Month: October 2009

5SS: october 31

So here’s the deal: I was extremely busy all week trying to get my school work finished so I could enjoy this weekend without worrying about how to fit all of that work in with my Pride/Halloween plans. I managed to finish everything yesterday, but the 5SF got cut because of it. However, there are NO rules against doing it a day late! So here’s the first, and hopefully last 5SS; 5SF’s will go back to their regularly scheduled day after this week! Now, let’s get to the music!

The Saturdays – Here Standing
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_1031_thesaturdays-herestanding.mp3]
I know that I was gushing about how Lose Control was the best song on the new album by the Saturdays, and while it is AMAZING, I think I might have been wrong. THIS is the best song their new album. It is amazing. It evokes the same feeling of another amazing track, No Air, and has me breathless after each listen. I still cannot get over how amazing their sophomore album is; it is even better that their debut (which was stellar, btw). The Saturdays have made some brilliant pop, and this is sitting pretty atop the rest right now; this song is epic, and totally beautiful. I am PRAYING that they release this as a single, because there is no way that it wouldn’t be number one. Seriously, this song is EPIC. BRILLIANT. AMAZING. LOTS OF WORDS IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. This record is amazing, and I can’t seem to say it enough.

Kaci Battaglia – Crazy Possessive
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_1031_kacibattaglia-crazypossessive.mp3]
WARNING: This song says fuck in it like 65 times; you have been warned. I opted not to go for the radio-friendly version, because I love the tenacity with which she screams fuck in each threatening line of the chorus. This song is a total guilty pleasure, one that uses an arrangement that borrows heavily from Soft Cell’s Tainted Love; but it is almost as if she borrowed the arrangement from Rihanna’s SOS, which borrowed its arrangement from Soft Cell. Interesting. The result is a great back beat with a fierce song about fucking up a bitch who comes after your man. Don’t fuck with Kaci; she’ll cut a bitch!

Ke$ha – TiK ToK
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_1031_kesha-tiktok.mp3]
GUILTY PLEASURE ALERT: I resisted the shit out of this song. No way was I going to concede and like someone who thought it was cute to spell her name with a dollar sign in it. However, far too many of you suggested this song to me to ignore it any longer; and what better time to post it during Pride weekend. This song is a true banger, and I am sure that it will be loved by gay boys all over; including this one. Yes ladies and gents, I give in. I love this ghetto fabulous track by Miss Kesha… I’m sorry, I mean Ke$ha. Ugh, I still don’t like that, though. Also, what the hell is up with the line, Now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger/But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger? Someone needs to let this little cutie know that she can do better than guys that look like tired old Mick. I’m just saying; Ke$ha, don’t sell yourself short, doll.

Cascada – Evacuate the Dancefloor
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_1031_cascada-evacuatethedancefloor.mp3]
LOOK! IT’S THE GAYEST VERSION OF JUST DANCE SINCE JUST DANCE! Seriously, I tried really hard not to like this complete rip on Lady GaGa’s amazing first single, Just Dance, but I just couldn’t resist. Cascada has danced her way into my heart again, and I just can’t resist any longer. Yes, this song is pretty much a spot on remake of Just Dance; it follows the exact same formula that Lady GaGa perfected with Just Dance. However, isn’t imitation the sincerest form of flattery? If that’s the case, Cascada LOVES her some Lady GaGa, and she made this little homage so we could all get out on the floor and keep the dance party going. I have been playing this one for a few months now, probably way more often than I should, and I thought it was perfect for a Pride 5SF, so here it is. You win again, Cascada! Gays rejoice! Dance music for the masses!!

Lisa Scott-Lee – Electric
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_1031_lisascott-lee-electric.mp3]
Oh how much I love Lisa Scott-Lee; let me count the ways… a song consisting of nothing but hyper sexual double entendres, the fact that she was in the amazing pop super group Steps, and THIS… oh Lisa. This song should have been a massive hit when it was released back in 2005, but probably due to the stink that was still left on everyone’s mind about the break up of Steps, it tanked. She probably shouldn’t have promised to quit the music business if it failed, but she did, and well, it did. Regardless of the stink that surrounded this song, I have always loved it, and wanted to feature it this week; especially since I have been paying more deserved attention since reviving it during the British pop explosion I did a few weeks back. I have say, I do think it’s interesting (as D’Luv pointed out last year) that this song got cloned and turned out to be a moderate hit for Ms. Jackson, which I guess speaks to cyclical nature of the music biz. I hope the Lisa Scott-Lee reemerges someday and gives another brilliant pop gem like this one. I know of at least a couple other gay boys that would be rejoicing right along with me.

