Category: hmm interesting

some days, you just want to stay in bed…

And some days, you do! This has been my MO for the past several days; lots of rest, and the forced retreat to my comfortable resting spot, my bed. Since throwing my back out on Saturday, I have managed to get a lot of rest, and, in the process, get much better, but I am still experiencing the brunt of the injury (at least I can walk now… thank GOD). Hopefully, things will be right as rain soon, as I am seriously STARTING to get a little cabin fever.

I do have to admit, that I am super pleased that my work has been kind enough to let me work from home, and I have seriously enjoyed the time that I have spent relaxing these past few days. It has kind of been like a mini-vacation; except for the working from home, and the trapped in bed with immense pain parts. To top it all off, the drugs that they gave me serve me well, but only seem to make me incredibly loopy, and feel nauseous as well. Here’s hoping the heating pad does its job, and I am back in action soon.

I want to get out and go see Transformers, because everyone is a buzz about how good it is. Nothing like some mindless special effects to make you take your mind off of your throbbing back, right? When I regain the ability to walk without assistance, James and I are going to take in a showing.

Also, on a weird note, I randomly found this website, that “rates” your blog with a movie rating; based on some unspoken algorithm, and I found it kind of interesting how mine was rated, and more importantly, why they rated it as such. Here’s what I was given:
Online Dating

Mingle2Online Dating

Wow, an NC-17! Eat that Elizabeth Berkley! But what is more interesting in the extreme rating, is the justification:

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words: gay (31x), pain (5x), queer (4x), sex (3x), hell (2x), hurt (1x).

Well then… gays in pain, who identify themselves as queer garner an NC-17 rating… interesting how that takes precedent over sex. Weird. Oh well, I just thought it was interesting. Perhaps there is more to be said, but honestly, I am too focused on my back to get into it.

Hope everyone is better than I am today, and I hope to be back on me feet soon.

where in the world is duane?

The answer: In bed. And, I have been in bed for literally, the entire day; in fact, I am writing this, sitting in bed with my laptop (thank God for that wireless USB adaptor that I bought way back when).

Why have I been in bed all day, you ask? Well, yesterday, I was walking about the house, picking up Sydney’s toys, which were due a good washing, and I leaned down to get one in the kitchen, and upon standing up, found a sharp, shooting pain in my back. It was so intense, I literally fell face first to the floor. After laying there for a few minutes, I felt much better, and made my way back upright; but not totally. I was able to walk comfortably bent over a bit, and as long as I leaned to my right, I was somewhat comfortable.

I went on with some caution, but figured it would be better this morning. Much to my surprise, it wasn’t. I woke up this morning, literally screaming at the top of my lungs in agony. Imagine the worst charlie-horse you have EVER had, multiply it by 10, and then place that in your lower back. Literally, I made my way out of the bed, because I had to pee, and I was seriously contemplating just peeing sitting on the floor, because standing up caused me so much pain. (I did manage to force myself to get up and use the toilet, so don’t get too excited). If I could rate my pain level on a scale of one to ten, this was easily a ten.

The worst part, is that it is still here. I have managed to limp around the house a TINY bit today, but for the most part, I have stayed still in the bed; with the occasional writhing in agony when my back decides it wants to spasm, just because I moved.

I did manage to watch the entire series of Kitchen Confidential, as well as Superman Returns, though, which was something to keep my mind off of the pain. When James got home, he brought me food (didn’t eat all day until he got here, around 6), and he kindly hooked me up with my laptop, and a new movie selection. I wanted to go to the doctor, but I am serious when I say, that the only way I could get there, would be on a stretcher.

I got lots of pain meds, and muscle relaxers from my doc, and I hope that they ease the tension in my back, and manages to stop this awful spasms.

Updates will provided as necessary… hopefully, they will be good updates. Wish me well!

pride, biology, orientation, and all things that make us gay

Since this weekend is the 37th annual Atlanta Gay Pride festival, I thought I would reflect a little on pride, and what better way to do that, that with an article a flickr pal of mine sent to me about the biology of homosexuality? The article talks about current studies that are being conducted, many of which are looking at various biological trends in humans that indicate a biological representation of homosexuality. It builds on the studies from the past that looked at things like the differences in the hypothalamus (which was seen to be noticably different in homosexual men), and also looks at other interesting things potentially linked to your propensity to be gay, like being the youngest boy in your family, the length of your fingers, the direction of the whorl in your hair, and many other biological traits. What it goes on to show, is that the representation of these traits are sometimes significantly different for gay men, and even lesbian women, and as such, may prove to be biological markers that can be used to truly say that homosexuality is biologically determined.

