Last night, we were watching the L word, per our usual Sunday night TV fest, when one of my biggest fears was portrayed on the show; Dana was in the hospital, and they wouldn’t tell her partner anything or let her see her, because she wasn’t “family”. I literally watched horrified, as the doctor snubbed Dana’s partner, and then worst of all, Dana’s parents followed suit and treated Dana’s partner like she didn’t even matter.
This is honestly one of my biggest fears, and it is a real one people should have; especially if you are in a gay relationship. Heaven forbid that your partner have to go into the hospital for anything; but not being able to see them, or be informed of what is happening, topped off by an insensitive and uncaring in-law situation, can only make a bad situation unbearable, and make you feel totally powerless.
Now, I know that I told everyone that reads this blog about James and my decision to go and have our wills and other important documents drawn up, so I bet you are wondering why I am still worried about it, right? Well, the fear is still real, and still inside me, and it probably won’t subside just because I have a piece of paper.
James and I are hopefully going to be together forever; we have both committed to one another, and do plan on getting married in the near future (get ready to send lots of gifts bitches). Both of our families know about us, and we have spent time with each others respective in-laws.
But…
That doesn’t mean that a similar situation couldn’t happen in our future. I have what’s called a durable health care power of attorney, and so does James; it was one of the more important documents we had drawn up by the lawyers. In essence, the document is a signed affidavit from both James and myself (we each have one), that gives all rights and decisions regarding health care to the other person. With the document in hand, it is legally binding that James be admitted back to see me, and make decisions with how I should be treated or not, and vice versa. But, the worst thing about this situation, and perhaps is the root of my fear, is that without this document, there is a good chance he would be treated like Dana’s partner. God forbid my parents would treat him badly, but if they did, and he didn’t have this paper, there is nothing he could do about it. And, to top it all off, in some states, that piece of paper doesn’t mean anything; hospitals can discriminate when they honor the document, after all, it is just a document. I have heard of cases where partners were denied visitation even though they had the power of attorney, and the others where the partner passed away while arguing and trying to locate the appropriate forms of documentation.
This just shouldn’t be like this. When people fight so hard to keep gay people from having equal rights, this is what they are fighting against, the right to be by your loved ones side when they need you most. Being against gay marriage means that you are against a person’s right to care for and be with their partner when they are sick or dieing. That, on an even cursory level, is completely fucked up; and it bothers me to no end. At least I do live somewhere, where we know where to go, and we will be treated fairly; but a lot of gay Americans do not, and it just isn’t fair. Additionally, it is comforting to know that we have the proper documentation; and here’s hoping that is enough to avoid this awful situation.
My reason for posting this “downer”, is to both illustrate yet another reason why gay rights are just civil rights, and should be given freely to everyone; as well as to encourage gay couples to seek the same protection that James and I have. Don’t let this happen to you and your partner; because once it has happened, it is too late. I just hope that the future holds a more accepting and open system, that allows people to be with the ones they love when they are sick, or worse, dieing. Is that REALLY that much to ask? Those of you that are so anti-gay you can’t see straight (which probably don’t read this blog, so whatever), is it really so important to you to keep us down in this way? Where is YOUR humanity and compassion; because this form of hate is just the opposite of that so called compassion. We’ve got to stop this now.
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