream, WTF!?!?! The Anti-Defamation League is going after him, so I hope that he isn’t re-elected. If people like this make it into politics, that is one more reason to fear the government, right? Jesus.

Condoms:
So, NYC has a great idea; let’s make a NYC condom, and hand it out FOR FREE all over the city, in order to curtail the incidence of HIV!! Sounds good, right? It does to me!!! HELL YEAH!

But of course… “NO!”, shouts the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church came out against the condom, stating that you should practice abstinence before marriage, and practice fidelity within marriage to prevent HIV. (They’ve also preached up and down in the past about how condoms aren’t effective at preventing HIV anyway, which they are totally wrong about). Hmm… Let’s look at this from their perspective: perhaps 95000+ known cases of HIV in NYC, is evidence that they are doing such a good job of what you want already, that there is no need for something OTHER than that old abstinence/marriage shtick. Oh, 95000 sounds like a lot to you? Well, it does to me too! Perhaps what you are saying isn’t working? Oh snap!

Listen, if you don’t approve of contraception, realize that condoms do more than that, they protect against HIV! THAT is the reason this program was started… to decrease the incidence of HIV in NYC!! I am so sick of religion poking its nose in issues related to health; it is pretty clear that they have absolutely no idea that what they say and what they do actually causes more health problems. If you really cared, and if you were actually as compassionate as your religion dictates that you should be, then you would want more people to live life without suffering from chronic diseases; regardless of your views on sex. Free condoms won’t increase sex, it will allow for future sex to be SAFER sex… And that is a great thing. All I have to say is a HUGE Bravo(!!!!!) to NYC, and an even bigger BOO(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) to the Catholic Church. I would like to know: when are we, as a society, going to be mature enough to stop putting our heads in the religious sand and actually do something about sexually transmitted diseases, like HIV? We have got to get over this fear of sex, or we will NEVER get rid of HIV, and that scares me, because I truly don’t know if we are all capable of such logical thinking; enough to actually make changes and decrease disease. I do have hope when I see cities like NYC taking it seriously, though… Perhaps Atlanta will follow suit?? Come on you guys! Don’t be afraid of the church! They will get their panties all tied up in knots, while we all can have access to free condoms… it’s a win win, as far as I see it. Way to stick to your guns, NYC, and show your dedication to public health.

britney n' k-fed, is it just me?, tragic

sweetie… what is going on??

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Britney.

Britney.

BRITNEY!!!! Bald??? While I do have to admit that you look seriously hot bald, why this sudden shedding of the locks? Were you just really hot one night and decided that it had to go (ala Napoleon Dynamite)? Did you watch V for Vendetta and feel a sudden urge to find your inner Natalie Portman, and so you picked up the clippers?? What is going on?

The reason I ask, is because there is no way that this is going to strengthen your case that you are a sound and sane person to have sole custody over your children. Seriously, K-Fed is trying his best to get a chunk of your hard earned money, as well as a wedge in the rest of your life by getting some custody of those kids… and you can’t let that happen!!! Find a good excuse as to why you decided on this new look, let us all know that you were filming a killer comeback video, and we can all salivate in anticipation of your new bald-headed comeback. Don’t let grubby K-Fed have another cent! Otherwise, you are in danger of starting to come across a little Anne Heche-ish, and we all know that you don’t want to walk down that road. The next stop on that highway is robot Katie Homles-town, and I would hate to see you end up there.

So, let me say a big congrats on the new look (seriously, you pull off bald pretty well), just be sure to let us know what was going on in that beautiful bald head of yours when you decided that the locks had to go. Hell, say you wanted to donate it to locks of love!!! Yeah!! Say that! Just don’t stick with the “I was tired of people touching me” thing that you reportedly used as your reason for cutting your hair, because that sounds a little close to a nervous breakdown to me. Perhaps you just need some R and R?? Take the boys, drop them off at mom’s for a week, and go on vacation somewhere they have sippy drinks and clear beaches… just make sure to take plenty of sunscreen for that newly shaven head… okay?

