Diet Vanilla Coke, I bid you farewell, and goodnight…

Today marks a new day. A revolution. An ending, and a beginning, if you will; I have tried the new Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke, and the results are in. It is actually pretty good. But, it is not my love; Diet Vanilla Coke.

Many of you may remember when I made my plea to Coke, in order that I may possibly sway them in the flagrant disregard of my years of dedication when they decided to cancel my favorite beverage. (If not, click here, and read that post). Now, as the cases of Diet Vanilla dwindle in supply at my house, and I scramble like a drugged up monkey coming down from a heroin high trying to score more and more with less and less success; I finally figured I should bite the bullet and accept my fate. My baby is almost gone. I must move on. So here I sit staring at a can of Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke (DBCVC), wondering if I can ever love again. Was my true love wasted on a fickle romance with such a delicious and decadent beverage? Did I put all of my eggs in a basket that was bound to break? Possibly. Nothing truly good ever lasts, as they say; but at least I have one iota of solace glimmering in the night. DBCVC is actually pretty tasty, and, perhaps best of all, it has a reminiscent taste of my soon to be long lost love.

As I said before, it is no replacement, but, given the circumstances, DBCVC could be considered an acceptable stand in; or a beard if you will. It will stroke my back and tussle my hair, as if to say, “it’s okay son”; on those nights I lay immobilized, shaking from withdrawal on my bedroom floor. It will help to ease the pain I feel when I crush that last carton of Diet Vanilla and place it in the trash. But, it will never be a true replacement for my true love. It will only be a mask I put on as if to smile to the rest of the world, and I say, “I love this new Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke”; but we all know a little piece of me has died inside. And Coke, you are the one that has killed it.

The following is a bittersweet “thank you”, of sorts, to the Coca-Cola Corporation:

Dear Coke,

I have proclaimed my dedication to you in the past; which was met against all odds and insurmountable circumstances. I have even shown you that I believed in you, and I, in turn, felt that you believed in me. That was until one faithful day in November, when I read a press release stating that you would phase out my very favorite beverage of all time, Diet Vanilla Coke, and replace it with new Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke.

While the addition of a new Diet Coke product is both exciting and refreshing, for some reason, all I could feel was a bad taste in my mouth. I felt as if I had been betrayed by a good friend. I was even stabbed in the front, which made the wounds feel even more painful. So I proclaimed how it made me feel; I told the world that I was hurt and bewildered. But you remained silent, and went forward with your plans. I had no choice but to consume as much Diet Vanilla Coke as possible, in hopes that I would experience the joy and delight of its deliciousness over the next few weeks enough for me to remember it forever.

I went store to store, frantically stocking up on Diet Vanilla, and drinking each can with a bittersweet feeling pulsating through my heart. I knew the end was near, but I didn’t want it to leave. I wanted to live in the moment forever.

But, as time has moved forward, and the Diet Vanilla Cokes have slowly dwindled in my supply, the sick fate that you have dealt me has become a realization I now have to face. Today, I bought my first case of Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke, and as I tasted my first sip, I closed my eyes and held my breath; dear God, please, let this be the one. Let this be the one that will carry me through the storm. Let this be the one that will usher me into a new realm of tasty beverages. And low and behold, it is. This new Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke may not be the friend I remember; but I can see that it will be a good friend indeed.

And while I will never forget my one love, Diet Vanilla Coke, I will say a bittersweet thank you for making such a capable and worthy replacement; if my heart could even call it that. Thank you for making something that will stave my cravings, even if it does so on a cursory level; at least you have given me a fate that is not as cruel as I once imagined. Thank you Coke, but please consider bringing back my love in the future; I will always leave the light on, in bittersweet anticipation.

Thank you for being a little gentle and a little harsh at the same time,

Duane Moody