Author: duane

hmm interesting, is it just me?, mixed media, music musings, near and dear, that is so gay, the catch-all-egory

mismanaged monday meandering

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Alliteration, bitch, WHAT!?

So yeah, lots in my head today. Here we go.

  • I am still sort of reeling from the news that my friend is positive. He hasn’t told me, but I want to talk to him. Not sure of how to do that without seeming totally conspicuous. Perhaps I will use another friend as a contact. We’ll have to see where this goes.
  • I am not attracted to Ray Lamontagne at all (way too shaggy), but I definitely love him. His music is awesome. I am seriously all, Damien Rice who(?) now. HA!
  • I can’t believe that this article was written recently. Seriously, a checklist to see if your husband is gay? So basically, if your husband hates gay people, or, if he likes them and surround himself with gay people, he must be gay. Well, that is pretty much everyone, the gay haters, and the gay supporters; we must all be gay! WTF? I would like to believe that times are becoming more progressive, but people still holding these antiquated views of homosexuality really show that we have a long uphill battle ahead. Now, while I am sure that it is very difficult for a woman to discover that she is married to a gay man, I don’t like that the gay men are painted as some sort of predatory manipulator that is trying to take advantage of the marriage situation, just to make himself feel better (without regard for his wife’s feelings). That is just BS, and we all know it (at least, we should). Being gay is hard, and admitting it and living it is even harder; but getting married because you aren’t okay with your homosexuality isn’t some sort of manipulation game you are playing with, it is obviously way more complex than that. I just can’t believe that there is a checklist that reinforces all of those stupid stereotypes. Ugh, I would like to think that we are normalizing homosexuality, but things like this are just creating more stigma. Bleck.
  • I really don’t know how I feel about this. I mean, it is good that Barbara Walters is bring attention to something that really goes unnoticed (that is, until someone is beaten to death because they are transgendered) and something that is utterly shunned, but I don’t know what the impact on these kids will be. First of all, a HUGE kudos to the parents who support their children; I hate those so-called Christians that throw their children out because they didn’t come out exactly like “God made them”, i.e. “normal”. At least there are parents who are supporting their children. I guess my concern, is that exposure as transsexual really does put them at risk for those nutsos that really would want to beat them to death for who they are. I just have hope that people can change, you know? I just want the world to be more tolerant; is that so much to ask? Until the answer to that question is a resounding ‘no’, I will be concerned for people that deal with situations like being transgendered, and even for those that have the unfortunate circumstance of being gay in a very homophobic area. Be careful!
  • I painted two paintings last night. I think that it is definitely one of the first times I have painted something, and was very pleased with the initial results. It came out exactly as I imagined, and I haven’t second guessed the project at all. I am kind of floored with my lack of criticism, to be quite honest. I will put some pictures up, hopefully this afternoon. I can’t wait to hang them up!! It also reminds me of my utter wish that I could do creative things for a living… but alas, I do live in the real world, not the dream world where I get to do things I enjoy for a living…
  • Finally, a HUGE WTF for this story. I mean seriously… not one spider, but TWO SPIDERS were living in this kid’s ear. That freaks me the fuck out. My grandma was just telling me the other day that she cleaned out her boyfriend’s ears, and got a pea-sized amount of wax out (EW!) because he NEVER cleans them. WTF?! I am very weird about stuff in my ear, and I am just shivering thinking about a spider being in there. Yikes!

Yeah, so um, yeah. That’s what’s going on with me right now. How about you?

hmm interesting, near and dear, show the love, that is so gay

a strange way to try and commit suicide

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It isn’t a secret that getting a positive diagnosis from an HIV test is jarring, and can potentially cause suicidal thoughts, but very few follow through on their actions, and actually commit suicide. Strangely enough, that is not the case for two men that found out they were positive in midtown Atlanta. In fact, that is only where the strange begins.

