“Making friends as an adult is a lot like dating. Don’t you think?”

That is the last line from the comments on this post, where I was pondering the dynamic of friends and friendships; both in development and maintenance of individual and group friendships. I said that I would come back to this topic, and I didn’t realize it had been so long since I wrote the original post; so I hope that you’re able to keep going with me…

The reason I chose Karen’s statement, is because that is exactly how I feel. A lot of other people identified that they were in close friend groups, a lot of people said they didn’t have any friends, pretty much the whole gamut was expressed, much as I expected. But, what I didn’t expect, is that most people didn’t identify why they held on to these friends, and why those friend groups still thrived. I think that Karen’s statement of comparing gaining and keeping friends as an adult to dating is spot on; it takes work on both of your part to find out whether you are compatible, and eventually, you have to start calling each other back. I find that is why I think many of my friend groups have drifted apart, a little bit of drift came from a lot of not calling people back, and it spiralled out of control. Simple as that. And the weird thing is, it is never just one person, it is a combination of everyone doing it at different times.

I definitively identify the calling mechanism as a culprit, because I can accurately predict what is going to happen this weekend. See, this weekend, James and I are going to a party for that group of friends that I am in, where we used to be tight, but now, we have sort of drifted apart. Sure, we still do things together (only every once and a while though), and sometimes we talk, but it is pretty rare, and usually coincidental (seeing them at the grocery store or something). What I predict, is that when we all get back together for this party, and realize that hey, we ARE friends, and have a good time, then we are going to say things like, “We really should hang out more often” and “I really miss hanging out with you, this is fun! Let’s get together again soon”. It is inevitable, because we ARE friends, but we are, for one reason or another, not friends who do things together anymore, even though we express the interest and desire to do so; and the weird part, is that we are all partly to blame.

With that being said, perhaps I will (and I have been trying to big time), and I encourage my other friends to do the same, follow up with people, and get back to them. Try my best to hang out with people, in order to prevent losing touch… because it seems that once it starts, it can turn into this situation. What I have gained from the analyzation of friend group dynamics, is that it is a lot like dating and relationships; they only stay together if you work hard at it, and both of you try. Here’s hoping that me and all of my friends do a good job at that for years to come.