We love you, girl, and just hope that things are alright… We want you to have a glorious a comeback already!!! So take care of yourself!

is it just me?, listen up!, politics, venting

just a few thoughts

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On Iraq:

  • I really hope that Congress does something useful for a change; we need to get out of Iraq and soon. Seriously, when you have no idea what constitutes a “successful” mission, then you have no goal, and that is scary; especially when it is costing us thousands of lives (3100 and growing… not counting the hundreds of thousands Iraqi deaths), and destroying hundreds of thousands more.
  • If you think that sending 20k+ more troops to Iraq will solve the problem, please explain that to me, especially because the top military officials have said that it will take more than 5 times that amount to even do anything (which would mean a total occupation, which is not what we are supposed to be doing over there). Their recommendations are to get out… why aren’t we listening and actually doing something to accomplish that goal?
  • Do you think that we are really going to attack Iran? I don’t get why we would want to do that; especially when we really aren’t supposed to, like we weren’t supposed to attack Iraq (at least, not without UN counsel, yeah, that we forgot to do with Iraq). I mean, the president is really pushing it now… it is like he has a personal vendetta with that whole region (and I think that he probably does). It looks more and more everyday like the only reason why we chose to occupy that territory (which we are doing, and it is also what we said we wouldn’t be doing), was so the contracting companies could get even richer. What sucks, is that we, the taxpayers, have to pay for that; and if not us, then our kids will. That just makes me sick.
  • Yes I support the troops, so don’t even go there. The people that don’t support the troops are those that underfund and under supply the troops that need our support that are already in Iraq, as well as those coming home injured and abused. It is inexcusable to say that you support the troops when you don’t provide them with the equipment to adequately protect themselves in a combat zone. It is also completely reprehensible to say you support the troops when they have to wait for VA services upon returning home from Iraq. That is just awful. Shame, shame, shame. Republicans constantly say pulling funding for the war is wrong because it will be pulling funds from those already in Iraq, when they don’t take into account that they already don’t have what the need, and the funding is active. Why can’t they see that (eh, because they don’t want to)? It doesn’t make sense.
  • What about the representatives that are still saying they agree with the war, and still want to support it? I say that you show us you are serious about your position. Give up some of your salary, and send your kids to fight. Show us you are serious. Many of those that have their kids over there are experiencing it personally, and have a better perspective on this than you do, even though you get to make the decisions; maybe it is time for you to pony up and put your money where you mouth is.
  • I have many other thoughts on this subject, but I don’t want to put too much in one post; people tend to have a hard time digesting it all… even me. So enough on Iraq for now.

On global warming:

  • Seriously. How are there people that still don’t think global warming exists?? Seriously. I saw that the Czech president said that there was no such thing, and that saying that it does exist is political propaganda. WTF dude? Why is science so scary for some people?
  • How can we, as the biggest locust nation on the planet, consume and consume and consume without giving much back to the environment we are raping? How come the government isn’t really doing anything about it? Does that make sense to you?
  • I am really scared to see what is going to happen over my lifetime with regards to nature, climate, and the world. We have done enough in 100 years to significantly damage a planet that has been around for billions of years. Can it be fixed? I worry that it can’t.

On depression:

  • I really think that people don’t understand my sometimes. I feel like I talk about how I feel, and it just goes right in one ear, and out the other, mostly because people essentially tell me that the way to get over my depression is to get over it. I freak out because I can’t get over it, and I don’t understand why others can’t see that.
  • I also freak out because I worry that I am being too needy. I worry about my depression which causes more depression. That doesn’t even make sense! UGH! I feel trapped in a box with no way out… depression sounds a lot like desperation.
  • I often wonder if we truly do deserve to be happy. What if we don’t?
  • I read an article earlier today about evolutionary psychology, and how it viewed depression. It talked about depression, like other mental conditions, as being a product of evolution, and therefore, a response to change over time, both environmentally, and emotionally. Basically, they were saying that if you were depressed, it is partly because you have learned that in order to get what you need, you feel depressed, because it is an evolutionary trait we developed meet those needs. Also, depression is viewed as anger turned inward, and while I can see part of each argument, the first suggests that depression is made up; which I truly don’t believe it is, because if I made it up, I should be able to make it go away. Also, with regards to the first argument, I don’t think the reason I am depressed is so people will meet my needs, I feel like I can’t even meet my needs, which really depresses me. Explain that! With regards the the anger turned inward argument, while that may be some of depression, I don’t know how that can be all of it. Depression is such a weird thing that can be different for different people… it is so weird how even psychologists don’t grasp that concept sometimes.
  • Part of my depression comes from issues I have in life. I have talked to many people, and discovered that a lot of people share these problems. But is that supposed to make me feel bad that I feel this way? It kind of makes me feel like I am being a baby, and that freaks me out even more; mostly, because I’m not.