While there is a lot covered in the article, and there are a lot of different points made, I thought it was interesting that first of all, we need to prove that homosexuality is somehow biological. I see how this proof would end the discussion that homosexuality was a choice, but it does open up a whole new can of worms, which is best summed up with this statement from the article:

If sexual orientation is biological, and we are learning to identify how it happens inside the uterus, doesn’t it suggest a future in which gay people can be prevented?

It appears that there is also some research looking at the possibility of genetic markers that “cause” homosexuality, and while they aren’t confirmed, it does sound both intriguing, and scary at the same time. I for one can’t imagine what would happen if it turns out that homosexuality is inherently genetic, and they do, then, start searching for a cure. (Additionally, I should note that the conclusion that lesbians are somehow “less homosexual” or even “more fluid” with their sexuality, because they haven’t identified as many markers in women is NOT something I endorse or agree with. Jumping to conclusions without research to back it up is dangerous and stupid.)

The whole notion of “curing homosexuality” is a scary thing, because I for one, don’t think that homosexuality is a disease, and as such, it certainly doesn’t need a “cure”. I am extremely proud of who I am, and being gay is a large part of that. I think that if I were meant to be born straight, I would have been. Plain and simple. I know that everyone doesn’t share my sentiment, especially those that hate themselves because they were born gay, but think about this: being gay, if it is truly biological, is essentially the same as if you were born black, red-haired, blue-eyed, female, or any other non-harmful biologically identifiable trait. The point is, that if it was meant to be, it would be. That is the way nature works.

But what about diseases, and genetically defective biological traits that can be identified and cured? Does this mean that I think that we should just let those diseases that can be prevented with genetic suppression go unchecked? No, I think that is a different argument, mainly because being gay has absolutely no provable detriment to a person’s life; other than, of course, the environmental and external influences that affect us. And we all know that just because you are gay doesn’t mean that you will be subjected to these influences, and just because you are straight, doesn’t mean you will be immune to them.

While being gay may be a “harder” life because of all that we face; discrimination, degradation, violence, hatred, etc, it is a life that we have lived, and because of what we go through, it shapes us into who we are. We are made up of both our biological selves that were given to us at birth, and we grow and are shaped by our experiences, and become who we are by combination of the two.

Now, I know for a fact that my experiences didn’t make me gay, but, they did happen to me because I am gay, and they helped me become who I am today. I am a proud, out, gay man, and I know what I know because of the journey I have been on to this point in my life. It is the journey, and what I have made from it, that I celebrate this weekend, and it is my hope that this important aspect of each gay person’s life is not lost if and when biological determinants are truly, and irrefutably identified.

Unfortunately, I am realistic about the world we live in, and I fear that the hateful, bigoted, religious extremists will force the issue of screening for these biological traits, in an effort to make gay people inferior. Even more, I fear that they will go further, and try to eliminate gay people from being born.

I hope that just because we identify that being gay isn’t because “you took dance instead of playing basketball”, and that it is because “you were born biologically homosexual”; people will NOT seek to eliminate the biological traits that make us special, unique, and wonderful.

Being gay is being different.
Being gay is being who we were born to be.
Being gay is who I am.
Being gay is who many others are as well.
Being gay is normal.

We are no less human, nor any less worthy of our lives as gay people, than anyone who is black, female, blonde haired, or left-handed is worthy of their life as who they were born. I hope that we can continue to live in a diverse world that begins to see these studies as a means of acceptance, and not as a means of elimination.

Given the tone this article has the potential to set, I for one, want to focus on the pride that I have for who I am, the community that I identify myself with, and what it means to sit here, typing this post as a proud gay man. It has been a long journey, but I know that I have a long way to go; and I couldn’t be happier that I get to take the journey myself. This weekend, I will celebrate this with my fellow gays in Atlanta, and it will be a beautiful thing. After the weekend, I will tell you all about it. Come out and see us if you can!

