I bet you are thinking, “what exactly can you get for $7.50, duane?”. Well, for one, that is the co-pay amount for my therapist, and for me, it afforded a diagnosis of depression and anxiety! I know that many of you that read the blog have seen my ups and downs over the last few months, and some of you have voiced concerns over sad poopie poems and whatnot, but don’t worry; I am getting help. I decided that the best thing for me to do is to go and talk with a therapist (who is probably reading this, Hi Joe!), because I pretty much knew what he was going to say. That’s not to say that it made it any easier to hear.
I just want to be able to fix what’s wrong and get to living my life. We discussed how anxiety has pretty much overwhelmed me, and it has led me into being depressed. Now I can explain all those down feelings I have been having! It is because of anxiety! Another thing that he told me, which I actually thought was kind of funny, is that I have lots of built up anger, and I release it through sarcasm, or I hold onto it, and it fuels the anxiety and depression. So my sarcasm is actually passive aggressive anger?! Never thought that! But perhaps that does explain why James always thinks I am being mean when I am sarcastic. I digress…
Either way, my therapist and I had a “good” talk, in which a lot was discovered about me and my past. It is weird to tell a complete stranger all about your history, as well as how you currently feel, especially when you don’t feel like telling anyone that stuff. But being the extroverted talker that I am, I had no problem just talking away and telling him a lot. In fact, at that end, I kind of felt like a naked person on a stage type thing… it was a little weird. And it gave me a headache. Either way, hopefully this guy is going to be able to help me pull myself out of this CRAP that I have been going through, and I can get back to enjoying my life.
Just so you know, THESE are the reasons that I have been so weird lately. This is why I haven’t been able to make myself read blogs and do things I like (symptom of depression, FYI, not doing things you like, or feeling like they are a chore). Either way, I hope that this means that I am on the road to recovery. He wants to try the route without drugs, but to be honest, if we don’t get something major accomplished seriously fast, I may have to opt for the pills. Hell, that’s why they make the things. Anxiety shouldn’t have to control someone like this, and I hope that it isn’t going to control me for much longer.
Suddenly, I feel naked again. Either way, there it is. I don’t feel any better… I just feel good that I am doing something about it.
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