Well, that was probably a lot to take in today, but that is pretty much what is going on in my head right now. Feel free to discuss any of that you want to; the posts for the last couple of days haven’t seemed to interest too many readers. Hope everyone is staying dry today…

"pointless", is it just me?, the catch-all-egory

hump day observations

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Randomness switch on…

  • Why do people think that just because you have an opinion on something, and that because someone says, “hey, that’s mean, could you not do that?”, that it qualifies as a controversy (or “non-controversy”, as those that believe it isn’t worth the title of controversy would call it)?
  • Why is Indian food so good to you, and yet, so bad to you at the same time?
  • I started watching a new show last night: Top Design. Lori and I both realized something interesting: Todd Oldham’s upper lip doesn’t move at all. And, that show is fantastically gay. I will start watching it starting tonight.
  • Where do people find music? I find mine from blogs and friends… just curious where you guys get your music from.
  • I want to win the lottery. Or find out that I have a rich Aunt out there who just died and left me every bit of her multi-million dollar fortune.
  • Could you be in a relationship where your partner wouldn’t let you work? Why or why not?
  • What is it about hairy men that is so hot? I mean seriously. I seriously have a thing for looking at guys. I could do it all of the time and be happy.
  • There are a lot of movies coming out I want to see. Perhaps I will do a post about that.
  • Why don’t they release a new ipod? Mine is full. I need a new, bigger, touch-screen one. Now.
  • It is quite possible that I will be getting the largest refund from my taxes ever this year. I am sure that it is some mistake, and I will not be getting as much as TurboTax is telling me.
  • What is the allure of Clap Your Hands Say Yeah? I have tried, but I just don’t see it.
  • Why do I always feel the need to say, “but in the good way”, when I say something is gay? Duh, gay is awesome.
  • Would you ever have sex with someone to further your career/get a job? Is there a limit to that?
  • I recorded a podcast this weekend for the Georgia Podcast Network. While I don’t like the sound of my own voice, I am excited about it. It’s called the Atlanta POPcast. I will blog about it when the first episode is up. It’s interesting the things that interest me; when there are so many things that still remain unable to shake me from this nothing.

Randomness switch off.

That’s what I got right now. Man, the Shins really make you reflect, and, well, make you mellow and shit.

is it just me?, mixed media, that is so gay

that “gay” snickers ad

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I am sure that everyone has seen, or heard of, the Snickers “gay kiss” ad from the Superbowl. Most of what I heard about the ad, is the fact that many people thought it was funny. I for one, know that the people at the party I was at laughed hysterically when it aired, and I honestly thought it was at a minimum, pushing the boundaries of being completely anti-gay, even though I didn’t initially get upset about it. But, I am still wondering; what about that scenario is funny?

So, two straight men kiss accidentally, ala “Lady and the Tramp”. So what? Why is that funny? And why is it portrayed as something funny?

Now, while I wasn’t personally offended by the ad, I have to admit that I did get a little uncomfortable when everyone busted out laughing. Again, why is this so funny? I mean, they kissed accidentally, right? If it were a man and a woman, it wouldn’t have been anything to laugh at; which must mean that the reason it is funny, is because it is making fun of gay men. And what about when they feel it necessary to do something to assert their “manliness”, in essence, to prove to each other that, “hey, I’m not a fag”? This too must mean that the reason it is funny, is because gay men aren’t seen as manly; which again, is making fun of gay men.

I am pretty sure that if this scenario did happen in real life, and if those two men were as homo-scared as their characters indicated by their actions after their accidental kiss (ripping out chest hair to prove that they were “real men”), then things probably wouldn’t have been so funny to either of those men; and it would have potentially been upsetting to them. But why? It was an accident, not a full on sexual encounter! Now, I know that I can’t say how individual men should react to kissing another man, but it shouldn’t be something that is so queer and “wrong” that one would need to go so far as to “cover up” that action with another one, one that somehow “asserts” the fact that they are indeed, not gay. After all, just because the two men kissed, it doesn’t mean that they are instantly gay; and by ripping their chest hair out to prove to each other that they aren’t gay is both stupid (ouch!!!) and insensitive to gay men. It is acting out and furthering the belief that gay men aren’t really men.

Basically, what Snickers has done, is they have taken something innocent, such as an accidental kiss between two men, and used it to get a cheap laugh by making fun of gay men. Then, they went a step further, and reinforced the societal belief that being a gay man must mean that you are effeminate, or un-manly, because in order to “feel better” about their kiss, the men had to do something “manly” like rip out chest hair; instead of just ignore it and go on with life.

