Month: September 2006

music makes me smile

Three CDs came out today that I had to pick up: Indigo Girls: Despite Our Differences, Clay Aiken: A Thousand Different Ways, and Scissor Sisters: Ta Dah!. Okay, so technically, I haven’t picked up the Scissor Sisters yet, because they didn’t have it at Target. Interestingly enough, it is also listed on Amazon as coming out on the 26th, even though it says on their website that it is out now. Weird. I’m going to try Best Buy tonight; even though I already have the CD, and it is great. Use your imagination to figure out what that means. All in all, today is a good day for music, despite the fact Fergie dropped an “album” today too.

Sorry about the depressed post yesterday. Sometimes a down day is a down day. Today is kinda one too. I think I will let the great britpop group Blur sum it up for me with the song “Wear Me Down” from Leisure:
Every time I come here
I’m not sure what to say
I know it should be easy
But it never seems that way
You, you make me feel
Like no one ever will
So why, why do you bore me
Until my heart is still
You
You wear me down
My defenses are gone now
And I can’t fight
I can’t say I love you easily
But you wouldn’t want me to
So I’d rather just say nothing
And leave it up to you
Then it’s easy to forget
You’re just as small as me
Then it’s easy to forget
You’re just as foolish as me
You
You wear me down
My defenses are gone now
And I can’t fight

Yeah. I’m going to put my headphones on and enjoy some tunes.

this.

This is getting old. This is making me tired. I am tired of fighting this. I have been fighting for so long, that I just feel utterly exhausted, yet this is still here. This is strong, and this works hard to stay around, despite my efforts to get rid of this. This does come and go, and there are days when I don’t focus on this, but for every one of those, there is another day consumed with this in the future. This makes me want to stay in bed all day, everyday. This makes it hard for me to concentrate on anything other than this. This isn’t working for me anymore. I am tired of fighting this. This is getting old. I have gotten really good at smiling despite the presence of this. Most people probably don’t even see this when they look at me, which I guess is good, because I don’t want this to completely ruin everything. I just wish I could push this out, and close the door, but I can’t. This is too big. This is too strong. This just won’t go away. But, this is getting old. This has got to go, or I don’t know what I will do. I can’t take much more of this. I am not letting this win, so don’t worry about that. I just am sick and tired of this.

Editor’s note: Just because this affects me, doesn’t mean that this owns me. This does not have me seeking harm for myself, in fact, this makes me want to help myself. Since I am already helping myself deal with this, there is no need for you to worry about this (even though it is kind). This was my effort to put this into words, in hopes it would make me feel better. This was just a bad day, and perhaps tomorrow will be a better one.

the previous entry (regarding potential, but incorrect info on a specific case of Hepatitis A)

I am sure you are looking at it going WTF? But I decided rather than delete what I wrote, to strike-through the non-relevant info, as to show that we were indeed, thankfully, wrong about the whole thing. It does not change the fact that everyone should in fact get vaccinated for Hepatitis A and B (especially if you are a man who has sex with men), because it is preventable. Which means, that even if you ate somewhere that potentially did have contamination (which Joe’s DOES NOT), you would be fine, because you would have antibodies to protect you. See how important these vaccinations are? They prevent you from sounding the alarm (albeit, somewhat prematurely, and ultimately incorrectly), and most importantly, from getting sick, because no one likes being sick, folks.