Apparently, the two men found out they were positive, and having that news coupled with some issues with their business, they decided it would be best to commit suicide. But they decided they would do it by cutting off their arms. Now, I am not making fun of this case in the slightest, in fact, my heart goes out to these two men and anyone who would be so down that they would want to take their own life. But I can’t believe that this was the option to end their lives that they thought of. This must have been excruciatingly painful, not to mention, downright strange. I can’t imagine inflicting this level of pain on yourself in order to get away from the pain of your life. And, it appears that they were saved before they were able to bleed to death; so now, they have to live without arms.

I really can’t believe that this late in the epidemic this response was the one these men chose. I would have hoped they would have sought the counseling they need, and I hope that everyone that finds themselves contemplating suicide seeks out help as well. While this is a strange and unusual case, it is definitely horrible that these men decided to inflict this pain on themselves. I hope that they are at least getting the help they need now.

Also, I found out today that a friend of mine recently tested positive for HIV. I don’t know what to say. I haven’t talked to him in a while, and honestly, I am pretty surprised. One of the things I am most surprised about, is that I heard that he felt it was “inevitable”. That really hurts me, and makes me feel extremely sad; because gay men should not have this view of infection. We can prevent it. We just have to work at it, and not give up. I hope that my friend is okay. I hope that he and I can talk about it soon.

Kind of weird stuff for a Sunday, but there it is, kids. Hope your weekend is going well.

flickr, photography, show the love

Viva la Cinco De Mayo!

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Margarita!, originally uploaded by duanecmoody.

What better reason is there to get our drink on today, the fifth of May? Why none other than to celebrate the battle in which 4,000 Mexican soldiers defeated the French and traitor Mexican army of 8,000 at Puebla, Mexico, 100 miles east of Mexico City on the morning of May 5, 1862?

Have some margaritas, eat some Mexican food, and enjoy this reason to get our drink on!

Also, a HUGE Happy Birthday to the totally awesome hakeber!!!

all about me, near and dear

distraction, focus, and pressure

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Distraction. We all experience it. Sometimes, it is all there is in me. Sometimes, it is all that you can get from me. But, when I got to the lowest point of my depression, even distraction didn’t work for me. Distraction moved out of the way for apathy.

For some, distraction is a bad thing. It keeps them from focusing on the real issues that plague them; the real issues that keep them bundled up in that depressive state. It’s weird, because when I was talking about my concern over an issue, yesterday, he became more focused on the fact that it was merely a distraction. Distraction is no longer giving way to apathy.

But, he worried that distraction meant a lack of focus. Focus on what was most important; getting out of this depressive cycle, by making real changes on the real issues that plague me. He thought this was distracting me away from the hard stuff, with the invention of new issues. Interesting.

But what is more interesting, is that distraction is focus. At least for me. When I distract myself on a new issue, a new pursuit, a new idea that I can ponder; I am freeing myself from apathy. When I scream at the top of my lungs about an issue to those who disagree, even though I know they will never change; I am focused on something. And regardless of where it came from; I am a little bit less apathetic. It may seem futile, and it may seem distracting, but it is my way of bringing things a little bit more into focus.

And little by little, the more issues I focus on, the more the big ones move into my line of sight, and it is harder for me to avoid them. I begin to focus on those things, which makes me want to focus on the big things. And recently, I took a step; a small step, but a step. I set up a chance to begin taking on one of the big things. And I am scared. But I am still focused.

Focused on that issue. But now comes the hard part; the pressure. I can’t let it overcome me like it has for so many years. I have to maintain focusing on these distractions, so that this big one won’t get away. I can’t ignore it anymore; and that is a LOT of pressure.

is it just me?, listen up!, politics, venting, well?

democrats, you caved too soon

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UPDATE: Perhaps I spoke too soon… Either way, they need a good continual reminder to stay strong. Rock the house Pelosi!

First of all, the Democrats need to grow some balls. I can’t fucking believe that they went through the whole process of proving a point by putting the time line requirement in that bill, only to drop it when Bush vetoed it. WTF?