While the commercial itself was seemingly “innocent”, as I look back, I believe that it reinforces what a lot of people wrongly think about gay men, by showing that if two straight men were to kiss, that it would mean something other than just a kiss. They have shown that two men kissing is essentially something to laugh at, or something to make fun of. They have shown that if two straight men were to accidentally kiss, that they would need to assert the fact that they weren’t gay, by doing something “manly” to cover up their previous actions; which again, reinforces the belief that gay men aren’t really men at all. The more I think about the ad, the more I don’t like it, and honestly, I can see where people would be offended. I guess even more than that, I wonder why we, as a society, still cling to these covert anti-gay messages, and continually portray gay men in this light? All it does is encourage people to continue to make fun of gay people, which trickles down to children, who then use these stereotypes to seek out and torture gay kids. It’s a vicious cycle, one that uses “humor” to hurt a particular group of people.

So what do you think? Do you think that I am overreacting? Keep in mind that I am not trying to rant here, but I am trying to observe that yes, the ad was pretty anti-gay, and typical of a less than accepting society. I am saying that I see how people would be offended by something that seemed innocent to most; simply because it covertly reinforces the belief that gay men aren’t really men at all, and that kissing another man is wrong. Tell me what you think/thought about the ad! Were you offended? Do you see where the media continually makes fun of being gay?

Also, if you are interested in more thoughts on this ad, here’s a link to commecial closet, a website dedicated to GLBT portrayals in the media; they seem to agree with me.

is it just me?, listen up!, near and dear, that is so gay, venting

does it matter if it is fake, given that it happens all of the time?

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Dave emailed me about this blog post earlier. I read it, and like the writer of the post, I felt sick. In fact, still do. I feel horrible that another person would suffer the fate of suicide, because of the lack of care and real love from their family. I feel awful that someone would take their life because they felt so alone and so misunderstood, that they became depressed to the point of suicide. And probably even worse, is that I feel angry that people like this boy’s mother continually do this same sort of thing over and over, causing more and more kids to go through similar scenarios; many of which end with the same conclusion.

The blog post I am talking about, is referring to a forum-posted story where a Christian Fundamentalist mother finds out her son is gay, he comes out to her, and she suggests therapy; only her response is to tell him the therapist is wrong for saying being gay is normal, and that he should instead not act on his feelings. The mother proceeds to turn her back on understanding her son, and ceases to be there for him emotionally; actions which stem from her fundamentalist beliefs. Unfortunately, the result, is that her son commits suicide, leaving her wondering why he resorted to such a drastic response to her lack of understanding.

Now, while I feel the same things that probabilityzero felt, hurt, anger, disbelief, disgust; I couldn’t help but notice something eerily consistent in the comments both on his website, and on digg (where it no doubt made its way due to how interesting it was, I assume): many of the people commenting are way too focused on whether or not the story is actually true. People are going so far as to chastise the writer of the post for his feelings about this occurrence on the grounds that the story might not be true. I have a huge problem with that, mainly because even if this story isn’t true, this sort of thing happens all of the time!! It is known that the suicide and attempted suicide rates among gay and lesbian teens is higher than any other group of adolescents, and in many instances, these actions are due to religious persecution and self hatred stemming from families that refuse to understand their children.

While it angered me to see people chastising the boy for being gay, seeing people agree with the actions of the mother, and even seeing people say that the mother was in no way to blame for the death of her son, it bothers me more that people would focus on this not being an issue, simply because the instance may or may not be a real life instance. This type of thing is exactly what I encountered when I wrote that post about Donnie Davies from yesterday; while he may or may not be real, people like him exist and do the same things that he is doing, for real. While this woman may or may not have posted a true story about her religion getting in the way of her love for her son, and the subsequent consequences of her actions, there are parents that are making the same decisions and doing the same hurtful things to children all over the world, for real.

This issue of religious fundamentalism and the judgement that stems from it is something that makes me so angry, but at the same time, incredibly sad. I was lucky enough to escape most of the religious persecution many gay youth encounter, only to impose it upon myself when I was going through the process of coming to terms with my own sexuality. I thought of suicide many times, and luckily, I never attempted it; but there are many that are not so lucky. I remember what it felt like to be so utterly alone and afraid that my being homosexual was a sin, so much that it was an actual physical pain in my body. I hated myself for who I was, and it cost me a lot of self respect, happiness, and time; but luckily, it didn’t cost me my life. No one should have to go through this alone, and this boy unfortunately did; because his mother turned her back on him when she denied who he was. Her actions forced his depression to grow, and he wasn’t able to overcome it. Whether or not this boy is real, there are many other boys and girls out there that are just like him, feeling those feelings, and experiencing that same depression.