Well, I want to apologize for getting this to you a day late, but it’s better late than never. I couldn’t go another week without giving you something to listen to. I hope that everyone has a happy Halloween, and a very happy Pride weekend if you are in Atlanta. Let me know what you thought of this week’s selections, and as always, tell me what you are listening to as well! Take care!

a (queer) monday menagerie

Pride in Atlanta is this weekend, and I am kind of excited about being able to celebrate Pride weekend without the heat of June, and hopefully, without the torrential downpours that usually came along with it. Anyone going besides me?

This blog post about the (possibly diminished) potentiality of Adam Lambert’s success in the American conservative driven music market is a great read. When a queer artist doesn’t make it in the US music market, it’s difficult not to tie that to the fact that they are gay; especially when they can only be described as stellar (like him or not, Adam can really sing). If you look at artists like Will Young, Scissor Sisters, Mika, Westlife, and other queer artists that are hugely famous overseas that never get radio play here in the states, it gets even harder to not draw those same conclusions. While it was pretty clear that Adam lost American Idol because he was gay, as middle America was probably risking burning their houses down from all the rotary dialing in order to prevent that queer from beating the little straight guy, I hope that his sexuality doesn’t ruin his music career before it even starts. The boy is extremely talented, and I hope that he finds the success he deserves. Even more so, I wish American’s had more brains than they do drive to stamp out things they don’t understand, or things they equate to different, and therefore wrong.

This makes me want to puke. Seriously? Censoring a children’s book because a character has two moms? What the fuck is offensive about SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE? Seriously, people that believe that this type of scenario is in any way offensive or “harming to them” needs to walk over and tell me in person so I can slap in the face like the fools they are. Seriously people, gay people and gay families are normal. Deal with it. If you want to “shelter” your child and your family from it, kindly pick up and go live in a shack in the woods where you won’t bother the rest of society, okay? (h/t to the the amazing jacksonpearce)

– Kind of related to the children’s book mentioned above, Towleroad reported about a gay family that made a video, acting out a book that is also getting a lot of negative attention because two princes get married and live happily ever after. This book is being slandered to spread hate in the Yes on One anti-gay marriage campaign in Maine. Here’s their video:

Not only was this video incredibly adorable, but they have made many more, using their family as a beautiful example of what is normal about gay families. I want to personally applaud those guys for what they are doing. Gay families are normal families, and the people behind these horrible campaigns like Prop 8, and now Prop 1 in Maine, should really take a look and see who’s lives they are messing with. The hypocrisy behind anyone saying they are anti-gay marriage because of “family values”, “morality”, and “protection of marriage” when everything they are doing against gay marriage is in spite of those very things, drives me insane. When will people learn to just butt out of our lives, and stop seeing who we are as offensive to them; especially when it has NO IMPACT on them in any way?

no 5SF this week, but some great news

As you may notice, there is no five song Friday occupying its regular slot this week; I have had a really bad week (from being sick to the hot water heater woes to school work overload), so I am taking a break. I need to write up my concert experience from Mat Kearney last Friday at the Center Stage (it was amazing), and edit like a million pictures I took at the show too, but I just don’t have any energy. Being sick is not something I do well, and hopefully, I will be back to full strength soon enough.

Hopefully, my weekend will be better than my week was.

