Dear Britney,
I have seen all over the news about your baby pictures being leaked, and I have also seen your reaction to the whole incident. Now, while I do agree that it was unfortunate that you lost control over what happened to pictures of your child, you must understand a couple of fundamental rules of being who you are; Britney Spears.
First of all, whenever you cross the road barefooted and holding a Jamba Juice, the rest of the world wants to know. In fact, we want pictorial evidence that you did said actions. We love you, and that is why we care. We want to document your every move, because you are a superstar, whether everyone wants to admit that or not; including you. You are celebrity, and it is something that come with the territory.
Second, you shocked the world with your marriage to K-Fed (hi K-fed!), and subsequent pregnancy. You must know how this made us feel. You, pop-icon Britney Spears, our little “hit me baby one more time” girl, was with child. Images of you participating in Lamaze classes, and K-Fed nursing your feet, cos they are all swollen and junk, was not something we expected; but we managed. We were just counting the months until you were back with that tight little waist, and gyrating to Toxic… see, that is what makes us love you! With that being said, this second point, is to identify our need to make sure that you and your child were okay. When you kept him hidden from us for over a month, we got a little worried, and honestly, our curiosity was highly peaked. Now, I know that it is your baby, but come on, we want to see your child!! There is no doubt that he takes after you, and looks super cute; so that is why we were a little anxious. You wouldn’t want Sean to feel “Overprotected”, now would you? Please forgive, okay?
Third, and final; Britney, it sounds less like you were upset that the pictures are out, and more upset that you didn’t get the most bang from your buck. Now, I know that every mother wants their kid to be a star, and a model, etc, but you have got to just let this one be. Sean is too young to be used as a marketing tool, and you should just be proud of your boy, and show him off to the world. That is what mothers do. Now, I don’t mind that you wanted it in a photo spread, which is the route you chose, but don’t get all “Toxic” on us, when the stuff goes public a little while before magazines hit shelves. They are still going to print the pics, and you are still going to get your money; so relax. Is Kevin really spending that much that you would need to worry like this, and threaten to sue (in an effort to get more money, no doubt)?? I just don’t think that you should give this another thought.
With all of that being said, I wish you the best with your new baby. I can’t wait to see what he looks like (as I have not really seen these pics close up). The rest of the world is pretty much sitting right here with me, with baited breath, wanting to see that little baby. We want to make sure mom is doing okay after her body-smashing C-section. We just want to know everything is okay, because we care. Now is no time to go all “Michael Jackson” on us, by turning into a blanket-draping recluse. So don’t let that happen. Be glad that we care so much that we would want the pictures out there. Be glad that you have our undivided attention. And most of all, be glad that your baby is so hot that he is the subject of every news site; very few other mothers are “Lucky” enough to get that kind of world-wide love for their kid. All in all, we love ya Brit, and we want to see the little man that you brought into this world. Now read this to K-Fed, so he can understand too… and read slowly, you know why.
Love you…
Duane
Spin this (Britney style):
Britney Spears – Toxic
Britney Spears – Overprotected (Darkchild Remix)
Britney Spears – Lucky
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