Month: April 2006

all about me

the way I feel could best be described by a monologue from the made for TV movie…

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Or just a poem:

I forbid myself from thinking,
I forgave myself for dreaming,
To focus on my pain.
I waken what’s been weeping,
I wrestle what’s been wailing,
But I feel it just the same.
No better now,
No closer to how,
And too fragile to touch.
Just need to move,
Like I have something to prove,
But I honestly don’t know how much.
A fine piece of china,
A constant reminder,
Of exactly what I’ve become.
Scared of being broken,
And not noticing I AM broken,
Makes it harder to overcome.
But I forbid myself from feeling,
I cut off the revealing,
I hide down in my cell.
I need to break out,
But I can’t move without,
A drink from an empty well.
I get tied up in thinking I’m fat,
Wondering how I look in this or that,
And let that distract me for a moment.
But underneath the distraction,
Is a needed overreaction,
Or is it merely a cry for commitment?
Committing myself TO thinking,
Committing myself TO dreaming,
And focusing on my pain,
Wakening myself and moving,
Pushing myself and proving,
That only I can effectively gain,
That only I can effectively change,
That only I can rearrange,
That which I see,
That which is wrong with me.

And no, I am not THAT upset. Just poopy days. Ah, you know.

that is so gay

I know I am a big time gay activist, but…

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I don’t necessarily want them to over turn Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Now, before you freak out, hear me out. I know that Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is supposed to “protect” gays and lesbians in the military by “allowing” them to serve and maintain a “sexuality free” service. We all know why I used quotation marks around all of the “principles” behind DADT. We all know that gays and lesbians will be persecuted in the military no matter what, regardless of so-called “regulations” that should be preventing it. We all know that gays and lesbians that are of the “obvious” persuasion (i.e., you can tell without them telling), are always in danger of being beaten up, or worse (see Barry Winchell’s story to understand how “successful” that was; yeah right), and this policy does nothing to help that, it is just persecution.

So basically, I get that DADT is supposed to protect gays and lesbians on the inside, by keeping them quiet about their sexuality, and thus “hidden” from the others that want to hurt them (or at least, that is how they spin it to make us feel more comfortable, when we all know it is blatant discrimination because it is based on the notion that we are the ones that are “different”, and should just conform); or, more importantly and more discriminatory, it is supposed to keep all the other GLBT out of the service, right? Well, I honestly say, while I don’t think that this policy is doing any of the proposed “protective features” of the first part, and is in fact, just perpetuating hate (and for the record, that definitely needs to be reformed or removed all together; although, with such a homophobic bunch going into and serving in the military, is a policy really going to change attitudes and behaviors? Um… no); I personally am FINE with the second part. I say, if you don’t want us, we don’t want to serve.

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listen up!

I’ve gone crazy…

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FOR YELP! Yep, I am usually a hard sell to jump on any band wagon, but I am so glad that I did on this one. Yelp.com is this community, where you come together and review places that you have been; businesses, restaurants, doctors, auto repair places… anywhere! You give your honest, candid opinion of how you actually feel about a place, give it a rating, and poof! people can see what you think, and your voice and opinion are heard.

I especially love that I get to review and give my opinion about local hang outs, bars, restaurants and stuff like that; because I know, that when I go somewhere awesome, I want to share it, but there isn’t always a great way to give your opinion to lots of people. Now, with yelp, you can! Also, I know what it is like when you go to visit a city, you want to know what you can do, and where the best place to go and do what you want is, and yelp is the answer! Want to know the cool gay places to go? Now, I can find out and share that info with you, through this community! Now, I will get to see what other people think about places, and I will even be able to use that information about my own city! Who knows, I may even try something knew!!! Thanks for turning me on to yelp, Lori! Now, all of you join up, and be my friend on yelp, so we can start sharing opinions and ideas about stuff! YEAH!

You will notice there is a new 80×15 button on the right that will take you to my yelp page. Check it out!

that is so gay

what’s so wrong with being NORMAL?!