So, what we have learned from this:
1) Joe’s on Juniper is a great place to eat. No problems there. Check it out.
2) The incubation period for Hepatitis A and B are very similar, as are their symptoms.
3) My friend was infected with one at the same time he ate something that didn’t agree with him, which led him to believe that it was from the food, when it clearly wasn’t. This highlights the importance of SEEKING MEDICAL ATTENTION when you feel ill. You may think you have one thing, when you have something else entirely.
4) Vaccination for Hepatitis A and B are very important, because they are preventable viruses in most people. Get your vaccines now.
5) Apparently (much to my, and definitely my friend’s, surprise) some people are active carriers of Hepatitis B, and can pass it on to their sexual partners, if those partners are not vaccinated (again highlighting the importance of vaccination).
6) I realize that it is important to let people know of potential health situations (because prevention is definitely the key), but it is also important to realize that not every diagnosis is for sure. As I said in the previous post, it was never certain, and in this case, it turned out to be incorrect. Unless the message of alarm for anything potential regarding health situations and particular establishments/foods/medicines/etc comes from a health department or the FDA or other reputable establishment of public health, it is merely a word of caution and not a definitive diagnosis and explanation of what is actually going on. Sometimes it is better to say wear shoes, there may be rusty nails in here, even if there aren’t any nails, rather than let someone walk around barefooted, and find the one rogue nail that shouldn’t even be there.
7) I again want to stress that my friend has B and not A, which means that Joe’s on Juniper is FREE AND CLEAR. Now, let’s stop all this nonsense, get ourselves vaccinated, and go enjoy some wings and beers on the patio at Joe’s. I for one am going to need them after all of this mess.

would you like a side of stool with that?

BIG TIME UPDATE: My friend just called me from the doctor, and it turns out, very surprisingly, that he actually has Hep B, NOT HEP A, which means that IT DID NOT COME FROM JOE’S. I REPEAT, HE DID NOT GET IT FROM JOE’S, and Joe’s is clear and great! Unfortunately, for my friend, his partner is apparently an active carrier for Hep B, and passed it on to him, since he was not vaccinated. Damn. But, that’s good for Joe’s! Perhaps I will go eat there today! Hooray! Which means, that everything that is written below (which I am going to heavily edit) is just for your informative purposes… This just shows the importance of getting vaccinated. Get vaccinated!

Alright, this may be gross for some of you, but it is important nonetheless. A good friend of mine (who shall remain nameless), called me two days ago because he noticed that he was jaundiced. In case you don’t know what that means, it meant that his skin and eyes had a distinct yellow tint to them. Basically, this isn’t normal, so he called me to get a public health professional’s perspective as to just what might be going on. Instantly, I thought that he must have hepatitis, because that is one of the major symptoms of the disease. But, I thought to myself that he probably didn’t, because it is difficult to catch, and one of his risk factors (having sex with men) isn’t really an issue, as he is in a committed relationship and they are monogamous apparently, this doesn’t matter if your partner is an active carrier of Hep B, and you are not vaccinated. Good to know.

But after hearing all of his symptoms, and doing a little research on my own, I pretty much came to the conclusion that it most likely was hepatitis, which sucks, but if it is A, it isn’t that bad. Seriously. He went to the doctor, and they are waiting on the test to see exactly what it actually is. (I may update when I find out from him — let me be clear here; it MAY be hepatitis A, the doctor and symptoms point to a pretty reasonable certainty that it is, but I am not confirming or denying that he is indeed positive for hepatitis A, and I am not conclusively saying that he definitely got it from this place; that is impossible to definitively say). But that is not why I am writing this. I am writing this, because we traced back his disease time-line (epidemiology is fun!), and I, and his doctor, are fairly certain (again, that is NOT 100%. Epidemiology is a science, and sometimes science is wrong. I am passing on the facts that I have: possible infection, and a possible source, nothing more) that he was infected through a food exposure at a specific restaurant in Atlanta. That would mean that this place has a potential contamination issue with hepatitis A, and well, should potentially be avoided until further investigation by the health department (which he called and is issuing an investigation). For the record, it is Joes on Juniper where my friend believes he was infected (but again not with 100% certainty, but with strong belief).

Now, I am not writing this to be mean, or to slander Joes in any way. Honestly, I love the place. I have eaten there many times, and will probably go back at some point in the future; that is, pending they solve this potential issue. I myself have been vaccinated for hepatitis A and B, but don’t really want to find myself being exposed to the virus through food, especially considering that the only way it is transmitted is through stool of an infected person.

I hope that the health department rushes in and does the right thing, but if they don’t, at least my readers know they may not want to eat there for a couple of weeks until the figure this whole thing out. I don’t know if this will bring a shitstorm down on me or not (it shouldn’t, because I am not confirming anything, I am giving you the facts that have been given to me), but I felt it was my duty as a solemn believer in public health and prevention to say something. Don’t eat the poop, and you won’t get sick. You would want to know if you were eating the poop right? Well, now you know you could be. I am fairly certain that this problem will be rectified (oh god) soon, and there is no need to panic, but better safe than sorry… At least hepatitis A isn’t that serious; but regardless, it isn’t something that I would want.

