Apathy. Most people think nothing of it. Some people fixate on it. Some people are controlled by it. I am one of the latter. I would have to say that while it has definitely waxed and waned at times, my apathy (which I now know is directly related to my depression) has gotten stronger over the last few months. Regardless of the activity that I am doing, or even an activity that I may want to or have to do, I find myself more and more controlled by apathy. Take this blog for example. I used to post every single day, and usually found that I had interesting things to write about. Then, apathy stepped in.
I am sure that many of you have noticed that I haven’t been writing that much lately, and well, all I can offer is a letter of blame to my apathy. I really hope that it subsides and possibly even goes away soon, but I can’t tell, and I can’t really control it. I have even tried; with no success. I find that this apathy is preventing me from moving forward, and it often times feels like my feet are stuck in cement, and I am so distracted by apathy, that I am not doing anything to escape. Thanks for listening and keeping up with me. Thanks for (hopefully) understanding why I haven’t been reading blogs and blogging a lot lately; just know that it has taken over more than just this aspect of my life, and is driving me nuts.
I want to get rid of this fucking apathy, but perhaps I am even apathetic to it as well. That makes starting to change a little bit difficult. Le sigh. At least I can focus on the fact that I have great people in my life that do make me feel good, and for that I am eternally grateful. I will hopefully be my fun self again soon.
(this doesn’t mean that I am going to stop blogging or anything like that, it is more of a reason that I have been so sporadic with it lately. Thanks again for listening!)
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