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After reading an article about the fucking Easter egg roll, of all things, this morning, I am LIVID. I just want to know one thing, why is it so weird and hard to understand for straight people that all we want is to be seen as, and treated as, NORMAL??? That’s right! Being normal isn’t a fucking political agenda! It is just us wanting to be seen as we are; NORMAL! We want you to get off of our backs and stay out of our bedrooms. We want you to stop telling us what we can and can’t do, and stop taking our rights away! This nation is supposed to be free! We are all supposed to be equal! So why then, is it so weird, and strange, and hard to fucking understand that we want that too!???

I sometimes forget what I have. I sometimes forget who I am, because living in Atlanta, and having the great friends that I do, being gay doesn’t really matter. Being gay is just part of who I am, and they accept me for that. But, when I read articles about the hatred and bigotry that still festers and grows in this nation, it is a chilling reminder that there are tons of people out there that hate me; because of who I am, and who I have always been. And those that don’t hate me, but just don’t “care for my kind” aren’t any better. They don’t see me as normal either, and that is a problem. It isn’t who I have sex with, IT IS WHO I AM! Being gay is being me. And I AM NORMAL!!!!!!

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show the love

what not to do at a drive in, and spammers from the future!

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Last night, we went to the drive-in in East Atlanta, a summer tradition of James and mine, since we moved into our house. This will be the 3rd year we get to go an enjoy the movies on the big screen, all while having the comfort of our car and our booze(!!); without having to deal with movie people in the same way as at a regular theater. It is way more fun, trust me. While the first movie left something to be desired (Slither) (although it was kinda funny), we were glad we chose it, because the second movie (Inside Man), kicked ass. After the second movie ended, we naturally started packing things up, finished the last beers, and were ready to be let back in the car by the man that I love. Instead, he locked the keys in the car, and we had to walk back up the entrance of the theater, sit for 20 minutes in the dark, all while the loving boyfriend came to pick Lori and I up, and take us back to get my car and a spare set of keys for James. Note to self for future summer drive in nights; bring a spare key to James’ car… you never know when you might need it. Oh yeah, Alan, you are a rock star… thanks 10000000 times for coming to pick us up!

This is kind of trivial, but I thought it was at least a little interesting, hey, I AM a nerd after all. Basically, I get a ton of spam email every day. I have talked about it before, and several people have offered solutions, but I am lazy, and have honestly just hoped it would go away on its own. But it hasn’t. And now, interestingly enough, though, I have spammers from the future sending me information on how to “please my woman in the bedroom”, and invitations on “not being inadequate anymore”. Now, I always please my MAN in the bedroom, and I would like to think that I am more than adequate, so naturally, I don’t need the form of “assistance” they are offering. But when I looked at the date and realized they were from the future, I did become more interested. Perhaps this is some sort of Back to the Future stuff? Or maybe, even more obscure, yet way more exciting, it is like that show Time Trax? You know, how the guy got his information by looking the paper, because the people in the future communicated in the papers of the past? Oh, no one remembers that show… oh. But it was sweet!! Yeah, maybe they are just more advanced now, and can use email. Either way… spammers from the future, ya’ll! Have a killer Saturday!

listen up!

straight guys: get a pen and write this down…

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I am going to fill you in on a little thing us gay guys can do that you may want to know about, or not, seeing as you can’t really do it. Whenever we are drinking, and out with girls, we can, um, grab their boobs, and it is cool, because we are gay. Don’t you wish you were gay now?? I thought so. HA! See, here I am in action: Maigh, Lori, even Seth (who really just probably felt left out and wanted to participate, since he technically doesn’t have boobs)!

Anyways… a lot of drunken debauchery and this “lesson learned”, came from last night’s APWBWGTTD. I have to say, people pick on me for hanging out with my “blogging friends”, and say that we are such dorks or whatever, but we have the best time. These people rock, ya’ll, and we always have a great time. I am SOOOO GLAD that I started going to these things, because I have made some AMAZINGLY good friends over the last several months, and I am very glad about that. Hell, I am even a member of Team AWESOME. That rules.