UPDATE: I felt the need to add some statements to what I wrote based on Garrett’s comment, because I don’t want it to be misconstrued as an official “this place has hepatitis” report; of which this IS NOT. I am merely passing on information that a friend of mine, whom I have no reason not to believe, has potentially been infected with hepatitis A, and based on all evidence and symptoms present, potentially infected at Joes. That does not mean that he was, but that is something that I am not qualified to definitively state or not.

We now know that it was indeed NOT Hep A, and did NOT come from Joe’s. Thank goodness for my friend that he now knows what he has, and thank goodness it wasn’t Joe’s, and we all know. Again, this was NEVER meant to be a definitive “alert”, it was merely me passing on potential information that I felt other people may want to be aware of. Now that it is a moot point, I will let you commence eating at the great establishment that is Joe’s on Juniper!! Seriously, it is a great place, and I for one, am glad that things are a-okay there! Hooray! Now, enough about this A and B shit… just get vaccinated, bitches.

three year anniversary


Today is mine and James’ three year anniversary. I can’t believe I have been with the most wonderful, beautiful, caring, and loving man for three whole years!!! I know that this is just the beginning, though… I love my man, and will be treating him to a delicious dinner tonight to show my appreciation for him. Here’s to many more years together… YAY!

interesting visitors and potential technical difficulties (hopefully the good kind!)

So last night, I was waiting for James to get home from work, and I hear a knock at the door. I am one of those people that gets a little weirded out by people just showing up at your house, but I looked out the window to be sure it wasn’t a rapist before opening the door. To my surprise, it is a skinny guy wearing a t-shirt with the letters DNC in bold letters; he was collecting money. I got his info so that I could send the money in (I do want to donate, just not while you stand on my porch and wait for a check), and sent him on his way… he seemed like a nice kid, he just talked A LOT (and if you know me, you know that is saying a lot coming from me). Either way… About an hour later, I hear another knock on the door; this time, I figure it is James home with the groceries or something, needing my help. It isn’t. It is the boy again. This time, I notice that it is pouring down rain, and he is completely soaked. He asks if he can hang out on our porch until his ride arrives, which was scheduled to arrive around 8:30; about 1 and a half hours from the moment he knocked on my door the second time. Being a nice person, I told him yes, and offered him a towel, but didn’t let him in. Honestly, we live in the hood, and I just don’t invite strange people in my house, before you start saying I’m mean, I thought I would clarify. Anyway… so, I called James, and told him to hurry home, which he did, and we discussed allowed the guy to come in. But before James could arrive, the guy was telling me about himself, and talking about our neighborhood, and confessed that the reason he came back to our house, was because of the rainbow sticker on my car. He said it was nice to have a “friend” nearby, being that he was transsexual and all. What?! Okay, I have no problem with trans people at all, I just honestly was surprised that he felt compelled to tell a complete stranger his sexual identity. Either way, he came in and talked to James for about an hour and a half about politics and just about everything else, while I slinked away to the TV room and continued playing X-men Legends II. I was just not in the place for accepting visitors; especially not someone I didn’t know at all, and who wanted to talk about politics all evening. Either way, next time I hear a knock at the door, I will go into it knowing that there may be someone rather interesting on the other side.

As for the potential technical difficulties portion of the post, I know that many saw my rant about my crappy hosting service yesterday, and after much canoodling, they have agreed to move me to a new server; which I hope will solve the problem, after all, the website worked fine last night at 2am (probably a time when the other sites on the server aren’t hogging my bandwidth!). Either way, I don’t know when they are moving it, but if something goes weird all of a sudden, or things disappear, you will know why. See you on the other side!!

$800!???!!! why do you do this to me???

