What does that mean? Last night, I ended up on a drunken tirade (not really, but it was a monologue, I guess) about what it really feels like when one is depressed, and it was actually quite interesting to be talking to two people that have partners that have experienced/are experiencing at least some level of depression or depression related stuff; while they themselves have not. While I know I was probably a little too drunkie to realize I was preaching to the choir-by-partner, it was interesting to me, because I have come to really truly believe that unless you have been there, you really don’t know how it feels; even if I describe it to you. Reason being, is that you can’t really explain depression, because you (the person with the depression) really don’t understand it yourself. You don’t understand where these feelings are coming from, and worst of all, don’t understand how to make them go away. I know for me, it is one of those things that when I talk about being down (especially on here), people will say “buck up young one”, or “think of all the good in your life”, in a manner of being nice; and not to say that it isn’t appreciated, it is, but honestly I do think about that stuff. I think of what I have, and feel ungrateful. That adds to the depression. Most of the times, people tell me to feel better like I have control over it, and that is partly why I don’t think people that haven’t been there, don’t truly know. I myself never knew how it felt before a few years ago, and even now, it bugs me to no end that I can’t just nip it in the bud, you know?
Either way, I guess I just say this because it is nice to let people know that just because you are depressed it doesn’t mean you are going to commit suicide, and it also isn’t something you can just shake off by thinking about bunnies and rainbows. It is chemical, and until your body can fix it (with the help of meds and counseling), it isn’t going away. It’s serious, and hard to get through, but sometimes, you can’t use advice, you just have to stick it out. You have to wait, in fact, it requires a lot of waiting. And it does suck. But just know, I appreciate the words of kindness… just understand that they can also sometimes turn into words of frustration, especially because it is something that I know that at least I have almost no control over. Ah, that depression… what a bitch, eh?
Hope everyone’s Thursday is going well. I am completely bored out of my mind, and I am ready to go home. Top it all off, we have a 3 day weekend this weekend, and I know that tomorrow is going to be a difficult day to be at work. Hopefully it won’t be that bad… Laters!
11 comments for “so you say you’re depressed…”