the christian thing to do is… (thoughts of Ted Haggard)

Here’s what I predict to be a sample of Ted Haggard’s thoughts over the past few days, and especially now. He is probably telling himself that he is doing the right thing, and there is nothing to see here folks. He is reminding himself that he is a good Christian, and there is nothing to worry about.

Here’s a probably example of some of those thoughts:

— “Alright, Ted, don’t lie, but don’t offer up information about what I have done. See, if I don’t say that I have done it, it technically isn’t a lie. If they do start to spin something that I have said as a lie, make sure and cover that up by quickly back pedaling, and showing everyone that I actually didn’t do what they are suggesting, and I maintained my christian ways. I did the right thing, and what they are suggesting is wrong. Seriously. I told the truth, and if there are any more questions, I will answer them. Or not. I may need to change that, or some of those answers. But I didn’t technically lie. Did I?”

— “There is nothing wrong with buying drugs, technically; I was curious about buying them. So, I bought the meth, and just looked at it. It reminded me of the snow that fell on Jesus’ birthday. But I didn’t do the meth, because that’s wrong. Thinking about doing it is also a sin, so I am pretty sure I threw it away before I began to think those thoughts. Seriously. Buy the meth, look at the meth, and then throw it away, and you are safe. And I am pretty sure that’s how it happened. Pretty sure.”

— “There is absolutely nothing unChristian about a massage. They have been doing those for a long time. Since the formation of the earth over 2000 years ago. So, I can get a massage from a gay escort. There is no harm in that. He just comes over, massages me, and goes. Seriously, I am almost fully clothed. I don’t even recall wanting him to use oil. I remember that I told myself that I won’t even think about the guy. In fact, I hoped he was ugly, that way, I can focus on the deep tissue massage. The massage is just for soothing my muscles. After he does the massage, he will leave. See, problem solved. So what that he is a gay sex worker, he also dabbles in massage. He is entrepeunerial. That is a good thing. Foster growth in your business. There is nothing wrong with that. And there is nothing wrong with a man caressing my tight muscles. Nothing at all.”

— “Don’t be judgemental, because that is in the bible. Jesus doesn’t allow us to judge, and so I don’t, right? In fact, none of us Christians do. YEAH! That’s right. Also, I should remember to be sure and stand true to all of the morals that I preach about, and stay far away from immoral activities like lying, gay sex, and doing methamphetamine. Because those are bad. Okay, so I will work on this one. I technically didn’t do any of them, really, but that is besides the point. I just want to be better. God will forgive me, even though I didn’t do anything wrong, and all will be good. You’ll see. Also, remember that this doesn’t really make me a hypocrite either. See Ted, remember that things are still on track. You’ve still got your wife, and things will be fine. God is watching over you buddy. No need to fret.”

Yeah. No need to fret.

(article)

Aside: I personally don’t care what he (or anyone for that matter) does in their bed room, sexually or whatever; so long as it is among consenting adults. I don’t think meth use is good, because it is the most addictive drug out there, and it is basically driving the HIV epidemic. So, I don’t really care if this guy did have gay sex, and I don’t really care if he used meth (I just hope no one does, but I can’t make that decision for anyone); I just think it is interesting that these high and mighty “all moral” “all right and good” ever-judgemental and bigoted against gays Christians finds himself being accused of doing the very things he supposedly preaches against. Yes, it makes him a hypocrite, but it is honestly kind of sad that he had to hide behind the ministry, and it had to end up this way, when he could have just accepted his (potential) homosexuality, and actually lived a happy life. But, remember, there is a cure, you know. Only problem, is that it is called denial.