Happy Pride, y’all.

more tattoo, tetanus shot pain, and reflections on losing a loved one

Getting tattooed tonight… not looking forward to the pain, but I am very anxious about getting it done; the design is so cute. I can’t wait. I am worried that it is going to hurt like nobody’s business because of the all over the body pain I have been experiencing since I got a tetanus shot on Monday.

They said that I would be a “little sore”, but it literally feels like someone stabbed me in the arm, and that my arms and legs are in a vice. I just feel extremely uncomfortable in my skin right now. I hope that the pain from that subsides, and I really hope that it doesn’t make the tattoo more painful (which it sometimes can).

Other than that, there isn’t a whole hell of a lot going on with me right now. I am pretty much in limbo zone, trying to get these vaccinations squared away for going back to school. I will be glad when it is finished, and I can find out about my acceptance and all that fun stuff. I have to admit that I am excited about going back to school, but there are two things that are worrying me; I am worried that I won’t do as well as I want to, and I am stressed about the amount of time it is going to take to finish my degree. I just wish I could dedicate 100% of my time to it and knock it out… but we work with what we have, right?

Finally, last night I was watching Kathy Griffin’s My Life on the D-List, and it was a pretty sad episode, because her father died, and she was very distraught by his death. At the risk of coming across as somewhat heartless, I found that I couldn’t relate to what she was feeling; even though I felt bad for her, and as a result got upset myself. What most people would have probably felt during the episode would have been about how they would feel (or did feel) with regards to their own father’s death; but again, I didn’t relate. I had nothing. This is not to say that I wouldn’t be sad if my dad did die, but I just didn’t feel anything when the thought crossed my mind. Again, at the risk of coming across as heartless, I really don’t think that his death would affect me that much, mainly because of how distant my parents have become over the past several years. I talk with them maybe once every two months, and it is always me calling them for whatever reason (asking about when I had chicken pox for my vaccinations sheet was the most recent). The distance may or may not be a lack of caring, but at this point, I have stopped trying to fix it, and instead am learning to just deal with it. They are who they are, and if they wanted to be involved in our lives more, they would be.

See, here is where I am coming from: I had an 8 minute conversation with him on Father’s day, 75% of which I have heard every time I have talked to him on the phone in the past couple of years (they are coming to visit in the fall, he misses us, blah blah blah). Now, I am not saying that I don’t appreciate the sentiment, and that I don’t love my father, because there is nothing farther from the truth, but I honestly feel an empty place inside me where these deep feelings for him “should” be. Will that change? Probably not, because I know that he doesn’t “approve” of my “lifestyle”, and he and my mother keep their distance with expert skill. If things could be different, perhaps I would have identified more with Kathy, instead of simply feeling bad for her loss. Perhaps one day, I won’t feel that emptiness, and will fear the death of my own father, but for now, it isn’t something that particularly bothers me, especially because of his continued absence in my life. I remember being little and one of the things I worried about the most was losing my mother or my father, and as time has progressed, those fears have been hushed so significantly, that they simply aren’t there anymore. I have become numb to that fear, and I honestly couldn’t tell you if I would even feel anything at all. It is strange how your relationships can change so dramatically, especially when you have little or no control over those changes.

I guess that’s how it goes sometimes. Nothing to feel bad about, really, I guess I am just reflecting. I am feeling sort of reflective with Pride weekend coming up and all, and the show just triggered this lack of a reaction, really. Just thought getting it out there would make sense.

Totally shifting gears, who all is going to be out and about during Pride? We should be having a tent, so please, stop by and hang out!

family values, or neoconservative propaganda?

Yesterday morning, before work, I got a call from a solicitor. When I answered the phone, the lady on the other end asked for the woman of the house. I informed her there was no woman of the house, and that the man of the house was speaking. She then went into her scripted speech about her cause; the Dove Foundation. She asked me questions about whether I was concerned about the “lack” of “family” oriented movies that are being produced by Hollywood. I told her no. Shocked, because she said “oh”, she continues to throw “facts” at me about how many more R rated movies are produced, and how there aren’t enough “family” oriented films being produced at the same rates. She then asked if I was concerned that this gap was so disparate, and asked why I thought it was. I then told her that movies are made to make profits; Hollywood makes movies that will sell, and it is less about family entertainment, and more about profit margins. Again, I got an “oh”. All in all, I listened to her spiel, I was polite, and our call ended with the traditional no three times rule (which is really annoying by the way).

