Category: all about me

all about me, hmm interesting, near and dear, tragic

examining vivid dreams

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Usually, I don’t remember dreams. If I do, they are usually pretty weird, or off the wall, and don’t really seem that vivid or realistic. This morning’s dream was definitely different from my usual dreams. In fact, I have been having very vivid dreams lately; but this one was especially real.

When my dream started, I was on the way back “home” to visit my parents, interestingly enough, in their old house. I was to be staying in my old room, and I went alone.

Shortly into the dream, there was altercation between me and my mother, after which, everything they have ever done or said to make me feel bad in my life poured out. I didn’t hold back. I packed up my stuff (it was my old room before they completely moved all my stuff out), and got in my car and left.

I kept waking up during the dream, and I forced myself back to sleep to see where it was going. It was so vivid, that it was almost like it was really happening. The part that worries me the most, is that in the dream, neither of my parents would own up to, or admit fault in any of the things I said they did. They both continually said that they were hurt that I was “accusing” them of hurting me, which only made me madder and more flippant, causing me to pack up my things and leave.

When I finally woke up and thought about this dream, I thought to myself, “I wonder if this is how it will really happen. I also wonder if this is a sign that this confrontation should happen soon.”. Eerie thoughts, since I am definitely not in a place to lay it all out on the line for them, but the idea of this potential outcome is interesting nonetheless. I go back and forth between wanting to tell them how I feel, and what they have done that has hurt me, and between doing nothing and avoiding them completely (as I am currently doing). I know that my mom reads this blog (even though she won’t admit it), and I am sure that other people in my family will see this, so in some way, I guess I am saying something about how I feel, but leaving out the specifics. Either way, this vivid dreaming provided me with a glimpse into a potential future action.

It is weird how dreams can speak for us sometimes, and in this case, it truly captured how upset and angry I feel about my family situation. Perhaps it is my subconscious telling me to take action, but unfortunately, I am not ready to listen to that advice. Someday, maybe, but not today; frankly, right now I am over the whole thing, and doing a pretty good job of avoiding it. I am also thinking of going off my depression medication… but that is a different, although related, subject.

all about me, is it just me?, listen up!, politics, that is so gay, the catch-all-egory, venting

thinking on tuesday: the results

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See! Sexual orientation is not a choice! Science is doing what it can to prove what we “sexual deviants” have always known to be true. Now, getting people to accept it… that’s the tricky part.

I don’t see how an anti-American protest and a call for American forces to leave Iraq on the 4th anniversary of the fall of Baghdad shows “progress” in the “war on terror”. To me, that just gives us more and more face time with the reality that we shouldn’t be there at all. The progress will come when we stop occupying a country that we have no business occupying. Sure, they weren’t able to assemble like that under Saddam (which is why it was touted as progress), but, uh, can’t we see that WE are their enemy? We weren’t the enemy before the war, so apparently, the progress here is in creating new enemies for ourselves.

On another war related thought, why don’t we hear more about the American troops that are killed every day in Iraq? I mean, there were 30 some odd troops killed over the weekend, and I don’t see that article or that reference anywhere. Instead, you have idiots like Mccain saying that Iraq is actually safer, speaking from under his body armor and from inside his heavily guarded human border. If Iraq is getting safer, how come more than a hundred people are killed there almost every day? That doesn’t sound very safe to me, especially since violence is surging in other parts of Iraq. So I guess “saving” Baghdad is all we need to say that things are going great? Gah.

Who the fuck eats peeps? I mean, they are pretty and all, but they are fucking gross. I love marshmallows, and I wonder why they had to ruin them by coating them in sugar. Who even eats just sugar anyway? It is gross! I did get a bunch of them though, and have been, and will continue to, take pictures of them. Like I said, they are pretty.

I worried about Sydney. He is still not feeling well, and I am letting my emotions get the better of me. I hope that he is back to normal very soon. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to him. I pray that nothing will.

Drinking every day is not a bad thing. Nope, not at all. Would you like another glass of wine?

I am really looking forward to dinner and drinks with my friends tonight. I love spending time with good friends.

