Every once and a while, I dream this dream. I am in school. College. I am taking lots of classes. One class in particular seems to fall to the wayside, and I end up skating through the semester without attending regularly. Two weeks before the end of the semester ends, I realize that not only does this class have an attendance requirement, I have also missed too much content to successfully pass the class. Panic sets in. Just before I fail, and after as much anguish and turmoil possible is felt, I wake up.
This is my dream; but it is also my life. I don’t want to be cryptic, but I am living this dream. I am often missing classes, and always fumbling to catch up. The worst part is, that like in the dream, I have to reason for missing the class or not participating; it just happens. But worse than it just happening, is that I am powerless to stop it. I am powerless to help myself get out of a cycle that is causing me to fail. And that causes me extreme anxiety. Last night I couldn’t fall asleep until 3:30, and it was mainly because this dream was in the front of my mind.
Sometimes our dreams can be good reminders of what we want to achieve, and help us on our way. Other times, they can be grizzly reminders of how we are powerless to help ourselves; no matter how much we may want to do so. Sometimes wanting to be better, wanting to change, and wanting to do more doesn’t mean shit; sometimes, you just can’t.
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