Democrats! Listen up! You are our voice! So stop slinking back into the corner when big bad Bush says no! You should have sent the exact same bill back to his ass, and said, HERE is our compromise. In fact, they should have tacked on a few more million dollars for the troops, and then sent it back; that would prove the point that this isn’t about the money for the troops, it is about ending this war. Point is, it doesn’t even matter about this bill, as there is funding for the war through at least July; this is a supplemental bill. If the Bush administration wanted the troops to have the things this bill allocates, it would have been in the national budget that he sent to congress for this year. It wasn’t, hence the need for said bill.

Now, I want to say this to the congressional and senatorial democrats: You need to stand up for the politics you believe in, and stop letting Bush walk all over this country. I am appalled that they caved so quickly.

I am, however, trying to cling to the tiny bit of hope that by trying to sneak in different requirements, and actually require that a real plan for ending the war be developed, they are still focused and unwavering in the conviction necessary to end the war. Additionally, these requirements will hopefully stop people from reusing this “we can’t pull out, it would be disaster!” nonsense, as a slightly different plan will be in place. I am not happy that we are settling for “benchmarks” and requirements to report back to Congress as an alternative to getting the fuck out of there, because frankly, it doesn’t matter how long we stick around; the democracy we are shoving down their throats is not going to take unless THEY develop and accept it. We cannot continue killing their people and policing their civil war, and truly expect them to have an epiphany one afternoon and start being democratic. I am, however, truly excited to see that there are democrats and republicans starting to come together and work together on this. THAT is progress; even if it isn’t the level of progress I would like to see.

If the thing that needs to happen is that Iraq needs to be split into different factions, regions, states, or even countries, it is something that they have to work out. We can provide them the help, money, support, etc. that they need, but we cannot truly expect them to take it or for them to change if we occupy their country, and continue fueling a civil war.

I am so sick of this bullshit. I wish that all of this would have never happened. I wish Al Gore would have actually been able to take the presidency he won. Perhaps we would be in a totally different state of being right now; but unfortunately, that is moot. The fact is, that we need to accept that things have gone batshit crazy, come up with a plan to get the fuck out, and GET THE FUCK OUT OF IRAQ. Pussyfooting around and playing politics (BOTH SIDES), is obviously doing more backpedaling than anything, and it needs to stop. Regardless of what is going on in DC, we are still at war with Iraq (and WHY?!). Every day that this war goes on is a day wasted. And it is getting really, really old.

all about me, hmm interesting, near and dear, sex (oh yeah), well?

I want my pink shirt back!

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And by pink shirt, I mean foreskin. (yikes!)

Most people know that I am not for circumcision, that is, unless you choose it for yourself. I believe that aesthetics, unsubstantiated HIV “prevention”, hygiene, and personal preference are not solid enough arguments (even when strung together) to justify genital mutilation. And I want mine back.

I have looked into it, and there are TONS of different methods and things available to restore one’s foreskin. There is even a society, dedicated to the cause! While I am not willing to undergo surgery, I really think it would be great to regain a part of my body that was taken from me without my permission. Do I think that I can’t live without it? No. But, I do think that if there is a pain-free way of getting it restored, why not give it a shot, right? I mean, it is MINE after all! (well, it WILL be mine)

James didn’t seem to happy about the idea, and insisted that I go and talk to our doctor. Since he wants that, I will make an appointment, but I don’t think that this is really a medical thing. The procedures are practically the same thing a body piercer would do in conjunction with you to stretch your ears, or any other piercing site. People have stretched ears, and it was not done by a doctor; it is a body modification. In the case of the foreskin, it is restoring the body to its original state. It is stretching the skin so that it will be like it was, or like it should have been, that is, if it wasn’t hacked off when I was a wee little thing. This is something private, that I kind of want for myself; that poses no real harm if I do it (I know how to keep my body clean; trust me).

I am still contemplating it, mainly because of the time commitment, but I seriously think that this would be a pretty cool thing to have foreskin. Just based on the fact that it would make things more sensitive, as well as the fact that it would give me back what was taken from me without my permission, I think that this idea is a good one. I don’t necessarily have a time line in mind of when said “restoration” would begin and end, but it is definitely a thought mulling around in my brain.