As I got to thinking about the call, and after investigating the foundation, I felt the need to post about it, because I had some thoughts I wanted to express. First of all, I thought it was odd that she would initially ask for the woman of the household. Perhaps this foundation believes that it is the mother, not the father, who has the job of protecting and representing the “family” values that the Dove Foundation so solidly wants? Or maybe she just wanted to talk to a woman, either way, it was something to think about.

After investigating the website, and their justifications for backing one film, and not backing another, I found it to be pretty inconsistent with regards to violence and representations of “family”. Take for instance, they approved Spiderman 3 (which is no doubt, a violent film), but did not approve Pirates of the Caribbean, citing that Pirates was too violent. Now, I don’t see a need for an organization to approve or disapprove a film because of the level of clearly fictionalized violence, because if you are a parent, you should be intelligent enough to know that each of these films holds the potential to be violent, and as such, may be inappropriate for children; especially considering that each of these films are rated PG-13. If you lack this sort of filtering mechanism, well, I don’t really know what to say other than, wow, you are pretty willfully ignorant, so it probably doesn’t matter to you what your kids watch, does it?

But the violence inconsistency wasn’t what got my goat; it was the disapproval for movies that represented anything that wasn’t the judeo-christian “norm” of family (again, with inconsistency). I looked up three films that I thoroughly enjoy and own, all of which are rated PG-13: Best in Show, Rent, and De-Lovely. I picked these films, because I had a hunch that a film that portrayed gays in a positive light would not be approved by the “family”-centered foundation. I was correct. Each film was shot down, and here are some of the descriptions that were used as to why they were not approved:

Best in Show:

Content Description: Sex: picture of gay man in strange outfit, baring his bare bottom; two men kiss briefly; two women, outing their attraction for each other, kiss passionately; one woman has been sexually promiscuous in her past; the discourse coming form the gay couple is peppered with references to homosexuality – three other sexually based dialogues.

Rent:

RENT As you can tell from the above synopsis, this is NOT a family-friendly film. Like it or not, it is a peek into the underground world of drugs and homosexuality among a group of friends on the streets of New York at the “End of the Millennium.” Don’t let the singing fool you, this is serious stuff. Be prepared to see same-sex kissing, crude and suggestive dancing, cross-dressing, prostitution, drug addiction and withdrawal, and the effects of AIDS. The homosexual lifestyle is portrayed as acceptable and supported by family and friends.

and finally, De-Lovely:

De-Lovely has much to offer both musically and dramatically. And in a day when Christians are faced with pressures to consider homosexuality an acceptable lifestyle, De-Lovely may be worth seeing and discussing simply because it approaches the topic without being terribly graphic. It includes males dancing and kissing as well as implied sexual encounters. The film promotes the claim that homosexuals, like heterosexuals, are simply searching for love in their own way. Unfortunately, appropriate moral commentary is absent from this film, making it impossibel (this was taken from the site, as is) for awarding it the Dove Seal. The film adds crude and profane language.

What I see as something that IS consistent, is a disdain for anything that portrays homosexuals in a positive manner, or anything that shows the acceptance of homosexuality as a part of someones life. That disgusts me, especially because they rest on the laurels of promoting “family” values. This says to me, as a gay man, that I do not represent family values because I am gay and proud of who I am. This says that my friends, who are a lesbian couple with three children, are not a family, because they represent a positive example of a homosexual couple successfully raising children. That is religious propaganda, and should be called out for what it is. If you want to say that you promote family values, then promote happiness, safety, love, compassion, togetherness, and other positive values that would be fitting for any family to strive for. If you want to prevent children from being exposed to these “crude” representations of actual life, that I totally understand, as I would never take my child to see any of these films. BUT, that doesn’t mean that these films don’t contain elements of normalcy, decency, and representations of family, love, happiness, and life. To deny that, and to say that you don’t approve, represents ignorance, and more importantly, participation in a neoconservative propaganda campaign against homosexuality, and frankly, sexuality all together. That is a scary thing, especially considering the rate at which young people are being affected by AIDS these days; ignorance will make it worse.