With that being said, there is some great news that may signal a good weekend ahead: The Senate approved the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes bill on Thursday. While it bothers me somewhat that there were 29 who voted against it, I am more than happy this important legislation passed through the senate, and is on its way to becoming the real deal when Obama hopefully signs it into law. For those naysayers, I hope that you understand that the reason why it is important, is because these safe guards are already afforded to everyone else EXCEPT gay people. This is a real step in the direction towards gay people having equal civil rights, and it should be celebrated. Here’s to civil rights and equality for all… including gay people!!

my awesome day, starring the hot water heater

This morning, I woke up like normal, took a shower like normal, and then went into the bathroom to brush my teeth, also like normal. When I walked towards the bathroom door, I stepped in what I thought was a fresh patch of pee, and before I could even chastise Mr. Pickles for ruining my morning, things got instantly worse. James declared that the pee didn’t smell like pee at all, and that is when we discovered it wasn’t pee; the bedroom carpet was saturated with water. Instantly, we figured out what had happened: the hot water heater had leaked, and flooded a lot of our bedroom. After some quick scrambling to see how bad things were, we found that not only had it leaked, but it had completely busted, and all of the 40 hot gallons of water were now resting comfortably somewhere outside of the tank.
Wonderful! Our hot water heater is flooding the bedroom. Awesome!!
A couple of phone calls, and a plumber later, we had spent $1100 and our hot water heater issue was no more.

…Or so I wish.

The floor was saturated, and since this has actually happened to me before, I knew that we needed to act fast, because that water would certainly attract every spore of mold from miles around if it wasn’t dried up quickly. After a clean up estimate that I thought was kind of ridiculously high ($1800), I set out to rent the fans and a dehumidifier myself. Since the pad of the carpet is pretty much a big, floor covering sponge, I decided to just pull it up and throw it away, so that I could increase my chances the actual subfloor might dry in time. I also made that decision based on the fact that carpet padding is pretty inexpensive overall, and the padding that was there was pretty gross upon inspection.
Awesome day 2009! Ugh
As I write this, my bedroom is not a bed room at all. Our bed has been moved to the office, and the carpet has been pulled up, the pad has been cut out, and there are fans blowing wildly in the room that was my bedroom this morning.

Yeah, it could have been worse, but that sentiment hardly makes one feel better when their bedroom floods and they have a day like I did. I’m still trying to convince James that this just gives us a good reason to get hardwoods for the bedroom (which we have been talking about since the day we moved in), but what will happen in the coming days is yet to be seen. I’m hoping that something good can come out of this truly annoying situation; and at this point, the hardwood floors are all I have have to cling to in keeping that hope alive. All and all, a pretty shitty day that I had to use a vacation day on.

5SF: october 16

TGIF. This has been a four day week for me, but for whatever reason, every hour has felt like two, and it just seemed to go by really slowly. A good thing did come out of it, though, I found some AMAZING new songs to feature today, and I can’t wait for you to hear them. Let’s get started!

30 Seconds to Mars – Kings and Queens
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_1016_30secondstomars-kingsandqueens.mp3]
I have been known to gush incessantly about some songs, but I try my best to reserve that for those that I am totally and utterly blow away by. Well, ladies and gents, this is one of those songs, and I am going to nothing short of tell everyone I know about this one. This song is immensely beautiful, and the arrangement is perfect. It is so good that I have to admit that I was actually kind of surprised by it. While I really liked their last album, this towers so high over anything they have done so far, that there really is no way that it wouldn’t take a fan even more diehard than myself by surprise. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a dig in any way to their previous work; they have some brilliant and amazing stuff out there already, but this song hits like the ultimate crescendo. Jared Leto’s voice soars alongside the building riffs and sends chills up my spine when he hits those high notes and sustains them so pitch perfectly. This takes everything they have done before and perfects it. I can’t heap enough praise on this track, and I cannot wait until their new album comes out; because if it is anything like this, it is going to be utterly brilliant. Simply put: AMAZING.

Robbie Williams – Bodies
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_1016_robbiewilliams-bodies.mp3]
I had a bit of a twitter/facebook snafu yesterday when I proclaimed my love for this song; when I accidentally said I liked Robin Williams’ Bodies. Well, let’s clear that up; THIS is the Bodies that I am heaping my praise on (well, I wouldn’t mind heaping some praise on Robbie Williams’ (not Robin Williams) actual body, but that is topic for another time and another place). Overall, whenever Robbie releases a new single, I always want to like it, and sometimes I do, but when I first heard Bodies, I didn’t. I think it was the hard distortion sound that accompanies the beat that turned me off at first. However, I have heard it a few times, and now I see how wrong I was; this song is beautiful and I actually love the hard distortion completely now! I realize now that I didn’t give it the chance that it so rightly deserves. This song is catchy, the arrangement is excellent, and Robbie’s voice is as beautiful as ever.

