I know that there are like 2 of you out there that are still waiting on my top movies of 2005 list, and I promise that I will post it soon, but I felt like I was inundating people with lists so I wanted to give you some more of the real me before I posted that final list. But, it is compiled, don’t you worry; I don’t procrastinate when it comes to things I like.
As for this post, the reason why I chose this title and subsequently the subject, is because of some dreams that I have been having lately. Mainly I wanted to post about them to kind of get them off of my chest, and sort of see them in front of me, so that I could put them into perspective. Or perhaps, someone may be able to add their analytical insight, and tell me what they think about the hidden meanings within my subconscious. Either way, here goes.
Last night’s dream was pretty simple, but evoked a lot of feeling in me, and enough anxiety to wake me up. I was going to a meeting at work, where all of my bosses would be there. When I got to the meeting, I was so bored that I was overcome with sleepiness, and fell asleep (despite my best efforts to stay awake). When I woke up, everyone was gone, and I was in a bed in a different conference room; and I was even changed into sleeping attire. I was so freaked out by this dream; and I can’t figure out why. I would never actually fall asleep in a meeting (although who hasn’t done the jello-neck droopy head before?), so it isn’t something that is a real threat; but, the feeling of waking up in that bed was so real and scared me. I just knew that it was going to effect me negatively, and without even seeing them, I knew that all of the people in that meeting were going to judge me, and perhaps punish me. Scary!
Another dream that I have been repeatedly having, is the dream where you are late for something, but can’t seem to make it, and then you freak out about finishing the task at hand. Mine comes in the form of being absent for class a number of times, or missing a number of meetings, and then freaking out that I am going to fail the class, or piss off one of my bosses (these are actually two dreams that interweave themselves some times; but they both evoke the same emotions). It is my fault that I have missed the classes/meetings, but I feel powerless to do anything about it, and am overcome with anxiety at the possibility that I may fail at the class or the job. It is also too late to change, since I have already missed the classes/meetings, so that increases the feelings of helplessness. That one is also very scary for me.
Perhaps my fear is being judged too harshly for what I could potentially forget or make a mistake on. Perhaps I am just lazy, and I am worried it is going to catch up with me (I hope not!). Whatever it is, these are a couple of dreams that I seem to have every once and a while, and since they are so fresh in my memory, I felt it would be cathartic to discuss them with other people. Perhaps, you have had similar dreams? Perhaps I am riddled with an unseen anxiety that maybe these dreams are trying to diagnose? I think that dreams are the way we try and subconsciously work out our problems, fears, hopes, etc., so I am dieing to know what these mean. Hopefully it means that I have bigger and better things on the horizon and some anxiety will’ come with new challenges and responsibilities; not that I am a lazy slob who is always late and doesn’t like to do anything and is worried about being caught. Who knows, right? What do you all think?
And I DON’T think that it means that I want to kill my father so that I can have sex with my mother; or some shit like that. Freud was one fucked up guy, he was just one of the more popular dream analysts I could think of to set the tone for this post.
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