Category: britney n’ k-fed

STOP BREEDING WITH KEVIN FEDERLINE. Thanks!

Okay, so I lied when I said earlier that there was nothing of real interest to talk about today… big mistake. First of all, I want to give a warm and happy birthday shout to Britney on start of her 24th year. Happy birthday girl!! But this year, Britney must have been feeling generous, because I believe that she has given me the present that I have been asking her for, for the last year and a half; apparently, she kicked K-Fed to the curb. Apparently, he had someone come over to the house so that he could buy some pot, and Brit ain’t goin’ be having that shit around little SP, so she kicked his ass out. WOO HOO!!!! Now, I guess I do want to ask Britney something, you listening honey?
Why did it take you this long to realize that this guy is a complete fuck up and a total piece of white trash?!?!?! He is a DOG! You should have kicked him out ages ago! But… I must say, thank you for doing it now. The madness has gone on long enough. Now, you can focus all of your time and energy on getting back to your sexified self. I provided you with some examples, so you can see what I mean. I love you, wish you a happy birthday, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting rid of the Fed. Just make it stick girlfriend… in this case, it is probably better that this baby don’t know his father. I’m just saying…

thanks josh!

Brit’s Birthday Songs:
Britney – Toxic (that’s right girl, you tell K-Fed that he is Toxic!)
Britney – And then we Kiss (Junkie XL remix)
Britney – Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know (Hex Hector Remix)
Britney – Stronger (Mac Quayle Remix)

Dear Britney,

I have seen all over the news about your baby pictures being leaked, and I have also seen your reaction to the whole incident. Now, while I do agree that it was unfortunate that you lost control over what happened to pictures of your child, you must understand a couple of fundamental rules of being who you are; Britney Spears.

First of all, whenever you cross the road barefooted and holding a Jamba Juice, the rest of the world wants to know. In fact, we want pictorial evidence that you did said actions. We love you, and that is why we care. We want to document your every move, because you are a superstar, whether everyone wants to admit that or not; including you. You are celebrity, and it is something that come with the territory.

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Not like I should be surprised, but what exactly is Britney doing? Is she single-handedly trying to get every girl in America pregnant like her? It was said that Britney believes pregnant sex is the best. (Bleck…) So all I have to say is thanks Britney, for coming in, once again, and telling us WAY TOO much information about you and sex-hungry K-Fed’s bedroom sports. For the record, we don’t really want to know all that stuff, there is something called tact, and we all really wish that you could start exercising a little bit of it, um-K? So for the love of baby-Fed, let’s not discuss how much better pregnant sex is, alrighty?

Update: Apparently, she referred to it as “crazy good”. And honey, as we look back on your life, when has crazy ever been good? Just a thought.

Being that I am so moved, I felt that this couldn’t wait until I got to work in the morning to post. I just finished watching the premiere episode of Britney and Kevin: Chaotic. Well, naturally, I have a few things to say about the “experience”.

First of all, after taking several pain pills for the headache I am nursing, and downing crackers and ginger ale to calm the nausea, I must calmly request that there be less footage of Britney “filming”. Essentially, she is just spinning the camera around, and all you can look forward to, is every once and a while stopping on her huge ass teeth. Seriously, I knew Brit’s teeth were perfect, but I didn’t know that they were the size of those conversation hearts we all love on Valentine’s. But I am glad that she has chosen to focus this show on her man and her bitchin’ teeth. Cause, hey, if anyone’s teeth are that damn perfect, you should film them. Lots.

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Alright, it has happened, Britney has her own reality show, but the question is, should we watch? Should we even take the time to sit down and give this a chance? The only person I can speak for is myself, and all I have to say is this: I will definitely be checking this out. Why? Why would I want to witness a proverbial train wreck in slow motion? Is it because I am a sadist? Maybe. Is it because I love pain? Maybe? But it is more likely because I want to see if you can pinpoint the actual moment where it all went wrong. Before the barefoot bathroom abominations, before the pregnancy. Get to know what went on behind that burlap curtain. So, I will be there on Tuesday night, trying to find which station UPN is on (do we even get UPN?), so that I can watch this atrocity. And worst of all? I am afraid that I might like it.

Today is a dark and sad day for teeny boppers all over the world: an idol has taken the final step into the trailer. Britney has admitted that she is pregnant, and by K-Fed. Yes, it is true that we all knew that this was coming, but none wanted it, at least, not by this boy. Britney has managed to find a man that left his girlfriend while she was pregnant (trailer), to be with her, only to impregnate her shortly after (trailer). Many may ask, ?Didn?t she think that was a bit strange? Couldn?t she see the signs??. Well, apparently not.

I really want to take the time to address the following to Britney:
Brit, honey, what has happened? I put out a plea for you to clean up some months ago, and apparently, you have ignored it. Now that you are going to be a mom, how do you think this will effect your ability to fit in those teeny little outfits we all love to see you in (think back to the ?I?m Not A Girl? video shoot)? Sure, I know you will hire a trainer, and be in better shape than I will ever be in my entire life only a few months after your delivery, but at least think about it. Nine months of carrying a baby? isn?t that more time than you and super hubby have been married? I believe so. But I digress? I guess what I really want to know is this one thing: If you really wanted to just have a kid and be a mom (which I actually do respect) then why did you have to rush it, and why with THIS BOY?? You could have had anyone? you are Britney freaking Spears!! But you chose a backup dancer, yeah, that?s right, a backup dancer. Well, for whatever reason, it is reality, and I guess we will all have to deal with it, as will you. I just hope that you can. And please, for the sake of your unborn child, sell that trailer you have set up camp in over the last several months, and get yourself and Kevin out of the trailer park. You have way to much money to have so little class. That is all, for now.

Since the debates are over, and we are on the last stops of the campaign trail, I thought that I would speak to something lighter, yet still important to my heart. Something that we all know must be addressed, as it has gone too far, and is certainly spiraling out of control. What is this I speak of, you ask? Simply put: Britney, honey, we need to talk. You and I need to sit down and go through some things, as soon as humanly possible. For you see, you have been left to your own devices, and it has obviously gone horribly wrong.

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