Finally, I also found it interesting how much praise was given to the story of a father and son, which begins with a pretty jarring representation of mass murder, where the mother and all but the one son are brutally killed (even though it is implied and not explicitly shown). What movie to I speak of? Why, Finding Nemo of course!! What I find disturbing about their strong approval of this film, is that I personally know that there are several children that are traumatized by the beginning scene that I speak of, so much so, that if they would have been taken to see this Dove approved film in the theater, the parents would have been forced to take them outside because of the trauma and crying that would ensue. Forgetting that intensely jarring detail that happens at the beginning of the film seems pretty negligent of this organization, in my opinion.

Perhaps this organization would be better served by trying to make more films that it deems positive, and spend less time trying to denigrate other films that represent alternative facets of society. By doing what they are doing, they are proving that not only are their “values” inconsistent in several cases, but they are taking a positive effort to provide “family safe” entertainment, and hiding it under a religious, neoconservative, hate-filled propaganda campaign. So I say, don’t turn your positive into a negative; if you really want “family safe” entertainment, exercise a level of intelligence when taking your kids to the movies. Unlike what they are saying, there isn’t a lack of “family” movies at all, and damning all the ones that they don’t approve of is distracting from their cause (if that really is their cause).

is there anything else?

So yeah, I felt like I had a while ago, but now I really believe that it has finally happened; I have hit the end of the internet. I have seen everything that I could “stumble upon” (no relation to the site… but maybe I should check that out?), and I only have about 4 or 5 websites that I drift back and forth on throughout my day. Of course, it is the staples like flickr, digg, the news channels, my site, etc; but that’s it. I don’t watch videos on you tube because my computer has no sound and I share an office. Also, I listen to my ipod, so it is silly to watch videos with no sound; so that site’s out. What else is there? Is there something amazing that has new fresh content every day that I need to be seeing? Is there something that I am missing? Because it seems that even the regular bloggers don’t blog everyday, so again, there is a lack of new and fresh stuff. As such, I find myself clicking through flickr throughout the day, over and over again. So, tell me what you guys look at, and what engages you on these internets; because I feel like I am either missing it, or I have already seen it, and that’s all there is to that.

presumably something for everyone!

Happy Monday kids!!! So, things are a bit all over the place in my brain today, so I thought I would just jot it all down, and put it out there; since I am sure that there is a little something for everyone. Perhaps it will cure your boredom, or at least give you something to think about! Here we go… ready?

  • I have been listening to Muse, Zwan, and a lot of ROCK lately. I am enjoying the hell out of it too; it totally reminds me of my alternative/rock days where Weezer and Smashing Pumpkins were all I listened to. For some reason, people find it odd that I love hard rock, but alas, there it is. To continue that thought, I cannot wait until July 24th; Guitar Hero Encore: Rocking The 80s comes out. I will be at Best Buy that day getting my copy. Want to come over and play? Hopefully, that can calm my intense hunger for Guitar Hero III; which I should probably be saving up for, since I have to get everything for the Wii.
  • This is fantastic news. I am really happy when justice is truly served. This guy didn’t deserve to go to jail for a consensual sex act; no one does. I am happy to see that he is finally free; although, the prosecutors are seeking an appeal. Ugh, leave the kid alone, he has already done 2 years in jail for no reason.
  • This is like my nightmare. I love roller coasters, and have always thoroughly enjoyed them, but this type of thing just scares me. I know it is highly unlikely, but still, I can’t imagine being stuck at the top of Acrophobia at Six Flags over Georgia for that long. I would pass out, piss myself, and probably have an aneurysm while they were trying to save us. That is probably why I don’t ride that one anymore; it is too much for me to handle, and I heard that it actually did get stuck at the top once, and they had to manually lower it. Fuck that. I feel bad for those people, because they are probably ruined on roller coasters now.
  • Here’s the only thing you will hear from me about the whole Paris Hilton thing: Paris, none of us think for a second that you are just “acting” dumb. You are dumb. And rich. And that is the only reason why anyone even pays you any attention. Just do your time for the crime you committed, and move on. I am certainly sick and tired of hearing about you and your grossly over-privileged ass.
  • Apparently, there are drugs in the water in Albania. I mean, that is the only way I can truly understand why these people think that Bush is such a symbol of democracy. Those in Rome had a better idea of exactly who he is; and it is sad that there are still herds of people that are blinded by how awful this man and his presidency truly have been and continue to be. Also, how can people really trust someone who doesn’t bother remembering his position on things? This is someone that we are trusting to keep us safe, and he can’t even remember his position on global affairs and foreign policies. Yikes. I am awe that people still think he is doing a great job; this is just another example of how out of it he really is.
  • This is just creepy, but it is immensely informative. I watched the video for my car, and I was pleased to see that it crashes “well”. One of the biggest selling features for my car was the air bags and the safety features. Any of you that live and drive in Georgia know that you have to be protected from these assholes that love to fly down the road, talking on their cell phones, and not paying attention to anything. It still blows my mind that people don’t take driving more seriously; you are gambling with your life people!
  • There is a whole mess of hotness out there these days; and I am not talking about the weather. I was at the gym the other day, and I noticed John Cena on someone’s TV, and I was reminded at how “DAYUM(!!!!)” he is. While I think the whole wrestling thing is silly, and that movie ‘The Marine’ was pretty bad, he is so fucking hot, that it is almost worth sitting through that crap to see him. What a hunk. *drool* Also, I am totally loving me some Seth Rogen. I have thought he was cute since I saw him in 40 Year Old Virgin, and now that he is all over the place because of his new movie, I am drooling over him heavy. I have to get to the theater and see Knocked Up! Man, I could seriously stare at men all day; I am definitely a visual person. Good thing there are so many hotties to look at!!! Side note: Don’t worry, Jake, you are still my number one, honey!
  • Finally, let’s end on an amazingly HIGH note: Sara Bareilles‘ album, Little Voice, is coming out July 3rd!!!!!!!!!! I am so fucking excited, because as I have said numerous times, I absolutely adore Sara, and have been following her for years. I love her music, and I am so looking forward to her getting more exposure, and hopefully the recognition she deserves. If you haven’t already, go and download her EP in iTunes. You won’t be sorry; she is one of the best singers out there, and you must do yourself a favor and check her out!!! Congrats Sara!!! I will probably blog more about this as we near the release date; as I said, I am super excited about this!