That’s about it.

all about me, tragic, venting

damn damn damn damn

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No, I am not frustrated because I can’t get Eliza to learn to speak properly, I am frustrated because I just got off of the phone with Geek Squad. Yep, you heard me right. 3 days into this new computer, and already, there is something amiss. Fuck.

Basically, I noticed it yesterday. Whenever the computer goes into “sleep” mode, and is then “awoken” from this state, it no longer recognizes the sound card. That is only a problem if you are using the computer to play music and use it for mp3s and what not. Being that is like 1/2 of the reason I got a new PC, I have to take it in to see what the issue is.

He mentioned that they would swap it out, and to be honest, I hope that it isn’t anything that major. I had to wait for like 2 hours for them to put the spyware and virus software on there, and to add the memory I purchased; I don’t want to have to wait for them to do that again.

Let’s hope it is MINOR, and that the sound card is just loose or something. Or maybe, they will just give me a new sound card. Either way, I am on the one hand glad that this happened NOW, as opposed to a few weeks down the line, but when you buy something so shiny and new, you don’t want it to break ever, let alone three days into using it.

Oh well, wish me luck. On another Best Buy related note (because that is where I got my copy), the new fantastic Hilary Duff CD is out today. If “Outside of You” doesn’t make you go into a gay fit, then I need to see your gay card so I can tear off a corner. It is seriously wonderful! I heart you Hilary!

"pointless", all about me, show the love, the catch-all-egory

on a high

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Who needs anti-depression meds when you can just buy things!?! Seriously, I feel so bouncy and happy today, all because I have some shiny new things at home. It doesn’t come from the items themselves, but it was the actual “getting new things” that does it. It could have been anything. But this boy loves his technology, and I got a hefty dose of it.

And yes, I did need a new ipod. At least, that is what I keep telling myself. LOL I did order this kick ass skin for it from ifrogz.com (papaya wrap with the mandarin band, in case you were curious). I was going to go with my tried and totally trusted iskin, but the motherfuckers decided not to make orange cases anymore, and I am sorry, but that is just rude. I was holding out hoping that they would eventually add orange to their colors, like they always had, but no dice. They should realize that not everyone likes generic blue, red, pink, white, green, etc.; some people actually like vibrant colors, and ifrogz has my back. I can’t wait for it to arrive. I might have to just use to the old ipod until the case arrives, so that I won’t scratch up my new baby. Oh yeah, his name is Charlie. How cute is that?

As for the computer, I am IN LOVE with Vista. Perhaps, I am more in love with the fact that my computer actually does what you want when you click on something now. And it does it fast. When you drag a set of mp3s to make an itunes playlist, it takes less that 1/2 of a second, before, it took like 20 seconds. No lie. HUGE improvement. I don’t know why I waited so long to get a new PC, but I am glad that I finally did. Vista is pretty, but a bit muddled, as they make simple tasks difficult to figure out. It took me like 20 minutes to map my home network; although, to give it credit, it jumped right on the network upon just plugging in the ethernet cord. I guess you can’t have everything. I am going to attempt to burn a DVD tonight, and hope that it goes smoothly; after all, that was one of the reasons I wanted a new PC.

That’s about it for me today; it is difficult to concentrate, but that isn’t a bad thing… I am riding that retail therapy high. It feels really good. I can’t wait to get home and organize my music on my new PC, as I discovered that MOST of the music on my other ipod isn’t on my hard drive anywhere. Oh well… something for me to do! I also want to get some videos on there, that will be cool.

James is on spring break this week, and will be leaving me and Sydney all alone from Wednesday to Sunday. If there is anyone out there that wants to do something, this is the week to do it, because I will have access to lots of free time. Anyone interested in doing something one, two, or all of those nights?? Let me know! I am ready to hang, ya’ll!

Hope your Monday is going well!

all about me, well?

buying a computer may just be…

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…one of the most stressful and frustrating things that you can do in life. I have been looking for several hours at different features, different prices, and different brands, trying to make a choice that I won’t regret. What I have found out, other than realizing that I don’t really want to buy one, is that there is absolutely no solid consensus on which brand/model is better, and why. Even consumer reports finds that the difference isn’t significant between the top brands (with of course, the exception being Apple).