And on a more personal note: dave, I got your back!

all about me

sometimes being outside, is good…

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I was just talking with my friend Byron about something I noticed while I was out at Blake’s last night; I can totally tell that I am not in the traditional “core” of gay Atlanta anymore. And you know what, that is fine by me! I noticed how the people were interacting, and how differently it seemed to me, and just a few years ago, I was right there doing the same things. Perhaps I have grown, perhaps I have matured, or perhaps I have slipped to the outside and am now looking in. Either way, I feel myself maturing and becoming happier with myself, more comfortable with myself and who I am, and for once, being more than just gay.

I have discussed friend groups and whatnot lately as well, and I think that the turn that I have taken in making friends is a direct result of these changes in my life. Being on the outside of gay “core” culture means not having to feel the pressure to be perfect (even though a twinge of that is always there… come on, I can’t lie). It means being able to meet and hang out with people because of who they are, and similar interests, one of which does not include picking up boys at the bar. It is honestly a refreshing enlightenment, and I just wanted to share it with you all. Here’s hoping that the maturity and growth continues to enrich my life, and I can and maintain my place in whatever niche I feel most comfortable in. The core used to be that niche, and now, it is isn’t; but sometimes being on the outside of the core can be good… in this case, I can certainly say that it is.

Have any of you experienced a similar shift? Do you feel that you have changed and matured, and as a result, have moved into a different niche in your life? I love learning about people, culture, and behavior, so I am all ears… this stuff is fascinating!

venting

get out of the way! I am in a car! You are just a person!

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Seriously, why do people walk in front of cars that are coming towards them!?! I remember when I was little, and my mom and dad taught me that I should look both ways before crossing the street, and if cars are coming, then they told me, “don’t cross, wait until it is safe, and there are no cars coming”. I know that it sounds like rocket science, but if you really look at it, it is actually basic common sense!!

Every day on the way to work, I pass by this high school in my neighborhood. Yes, it is in the ghetto, and yes, it is almost an all black high school. I am not trying to be racist or prejudiced here; I just want to know why all of those kids think that it is perfectly fine and dandy to walk out in front of cars that are hurdling towards them!? I worry about the future of our nation’s youth, especially when they make it plainly obvious that they don’t even value traffic laws or their own safety! I wonder if it is because they just don’t give a fuck, or if it is something more, such as a belief that I should be watching out for them, and therefore, it is my responsibility not to hit someone walking in the road. Hmpf! It just really pisses me off big time. Just wait until I pass by! It will only take a minute! And don’t just stand in the road or walk diagonally (taking the most amount of time possible), if you see me coming, get the fuck out of the way! I wouldn’t know from personal experience, but I would think that a 2-3 ton piece of metal hurdling towards you would hurt if it hit you! Seriously!!

AND! Just so you see I am not just picking on only those kids, now, I’m talking to you Emory Girl: when the light is green, DON’T WALK! You won’t make it! Me slamming on breaks to keep from hitting your dumb ass is not something that I should be required to do because you can’t follow instructions! In fact, that goes for all you Emory kids! Or anyone else out there that does this! It is REALLY annoying to have my shit fly in the floorboard because your dumbass didn’t bother to look and see that my light was indeed green!!!

Man, where is the world going? People must think they are all superman, and that their bodies are so strong that they can resist getting hit by a car. (Did someone say “Superbleeders?”) Well, let’s hope that I am always SUPER ALERT, so that I don’t accidentally hit and kill some moron walking in the middle of the road, right?

near and dear

it’s a boy!

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My dad called me this morning with the news that my sister had her baby last night around 8pm. His name is Jackson Blake. Could it be any more “country” than that? Probably not… but regardless, yay for her! I guess I am one of those gay uncles now… that’s alright, when he comes out to me in 18 years, we’ll all know it was worth having good old gay uncle duane and gay uncle James!

I just can’t wait to see how long she breast feeds… are we taking bets? I say she won’t last 2 weeks. After all, she is the one that thinks you are more likely to get pregnant while breast feeding; so who knows how long it will take for Nestle to infiltrate the Blake household…