Whew! Did you get all of that!?!?! Have a great afternoon!

well, it’s monday…

And there isn’t much going on. So, here are some different thoughts that I have been thinking about this morning:

I was talking with my grandma on the phone this morning, and she is a hoot! She can make laugh at any time. I always love hearing her stories, and her dealings with people. It is weird to me how people will treat someone though; people are consistently rude to her, and I just don’t get it (especially since she is so much fun and so nice). Even her own son won’t stop smoking for 5 minutes to have her around, and since she can’t stand the smoke, they don’t see each other very often (even though they live within spitting distance of one another). People are just how they are, I guess, and sometimes, you just have to say fuck ’em, and do your own thing. She and I talk about that a lot, and it is something that I really treasure that we share; we love each other, and try not to focus on those that just want something from us, or expect us to be something that we are not. She loves me for who I am, and I really appreciate that, and cherish it. I am very thankful that I have such a great relationship with her, because other than her and my cousin, I don’t really consider much of my family, actually “family”. Sometimes, you have to build your own family from what you have; and even though I only feel close to two, that’s two that I can definitely count on.

I was thinking about (i.e., I definitely want to) getting another tattoo. I want something on my left calf, above the ankle band tattoo that I currently have there. I thought about a Japanese dragon, but the more I think about it, the more I want something kind of unique. I called Russ, and he has some open spots this week, and his new shop opens next week, but I think this week would be too soon; especially since I don’t have a firm idea of what I want. Since I am wracking my brain in trying to decide what I want, I have a question for all of you: If you could get a tattoo of anything in the world, what would it be and why? Don’t worry, I won’t steal your idea… that is, unless it is a good one! LOL No seriously, I want to hear your ideas. And none of this “you have too many tattoos” silliness, because you can never have too many.

Other than that, I had a pretty great weekend, hanging out with friends, and just enjoying life. I feel like I am starting to worry less about things that are out of my control, and really find myself focusing on being happy with what I have. I am applying to Perimeter for some classes in the fall, and that has given me this sense of purpose that I didn’t think would come from such a small step. I finally feel like, for the first time in 4 years, that I am moving forward. And that makes me happier than you could know. Let’s just hope we can keep this momentum going!

“have a nice night, ladies!”

Last night, James, John, Andrew and I went to Flat Iron in the EAV for dinner, and chose to sit outside, because those of you that know this place, know it can be rather smoky inside. We found a table near the back of the outside section, and pulled up a few chairs, ordered our food, and got ready to enjoy our dinner.