While I would love to get an Apple, I simply cannot afford it, and I sit here scratching my head, wondering which PC would be the best for me. I have had HP in the past, and only started to hate it once it started getting slower and slower. That was a result of time, I know, but the damn thing still works, and it was purchased in 1998. So I guess that is saying something personally for HP. BUT, James has a Dell, and loves it. No complaints. Other people want to piss on Dell, so there is no consensus as to which of the two is better. And then you have to consider that there is Gateway, eMachines, IBM, etc, out there, that may or may not be any better; again, can’t seem to find a consensus.

Overall, buying a new PC, something that I thought I would really look forward to, as my slow ass laptop leaves me more frustrated with every click of that iTunes icon, has turned out to be a solid example of frustration. Major frustration. I am going up to Best Buy to see if I can make any progress with a Geek Squad person, but I am sure that they are just going to try and up-sale me on a system that I don’t need.

Are there any computer experts out there that have a definitive word as to which computer would make for the best purchase? I don’t do any gaming with my PC, and I use it mostly for photo editing, mp3s, and the internet. I also tend to watch videos, but that is usually late at night, if you know what I mean. I don’t need anything super powered, but I want something that will run pretty fast, and do it every time. I want a machine that won’t break the day after the service plan expires, and I want one that will actually run the fucking “standard” Windows Vista. Do you have any answers to quiet my frustrated mind?

An appropriate response will not include any of the following:
“dude, just buy an apple.”
“I hate _______.”
“I have never had a problem with mine, but I haven’t really heard anything else either”.
“have you checked consumer reports?”
“get a ____, I work there!”

Alright, there it is. Let me know what you think. It should also be said that I have a Toshiba laptop which has been a gem of a computer, but they don’t seem to do much in the way of desktops, which is what this whole quest is centered on finding. I just hope that I can find something that will make me happy, and not take my wallet through the ringer in the process.

HELP!

BIG ASS UPDATE: So, um, should I just say FUCK IT, and go with a Mac Mini? I mean shit, it is only $50 more than the HP I am looking at. Seriously. Who thinks that is the best idea?

all about me, flickr, happenings, mixed media, show the love

the post-New York post…

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times square subway stationSo here it is, back from New York with a few stories to tell, and some slowly healing shin splints. I didn’t come home with much else, other than a ton of photos, which are now up, and getting attention on flickr. Check them out.

Alright, so here’s where we start: I got the closest spot to the terminal I have ever gotten in the parking lot on Sunday. Nothing monumental, but something I was excited about, both on Sunday, and then again on Tuesday, so worth mentioning, I guess. After flying up to NYC, I checked into my hotel, and wandered around Manhattan for a while. I walked to the Empire State building, and back up to Times Square. It was kind of cool not having an agenda, and being able to wander around and take pictures of the city. It was a lot of fun. It was then, that I wished I had brought my SLR, but I am even more glad I didn’t; I didn’t want to have to deal with it to be honest.

After my adventure around the city, and after an hour spent in Virgin Records (oh the love I have for this store), I met up with my good friend Steve for dinner and drinks. It was a good first day in New York, especially considering the last time I was there; it was freezing, raining, and I was very sick. Thank God that is not how it went this time!

Now on to the first day of working in NYC. I was supposed to meet my team around 8:30, upon which time we would travel over to the site for the site visit. I called them several times, but got no answer, so I figured I would just head over to the hotel. I had forgotten which hotel they were staying in, but quickly fixed that with a call to my buddy Deb. Just as I am about to head out to the hotel (after waiting 20 minutes for them to call me back), I get a call. It’s them. They are already in Brooklyn. Fuck. So, I walked up to the subway, and took the 2 train to Brooklyn. Now, I wasn’t nervous or anything, because I have done public transit in England and France (as well as here), so I pretty much knew how it worked. But, I made a mistake and got off 2 stops too early. That meant I had the wonderful opportunity to wonder around the ghetto in Brooklyn, and walked like 10 blocks to get to the site. All that, and no apology for leaving me. Nice. grand central station

That night, after having drinks with my coworkers is a cute gay spot in Chelsea (which I still think it is hilarious that my cute lesbian coworker took us there… my other two coworkers are straight, married men), I bought a ticket to see Avenue Q. I was fourth row. It was fantastic. I had the cast recording, so I knew what to expect, but it was better than even that. I loved it. After that, I went back to the hotel and crashed. Walking around the city in the wrong shoes is not a good idea.