The Saturdays – Lose Control
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_1016_thesaturdays-losecontrol.mp3]
I don’t know which part I am in the most awe over, that the Saturdays released a whole new album just a year after their really great debut album, Chasing Lights, or that it’s probably an even better album than their first. Take this song for instance. Wow. Let me say that again, because it bears repeating, WOW. These girls have clearly taken all of the thunder both Girls Aloud and the (possibly new defunct?) Sugababes once had, and have channeled that tenacity into truly fantastic girl-group driven pop. I will admit that while the ho-hum first single (I’m not saying Forever is Over is bad necessarily, it just isn’t as good as every other thing they have done, IMHO), and the weird title (Wordshaker) of this album had me less than interested in downloading it, BUT after a few listens, I have to say that there isn’t a bad track on their new album. This song in particular blew me away, and I instantly wanted to hear it again once it ended. These ladies have proven to be some work horses, quickly and consistently turning out great pop albums, and based on the quality of work they keep releasing, I certainly hope they can sustain this momentum for a long time to come. Let’s just say that I have a strong feeling that their new album will be included in 2009’s annual countdown of my favorite albums.

Nelly Furtado – Manos Al Aire
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_1016_nellyfurtado-manosalaire.mp3]
Some of you probably wonder why in the hell I would be posting a Spanish song, but trust me, this song took me by much more surprise than you could possibly have for me featuring it. I have had a love hate relationship with Nelly Furtado; mostly, I LOVE all of her older stuff that I felt was more “her style”, and I practically HATE everything she did with Timbaland. I remember when Promiscuous came out, and I really liked it at first. However, that quickly turned to disdain, because with each subsequent single, I felt the Nelly I instantly fell in love with back in 2001 with I’m Like a Bird was completely gone. That troubled me, and as such, I kind of started ignoring her. It wasn’t until I saw the video (I HIGHLY recommend you go and watch it) for Manos Al Aire (with subtitles!), that I remembered why I fell in love with her in the first place. I LOVE the arrangement of the song (old Nelly is back!), the vocals are spot on, and the writing (both the Spanish, and their translation) is beautiful. I have always thought Nelly was a great song writer, and with this song, she has gotten back to her roots; and most importantly, shown me that there is still more to her than Timbaland’s productions. Whatever language she sings in, Nelly Furtado has proven to me once again, that she is a talented musician.

Katharine McPhee – Say Goodbye

[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_1016_katharinemcphee-saygoodbye.mp3]
Even though I am a fan of American Idol, I can’t say that there are many of those kids that I avidly kept following after they left the show. Katharine McPhee is one of the notable exceptions. After delivering an amazing, if not totally ignored (well, except by me, of course), debut album, she was dropped from her record label. Thankfully, she got herself a new record deal. While I was lukewarm about the first single, Had It All, I was instantly reminded of why I love Katharine so much with Say Goodbye; her singing is effortless. Honestly, I think it is a shame that she isn’t as famous as other female singers that can deliver the caliber of performance she has consistently delivered. This song is incredibly beautiful in tone, arrangement, writing, and of course, Katharine’s effortlessly delivered vocal. She may not have won her season of American Idol, but she definitely won a fan for life in me. I can’t wait for Unbroken to be released early next year.

So there’s your Friday five for this week. What did you think? Please let me know!! Also, please let me know what you are listening to; I’ve always got my ear out for wonderful music!

must watch: Modern Family

Initially, it seems that it always takes me a while to get into anything that gets a lot of hype, and because of the pre-season buzz, Modern Family was no exception. However, thankfully, I saw the light early on in this case, and after last night’s hilarious episode, I can definitely say that the hype was right in this case; there is something truly wonderful about this show. The characters are all funny, they are developing them well on the show, and they all play off of one another as an ensemble masterfully. This show doesn’t feel like a “new show” at all.