While we were sitting there, we made comments about the people around us, nothing negative, more along the lines of, “hey, that guy right there is really cute, don’t you think?”, and we made small talk about this, that, and the other. Nothing that was said about the cuteness of anyone around us was said at an audible level where others could pick up what we were saying. We enjoyed ourselves, and our meal was good; but the guy sitting behind James, who was sitting with two other women at the last table (meaning no table was behind their’s) continually chain smoked, and blew the smoke directly at us and our table, even though there was no one on the other side of him. I remarked a few times at how rude of a smoker he was, because most people that smoke have the respect for others to not blog smoke continually in their faces; but this guy lacked that basic curtosey. I never made a remark other than, “what a rude smoker”, and again, only at an audible level necessary to have only my table hear my remarks.

While I did notice that the table seemed to react to most of what we were talking about when we were speaking at normal volume, I didn’t really pay it any mind, because I figured they just had nothing better to do, than listen to our conversation.

Just as we were finishing our meal, the three of them got up to leave, and the two women went first, while the guy stood up to put on his coat. In doing so, he hit James in the head with his arm, and flung his coat right in James’ face. While James let it go, it wouldn’t be the last interaction we would have from this guy. As he walked behind John and Andrew, he leaned in to our table and said loudly, “have a nice night, ladies!”. We all looked at each other, and said, “was he talking to us?”, and when it was quickly decided that he was, we said loudly, “um, what the fuck? What did he just say?”. Upon hearing our retort, he comes quickly back over to our table, leans in and says, “just so you know, you aren’t in a neighborhood where you can just talk shit about people you don’t know. I would be aware of that, if I were you.”. Kind if in awe, we all just looked at each other, and tried to figure out what “shit” we had talked about this guy (other than he was really cute; which went out the window at that point).

What I don’t get, is how this guy felt that us being gay, and talking amongst ourselves in the EAV was the “wrong neighborhood” for “us”. Basically, he was saying that we didn’t belong in that neighborhood because we were gay; and he was angry because apparently, we were talking shit about him. He is right about one thing, we did talk shit about him. He was a fucking asshole for blowing smoke in our faces the entire time we were there, and as such, I repeatedly mentioned that he was a rude smoker. But that was it. If he took offense to the fact that 4 gay men thought he was cute, that is his issue; but the problem, is that he was obviously uncomfortable around us, presumably because we were gay.

I also find it interesting that the EAV, for him, was the “wrong neighborhood” for gay people, espcially on that night, as the brand spanking new lesbian bar was opening one block over, which is just a hop skip and a jump from one of Atlanta’s most popular gay bars, Mary’s.

It was clear, that we were being gay bashed, even if it wasn’t name calling, physical violence, or something worse. The girls at the table next to us were also upset about the exchange, and told us that they were sorry, and that they hated people like that, but we tried to drop it and move on. It really wasn’t that big of a deal, to be honest, and I realized that then, and still believe it now, but even though it was a minor interaction with a homophobe, it really brings back the fact that, to many, we are not welcome because of who we are. People hate us because we are gay, and there isn’t anything that we can do about that. It is nice to have the shield that comes from living in the city, but this proves that even this close to the heart of Atlanta, we can still encounter hate and ridicule because of who we are.

I for one am glad that there was no further altercation, and that it wasn’t any worse; but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth, because I never expected something so crass at a place like Flat Iron. I also never thought that I would ever be “gay bashed” in the East Atlanta Village, a place that James and I really think of as part of our neighborhood, and home. I honestly hope that this guy doesn’t run into me again, because I would definitely be forced to say something to him again. I just wonder why people like him find it necessary to live in the city (or come to places that are extremely open and accepting like the EAV and Flat Iron), if they are unwilling to be accepting of different cultures, people, and sexualities? I am not going anywhere, buddy, so if you have a problem with gays, I suggest you hightail it up to Cobb county, because that is one place you won’t see many of “our kind”.