Now, if you are wondering what got me thinking about this in particular, it was two things. First of all, fellow blogger Joel sent me this article, in which the author likens the removal of the foreskin to the removal of cataracts. I wholeheartedly disagree, mainly because the foreskin is something that every boy is born with, and it is not a disease that causes harm to the body. And second, to build on that, a colleague of mine got into a discussion about it yesterday (good timing, huh?), who insisted that it was a good idea because of hygienic reasons, to which I promptly reminded him that you can just keep it clean instead of hacking it off. Can you imaging sewing up your asshole because shit comes out? Exactly! You learn to wipe your ass! So, that is where this whole thing it came from.

But don’t think that I made this decision (I haven’t ordered anything yet) without giving this a lot of thought; I have. I would say that I have actually given this a fair amount of thought for over a year, and this instance of discussing it just pushed it to the front of my brain.

I am interested to see what ya’ll think… I mean, not so much about me restoring my foreskin, because, well, I don’t want everyone actively thinking so much about my penis; but just the idea of the restoration itself? I personally see it as a way to do something for yourself that is totally attainable, if you should want to do it. Body modification/restoration. Nothing invasive, and nothing that would cause any harm. In fact, it wouldn’t even be a big deal if you didn’t know I did it. Right?

is it just me?, politics, venting, well?

way to go Pelosi!

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I wonder if it will even affect Bush that she called him out, right there in the open, about his own history of requiring a time table of Clinton (ha ha Mr. Hypocrite!)? I also wonder, if her strong words about how it was Bush disrespecting the troops by vetoing a bill, and not showing one ounce of a possibility of compromising on the need for an exit strategy? I certainly hope that more people listen to great people like Ms. Pelosi, and do the right fucking thing; get us out of Iraq, so that we can focus on the real issue, which is taking care of our country and our people. If we really want to rid the world of terrorists, we should stop putting ourselves in the position of creating them. It’s time to be a little more intelligent people!

If ONE person can substantially say that our presence in Iraq is doing more good than bad; I am challenging you to PROVE IT. It is obvious that our stay is no longer welcome, and we need an exit strategy, or this silly occupation will go on, and more people will unnecessarily die. Unfortunately, more than 3000 soldiers have already given their lives; when will enough be enough?

On a different, yet related note, I think that I have finally figured out the solution that Bush wants for Iraq. If we can’t leave, and we can’t announce a time for exit (because, by his claims, they will just “wait around until we are gone” and stir shit up again) it is obvious to me, that Mr. Bush has only two options: we occupy Iraq forever (in which, proves that he is a liar, saying that he wants democracy there), or, we kill everyone that lives in Iraq, effectively ending the presence of an insurgency. I would think that there have to be other options, and I am personally glad that I have people like Ms. Pelosi on my side. Bush wants this war to go on, even though the overwhelming majority of the people that HE REPRESENTS wants it to stop. What does that say about him? At a minimum, it makes he look like a hardheaded little brat, who just won’t give up until he gets his way; no matter the cost.

I am just happy that he isn’t the only one who gets to make decisions. I hope that the congress and the senate can get what we need; a real plan. A real PLAN!!!!!!!!!!! Rock out Pelosi!

funnies, movie musings, the catch-all-egory

fielding questions in the grocery store

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Last night, after the gym, James and I stopped off at the Publix to pick up some necessities (i.e., booze), and I hear this woman behind me say, “excuse me gentlemen”. I usually don’t pay attention to people in places like the grocery store, because chances are, they aren’t talking to you, and you look like an idiot when you give them attention, or answer back. But in this case, she was talking to us, and I sort of half way turned around, and she continued to speak. “Excuse me, you guys look like you might know something about cars, and I need some advice, if you have a moment.”

So let me get this straight, we look like guys that might know something about cars? Is it the sweaty work out clothes we are wearing? Regardless of my inability to reasonably figure out what made us look more like two people to know about cars, we tried to help her with her problem. She needed some oil because her oil light was on, and was unsure what 10W30 vs 10W40 was, and so on. Well, we BSed our way through it (I know what MY car needs, okay!), and sent her happily on her way (don’t worry, it wasn’t all BS, we did tell her the essential, “don’t drive it much, and take it in for a change immediately”).