If I had my way, there are a few things that would happen, relating to this true or untrue story. One, I continually hope that religious fundamentalists would actually practice what they preach (i.e., love is supposed to be absolute, not a pick and choose issue-based thing) and stop using religion to discriminate anyone because of who they are, or who they believe themselves to be. Two, I wish that people could stop focusing on whether or not one instance of something like this is real or not, especially when this is just an example of a very real problem occurring right now all over the world. And three, I hope that all kids out there struggling with their sexuality that face this sort of persecution and ignorance will have the strength to make it through their depression and live their lives happily. One of the worst things that ever happened to me was living in the closet, and I am grateful that somehow I was able to make it out; I wish the same for everyone else that struggles with this issue.

funnies, is it just me?, that is so gay, tragic

God doesn’t hate anyone, Donnie

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Earlier this morning, I saw a link on a friend’s LJ to a website that listed “gay bands” that should be avoided (at least according to the anti-gay website). While the list is certainly funny, like how they write “(really gay)” next to Elton John’s name, and how the Indigo Girls made it on there twice (perhaps because there are two of them?), curiosity over things like this got the better of me, and so I thought I would take a look at what the rest of this site had to offer. After clicking through a few different pages (including the safe artist list; which includes Cyndi Lauper, so I guess they don’t know about her love for the gays), I got pretty much what I was expecting; the same old song and dance that should always be expected from these anti-gay “preachers”. All they have to offer is hate, hate which they disguise in the word love.

What I did find interesting about this particular “ministry”, is that Donnie Davies, the founder of the CHOPS program (more on that in a moment), is a self-professed “reformed homosexual”. Here’s what he has to say:

I am in fact a Reformed Homosexual and I’m trying to let people know that there is an escape from being Gay. By letting people know that “God hates a Fag” I am doing Gods work, I’m preaching.

When I was in highschool I kept having feelings for the boys I was in school with. Often I would let these feelings take over. I got into lots of trouble when I was Gay.

I stopped listening to secular music and started going to my fathers church services. I was so miserable, being gay, something had to happen. I found Jesus! I found Jesus and He showed me the way. The right way to live that is. Loving, Gods Way!

(from his website)

According to Donnie, who also cites his personal hero as being Oscar Wilde, who he mistakingly thinks also denounced homosexuality, by saying that “God Hates Fags”, he is actually spreading “Love”. But Donnie, you professed that you were a “Fag” in high school… so does that mean God hates you? Of course not! Because God doesn’t hate anyone… at least, not anyone that “chooses” to go against the ways of homosexuality! Eureka! What a revelation, Donnie. I am so happy that there are people out there like you with their tiny little minds, and their even smaller grasp of grammar and language to proselytize about your narrow-minded beliefs, bringing other narrow-minded automatons into your little program of hate.

And what a program it is. Donnie has developed what he calls CHOPS; Changing Homosexuals (into) Ordinary People. The logo, which I got at his website, just gives me a hard on looking at it. Seriously, this thing is homo-genius! The devil is in your underpants, but God is in your mind! I am almost on my way to being saved! Coming down from my cynicism, and despite the uber-gay logo, I don’t see how his “innovative” “new” strategy of forcing God down my throat to make me hate myself is going to “change” me, or anyone into an “ordinary” person (I already am ordinary?!). Perhaps there is something I don’t know… like maybe Donnie is a wizard or something, because according to his site, he implies that his program has the ability to change the feelings you have towards people of the same sex, and help you to stop acting on those feelings. I mean, he did it! To be honest, that sounds like magic to me, because I am pretty sure that Donnie’s program won’t do anything more teach the same self-hatred he has had for himself all these years. I would love to ask him if he still feels sexual feelings about other men, because I can bet the farm he does (and remember Donnie, lying is a sin!).

What you forget, Donnie, is that according to your Bible, God doesn’t hate “fags” (in fact, I don’t think that word is in the Bible), and He actually says that he loves everyone… oh wait, that’s Jesus, but since Jesus is God, there is no need to split hairs. Perhaps God may hate things like ingrown hairs, mosquitoes, and melted ice cream, but I am pretty sure he doesn’t hate homosexuals; because if he created us, how could an infallible God (under the Bible’s definition) do something wrong? Whatever God said and did is why we are here the way we are, right? And he isn’t wrong, right? So being gay is a-okay! Right? In fact, he probably doesn’t hate those other things either… since, according to your Bible, He created them!! Woohoo! God is awesome. God likes everything. What a swell supreme being. I sure as hell am glad he made me the way I am!! Thanks dude!