I almost don’t want to compare it to anything, but I would definitely say that Modern Family bears many similarities to another great show, Arrested Development; perhaps most obviously in the way that it uses a hybrid mocumentary filming style in the story development (not to mention the laugh out loud hilarity found in each show). Shows and movies that use that form of story telling usually draw me in (Best in Show and Drop Dead Gorgeous are all time favorite movies of mine), and Modern Family is no exception. When you add that to the witty writing, and laugh out loud gags, I am confident in saying that that I have found a new must watch show of the fall 2009 season. It’s also extremely refreshing that there is a gay couple on the show, and that they are not just background characters, or stereotypical punchlines/token go-to’s for a laugh. I actually really like their characters, and I like even more that they are portrayed as normal; which, importantly, is what gay people are. Perhaps their characters will help further educate the people in America that still see us as “other” and “different” that we’re just normal people with normal lives; and that we might be the funniest ones around, too. ABC is getting all kinds of plus marks and gold stars from me in their portrayal of gay characters on prime time shows.

I’ve really enjoyed every episode of Modern Family that I’ve seen thus far, and I am excited to see what this show has in store for us. Wednesday nights at 9 just keep getting better and better.

third time’s a charm

Britney’s lastest single, the total earworm 3 will in fact debut at number 1 on the hot 100. Love her or hate her, you have to admit, this has been a pretty impressive comeback; one that only seems to keep gaining momentum! Major congrats to Ms. Spears who snags only her third number one hit song with 3 (how appropriate)! Personally, I have been loving the song from the first listen (even though the lyrics are just ridiculous; but you have to admit, catchy is catchy!), but what do you think? I can definitely say that if this is any indication of the future of Britney Spears, she clearly has a lot left to give to pop music, and I couldn’t be more happy about it. Keep up the great work, Britney!

5SF: october 9 (British pop edition!)

Thanks to Stuart playing all kinds of wonderful cheesy British pop from the early 00s at Mary’s last weekend, I have been in the mood for more, more, more all week. I decided to make a play list of some of my favorites, and as the list started to get pretty long, I realized that there are some great pop songs out there from the not so distant past that deserve to be shared. Due to the fact that I am practically in British pop overload as a result of making the list, I thought it would be fun to have a 5SF that is totally focused on the excellent cheesy pop music that hails from the UK from the earlier part of this decade.

Clea – I Surrender
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_109_clea-isurrender.mp3]
Clea were a band that came together after the girls met each other during the auditioning process for Pop Stars: The Rivals. While they didn’t win, they managed to release some pretty great pop music together. Clea had some issues with getting an album out, but when they finally did, it was filled with cheesy pop that has been a guilty pleasure of mine for years. This is my favorite song from the album Trinity, and even though Clea are long gone from the music scene, I still absolutely love this song. It is dance-tastic, and is just the type of cheesy British pop that I can’t get enough of right now.

Rachel Stevens – Knock On Wood
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_109_rachelstevens-knockonwood.mp3]
Rachel was in a fantastically cheesy-but-brilliant pop band called S Club 7 (who I completely and utterly adore!), and after the band broke up (*sad face*), she went out on her own, and released some pretty great solo stuff. Anyone who has been following this blog for a while now knows that I am a sucker for a great cover song, and this one is nothing short of fantastic (even though it isn’t on any of her albums!). Surprisingly, they actually played this on So You Think You Can Dance (last year I think) during a disco routine, and at the time, I was reminded of how much I love Rachel, and miss her contributions to pop music. My recent resurgence of interest in early 00s pop music wouldn’t be complete without a little love for Rachel and the rest of the S Club crew.

V – Can You Feel It?
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_109_v-canyoufeelit.mp3]
As is the case with many British pop bands, the formula of releasing cover songs is pretty much a standard, and V are no exception to the rule (this is a cover of The Jackson 5’s hit of the same name). However, even though it is a cover, it is cheesy boy-band pop at its BEST (which is probably why that formula is followed so predictably). Around the time the US was pining over The Backstreet Boys and N*SYNC, the UK had a slew of boy bands popping up left, right, and center. V was one of the bands that managed to have a few hits, only to disappear into near obscurity overnight. It’s interesting to me, that right now, there is another band brandishing the letter V in their name (who were actually featured on a previous 5SF), doing almost the same type of music. I hope they can last a little longer than this great boy band did, because this song showed enormous potential; again, a great cover song will win me over practically every time (I’m looking at you Mariah!!).

