Author: duane

get involved, is it just me?, listen up!, politics, public health, tragic, venting, well?

why we need a national mental health system that works

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In light of the events that transpired this week, there is buzz on the internets about gun control and whatnot, and I was seriously thinking about chiming in, but I realized that there is something that is far more critical to focus on: mental health and the lack of support for those that need it. The man that committed these murders at VA Tech this week was suicidal and declared officially mentally ill and a harm to himself by a court and professional mental health professionals. So why didn’t he receive treatment? A teacher even threatened to quit if he wasn’t removed from her class because he was so disturbing; yet the system still failed him. If he would have had the support of a working mental health system, there might not have been an incident as awful as this one.

I am not saying that a mental health program that truly works to treat those that need it will solve all of these problems, and I am certainly not suggesting that this was a simple solution that could have definitely prevented the attack at VA Tech. But, it is ignorant to think that it couldn’t have at least opened up the chance that it could have been prevented.

The key philosophy of public health is prevention. It is the foundation upon which all of our epistemological approaches to handling epidemics and pandemics is built. Preventing the disease, and preventing it from spreading is always more important than waiting for the fall out of what happens when people become infected, or in this case, if the disease is allowed to run its course without treatment.

Cho was mentally ill. Severely disturbed. He should have gotten the help he needed. There were at least three known incidents in which he was deemed unstable before this attack, and yet, he was never forced to get the treatment he needed; even though that forced treatment was recommended by a court. We need a system in this country that provides that level of service for people like Cho. We need a system in place that will work to help people like Cho, instead of letting them fall through the cracks.

When youth act out in ways that are characteristic of mental illness, what they need is treatment. This treatment can save them; and more importantly, it can save others. Currently, there is no such program, because if there were, there wouldn’t be mentally ill youth sitting in juvenile detention facilities instead of mental institutions getting the treatment they need.

This lack of services, and the lack of those getting the help they need when they need it is backed by this statement, taken from the National Institute of Mental Health’s website:

The study indicates that the U.S. mental health care system is not keeping up with the needs of consumers and that improvements are needed to speed initiation of treatment as well as enhance the quality and duration of treatment. For instance, over a 12-month period, 60 percent of those with a mental disorder got no treatment at all.

60% is a lot. We must do something about that. Our government must do something about that. Whether or not you agree with socialized medicine, I would hope that you can see how crucial this health service is to our society. It can not only save those that need the help directly, but it can save others. If only Cho would have been able to get the help he needed, things might be different. I personally hope that this sends a loud message to the government, that they immediately work to invigorate and revamp the current mental health services available in this country. I hope that action will be taken before another tragedy like this occurs; because apparently, it didn’t happen after Columbine, which happened under similar circumstances.

The time for mental health is NOW.

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the opinion post follow-up… uh, post.

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So here it is, the follow up post to the post I wrote a few days ago requesting the answer to this question:

If you could describe the state of HIV and AIDS today, how would you describe it?

Alright, first of all, I didn’t realize something until sometime yesterday, which I honestly don’t know why I didn’t realize it sooner, but I think that I unintentionally intimidated people by posting this question, because of where I work. I have been pretty frank with my feelings about public health because of where I work, my educational background, and what I believe, and I know that did prevent some folks from responding and thinking that their perspective mattered. For that, I wish I would have realized it, and accommodated accordingly, but alas, I did not, and there it is. Regardless, I got some great perspectives, and I will focus on those, rather than the intimidation.

First of all, I got a strong sense of complacency that people recognize with respect to HIV/AIDS today. People definitely feel that HIV isn’t as focused on today, mainly because of the availability of treatments, and the diminished face of AIDS in the news and in the media. Basically, we try to cover up the real need for help with campaigns for ipods, and that just reinforces that sense of complacency. In addition to this complacency, we have become disillusioned to believe that the treatments available for HIV have actually made this a manageable disease that isn’t so difficult to live with; as, again, is illustrated by the lack of the true face of AIDS in the media and on the news. In addition to the complacency, many see that HIV/AIDS is hidden, and this is illustrated by the belief that HIV isn’t as bad in industrialized nations, and that the people that tend to become infected in the US are junkies, and really high risk individuals; not just anyone who happens to put themselves at risk by simply having sex.