Seriously, I don’t care whether you “agree” with homosexuality or not, Donnie, but at least have the guts to stop hiding behind religious oppression, as an excuse for your natural feelings about men (trust me… been there, done that. Not fun). If you don’t want to act on them, fine, but don’t go around spreading hateful messages about those of us that choose to act on our natural feelings. Well, you know what, actually, I take that back. You should go on doing what you are doing, because if you keep it up in the way that you have started (via the spotty, poorly developed website), the majority of people that can think for themselves will just see you as an idiot anyway; especially those that have any level of education, and have a reading level above the 2nd grade.

I honestly feel sorry for people like Donnie, who just can’t be happy, and because of their denial and self-hatred, have to “go on a mission” to “save” the world from the thing they are most afraid of: being themselves. Why don’t you just focus on making the world a better place for everyone, without the hate part, Donnie? Because I am pretty sure that would be more of what God would want. I just hate that there are people out there that will think programs like this can change them, and so they will go down that road of self hatred, right along with Donnie. What I wouldn’t give to help people realize that being gay is okay; I know that someone helping me would have been great… luckily, I came to be happy with myself on my own.

A final aside: I find it incredibly hilarious that this site (his ministry site) goes on and on about censorship, because MySpace took down his hateful site, when one of the main goals of people like Donnie is to stop certain things from reaching the public (via things like free speech and freedom of expression). I for one am glad to see that MySpace does have some standards in the content (well, that may be going a bit far) they allow, but do believe that Donnie has the right to say what he wants; so long as he realizes that with the right to freedom, you get the whole shebang… not just the little niche that protects racists and bigots from screaming their hate all over the world. (which a lot of you pointed out when I got all pissy about the anti-gay billboard)

I wrote this post mainly because it was a silly example of the craziness that goes on in this world, and I had a good laugh at the ignorance of this person; and thought you might as well. I honestly feel sorry for Donnie, and others like him, because one of the worst things you can do to yourself is deny who you are and turn that into self hatred. What a pity.

all about me, is it just me?, near and dear

awoken to waking memories

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I had a meeting early this morning, and was anxious about getting up early enough to make it, so I ended up waking up around 5am. While I was laying there trying to fall back asleep, in between tossing and turning and poking James to make him stop snoring, my mind, for whatever reason, drifted to memories that I haven’t thought of in probably 8 or 9 years. Most of what I was thinking about, where memories that I have blocked out, due to the fact that I had a pretty crappy childhood (despite the fact that there were actually a few high points). These were mostly memories of middle school and high school.

Here’s what I remember of the memories that flashed through my head this morning:

  • I remember running for Treasurer when I was in middle school (don’t remember what year). WTF was I thinking? I also remembered the speech… I remember hearing the “F” word (not fuck, ya’ll) a couple of times as I took the podium. Nice. Kids are so kind aren’t they?
  • I remember getting into a food fight in the cafeteria, and having to do lunch detention for it. The problem I had with that, was that we had food thrown at our table every day, and that was the one day we just couldn’t take anymore, and my friend Shelly threw her pizza at the jerks that threw food at us all the time. They had to do detention as well, but we were blamed. It is always those that fight back that are blamed.
  • I remember getting into a fight with a kid named Chris, and literally kicking him in the stomach after I knocked him on the ground. He picked on me all of the time, and I thought kicking his ass would make me feel better; and at that moment, it did.
  • I somehow became friends with this really popular girl when I started high school, and I was invited to sit at the popular table. One day their table was too full, and so I went to choose another seat, and they all came over to sit with me; one by one. One of the other girls (not the one that I initially became friends with) noticed I was sitting somewhere else, and came over to sit with me, and so I asked her, “why aren’t you sitting with your friends?”, and she replied, “what do you mean, I am.”. I thought I would burst with happiness, and I still get a warm feeling when I think about it.
  • I once fell asleep in Geometry class, which wasn’t so bad, because I usually am a pretty silent sleeper; what made it bad, was the sound/sensation of me farting woke me up. That is still embarrassing, damn. I seriously don’t think anyone noticed though, so I guess it wasn’t that bad.
  • I remember in 7th grade, something happened with the government (I seem to believe it was war/attack related?), and my social studies teacher didn’t teach class, and held us in her classroom for most of the day (since it was where we were when “it” happened). She said that if we had activities we could work on, we were more than welcome, and she included using Walkmans. I, for whatever reason, had mine, and listened to the Young Guns II Soundtrack. I have no idea why I remember that detail.

With all of these random glimmers of memories from my childhood coming back this morning, I tried harder and harder to remember other things; but the weird thing is, I really can’t. It is weird how you can block out feelings and memories to cope with bad things that have happened in your life (like my sister not remembering anything to do with her car accident). Even weirder still, is that I can’t unblock them. Anyone else have this same experience with blocked memories? If so, why? I could go into more detail about the crappy childhood if you wish, but my anxiety is high enough today without delving deep into it; so I will start with just this glimpse into it.