Emma Bunton – Maybe
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_109_emmabunton-maybe.mp3]
Many of you probably know Emma better by her stage name, Baby Spice; a name that she was given to her when she was in the Spice Girls. However, a lot of you might not know that every one of the Spice Girls kept working on music once the band broke up (a lot of it is brilliant!), and Emma’s second solo album is one of the best of the bunch; there isn’t a bad song on it. Emma was on the early end of the currently growing trend to harness a throwback sound; and in her case, as exhibited by the theme of this album, it was the swanky sound of pop music from the 60s. She had moderate attention in the states with her hit Free Me, which was remixed and made some waves on the dance scene, but Maybe was always my favorite from the album. Hearing this again made me realize just how much I love that whole album, and I’m glad to feature it today as one of my all time favorite British pop songs.

Steps – Stomp
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_109_steps-stomp.mp3]
Arguably one of the biggest of the songs featured on today’s 5SF, this massive song by pop super group Steps pretty much embodies the uber cheesy heart of British pop of the early 00s. Steps were insanely huge when they were making music, and caused quite a stink with their fans when they disbanded; mostly because they had reassured everyone they wouldn’t when the rumors of a break up started flying. Because I didn’t find out about Steps until after they disbanded, I was shielded from any bad feelings about them, which is good, because I truly love some Steps. They are like a cheesy ABBA disco tribute band gone completely over the edge with bubble gum pop goodness. This is my favorite song by Steps, and it really is a shame that they didn’t continue on, because they made some really great pop music together. I’ve always thought this song was the perfect song for a Friday, because it’s all about getting ready for the weekend, so I thought it really worked for today.

I have thoroughly enjoyed bringing you some of my favorite cheesy British pop songs today. Reaching back into the vault of music that I own is often very fun; especially when I take a nostalgic trip down the pantheon of British pop that I own. I sorted through a huge pile of CDs making the play list that inspired today’s 5SF, and I will definitely say that it was really hard to choose just five. However, I think I picked some great ones, and I tried to pick ones that people might not have ever heard, and ones that they should. I hope you enjoyed them. Let me know what you thought, and if you have any suggestions of British pop that I must hear, please, do tell! Overall, what did you think of this week’s theme and selections? Should I do more fun British pop from the early 00s? I have tons!

madonna and me (too)

After reading Rich‘s excellent blog post, Madonna and Me, about his life-long experiences regarding Madonna, I felt compelled to share it (go read it!! It’s excellent!), and say something (well, a lot of somethings) about how it eerily mirrors my own feelings, and the reasons behind those feelings, about her.

I have always had a “thing” against Madonna, which is noticeably strange for someone who loves pop music as much as I do (seriously… two words: Britney Spears). I find it interesting, that it wasn’t until I read his post, that I put two and two together, and realize that I think at least a portion of my history of “hate” for Madonna comes from not wanting to like her because of who she is and what she represents.

For one, Madonna, like it or not, has a strong affiliation with the “idea” of being gay. I remember school when I was younger, and it was pretty much a given that on any day, I was going to be called a faggot/ sissy/ girl/ pussy/ fag at some point by someone; regardless of whether or not I was “queeny”, “faggy”, “girly”, or overtly “homosexual” in the slightest. It was just the way it was. It was my reality from pretty much the first day of elementary school, on up through the end of high school (even though it continued in college, it was noticeably changed). As a result, I tried really, really hard to stay away from anything that would further label me as what I was; and unfortunately, exactly what I didn’t want to be in any way, shape, or form. When those kids were calling me whatever their chosen gay-indicative expletive of the day was, they were labeling me as gay, and at the same time, indicating that being gay was not only “not okay”, but that it was really, really bad. As such, being gay was the last thing on the planet I wanted to be, even though I was; talk about inner conflict.