This is perhaps the cruelest twist of fate; new tivo that I MUST have, but at $800, which I WILL NOT spend. Why, tivo, why do you do this to me? You told me you would email me when the new tivo came out, but why? So you could laugh in my face when you knew I wouldn’t be able to afford it? Why did you do this to me? All of this at a time when I have literally had almost all I can take of the shitty mcshitty comcast DVR!! WHY?!?!?! I shall sit on my knees in the rain with my hands stretched to the sky, in hopes that there will be an answer.

Does anyone want to give me $800? I would put it to very good use, I promise. All I can hope for, is that the price of this sucker drops like a rock. I NEED THIS.

worst webhost EVER!

That’s right kids… I am here to bitch. I AM LIVID. After MONTHS of back and forth and back and forth with those fuckwits at bluehost, I have had enough. I am sure that many of you have noticed (some have even told me) that my website goes incredibly slow, especially when you are trying to post a comment. Well, according to the service status in my very own cpanel, the server load is running in the red, but according to bluehost “support”, the problem is on my end. That’s right, the problem is with my IP; or as the case may be, anyone’s IP that tries to access my site. That just doesn’t make sense to me. I even followed their instructions and did a tracecert thingie, only to have them tell me that they couldn’t get the results, and that it wasn’t their problem or some shit. I even called today, and you guessed it, they still insist that their servers are kicking ass and taking names, yet in my very own cpanel, it shows that it is, at best strained. Fuck that. Anyone want to help me find a new server/hosting company, because I am completely fed the fuck up. I hate being told that something isn’t their problem, and that they cannot, and are not, willing to do anything about it, because it is on my end. Especially when I am NO WHERE NEAR my allowance of both disk space usage OR bandwidth usage. Anyone else believe this is BS, or do you see where bluehost is coming from? Because if it is on my end (I would be greatly surprised), then I would like to know why.

Thanks in advance. Also, here is a picture of the service status screen. See the pretty red dot? Yeah, it is ALWAYS like that… interestingly enough, when it isn’t red, the site goes pretty fast… coincidence? I think not.

national coming out day (one month from today) and 9/11

So today is September 11th. Definitely filled with thoughts and memories. Sad for those that lost people on this very day just 5 years ago. Also wondering to myself why we don’t have this day off of work; after all, it is the least we can do to honor the memory of those lost, it was, after all, the biggest tragedy in American history (arguably), right? I’m just saying.

Also, today is one month from (thanks John!) national coming out day. I’m gay. So, I’m out now. But you already knew that. It is good to be out in life, though, and not have to carry around those feelings of being alone, scared, and be filled with self-hatred for who you are. I honestly think about that on this day, because I know that there are several other people struggling with coming to terms with their own sexuality, and are going through what can only be described as the hardest thing I ever went through. I only wish that just the act of coming out that first time was enough; as many other gay people know, we have to come out every time we are anywhere, just to be who we are, and we are always subject to judgement and discrimination based on that. But let’s not think about that today… Out and proud baby! (yeah, so I thought it was today when I wrote this. Oh well, I am human.)

I had a lot of fun this weekend, and it seems that I have been filling up my weekends with dinners and drinking with friends. I love that, and I hope to keep the trend going. I also said goodbye to a good friend this weekend; he is moving back to live with his parents and sort some things out in his life. I wish him all the best, and know that he has done the hardest part already; he is taking care of himself, and not ignoring his problems. I am so proud of him. (I know he is reading this… so, know that I am proud of YOU.) Love ya buddy. Hope you can come back soon.

As for everything else, it is just a Monday, folks! Can’t wait till it’s over!

yo back, stop hurting!

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch!

Happy Birthday Lori. You Rock! I took her to Apres Diem for lunch, and we shall have Korean BBQ, drinking, and bowling tonight. Probably no bowling for me though, as Mr. Back has decided to be Mr. Pain in the Back.

Also, I saw this on BBC News. As if I needed a reason to never go to Uganda, I now have one. Talk about a violation of civil rights, publishing names of homosexuals? LOW. Dangerous. Scary. I love how they are “thinking about” posting names of lesbians. Jeez. I could never live somewhere where it is illegal to be gay. I just hope that our situation in the states doesn’t slip-slide down that slippery hill; lord knows, it could.

Hope you guy’s friday is better than this pain coursing through my back.