this.

This is getting old. This is making me tired. I am tired of fighting this. I have been fighting for so long, that I just feel utterly exhausted, yet this is still here. This is strong, and this works hard to stay around, despite my efforts to get rid of this. This does come and go, and there are days when I don’t focus on this, but for every one of those, there is another day consumed with this in the future. This makes me want to stay in bed all day, everyday. This makes it hard for me to concentrate on anything other than this. This isn’t working for me anymore. I am tired of fighting this. This is getting old. I have gotten really good at smiling despite the presence of this. Most people probably don’t even see this when they look at me, which I guess is good, because I don’t want this to completely ruin everything. I just wish I could push this out, and close the door, but I can’t. This is too big. This is too strong. This just won’t go away. But, this is getting old. This has got to go, or I don’t know what I will do. I can’t take much more of this. I am not letting this win, so don’t worry about that. I just am sick and tired of this.

Editor’s note: Just because this affects me, doesn’t mean that this owns me. This does not have me seeking harm for myself, in fact, this makes me want to help myself. Since I am already helping myself deal with this, there is no need for you to worry about this (even though it is kind). This was my effort to put this into words, in hopes it would make me feel better. This was just a bad day, and perhaps tomorrow will be a better one.