I remember when I was in middle school, and the song Vogue became popular, and a friend of mine named Nikki did the entire dance routine for our gym class during “dance week” (whoever thought that was a good idea should be tortured, because I got teased incessantly because of my even being preset that week). I remember loving the song, and really liking her performance, but I found myself cowardly wanting to shun Nikki for doing her dance, and in effect, distance myself from liking anything about it. I honestly think that this moment really shaped how I would feel about Madonna up until this very moment.

There is a part of me that definitely, whether I want to admit it or not, STILL has a shred of disdain for the fact that I am gay. Now, that is not to say that I “don’t like who I am”, or that I “hate myself for being gay”, because those vastly overstep the boundary of this disdain of which I speak. I’m saying that there is a part of me that dislikes the fact that I am the very thing that many people out there consider to be bad, wrong, and love to express their hatred for; which comes from growing up with people berating me with this very sentiment day in and day out. When I am riding in my car with the widows down, and I am playing something especially “gay”, I still always turn it down when someone pulls up next to me. There is something in me that will always remain guarded, and as such, I try to hide the fact that I am gay to random strangers sometimes. It sounds completely stupid when I say it out loud, but this is an example of the part of me that wants to hide the fact that I am gay, because of that disdain I have for it; which again, stems from being made fun of and judged as a child. The shitty part, is that I always find myself doing it again, because that disdain (however small it may be) lives on.

I realize now, that I have written off my feelings about Madonna as “hatred”, because other gay men seemingly follow her every foot step, and hang on her every word, and that disdain in me made me want to distance myself from anything that would paint me as so overtly gay. As I read Rich’s post, I found myself back in that auditorium, watching Nikki bravely perform to Vogue, wishing I could be as brave as she, but cowardly wishing that no one would see me enjoying her performance, for fear that I would be further berated for being a fag.

I hate that I let myself think this way, and I hate even more that this disdain exists within me, but at least I realize that I cannot let it make judgments about things such as liking Madonna for the rest of my life. Even though this is a small step towards totally making the aforementioned realization a reality, today I have identified the fact that my disdain for Madonna represents (at least in part) my personal turmoil with being gay, and the conflict I have had with it for as long as I can remember. I disliked her, openly hated her, and even mocked her because of what she represents and who she is. Yet the fact still remainded that Madonna is a woman who can do what she wants, and doesn’t get called a faggot because she takes dance classes, and enjoys extremely “gay”, poptastic music. She is a woman who has constantly put herself out there as a symbol of something “gay”, and while other gay men have lopped up everything she offered, I realize that I have shunned her because of what it would mean if I grabbed my spoon and joined the feast. Instead of hating her music, or disliking her as a person, I have been disliking what “liking her” would mean all of these years.

I have to say, that I didn’t expect a blog post about Madonna to open my eyes to something this deep, but I guess it goes to show that you never know who is going to turn a mirror on you, and show you who you really are inside. I hope that I can work on eliminating all final shreds of disdain for who I am someday; because I think that I would be a much happier person as a result. Now, one thing is for sure, I am going to go and enjoy some fucking Madonna; because save Ray of Light, she made had some great music, and it is high time I get caught up!

Finally, I want to extend a huge thank you to Rich for his post; great work all around.

sotd: Noah and the Whale – Blue Skies

I posted about this amazing track on the 5SF a few weeks ago, and I have been loving it more and more with each listen. In order to celebrate the release of their new album, The First Days Of Spring in the US today, I really wanted to shine some more light on this song, because I love it so much. The arrangement is interwoven quite delicately with many layers, and the lyrics are comforting, like a warm blanket on a cold day. I find myself listening to this one over and over and, each time I do, I truly appreciate how magnificent it is. I absolutely love stumbling on amazing music like this, and can’t wait to share it with anyone who will listen. Take another listen to Noah and the Whale’s Blue Skies, the song of the day for today; I am sure that you will love it as much as I do (if you don’t already).
[audio:http://www.duanemoody.com/audio/fsf_918_noahandthewhale-blueskies.mp3]
(download it here!!!) — as of posting this, the song is free, so you should hurry over and get this gem while the deal lasts!!