"pointless", civil rights, is it just me?

what to blog… what to blog…

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Hmm… I have been sitting here wondering off and on to myself all day, “self, what should you blog about?”, and honestly, I haven’t come up with much of anything. I would love to say something about Bush and his speech last night, but I couldn’t stand listening to him long enough to make it all of the way through. What I did hear was a bunch of promises that I don’t see how he can meet; but we will see. At least it is a start. On the other hand, I did agree with pretty much everything Senator Jim Webb said after the SOTU speech. He is one smart and brave guy, in my opinion.

I discovered Netvibes last week, and just started using it today. We will see how long that keeps my interest.

Also today, I am in a sort of debate with Recovering Baptist about the whole abortion = murder thing, and I honestly still can’t wrap my head around why people tend to be all or nothing on this issue (i.e., there are no circumstances in which abortion isn’t murder, etc.). I can understand that one would be against abortion; fine, but abortion isn’t murder, and it is also important to point out that there are regulations on abortion to prevent it from becoming murder (i.e., not allowing them in the 3rd trimester in almost every state; because the third trimester is widely held as the first time a fetus can live outside of the body, with very being able to survive few before that). So I just wonder, why am I seen as advocating the murder of a child, when I am not? What I am advocating, is the right of a woman to choose what happens to her body, her uterus, and her life; not whether a potential child should or should not be allowed to grow and become a separate living, breathing person, which again, isn’t murder. I am not advocating or promoting abortion; if it were me, I don’t know if I could honestly say that I would have one… but I would at least like the choice to be made by me, for me.

I think, and will always think, that abortion rids the body of cells, cells that are part of the mother, cells that could become a child if allowed to continue growing and developing; but a collection of cells nonetheless. I also feel like I try to see other people’s opinions on things, even if I don’t agree and don’t change my own, but on this issue, I find that most pro-life supporters tend to (with the exception of some) be, unfortunately, very narrow minded, which I find frustrating, because it doesn’t solve nor shed any light on the argument. I know we can all be narrow minded, but I TRY not to be, and wish everyone would. I just wish that everyone could have the right to make choices about their lives; but obviously, I wish this within reason. But, I do know that this is something that is a matter of opinion, and anything that involves religious belief is impossible to truly argue for or against, so, I assume that the discussion will always go on. I know I will not be able to change most opinions on choice or abortion (even though that would be great!), but I talk about it, in order to add a voice to those that advocate freedom and choice, in order to have someone speaking against those that will advocate religious-based controls and the stripping of personal rights for women. These aren’t meant as jabs, they just are what they are; different sides of an issue… in this case, the right to choose.

Other than these random things, I have really been enjoying some great music today. I finally made a new mix cd, and I am very happy with it. I am also going to be getting stuff ready for the music podcast that I want to start doing for the Georgia Podcast Network, which is something that is motivating me to check out new stuff. Sometimes it feels like pushing a rock up a hill to get anything at all done in my life; so I tend to cling to the things that come easy and motivate me (of which, there are very few). Perhaps these things will jump start the rest of it. I also thought about posting the mix (like for DL), but wonder if anyone would actually want it. If you do, let me know… and I might just tell you what’s on it!

is it just me?, listen up!, venting

fuck comcASS (that’s right, the t is silent)

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After a month of me calling repeatedly to see why my “high speed” internet connection has been working at less than dial up speeds, I finally thought that today I would get resolution. I talked with the Comcast person on Thursday, and here’s what she said (keep in mind, this would be the 5th time I have heard the exact same thing):

It appears that there is a massive amount of packet loss when I ping your modem. There must be something wrong with the modem, because we don’t have any outages or problems in your area. I will be glad to send a technician out.

YAY! ANOTHER technician is coming! But, despite my negative sarcastic attitude, I was actually hoping that this one would actually come in and look at the problem. See, the last guy said he called me 3 times and even came by the house and knocked on the door, but I never answered either. Weird thing is, I was HOME when he “called”, and he never knocked on my door. I found out he was calling the wrong number (which I had corrected 3 times prior to that date, but then, we are dealing with lower level primates here, so I guess that was to be expected). So, you can see why I was less than excited about someone else coming out… I was essentially just hoping he would actually show.

Cut to today. I woke up early, and they called to let me know they guy would be here around 11:30 (they got the number right this time!). Sure enough, around 11:30, I greet the Comcast guy, and he comes in. I direct him to the office, and stand there as he gets to work. Instantly, he types in an address in IE (yuck), and proclaims, “there doesn’t seem to be a problem; everything is working just fine”. WOW! Really???! That must be why I have called so many times and have had so many people come out! Because there is NOTHING WRONG!! Thanks for coming by!! Good day sir!