This is the new, current face of HIV. There is a lack of reality, and it has caused us to see the disease as it isn’t. We don’t see it as a problem that we still face day to day, because we have it “under control”, and because we have “treatments” that will “let us live happy healthy lives” if we should somehow become infected. Sadly, this complacency for the disease is exactly what is wrong with the stance we have taken in fighting the epidemic. Many correctly pointed out the sheer willful ignorance in the lack of proper education for our nation’s youth, and the improper use of “values” that impose horribly useless abstinence only tactics to try and convince teens to not having sex. Regardless of this “head in the sand” take on preventing teen pregnancy and HIV transmission among youth, many of you again correctly surmised that these tactics are not only NOT working, but they are doing way more harm in the process. And that level of complacency is unacceptable.

The reason I initially posted this question, was because I was going over the data from the study that I work on, and a continual theme among the respondents was that HIV was not only manageable, but it wasn’t really that big of a deal anymore. People didn’t see the disease as a problem, and I wanted to see if that was reflective of the general population as well; well, at least the general population of people that read my blog. What I found was a similar belief, only with a definitive higher level of concern and awareness of that complacency; which was to be expected from those that are smart enough to be pretty internet savvy.

I also wanted to write this, because I honestly feel like the problem that is causing this increased complacency with the disease, and with the active participation of people in this country in preventing the spread of it, rests on only a few specific things. First, there is a major problem with people thinking that HIV is readily treatable, and is actually a manageable disease. HIV is still a terminal illness, and the drugs that you take for it are not like taking an aspirin for a headache. There are horrible side effects. Those drugs cost thousands of dollars, and without them, people still die quickly. This does even take into account the drug resistant strains of HIV, which are certainly a faster death sentence. The point I am trying to make, is that when the pharmaceutical companies portray a happy healthy HIV positive gay man in their ads, they are reinforcing a belief that having HIV isn’t really all that bad. That does so much harm, because it lulls us into a sense of complacency, and as we all saw, as represented by your comments, that is a large part of the problem. The pharmaceutical companies have got to change the way they portray the disease, as well as the media at large. Until we start to see the true face of AIDS again, much like we did in the early and late 80’s, we are only back peddling. Things have got to change. The face of AIDS must be seen, or the problem will continue to get worse. Part of the reason we don’t see this face of AIDS, is because that face has largely gone more and more brown over the years, and it is easy for the media to turn away from the disenfranchised. Again, this is bad, bad news for the epidemic. Hopefully, through our own awareness and education, we can all start to make changes.

The other problem that comes from this complacency, is the belief that we cannot be infected, which is largely a part of the media ignoring the disease, that is, except to sell a red ipod. Sure, it does some good, and we do help out a few of those suffering in Africa, but it isn’t enough. This is just putting a band-aid on a gaping wound, and it is clear that it is hurting more than helping. This lack of real action and realistic exemplification of the disease, displaces our belief that we are still at risk every time we have sex. Additionally, risk factors like drug use are rampant throughout the gay community, and this increases risk of HIV transmission so much so, that it makes me dizzy. Yet, people are still willing to take these risks. But why? Because they have displaced HIV to another part of the world, or to another community other than their own, and that, coupled with the idea that it is treatable, creates and implements a fatal combination of complacency and ignorance. It is used as an excuse for someone who was already looking for a way to say, “nope, not me, no need to worry”.

I am sorry this post is as long as it is, but this is something that is truly passionate to me, and something I hope to do good with in my life. I want my mark on this world to be a positive benefit towards public health, and if that means helping one person, or many people, understand the real causes that force the epidemic to go on, then I am doing good. We must make pharmaceutical companies change their advertising methods. AIDS is not a pretty disease. You will not get infected, and then live a normal life. HIV should not be something we are complacent about, and we must really protect our youth. We must be more vocal about HIV, and make it way more visible. We must inform ourselves, and we must be realistic about this; because if we aren’t, it will just continue down this same old road. AIDS isn’t going anywhere, and it is just as bad as it was before; sure, more people are living longer lives, and there are less instances of HIV becoming AIDS, but HIV infection is still VERY high, even here in the US. Yet, still, we pretend that it isn’t a major concern. And that, is what’s wrong. We focus on getting people tested, without worrying about preventing them from getting the disease. We worry about knowing your status, but only for the few that believe they are at risk. This needs to extend to everyone, and HIV needs to become something that is talked about again. HIV needs to be made real again.