After heading back to the site the next day, and having the best bagel ever, we headed back to the airport to come home. I had a great trip, got to see a great friend and a great show, and got to really enjoy New York, unlike before. I can definitely see the appeal of the city now… before I was blinded by blistering cold, torrential rains, and hallucination-inducing sickness. And, I had to stay in Newark last time, so staying near Times Square made everything just so much better. And that was my trip to NYC.

I can definitely say, that now, I too love New York. I want to go back soon…

all about me, happenings, listen up!, the catch-all-egory

I want to be a part of it…

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NEW YORK!

NEW YORK!!!

Today, I am off to NYC for a few days, for work. I am excited to go to the big apple, because last time I was there it was BITTER cold, and I was uber sick. I am going to take my camera with me (not my SLR, even though I know that I probably should, I am just not feeling comfortable about taking it for whatever reason), and hope to have a little fun and get some pictures of the city. I am very excited to be seeing my friend Steve while I am there, even though I still have to do some work too.

I will only have my Q for email and such, so I won’t be posting any long responses to comments. Feel free to leave them though, and I will do my best to address them when I return. Here’s looking forward to fun in NYC! I also hope to catch a show while I am there!!!

See you when I get home!

Now I am off to the store to by travel sized tooth paste and what not, because of the crazy flight regulations. I won’t be throwing it away this time, airport security man!!!

[fyi, this image isn’t mine. I will try to get some pictures while I am there, and they will eventually find their way to flickr.]

all about me, blog on blog, politics, well?

ways to make yourself extremely frustrated

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Update: Good grief. More frustration just in: Here’s another way to get frustrated; you realize that these are the people that are leading the country, and that they probably think that this is true. Tony Snow says that the Congress doesn’t have oversight of what the White House does. Hmm… I’m pretty sure that is the point of having a Congress, but then again, I’m not the press secretary, so maybe I got it wrong. Frustrating indeed. I guess we could just get rid of Congress you know, and then Bush could be the dictator he always wanted to be. That way, no one would be able to weigh in on any decisions that he makes, and he could just do whatever he wanted! Geez… what tyrants these boys keep proving themselves to be!

Right now, the number one way I am making myself frustrated, is trying to figure out how to change some of the things on my blog template. I feel like the side bar is extremely cluttered, and I wanted to get a drop down menu thing going on for the categories and the archives. But it doesn’t seem to be a solution out there that doesn’t require me to be an expert at PHP. I have toyed around with all of the suggestions I could find, and ended up more frustrated than anything, because nothing worked. Also, I don’t know if you have seen the files for the wordpress theme K2 or not, but when I click on edit, and it displays the code, I start to have the shakes and go into a pre-convulsive state.

I managed to learn quite a lot when I first started blogging, mainly, updating my HTML skills to moderate from easy, and learning all I could about CSS. The result was that I was able to edit and develop the template that I liked the most, and I was even lucky enough to stumble onto helpful solutions (the same drop down menu problem as now, was solved before). But I just feel lost right now. I mean, PHP seems SOOO confusing to me, mainly because it is this completely foreign code. I totally get CSS, but PHP is miles above my head.

Is there anyone out there that feels my frustration and wants to lend a helpful hint as to how I can A) learn some PHP so that I can do this myself, and B) point me in a direction where I will be able to find the solution? I am tired of going around in circles on the forums trying to see if anyone else has the same issue, only to see that they too never got it resolved.

I am also interested in maybe designing my own template, not because I don’t like K2 (because I really do), but because I don’t want to be limited in the future because of this template.