The whole experience just makes me realize just how shielded we are by living in the city, and how lucky we have it that we don’t have to be as hidden as those gays that live in smaller, more suburban areas. It also makes me never want to live in a small suburban area ever again.

irresponsible at best, and *shock* more blogger BS

Shame, shame, shame. This TB scare-tactic bullshit has gone too far. They released the guy’s name, picture, profession, and even identified his father-in-law, who ironically, works at the CDC in TB research. Now, I am all for questioning why in the hell homeland security fucked up (again), in not checking the passport of someone that was specifically flagged (even though, he could have just come in by boat.. no one suspects anything there!), but I think that it is wholly irresponsible of the media to unleash the shit-storm that this guy could potentially face; especially since he cooperating fully with the medical authorities.

I am over this nonsense. This is not news. This is media bullying, and it has no place on the front page of the news. Remember that war in Iraq? Did you know that last month was the deadliest month since close to the beginning of the war for our soldiers? Why isn’t that a steady topic; that we are at war? Not that one man, one of the 50 (49 cases from 1993-2006 + 1 =…) in the past 14 years to get this strain of TB, has gotten TB and travelled; especially since even CDC says that the chances of spreading it during air travel is very low? Perhaps most of all, I would love to know why it was necessary to release his name and personal information, as I know that there were people that were talking about how they felt this guy should be lynched because of “what he did”. It is typical of a society to blame people for their illnesses, but I think that in this sensitive issue (which was only made as such by the media sensationalism), providing his personal information to everyone is adding fuel to a fire.

I for one, hope that nothing happens to this guy or anyone in his family, because I would hate for them to be subject to the blatantly irresponsible and thoughtless reporting done by the media in this case. I mean, you really have to ask yourself: did we need to know who this man was, especially considering that he is in quarantine? Did we need to know who his family is? If so, why? Is it so important to have a person we can point the finger at, and blame for this situation? Because I don’t think that it was necessary, fair, and even borders on being illegal. If the issue is homeland security, focus on the border guard that let him through!

Thank GOD we don’t go around publishing lists of names, with pictures, of people that are infected with HIV and other diseases, because we might have a situation like in the past with diseases like bubonic plague and leprosy; shunning, isolating, and punishing people for simply being sick. Why do we continue to blame sick people for their illnesses? Obviously he didn’t want TB, and he was told that it wasn’t “recommended” that he fly; so what did he really do wrong? He is a lawyer, not a doctor, so it is safe to assume that he didn’t understand the potential threat he posed; so why not give him some slack, especially since he is COOPERATING!

Treat him. Test those that were exposed. And let’s fucking move on already.

Finally, a teeny tiny side note. I have read the article that is making waves through the ATL blogosphere. I will admit, that it did make me slightly angry that the “high and mighty” feel the need to continually poke fun at what I write, and my style of blogging. But here’s what I have to say in response to the constant jabs at my subject material and writing: if you don’t like my blog, I DON’T GIVE A SHIT; don’t read it if you don’t want to. It is my blog. I can do with it as I please; and I always have, and always will. I am not writing my blog to make a “best of list”; I am writing my blog for my own enjoyment. It makes me happy to be able to have a space where I can share my thoughts and feelings, and I don’t need anyone’s approval to do that. If no one reads it, fine! If people do, fine as well!

So, I have to say to those that continue to do this, if you feel the need to point down from your “high horse” (or so you believe it to be), then fine. I just hope that you understand that your “mental and intellectual superiority” and the fact that you believe that you, or others, are somehow better because that is what you have convinced yourself of, then you are not only confused, but frankly, you are eerily focused on being critical and discontent with the world (in this case, the blogosphere). Why not move on? Find a hobby that doesn’t include staying so wrapped up in what other people are saying or doing that you feel the need to belittle them constantly, and actually live your life. So what if what other people write doesn’t measure up to your “standard”; does it really matter? I guess if you want to focus on it, so be it, but ask yourself: who is the one that is really exhibiting the asinine, those that write about what you deem unworthy, or the fact that you continually feel the need to bring it up over and over again in your own writing? Do you not have anything substantive to write about, other than the belittling of others that you believe to be intellectually inferior? Just move on. You might be able to gain some of that frivolity that makes us “underlings” so gleefully happy from time to time. Or not, either way, it’s your bag, not mine. It isn’t going to change me. (And yes, I know at least one person that is going to make fun of this, but yet, I am still posting it. I didn’t write it for them, and if they want to convince themselves I did, cool! Flattering much? I say make fun all you want to, because you seem to be the only one that cares enough to do so).