Thanks for weighing in your opinions, and feel free to weigh in more if you would like. I think finding a holistic view of the state of HIV today is a great conversation to move us out of complacency, and into really talking about and dealing with the epidemic. Until then, there are only a few that are forced to do the heavy lifting, and I for one, would like to see us coming in to help them carry the burden. It is up to us, we are the generation that can affect this change, and we need to get on it now.

get over it!, listen up!, near and dear, politics, tragic, venting, well?

say again?

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Um, apparently, the surge IS working!

That’s right! Alright, so, no, that isn’t right. I am glad, though, that they did report the many, many people that were killed this past weekend, instead of pretending that no one is dying in Iraq, and that things are actually getting better, when things are getting far worse; more people are dying everyday at rates higher than ever before. But the surge is working? Um, I don’t think so.

Also, Mr. Bush seems to think that this surge is working because, according to him, having a pull out timetable is exactly what the terrorists want:

President Bush said Saturday that a Democratic plan to set an end date for the war gives “our enemies the victory they desperately want.” (link)

Actually, Mr. Bush, what I think they want is exactly what they are getting; a bloodbath. Their victory is coming everyday in increments; ever soldier lost is a victory to them. We are dying, the citizens of Iraq are dying, and at a rate that is the highest rate since we invaded. And still climbing. But you are right, keep those troops in there so more can die. The surge is working! FOR THE TERRORISTS and for DEATH. Jeez.

Also, I am deeply saddened by the actions of one troubled person yesterday at VA Tech, but I don’t think that the sensationalistic way that the news is all over this thing is helping. It was a tragedy. Yes. I feel sorry for everyone that had to endure that awful situation, and I feel for each person lost and their families. But, more people than this die in Iraq everyday, and we don’t seem to be too concerned about that. Let’s not even mention the thousands and thousands of people dieing in Africa everyday; did someone say genocide in Darfur?

All I am saying, is I wish there were a little more levity when it comes to death and destruction, and the way it is used to stir up fear, as well as less sensationalism in the media. No wonder we are so afraid, the way the news portrays any violence would scare the bejesus out of anyone, as it does; and it is time to stop doing that. It is time to just report the news and do so without the sensationalism. It was a tragedy, but I think it is going a little far to say things like, “I think everyone will remember where they were when they heard the news”, like I heard on NBC last night. The sensationalism has to go if we are to ever exist without the culture of fear controlling us.

Also, as for those people out there saying things about the shooter being a terrorist (without evidence), and people like that moron Dr Phil saying that the problem is video games, SHUT THE FUCK UP idiots. Seriously, you are causing more problems, and contributing to the problem. Exploitation of this situation is deplorable and disrespectful.

Sidenote: I am not avoiding addressing the answers of the previous post; this was just the forefront of my thoughts, and it actually gives a little more time for more people to give their take on the state of HIV/AIDS today. I hope there will be more insight shared. A follow up post is something you can count on, so no need to worry about that.

get involved, hmm interesting, listen up!, near and dear, sex (oh yeah), well?

I would like to get your opinion on something…

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Here’s what I want: I am going to ask you a question, and I want everyone to give me their answers in the form of a comment. Here’s the deal, there are NO wrong answers, but there are answers that will be examined to determine where their epistemological background stems from. No one will be attacked (by me) for their answers, and a follow up post will be posted with a reaction to the consensus.

Ready?

Here’s the question:

If you could describe the state of HIV and AIDS today, how would you describe it? Things to consider: the history of HIV/AIDS, the fact that we are 30 years into the epidemic, treatments available, people that are open about their status, social stigma, the face of AIDS, personal experience with the disease or with people with the disease, life with the disease: better, worse, ?, risk of infection, societal response to the disease, what HIV/AIDS means to you, etc.

Nothing is taboo with regards to what you should consider to answer that question, you can say whatever, and I really want you to be honest; I really want to know what people think about HIV/AIDS right now.

Alright. Give it some thought, but PLEASE give me your opinion. I look forward to your responses!

UPDATE: 3:00pm, perhaps the lack of any response is a testament of how unimportant HIV/AIDS is to people these days? Just a theory, but an interesting one… Still, I hope to get some opinions. No pressure…

"pointless", all about me, music musings, the catch-all-egory

OCD gets the best of me…

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Kinda like Sophie Ellis Bextor, but with less panache. Basically, I have spent most of the afternoon organizing my iTunes library, so the damn album art will show up when you are playing the song on my ipod. You would be surprised at how many you have to manually put in there. At least I figured out how to do multiple items at the same time… that was uber frustrating at first.