Um, no.

So, I immediately tell him what they have told me on the phone, packet loss, yadda yadda, and so he reluctantly starts to tinker. Remember that his words were, “everything’s fine”, initially, because that will become important again later. While he tinkers, I actually feel a little more optimistic, so I leave the room. He tinkers some more. Then, I go in to see what is going on, and he assures me things are fine. He has run the numbers, etc, and everything is hunky dory. Um, no. I didn’t get you out here to tell me things are fine when I know they aren’t, douche. So I say, maybe something is wrong with the modem, considering that they say the modem is having such packet loss and whatnot. He then deflects that to the router, which I expected, and says that the router must be the issue. I assure him that it isn’t because even when you hook the computer directly to the modem, the same shit happens. Finally, after a bit of pushing, I get him to actually TRY a new modem! SHOCK! AWE! So he goes and gets it, and comes in to tinker some more.

The whole time he is doing this, he is walkie-talkieing with his boss on his NEX-TEL. Okay, now the new modem is hooked up (I watched him tinker this time), and guess what…. NO INTERNET AT ALL!!! It must be the router! So he hooks it up to my PC, and low and behold, he gets a “bad” IP address, and that means that the PC’s ethernet port must be fucked! Holy shit! Try the other one! Yep! That one gets a “good” IP address!!! It’s your PC dude!!! Um, no.

Then, being the complexly intelligent sage with a memory of steel, I remind him that when he arrived, THINGS WERE FINE (see, I told you it was important to remember that). He stumbles for a second, only to continually repeat that “bad” IP address routine. Um, no. That doesn’t work for me buddy, and so I say, “well, if it worked fine, per your words, when you arrived, how is the ethernet port on my computer all of a sudden the problem? Maybe that was something you did?” Well, perhaps that hit a button with him, because he started to argue with me at this point. I went from pissed to livid in like 2.5676 seconds, and laid into him. But I came to my senses quickly, because I was quickly shown he had NO IDEA what he was talking about. He kept bouncing back and forth from the router, to the ethernet connection, to the new modem (kind of like my connection, I suppose); but then hit me with the kicker… “sir, you are the one that asked for the new modem.”

Um, what? I did not! I told you it COULD be a problem with the modem, and that you SHOULD probably look at that before you just up and leave!!! He insisted that it was my fault, because apparently the new modem didn’t like my ethernet port. WTFever dude. I was so livid, that I told him it was pointless to argue with him, because he obviously had no idea what he was talking about, and that he was talking to me like I was stupid, so I told him to hook up the old modem and go. He then had to call and get permission to do that (what?!), and finally did that and left.

Now, not 20 minutes after he has gone, the internet doesn’t work through the router (at least, not when I hooked it back up after he left), AND, it is hooked directly into my PC (remember the one with the bad IP address, which kept it from doing internet), which I AM USING FOR INTERNET. Consequently enough, the “bad” IP address had something to do with starting with a 169, and right now, the IP address my PC is showing starts with 24. Again, not a clue what he was talking about.

Needless to say, I will be doing 3 things:
1) I will call Comcast one last time to let them know that their techs are rude, argumentative, and downright insulting. I will also use this call as an opportunity to tell them they can shove their “high” speed internet up their respective ass.
2) I will be calling Bellsouth DSL, and see how much it costs, and how quickly, they can have DSL in my house. I had DSL in the past, and I had no problems with the DSL itself, it was just the company I had it through that caused me problems. Since I won’t be with them, hopefully this will be a good solution.
3) (and this is probably the best one) I will be filing a claim with the Better Business Bureau against Comcast. I feel like there are too many people that experience the same problems that I have had with their internet for this to go unsaid. I am tired of a “solution” to a problem be “well, it’s your router, computer, ethernet, yadda yadda yadda”. NO. It isn’t, douche, fix it! Needless to say, I filed one on them before for shitty customer service, and they weren’t too happy. I doubt they will be this time either. If you have these same issues, I BEG you to please do the same. The more strikes against them, the better. Don’t steal my money and give me nothing but empty promises… or you will get filed against.

Whew. I know that this is a long entry, but I had to get it out. I have internet (albeit slow, dial up like internet), and am hoping that it lasts until I can get Bellsouth out here. Hope everyone else is having a great Saturday, and to detox from this horrid experience, I am going to see Children of Men with a friend. I have had enough “internet woes” for one day.