What I found hilarious about the situation, as did James, was that we were literally surrounded by lots of people when she approached us, and she felt that the only two gay men standing in the Publix were the ones that looked most likely to know about cars. Well, at least we look butch to someone; even if it is only because we were guys, and at the moment she needed “man’s” advice, we happened to be right in front of her. Funny stuff, I tell ya.

Also, Dreamgirls is on DVD today. Needless to say, I am getting that movie, and will be having a little musical fun tonight. Yay Jennifer Hudson!

all about me, near and dear, tragic

it’s taking it’s toll…

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Life, that is.

Eh, to say it’s “one of those days” would be a vast understatement. Sometimes I just feel like this, and it sucks. It doesn’t go anywhere, and then a few hours/days/weeks, it’s back to normal (or at least semi-normal). It is just enough to make you never want to get out of the bed again. Never interact with anyone again. Just enjoy your potato bagel with jalapeno cream cheese in the car, with the AC on blast, and the Carpenters blaring from the speakers. At least I can take comfort in those three things.

Also, I gave a homeless man a dollar today. I didn’t do it for selfish reasons, I didn’t do it to make myself feel better, regardless of what some might think; I gave it to him because I thought he needed it. He had the sign (they all do), and his said that he was a veteran. He looked like he could have been somebody’s grandpa.

And after I gave him that dollar, what did I feel? Goodness? Joy? Nope. It made me feel selfish. Selfish that I have all of these “problems”, and that I let depression take over me like it is today. It made me feel bad for not giving him more. It made me feel bad that I was sitting in my AC-cooled luxury car, while this man sat on the side of the road in the shade, because he didn’t have access to an indoor space. It just made me feel bad. Perhaps it made me feel more human.

Sometimes, I worry that the things that I take for granted will go away. But, in the state I am in, I am almost too apathetic to care. I’m too upset about the world, about what people think, the war, homelessness, global warming, etc. And it just goes on and on. And yet, I have it so good, but sometimes I don’t even see it. I am grateful, but things like this make me feel bad that I am not more grateful.

All that from a dollar. Some days are just those days… and it’s definitely taking it’s toll on me.

"pointless", all about me, hmm interesting, the catch-all-egory

I said oops, up side the head

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I said oops up side the head!

Yeah, I am in a silly mood. I have noticed though, as it has come to my attention several times, that I do seem to ask for the fight here on my blog. I mean, I know that I am just putting my opinions out there, but apparently, I attract a certain type of person that wants to disagree at all costs. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with this, but it is just an observation. I guess I should own up to the part I play in the whole “asking for it” portion of most of the arguments I get into on here. I can’t help it really, because I really do passionately believe what I write, and it is hard for me to just let it go when someone says something that I believe is wrong; especially when they are refuting my opinions which I believe are based on facts.

This is not a personal attack on anyone; it is simply an observation of MY part in the whole “asking for it” thing. I don’t care if you agree with me or not, really, I just felt like it needed to be said (mostly for me).

Other than that, not much going on today. I have just been slumming around the house, and strangely enough, 3 hours just went by, and I really didn’t even notice. Some of that time was spent trying to edit my CSS page for this blog, only to be met with frustration, because most of the changes I tried to make didn’t do anything. I still can’t figure out why, because built the CSS for my last template, but I can’t seem to figure this one out. Oh well… not a big deal I guess. I did add a new more fun icon for the default gravatar, and made the other ones bigger. Sometimes, it’s the little things, you know? I am going to go and relax in front of the TV, and enjoy the rest of the afternoon.

Update on the sewer: Everything was totally done yesterday!! I am so happy it was as painless as it was. They did find out though, that our septic tank is under the deck, which is only a minor problem. See, there really aren’t permits or regulation laws regarding them in Georgia, so technically, it can just be left there once it is pumped out. Which is good, because I really don’t want them to have to tear off our back deck. Hopefully, they will get the new sod in soon, and we can have a normal back yard again. I am just happy we didn’t have to spend one dime to get hooked up the sewer… we just saved thousands of dollars! ROCK!