Today has been pretty productive, I guess, because there is nothing like a little order to make things all better. We babysat for a good friend this morning, and ever since, the relaxation and organization have been a good team.

The only way it could be any better, is if I didn’t have to go to work tomorrow… but I guess you can’t have everything, right?

Since I have been spending so much time in front of iTunes today, I picked up several new CDs to check out. Here’s the list:
Mark Ronson – Version
James Morrison – Undiscovered
Ray Lamontagne – Trouble
Fall Out Boy – Infinity On High
Linkin Park – Minutes To Midnight
Arcade Fire – Neon Bible
Melee – Angels and Demons

So far, on initial listens, I am liking a lot of what I am hearing. As always, let me know what you are checking out! Share and share alike, right?

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alright kids…

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Let’s play nice, alright?

It has come to my attention that there are people that read my blog, comment on my blog, and want to comment on my blog that feel a certain and specific sense of unnecessary negative attack from those that defend their points so vigorously, that they feel the need to personally attack people, and make others seem like idiots in order to “prove their point”. I wish I didn’t need to say anything, because I honestly believe that when people argue in that style, that it makes them seem like the juvenile ones, or the idiots themselves (since this is the only way they feel they can emerge victorious from debate), but since it has been addressed to me personally by someone who reads my blog, I feel the need to say this:

Don’t attack the people that read or comment my blog personally because they don’t agree with your opinions. Stick to the point, and actually argue your position; by sticking to the subject, and refraining from calling people terrorists because they don’t agree with you, or continually saying “LIBERAL” at the top of your lungs to future hammer home how crazy they are, instead of coming across as a narrow minded asshole, you will actually come across as educated and able to offer a different opinion. This type of debate and dialogue is much more productive in trying to get each side to see the potential for truth in a differing of opinion, and is much more fruitful. Let’s face it, if you say, “I’m right, and you’re wrong because you are a terrorist sympathizing idiotic asshole”, I don’t care if you are pointing out that the sky is blue, you have instantly turned me off to your opinion because you are trying to belittle me into believing it. That doesn’t work, and takes away any ability for you to seem credible and actually argue an opinion that may have factual points. Again, taking a stance with dialogue that does NOT resort to a personal attack on people that may share the same views as I do is essential to future commenting here on this blog; because you don’t have to do that to prove a point… people are more likely to believe you if you stick to the facts and stay away from attacking their intelligence.

So here’s what I want to see in the future: Argue all you want, feel free to say what you want, but please refrain from going for the throat and personally attacking people that don’t agree with you. It makes them want to ignore you, and honestly, it makes you seem like a bully, and in fact, provides us with evidence that a bully is probably what you actually are. I know that you probably don’t want that, and I know that I would rather see a productive dialogue, rather than see a finger pointing shout fest. I personally hope that everyone can hold a certain code of conduct with regards to arguing their opinion, and refrain from personally attacking other people in the future; all under the guise of “well, I’m right and they aren’t”; because it is clear to me, that it is turning people OFF. What we want, instead, is a dialogue, okay?

The best way to get someone to ignore what you are saying is to continually insult them or their intelligence when you argue your points; that is something that needs to be realized and accommodated for in future debates, okay? I hope that this post will foster more productive, and less personally attacking debates; I want everyone to be heard without fear of personal derogatory attacks for no reason other than disagreement. The most important point of this post, is that those personal attacks are not only unnecessary, they are just bullying tactics that people use to defend themselves when they realize they may be wrong, or don’t want to see that someone else could be right. I know that certainly, no one wants that to be the way they come across, now, right?

So, for the future, let’s play nice, kids! Everyone deserves the respect that you are given, so think about that when you argue!

hmm interesting, listen up!, sex (oh yeah), well?

another compelling reason to wear condoms

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Remember how angry I have been over the misuse of information regarding circumcision as a viable option for prevention? Well, now I have an even more compelling reason why condoms always make more sense than misrepresented rhetoric; gonorrhea is now among the drug resistant superbugs, which are diseases that have no, or severely diminished options for treatment. Say what? I’ve known about the very real potential for antimicrobial resistance, but it is happening quicker than expected, as evidenced by this recent finding.

This is pretty scary, because gonorrhea, which is bad enough as it is, is now becoming steadily untreatable. For many, this is obviously not good news, especially because gonorrhea is actually kind of common among sexually active people (straight and gay), and worst of all, having it contributes to your chances of getting HIV. Not only that, it has permanent health problems associated with it, especially since it is becoming more likely to go untreated.