And that’s where I am sitting at this Friday afternoon. I hope everyone else is have a good day. One final note, yesterday, James and I met some old friends for beers after work, and it was definitely a great time. All of us haven’t gotten together in quite a while, and it was really nice to reconnect, and it made me realize that it has been too long. I hope that this is a sign that we will all start doing more things together, because good friends are certainly hard to come by, and when you have them, life is good.

all about me, blog on blog, concerts, flickr, listen up!, mixed media, music musings, photography

Lily Allen @ the Loft 3/19/07

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First of all, before I get to the frivolity of gushing over the pure pop deliciousness that is Lily Allen, and go on and on about how wonderful her concert last night was, I feel the need to address the petty drivel that continues to go on about the expressing of opinions, both by me, of me, and of others. AGAIN, for like the billionth time I have said this, I am going to say whatever I want, and if you want to disagree with me, cool! I welcome your opinions! If you want to blog about it on your blog, awesome!! I say go for it! But, if you are going to be sneaky, and blog about it on your blog, especially if you are going to do so by taking my words out of context and developing an opinion of me without addressing me, then you are going the coward’s route by talking about me behind my back. Just because the internet is a “public forum” doesn’t mean that talking shit about someone on your blog without their knowledge isn’t talking about them behind their back. If you want to do that, AGAIN, I am 100% fine with whatever you want to say or think about me, I have tough skin, and trust me, there is little you can do to hurt me. But just know that you are a ball-less coward, because if you really had the stones, you would just address me on here, where we could probably actually discuss it. But again, that’s your choice; just don’t accuse me of “preventing you from saying what you want”, because AGAIN, that is completely inaccurate. Jesus I am sick of talking about this shit, it is really frustrating talking to people who don’t listen.

Lily Allen 3/19/07 AtlantaAlright… Now on to Lily Allen!!! Last night, we went to the Loft (which I don’t know if they have changed the name to Center Stage again or not, it was actually a bit confusing) to see Lily Allen, and I have to say, she was bloody marvelous. I was a little nervous, mainly because I have never seen her live before, and I usually like to get an idea of what someone sings like live before I head out to a show, but Lily was fantastic. I absolutely loved her stage presence; she swears, she takes shots, she smokes, and she tells it like it is. I went into the show really liking her, and left loving her.

One of the things I love about concerts, is when the artist gives little quips about the songs that he/she/they are about to perform. Giving some story or some little anecdotal bits about the songs make them more meaningful, and sometimes, even clarify what the song actually means for me. Lily did that wonderfully, talking about the boyfriend who had a little penis and who didn’t know how to use it (“it’s the motion in the ocean, right ladies?” she asked, “not!” she quickly replied), and getting even with the girl that gave her shit in school (“this song’s about a girl that was like that bitch from Mean Girls.” she said, “I wonder what she is doing now… I’m playing to thousands of people in the ATL! HA!”). Overall, I loved Lily’s voice, and her singing is spot on. Add in the comedic quips, and you have a very entertaining show. I highly recommend that you pick up her CD if you are still living under a rock and haven’t heard of her. I also recommend that you kick yourself for not going last night, and try to catch her next time she is in town. This broad is great!

Something funny and weird happened at the show that was too interesting not to blog about. Basically, the Loft is standing room only, save for chairs that stadium up the back and sides of the main floor. Most of the people opted to stand, because being a small venue, you actually can get quite close. We were standing towards to side, and were by no means crowded or uncomfortable, but we still managed to get pushed enough to be annoyed. Finally, one girl aggressively pushes my friend Stu, and I was like, “Geez, why not just push him down! You could at least say, Excuse me.”, to her, loud enough that I knew she heard it. She immediately turns around, taps me on the shoulder, and seriously said, “Look, my father has cancer. We are going out tonight drinking because I am upset about it. I’m sorry, but I am being a bitch tonight.”, and then stormed off. Seriously. Her dad has cancer, so she gets to push her way around a concert like a bitch. Um, whatever sister. Dad + cancer does not = a free ride without manners in life. Think of some other excuse, or just be more polite in the future. Even her friend said, “Did you really just say that?”. Um, yeah. Other than miss prissy pants, the night went off without a hitch. The concert volume wasn’t too loud (which I HATE when it is), we met some friends at the show, and the concert ended early enough for me to get home and be in bed at a reasonable time. What a great night, eh!? I have put some pictures I took at the show up on my flickr page; be sure to check them out!