The point here is this; wear a fucking condom. Do it every time. If you don’t, you can end up with all kinds of nasty things, one more of which is becoming almost totally untreatable. Be sure that you know your partner’s status (STDs too!) if you want to go without a safety net, because it is getting serious here folks. Here’s the CDC’s description of complications related to gonorrhea:

Untreated gonorrhea can cause serious and permanent health problems in both women and men.

In women, gonorrhea is a common cause of pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). About one million women each year in the United States develop PID. Women with PID do not necessarily have symptoms. When symptoms are present, they can be very severe and can include abdominal pain and fever. PID can lead to internal abscesses (pus-filled “pockets” that are hard to cure) and long-lasting, chronic pelvic pain. PID can damage the fallopian tubes enough to cause infertility or increase the risk of ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy is a life-threatening condition in which a fertilized egg grows outside the uterus, usually in a fallopian tube.

In men, gonorrhea can cause epididymitis, a painful condition of the testicles that can lead to infertility if left untreated.

Gonorrhea can spread to the blood or joints. This condition can be life threatening. In addition, people with gonorrhea can more easily contract HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. HIV-infected people with gonorrhea are more likely to transmit HIV to someone else.

We can argue semantics about “more protective” until the cows come home, but this is a solid, and compelling argument for my take on the whole thing; which is WEAR CONDOMS. Protect yourself. Now, if you are sexually active, you have one more thing to think about catching, and you have the ability to be responsible about it. If you are mature enough to have sex, you should be mature enough to protect yourself. Don’t let yourself get caught up in the “maybe it won’t happen to me because of xyz” crap. Just do the responsible thing already! Wear condoms, okay!?

"pointless", all about me, the catch-all-egory, tragic, venting

disconnected

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I feel like I am disconnected from my body, and I am just on the inside looking out while it moves forward with the day to day routine. It is definitely a weird feeling, and it just makes me feel terribly uncomfortable, being disconnected from myself.

I don’t feel out of control, I just feel powerless. I feel run down, like someone forgot to charge me or something. I don’t like this feeling, and hope it goes away soon.

Someone egged my car last night, too. WTF is that about? I mean, it is just a random fucking Wednesday, and you egg my car? James is going to check the camera archive to see if there is video of it. If there is, then I will you tube it, and put it on here for all to see. Perhaps we can even make out who did it, which would at least be cool to see who the jerks are. Either way, it isn’t that big of a deal, but it just pisses me off. I just don’t understand why people have to destroy or vandalize other people’s stuff. I never did anything like that when I was a kid or a teenager, and I just don’t get the motivation behind it. I hope whatever they needed to get from egging my car was achieved, and hope that they don’t need to do it again.

I also got my new ipod skin, and I don’t know how I feel about it. It is pretty, but it is almost slippery; and it isn’t the iskin that I had. I don’t like change. Either way, there will be pictures post haste on flickr. No buyers remorse or anything, just a period of adjustment. It seems that everything is turning into a period of adjustment.

Tonight is the APWBWGTTD, so I hope that I feel more connected and like myself before then. If not, I might just skip it. I don’t like being in this state, and it certainly doesn’t add to being comfortable around others. I guess we’ll see where it goes over the next few hours.

Ugh. Meeting in 30 minutes. I should have stayed in bed.

funnies, hmm interesting, is it just me?, listen up!, venting

hey troops:

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Here’s what we Americans have to say about respect, honor, and your service for our country:

FUCK YOU! Enjoy your extended stay in HELL! BWUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Great news, and support, courtesy of Mr. Robert Gates; true supporter of the troops and visionary of peace.

The preceding message is sponsored by the Robert Gates is an effing douchebag campaign. Also sponsored in part by Capitol Hill Idiots Union; “when you need an idiot, look no further than Capitol Hill! We got ’em by the bushel!”

But hey sad clown, don’t fret, because you know, we do have a guy watching out for you for reals! AWWWW YEAH!

Mr John McCain backs you, troops, and points out how us Democrats are the evil forces that have turned their backs on you! He believes things in Iraq are going so great that there is no reason the Democrats should deny the senseless oil war you are dying for more money, and allow the big ass mistake of a war to go on! Cool! In fact, Mr McCain has personal knowledge and proof that Iraq is safer, now more than ever! Knowing this information should make you feel okay about sticking around longer, as Mr. Gates has decided for you, because it means that you guys are in a safer place, so no need to fret, right?! Hooray, joy and love in Baghdad! We are winning the senseless, initiated under false pretenses, oil war, and violence is coming to a halt; DESPITE everything you hear about it increasing!! No more soldiers are dying! No more people are dying! It is fucking party in Baghdad time!

But don’t get all sloppy now, because remember that things could quickly slip away from us. Remember that bastard Saddam??? Remember how we gave him all that money and all those guns and shit? Yeah, that kinda blew up in our faces, so we don’t want the cleaning up of that mess to bother us again. Four years into a senseless war waged under false pretenses and lies is a long time to put into this, and now that we have re-established the peace, the peace that we caused to be taken away, you can’t forget the journey you have endured. But live it up! Because we appreciate your efforts so much, that we will continue to ignore your needs for combat training and appropriate materials, because hey, that’s how we show you we care! And don’t worry, sure the Republicans will continue to blame us silly Democrats for taking away these things, even though you were never getting them before, but again, don’t worry! According to Mr. McCain, things are fine anyway, so you shouldn’t even need it anymore. In fact, you are probably just going to be hanging out there forever, but that is nothing to worry about, since things are going so fetchingly! Rock!

But since you are there for a while longer, and have nothing to do since things are so safe and awesome, make sure to do yourself a favor and take in some culture. And don’t forget to pick up your cheap ass carpets! Only a dollar each! What a deal! Also, enjoy your extended stay in Baghdad, which is now the closest thing to a peaceful Indiana marketplace on the planet; that is, other than an actual Indiana marketplace in Indiana! Woo Hoo! Nothing else to worry about, other than sun tanning and enjoying that fabulous desert heat (darn, too bad the beach isn’t nearby… then it would be paradise! aw shucks). God, it must be great to be deployed… And it must be super awesome to know that a Republican candidate for president has your back! Shit, if he wins, I am sure you will get to enjoy more awesome deployment time!! Stay safe (but you don’t need to, since it is sooooooo safe there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)!!! War is awesome!

This glimmer of awesome news is courtesy of Mr. “totally awesome humanitarian” McCain. Work it!

The preceding message is sponsored by the John McCain must be smoking some serious amounts of crack if he thinks he has a snow cone’s chance in hell of getting elected as the POTUS campaign. Also sponsored by the “shut the fuck up McCain, because you are a completely and utter dumbass” fund.

all about me, hmm interesting, near and dear, tragic

examining vivid dreams

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Usually, I don’t remember dreams. If I do, they are usually pretty weird, or off the wall, and don’t really seem that vivid or realistic. This morning’s dream was definitely different from my usual dreams. In fact, I have been having very vivid dreams lately; but this one was especially real.

When my dream started, I was on the way back “home” to visit my parents, interestingly enough, in their old house. I was to be staying in my old room, and I went alone.

Shortly into the dream, there was altercation between me and my mother, after which, everything they have ever done or said to make me feel bad in my life poured out. I didn’t hold back. I packed up my stuff (it was my old room before they completely moved all my stuff out), and got in my car and left.

I kept waking up during the dream, and I forced myself back to sleep to see where it was going. It was so vivid, that it was almost like it was really happening. The part that worries me the most, is that in the dream, neither of my parents would own up to, or admit fault in any of the things I said they did. They both continually said that they were hurt that I was “accusing” them of hurting me, which only made me madder and more flippant, causing me to pack up my things and leave.

When I finally woke up and thought about this dream, I thought to myself, “I wonder if this is how it will really happen. I also wonder if this is a sign that this confrontation should happen soon.”. Eerie thoughts, since I am definitely not in a place to lay it all out on the line for them, but the idea of this potential outcome is interesting nonetheless. I go back and forth between wanting to tell them how I feel, and what they have done that has hurt me, and between doing nothing and avoiding them completely (as I am currently doing). I know that my mom reads this blog (even though she won’t admit it), and I am sure that other people in my family will see this, so in some way, I guess I am saying something about how I feel, but leaving out the specifics. Either way, this vivid dreaming provided me with a glimpse into a potential future action.

It is weird how dreams can speak for us sometimes, and in this case, it truly captured how upset and angry I feel about my family situation. Perhaps it is my subconscious telling me to take action, but unfortunately, I am not ready to listen to that advice. Someday, maybe, but not today; frankly, right now I am over the whole thing, and doing a pretty good job of avoiding it. I am also thinking of going off my depression medication… but that is a different, although related, subject.